When the Dom belongs in the doghouse...

[Caitlynne]

I just see it as a form of service when someone can help me not be the raging out of control asshole version of myself, when someone can help me avoid doing things I'll regret or making a fool of myself -- to me that's a good commodity. I try not to require this kind of a stretch often, but when it happens it's good to know that my tantrum can be deflected with rational and calm interaction.

While I see everyone's point and understand the POV, I agree with Netzach's quote. (And I do so wish I could find a shipping crate so I could ship myself to her.)

If the ranting and raving is not about something I've done wrong (In which case I'm not about to argue, but then I've never been yelled at for something I've done wrong either), but about some other part of life that has him in an uproar, then I'm supposed to give him my wisdom as part of my service. I'm supposed to point out the obvious in some cases.

It's part of the deal. He might not take my advice, but I'm directed to give it to him. If I just sat there with my eyes down and nodded saying "yes, Sir", I'd be in trouble.

Now do I do it in a respectful manner? You better believe I do. Do I ask if we can talk? You bet I do.

I'm lucky, I've never offered my POV or opinion, in an instance like that, and not been heard or have it help the situation. That's why I get to do it. That's why it is considered part of my service. He trusts my opinion. It also has not happened often, or even upon occasion. It is rare, but my help in such a situation is part of my service.

~ cait

 

[AngelicAssassin]

I didn't mean he hits. He doesn't. He would if I hit him, but I'm not that stupid. He does throw things, kick things and put his fist through walls. Not to mention screaming and name calling. It's just a matter of ignorning him doesn't work. Once I even locked myself in the bathroom, hoping that'd work. We had to replace the bathroom door.

i didn't imply he did darlin'. Mine went past the point yours does when i ignored her. When that pissed her off enough, she tried other things. i solved that issue quickly.

 

[RazeByFire]

You might ask yourself whether you should allow someone who can't control themselves that much control over you. Punching walls and kicking stuff are, in my eyes, definite signs of a lack of maturity.

 

[Marquis]

You might ask yourself whether you should allow someone who can't control themselves that much control over you. Punching walls and kicking stuff are, in my eyes, definite signs of a lack of maturity.

I'm sorry, but I have to agree.

 

[ownedsubgal]

You might ask yourself whether you should allow someone who can't control themselves that much control over you. Punching walls and kicking stuff are, in my eyes, definite signs of a lack of maturity.

i disagree with that. for some it can be way of venting, of releasing enough so that control can be regained. when my Master gets like this, i realize he just needs to let off some steam. i'm not of the belief that stifling/suppressing anger is a healthy or mature thing, esp. for a Dominant.
if i were to open my mouth and try to counter his points (i.e. argue), or if i simply ignored him, that would only make him more infuriated. but by being the calm eye in the storm, i'm serving him. yeah, he might call me every name in the book, break a few dishes, maybe knock me around a lil, but within an hour it'll all be over with, he'll be hugging me close, asking me what's for dinner. and best of all, whatever the issue was that caused him to be upset will be a dead issue, never mentioned again.

 

[Marquis]

OK, I change my mind.

 

[LadyNatasha]

I would not expect mr. stern to sit there and be good if I am yelling and carrying on. Luckily for me, he won't take that shit without letting me know I'm being an ass if I am. My subs/slaves always have a standing order to tell me if they think I'm being a crack baby. It's actually helped make me a better lover, owner, and person.

Amen.

 

[sunfox]

I have to say that I am also in the school of thought that physical violence, even if only directed towards walls/doors/etc, is immaturity and inability to deal with something in a constructive manner. I have very little interest in playing dodgeball with objects or punching bag to some out of control 'dominant' who has his panties in a wad over some bullshit irritation, and that is the quickest way to get removed from my life utterly.

I have a child, and I will quite simply not allow displays like that around her. Frightening her, or teaching her that that sort of behavior is normal or acceptable is not an option. Period.

