What were some mistakes you made during your first five years involved with BDSM?

[Desdemona]

Moved too fast. Gave in to sub cravings. Same old stuff as everybody else. Nothing original here.

 

[Quint]

Moved too fast. Gave in to sub cravings. Same old stuff as everybody else. Nothing original here.

You're always an original, Des!

Oh, and the reformed human being stuff I said months ago? Bah again. Same ol' me.

 

[Dstorage]

A big mistake I learned from was never discipline or punish when you are angry.

Of course there are all sorts of small ones but they deal with technique rather than trust. (I don't care how much you like vanilla extract, don't pour it on a freshly shaved pussy, LOL sounds obviously dumb now!)

 

[Liana26]

Topping from the bottom. Bad Liana. But then I grew up and realized if I kept doing it there was only one place the relationship could go. I've only been practicing for almost 5 months though... so I wonder what I'll say my mistakes were in another couple of years......

 

[Guest]

Think back to your early days...what mistakes did you make?

As for me, some immediate answers come to mind:

1. Not experienced enough to realize that each relationship is different and things change significantly with each new partner

2. Being in a rush and moving too fast (at times)

3. Not rectifying weaknesses in my technical knowledge fast enough (basic safety, adequate knowledge of tools, etc.)

4. Inadequate screening process when selecting potential submissives

*sigh* #2 and #4 for damn sure...And don't they both cause MAJOR asspain?

Being a little too.......Nice.. Too accomodating.


To someones "look at me I'm a reformed human being"....Screw that ..But I've gotten a damn site better at being worse...And enjoying the hell out of it.

 

[not_so_innocent_flirting]

some mistakes are harder to learn from than others

In the earlier days i made plenty of mistakes most stemmed from getting in, "way over my head" When i discovered that there were really people out there that actually did some of the things i fantasized about i was in heaven. Unfortunately that turned rather hellish in a short time span.

i did not know that there were so many different aspects to BDSM and that wanting, "parts" of it did not mean you had to take all of it, i know now you can enjoy BDSM or in my case a M/s relationship and not have to bring everyone elses kink into it with you.

Like many others i went way too fast! There was such a hunger, such passion within me and when i tasted it first hand for the first time outside my own little imagination i went crazy in a careless manner.

i have learned that true trust comes slowly
submission is something far different than i first thought
that i am entitled to, "safety."
i can say no to someone even if they are Dominant
that there is no hurry


by listing what i have learned, i guess that tells the story of what mistakes i have made thusfar along my journey.

 

[LadyNatasha]

I was a bottom.

 

[MistieBllue]

being dumb enough to think that a Dom would instinctively know what I sought without really thinking about myself first before I put myself out.

my first online Dom was a complete jerk and wanting for nothing more than wank material, I didn't realise it at the time though. We speak occasionally now and I can see him for what he really is. I wouldn't say he was a mistake because it made me question loads and get me to the point in my life I am now but my naivety.. sshesh, thats incredibley stupid and scarey in retrospect

 

[LunarKitten]

My mistakes....Not liking to communicate my wants and needs (I've since gotten over that, for the most part, these last...wow...eight years (if you count computer time, six if you only count real time) - I still don't like to admit I want something since that takes away from focusing only on him, but I'm working on it very hard)....Taking on the first relationship that was offered because my need to submit was soooo strong (luckily it only lasted a few months)....being afraid to try new things unless it was with my mentor (both a good and a bad thing, but it did limit my experience level)

 

[Snoozebutton2]

Always sought the bright side.

I listened to my dreams more than reality. Sure there are no hard and fast rules but you have to set realistic goals for the future.