When is my MASTER no longer?

[Kajira Callista]

Hmmm I would not argue that it is possible..YMMV and depending on the individuals involved..

But I would say that I think the odds are a bit longer for the OL than the RL.. Then again .. you don't have to smell their bad breath in the morning online..

now didnt you just give the perfect reason....i will shut up now.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Yes, it's fairly obvious when reading posts from the onliners, that the feelings engendered are the same, but the situation is not.

It is much easier to "fall in love" with an unknown at a distance and in your spare time. Both parties communicate only when & if they feel so inclined, presenting their best thoughts & clever turns of phrase. When you type it, if it doesn't sound right then you just delete & start again. No wonder everything seems rosy so quickly.

Real life means in your face, in your bed, in your life. There is no rewind button to take back the things you wish you hadn't said. There are other things which get in the way like earning a living, housework, kids etc etc & no, you don't feel like playing every night & no, you can't just turn the person off like a computer.

Anyone can fall in love & believe they have found their soulmate in such an easy atmosphere without the distractions of reality. Living in love is a whole different thing.

I don't agree totally. Turn off the PC and likely that is the last you see of the other person. If you are talking IM or on the phone, there is not necessarily the option of taking back the words. Believe me, if you are going to take 15 minutes to type your reply perfectly, the conversation is going to dry up real quick. I know from our experience, the typos abounded, as did the miscommunication due to different 1st languages. It was a matter of getting to know the real person instead of jumping into bed and getting to know them later through the sexual haze. Then of course there were those times when you were expected to be on webcam, and no, not sexual. He could call at a moment's notice and I would have to be there instantly, no doing the hair, makeup, putting on your best outfit, looking sexy....conventional dating often allows for those preparations. And of course work and family all had to be worked around alongside an 8-9 hour time difference.

As to falling in love online being easy....perhaps for the niave in which case it will be easy to fall in love in any context. It requires a hell of a lot of trust and courage to allow yourself to go there with someone you have never sat down in person and talked with, have never touched or kissed, have never smelt or tasted.....not to mention you ache to be held by the other, to kiss them, to hear their voice, smell and taste them, but can't. Then working out if you both can financially afford to meet, and if you can will it be a waste of money because what you thought was not so. Then if it is all you thought it was how to go back to being apart again, who will move, where does the money to move come from, will work be easy to find, who leaves behind their family and friends, how long will it take. And while apart, the pain of not being with the other when something is troubling them or they are sick or in pain. Believe me it is not easy nor fun to go through all that as well as the discrimination from those who just think you could have married the guy next door to save a lot of bother. Just as in any relationship where you lower your defenses to fall in love, you are doing the same, just with a lot less conventional measures to go by.

Catalina

 

[A Desert Rose]

I think incubus'_sub is making the distinction between "luuurve" and LOVE. And I agree with her assessment, for the most part as I agree with yours, too Catalina.

Basically you are saying the same things. But there is a distinction in the word love. I've met men online, as well as in real life, who could fall in love every other week and feel it is sincere... to them. I think we have all run across people like that.

The true test is when reality hits you in the face, as in the examples you and incubus'_sub point out, and who has the staying power BECAUSE of love.

 

[incubus'_sub]

Yes, that's right.
Catalina, your story is quite unique in itself, particularly in relation to online relationships. I think of your beginnings more as a cautious & successful meeting online than the type of relationship most often described on this board. Both you & Francisco were real life experienced prior to your meeting & the purpose of your meeting was always to find a real life partner. Your success together is less about the value & reality of online & more about the maturity with which you used the convenience of the computer to find each other.

 

[catalina_francisco]

True, and a lot of unexplainable chemistry. we know how very fortunate we are and it is scary at times to think of how easily we could have missed this chance. I think love is a very misunderstood and over hollywoodised thing. I have met many people, online and in RL who profess their love in a heartbeat, and if rejected have a new 'real love' within 24 hours.

Catalina

 

[Dstorage]

Here is another suggestion-

Have the two of you discussed seeing a counselor yet? I think that would be a really good idea, if the both of you want to maintain this relationship.

Now to find a kink friendly one, there is the challenge!

(waves at Catalina!)

 

[catalina_francisco]

Here is another suggestion-

Have the two of you discussed seeing a counselor yet? I think that would be a really good idea, if the both of you want to maintain this relationship.

Now to find a kink friendly one, there is the challenge!

(waves at Catalina!)