 

[A Desert Rose]

I have to say that I am also in the school of thought that physical violence, even if only directed towards walls/doors/etc, is immaturity and inability to deal with something in a constructive manner. I have very little interest in playing dodgeball with objects or punching bag to some out of control 'dominant' who has his panties in a wad over some bullshit irritation, and that is the quickest way to get removed from my life utterly.

I have a child, and I will quite simply not allow displays like that around her. Frightening her, or teaching her that that sort of behavior is normal or acceptable is not an option. Period.

Ditto this.

Raising kids in that kind of atmosphere is not a good thing. And setting this kind of example for them was never acceptable in my house.

Being a Dominant has always meant control to me and that begins with the Dominant him/herself.

 

[graceanne]

i didn't imply he did darlin'. Mine went past the point yours does when i ignored her. When that pissed her off enough, she tried other things. i solved that issue quickly.

Oh, sorry. I thought you did.

 

[graceanne]

i disagree with that. for some it can be way of venting, of releasing enough so that control can be regained. when my Master gets like this, i realize he just needs to let off some steam. i'm not of the belief that stifling/suppressing anger is a healthy or mature thing, esp. for a Dominant.
if i were to open my mouth and try to counter his points (i.e. argue), or if i simply ignored him, that would only make him more infuriated. but by being the calm eye in the storm, i'm serving him. yeah, he might call me every name in the book, break a few dishes, maybe knock me around a lil, but within an hour it'll all be over with, he'll be hugging me close, asking me what's for dinner. and best of all, whatever the issue was that caused him to be upset will be a dead issue, never mentioned again.

To some extent that's what goes on with K, except he doesn't knock me around, ever. But in his case it's a matter of he gets stressed and stressed and then explodes, cause he has all that stress internalized. I wish he'd figure out a way to express it before he gets that bad, but he hasn't yet.

Beyond that, as far as i'm concerned no one's perfect. My sisters ex doesnt' ever raise his voice, or anything like that. But he'd quietly and rationally tell her that he didn't find her sexy and he wanted to sleep with other women. K is a good providor, he's good with the kids, he doesn't call me nasty names or say things deliberately to make me bleed. There are worse things in the world than a hole in the wall, like a hole in the heart from a man who doesn't say anything till the day he leaves. AT least with K I know how he feels about things. lol I also know that some people couldn't live with someone like him, that that would be too much for them, but then they might be able to live with a man who I couldn't live with. The day I find Mr. Perfect, I'll . . . . well probably run the other way, cause Mr. Perfect is gonna want Mrs. Perfect, and I sure as hell don't qualify.

 

[AngelicAssassin]

Thank you

... The day I find Mr. Perfect, I'll . . . . well probably run the other way, cause Mr. Perfect is gonna want Mrs. Perfect, and I sure as hell don't qualify.

That has to be the best thing i've heard in this thread yet.

 

[rosco rathbone]

When the dog belongs in the domhouse.

 

[arctic-stranger]

Ditto this.

Raising kids in that kind of atmosphere is not a good thing. And setting this kind of example for them was never acceptable in my house.

Being a Dominant has always meant control to me and that begins with the Dominant him/herself.

Amen to that...if i cannot master myself, how can i really expect to master anything else? If i am not my own master, then i am just playing out my projections of my lack of power. and that, my friends, can be either dangerous or infantile.

 

[Caitlynne]

and that, my friends, can be either dangerous or infantile.

Or both.

 

[graceanne]

That has to be the best thing i've heard in this thread yet.

Thanks.

 

[Liana26]

Well... one thing I learned a few days ago.... don't slap your Dom when you're fighting, you will get slapped back. But we decided that if he does something stupid and we both agree he was being stupid, I get a day off and he has to get his own damn drinks out of the fridge.

 

[Quint]

When the dog belongs in the domhouse.

I saw a personal the other day...standard dominate master, except he was asking for applications for himself AND his "amorous pit bull."

Does that count?

 

[graceanne]

Well... one thing I learned a few days ago.... don't slap your Dom when you're fighting, you will get slapped back. But we decided that if he does something stupid and we both agree he was being stupid, I get a day off and he has to get his own damn drinks out of the fridge.

