What's my line?* (a mini lesson)

[serpentwrap]

off point question?
I tried a comment on one of yours. Is something turned off?

I think I received your comment, though it didn't mention your name. And I agree with you, the last lines of teh bottom two stanzas (Such a wrench) ARE contrived and forced; they are the weakest. Thanks for the criticism. I just didn't know how to respond. I feel humbled by the richness of talent that is displayed on the site. My seeming reticence is just manifesting my awe at you guys. Salute to all of you...

 

[twelveoone]

To be honest, this kind of enjambment always confused me. I've even gone so far as to look for discussions about it on the web and was never successful until twelveoone's explanation, which gives me a new perspective.

I'm still getting used to it, but that may be because of the way I've been conditioned to read a line nearing its end.

I believe the Williams' poem works well because of the double emphasis that immediately follows in the next lines with, as tweleoone noted, the emphatic stop. Is the assumption then that even greater emphasis is achieved by the added contrast of a preposition or article preceding them? I'm still trying to hear that subtle difference, and it still feels a little like the poetic equivalent of a dangling participle in prose, but thanks for the lesson.

I asked fridayam why he did it. It always bothered me. I came across one of his poems, where everything feel into place.

Same principle with any tool. Suppose for example in metered verse, you use substitutions. The substitutions often be the parts that are more important for meaning. The off rhyme, where every thing else is tight.
You know this, I'm just flappin my gums, for the next guy that maybe doesn't.

 

[twelveoone]

I think I received your comment, though it didn't mention your name. And I agree with you, the last lines of teh bottom two stanzas (Such a wrench) ARE contrived and forced; they are the weakest. Thanks for the criticism. I just didn't know how to respond. I feel humbled by the richness of talent that is displayed on the site. My seeming reticence is just manifesting my awe at you guys. Salute to all of you...

My salute is to you.
But if you received this comment, but don't know who it came from...
Well it has pros and cons. If I'm reading a poem, I see something I perceive is wrong, sometimes it helps if I know where it came from. We all have "quirks", we are all different. So things can and perhaps should be read different ways.

 

[serpentwrap]

I'm willing to be chastened for this, but that precisely is the point. Criticism of any creative work should be by definition totally objective; at least as objective as is humanly possible. It should be shorn of all biases, latent or obvious. Like life in general, one tends to form certain perceptions and biases about posters on the net as well. And it takes its toll on the objectivity of criticism. A mongrel of a human being can write or create brilliant accomplished works of art. While it helps the reader (or an audience) understand the art better if he or she were to know a bit about the personal background of the creator, in contrast, great criticisms should be without any influence. It will then be the most honest and objective critique of one's work. Once you get to know a person, the tone, the aura, the nuance of criticisms gain hues and flavours, often inadvertently. Should you happen to like the person or even dislike, objectivity is the first victim.

Then again, its only my opinion and as I said, I'm willing to be whipped for this...

 

[twelveoone]

I'm willing to be chastened for this, but that precisely is the point. Criticism of any creative work should be by definition totally objective; at least as objective as is humanly possible. It should be shorn of all biases, latent or obvious. Like life in general, one tends to form certain perceptions and biases about posters on the net as well. And it takes its toll on the objectivity of criticism. A mongrel of a human being can write or create brilliant accomplished works of art. While it helps the reader (or an audience) understand the art better if he or she were to know a bit about the personal background of the creator, in contrast, great criticisms should be without any influence. It will then be the most honest and objective critique of one's work. Once you get to know a person, the tone, the aura, the nuance of criticisms gain hues and flavours, often inadvertently. Should you happen to like the person or even dislike, objectivity is the first victim.

Then again, its only my opinion and as I said, I'm willing to be whipped for this...

Noble
but impossible.
We are all a ball of prejudices, rolling down hill with half thoughts. Where objectivity may be the goal, subjectively is the rule. Recognize that, you might want to know something about the ball rolling towards you.

"A mongrel of a human being" = ?

 

[Senna Jawa]

How free is your free verse?

You can create your own free verse forms, in a sense, by varying these types of line endings (and line beginnings) in patterns or no pattern.

Here & there, and now & then, I think that all three types are present in some of my poems, and other things too. E.g. on some occasions I was breaking words across the lines, as in:

fra​

gile rose​

to give the feel of how delicate a rose can be. Thar was several decades ago. Have you done it on purpose?--a pro-poet asked me. What a silly question?! It has occurred to me now that it'd be a level higher to have simply

ro
se​

===

Instead of only voicing opinions and making comments, this thread would gain if the poems of the participants were checked with respect to the line breaks which they feature. In general I am not for brooding over ourselves in the case of concrete themes like this one, it's perhaps a good thing to do. I am curious about the devices which we use in our poems.

While perhaps there is a certain style to my poems, when it comes to technical devices I invent (or mostly reinvent) them and use them on a whim, prompted by the circumstances. Thus some devices may occur in my poems just a few times or even just once.