C

 

[Sodality]

OL Vs RT? Whats the real issue here.



I think we're all mising the biggest point from the original post. They aren't being honest with eachother. They haven't from the jump, so whether they met on line, at a bar at a shoe store or in the funny papers has really very little bearing.

If her "Master" isnt good in real time, he should have said from the get go "I don't want live in 24/7 real time". Now from the looks of things, they both jumped before they sat and thought about it. Heres the kicker.....There are kids involved.. Would I call her an irresponsible parent? Not unless I knew she lept into his arms a month after meeting. Or something of the sort.

Regardless of her nilla ex, he was at one point married to her. People get married because they love eachother... So I am confused, was every available resource tapped and then she left her husband of what was it 12 years? Or was it signing off one day and going ok I hate my marriage, the grass is greener on the other side of the BDSM fence.

We here have seen slices of the pie and not the whole pie.... So the basis for our sharing answers guesses and general opinions is going to be slightly skewed. And I do remember her posting that her "Master" doesnt know or doesnt say if he's reading all of this.

There was a time when people used to stay together no matter what because they made that promise before "god" and everyone that is what they wished to do. Now marriage is like a new toy, oh ya get bored and blam divorce...You find out you are kinky and spouse isnt, wham cheating... Not saying she did this, but....... Well since neither of them are relly communicating worth a damn from what she says in her posts..I have to wonder what other "Masters" she is talking to since this one isn't working out.

I sound mean but the plain truth is this was easilly corrected with a long honest talk sharing ALL the information back and forth. Talk is not overrated it helps. Unless her "Master" has a direct line to the Psychic friends network, and then he can tell that shes unhappy.

 

[kinky babydoll]

The problem as I see it is it sounds like this is a person who lives out his fantasies primarily on line and has no idea what to do with that slave once they are online-trained to the moving in point.

Exactly what happened with me and my Master.

He lives His entire life online. All His free time goes to the people He talks to on the computer. He shows NO interest in playing with the one He has in front of Him.......... *sigh*


No, you aren't alone masterspet, but i don't agree with the way you found this information out.

 

[AnonymousSlave]

Re: 3 months later

Ok everyone, it's been 3 months since my last posting.

... "but I am not ready to say goodbye to this one yet." ...

Anyway, just thought I would update things and maybe get more feedback about my situation."

The moment I read this, it brought to mind that it's YOUR bus and YOU are the driver.

Something someone sent to me several years ago... ya know, you always hang on to the good stuff...



Subject: Your Bus

Have you ever felt like there were people in your life that should not be there?

1. There may be someone who likes you (for you) and likes the things that you do and project.

2. There are those who like you, but don't like the things that you are trying to do - or just don't like things about you.

3. There are also those who don't like you, but like what you stand for, like what you are doing in your works or your life.

4. And then, there are those who just don't like you at all.

Think about it. Think about everyone who you surround yourself with and think which one of those four examples do they fit in. Think long and hard now, and don't try to fit them in more than one category. Be honest with yourself. Even if you THINK they are your friend, best friend, family member, WHATEVER, don't fake. Put them in the category that they truly belong.

Now, think about YOU being a bus driver. Think about what a bus driver does and what the bus driver's purpose is. A bus driver drives a bus. Think of this bus as YOUR life and YOU are still the driver. Now, on a bus, people get on and people get off. (You feel where I'm going here ).

Think about the reason people get on and get off. Now,
people get off a bus, why? Because they have reached their destination.

Right before they reach their destination, they ring a bell. Feel
me....Remember, YOU are the bus driver and when that person RIDING YOUR BUS rings the bell, you have two choices....

To either STOP and let them off.... (keep up with me now),
or you can STOP the bus...and beg them to stay
on.
But remember, that bell rang TELLING YOU THAT IT WAS TIME TO GET OFF....Right.....

Here is your lesson....
Again, the bus driver - YOU...
the bus - YOUR LIFE...
the riders...THOSE GOING ALONG FOR THE RIDE...
the bell signaling the stop....
JESUS and your SPIRIT telling you - IT'S TIME FOR THAT RIDER
TO GET OFF THE BUS (out your life)....

BOTTOM LINE...when the bell rings...stop the bus....let that rider/hater off, shut the door (move on) and pull away....
THE GOOD THING IS....there are plenty of bus stops down the road and people will always, always, get on your bus to ride... the key is knowing when to let them off.....

Get them off your bus people....it's your journey.