Well, I could have told you that. Heck I think I did in my last post.

I didn't mean he hits. He doesn't. He would if I hit him . . .

 

[Pure]

i'm so confused; need help from the 'sub rights' experts:

is it hitting that's bad, or just hitting for no good reason according to the sub?

is it a matter of what the dominate master hits/strikes with?

which of the following are OK or not OK to hit/strike with? does it also depend on the area that is hit?

little whip
big whip
little stick (switch, small cane)
big stick ( strong yard stick)
open hand not to face
open hand to face
closed hand/fist, not to face
back of hair brush
large wooden spoon
-----

all of the above, not OK?

 

[sunfox]

And the missing the point award goes to...

i'm so confused; need help from the 'sub rights' experts:

is it hitting that's bad, or just hitting for no good reason according to the sub?

is it a matter of what the dominate master hits/strikes with?

which of the following are OK or not OK to hit/strike with? does it also depend on the area that is hit?

little whip
big whip
little stick (switch, small cane)
big stick ( strong yard stick)
open hand not to face
open hand to face
closed hand/fist, not to face
back of hair brush
large wooden spoon
-----

all of the above, not OK?

What I object to is loss of control hitting.. not necessarily hitting me, although that might get you hit back.. but the freaking out, punching walls/throwing things, uncontrollable temper sort of violence.

That has nothing to do with BDSM, and everything to do with temper tantrums, which imo, have no place in the relationship. Controlled hitting, in the context of sadism/masochism or discipline are an entirely different thing than the issues people were discussing above.

As for the above list, different strokes for different folks. I wouldn't have an objection to most of those things with the exception of closed fist hitting, but that's just me. Other people will have other views.

My objection is to a Dominant losing control and breaking shit or throwing things or hitting his/her submissive because the Dom is pissy, not because the sub did something wrong.... in particular when there are children in the house, viewing such behavior.

 

[Netzach]

My objection is to a Dominant losing control and breaking shit or throwing things or hitting his/her submissive because the Dom is pissy, not because the sub did something wrong.... in particular when there are children in the house, viewing such behavior.

Milquetoast pansy.

That said, I think that we all get to choose our own tolerances and foibles we are willing to tolerate in a partner.

If a sub hit me, they would not get hit by anything but the proverbial door-ass action.

 

[arctic-stranger]

Milquetoast pansy.

That said, I think that we all get to choose our own tolerances and foibles we are willing to tolerate in a partner.

If a sub hit me, they would not get hit by anything but the proverbial door-ass action.

Agreed. Although I think like attracts like in some cases. I am not a ranter, and while i want to give my amoureuse plenty of room to show emotion, tantrums are not part of the deal....but she knows that

 

[AngelicAssassin]

i'm so confused; need help from the 'sub rights' experts:

chuckling ... you know better. A dominant that strikes because s/he's lost control, or a sadist that strikes with no forethought to the pleasure s/he seeks doesn't act under the guise of BDSM. Throw the fucker to the wolves if s/he tries to make an excuse for the behavior.

That said, i'll come down on your (Pure) side yet again, via a long ago probably forgotten thread from osg. If your (general, no one in particular) bent says the out of control or non-sexual behavior makes sense in your life, i won't gainsay your choice to lead your life in whatever manner you choose. i may not agree with it (and probably think you've taken one too many shots to the head), but i have to assume you (general again) have reached the age of consent to agree to such behavior.

 

[sunfox]

Milquetoast pansy.

That said, I think that we all get to choose our own tolerances and foibles we are willing to tolerate in a partner.

If a sub hit me, they would not get hit by anything but the proverbial door-ass action.

I agree.. to each their own. My cuppa tea ain't gonna be someone else's.

That, however, still doesn't translate into what I'll allow around my kid. Sub or not, I am a rabidly protective mother... something C respects. My relationship with him is separate from my job as her mother, and as her mother.. that kind of spaztastic, tantrum-y thing will not happen in our house... with the exception being the two year old, of course, who is expected to behave without decorum.

As Tweedledee and Tweedledum opined - Nohow!