When you or your Dom/me or sub are married

[maddi]

This is the real question, isn't it?

If you're married and desire to stay married, how do you give as much "equal time" to your spouse and lover as possible?

This is a question for anyone in any type of relationship not really focused just on the one you described. After all, how do my Master/husband find equal time to be together between monthly business trips and time with three children? How do we "sneek" away to find scene time?

I am married and I want to stay married ( I just happen to be married to my Dom) and I have to make those priorities to him. It means some days instead of going to see a movie or watch TV, I am doing something different to free up time to see my Master. We have to sneek our "scene" time in almost as if we are being Illicit, and that time is well guarded.

My huband travels alot and sometimes several monthes at a time and I am often lonely and upset that I can't be with him when I want to. Knowing that I am his and he chose me and would be with me all the time if he could is sometimes the only comfort I get. Other times I do what every women does and wallow in self pity and eat chocolate or run way to hard on the treadmill, whatever.

The answer is if you value a relationship you put all your effort into it. And ideally, it is best when that person can give you back the same effort.

And even though we have discussed several times adding another sub to this relationship we have to be fair.... If we don't have enough time for us...How would we fit another one in?

 

[SaltydogNH]

Priorities are simple

If you want to stay married, then your priorities should be simple, you focus on your spouse and don't detract from your primary. You can take time that is not available with them and use it to enhance your own life, whether through reading, or learning more hands on , say on a business trip or while you are at work etc.

the stress comes when there is a fundamental difference and you try to influence your spouse against their preference. Risky business.

 

[maddi]

Actually I agree with you...

Hello Salty Dog - Nice to meet someone in my neck of the woods. But anyway...

I agree that your primary focus needs to be on that relationship and that you need to spend down time improving yourself - but since I am a SAHM, parent of a disabled child and beginning a master's degree in psychological counsling on my way to a PH.D. I don't really have too much free time.

But... some days being lonely even gets to the best of us and destructive behaviors as I described are sometimes quite comforting. After all, I am just human. When I am perfect things will be so much better. LOL!


PS - Stress also comes when you are required repeatedly to run a home with out help from your spouse....Happily married single parenting sucks.

Maddi

 

[Gorath_00]

Kind of Personal

About being married an in chat rooms like these.. or are these forums? Anyway, an anecdote that is very personal to me. And true. So there.

A few years back, when I was still in high school, my mother got really involved in a Gor chatroom. Nothing against Gor, I never really got curious enough to explore it (submissive as I am), but my father found out, and was very upset. Then, he went off to boot camp, for about seven weeks, for the Air National Gaurd. I knew my mother was online, cybering, as i called it, telling other people "I love you" and such. He came back, and I never told him, but he found out anyway. To put a stop to it (I dont agree with what he did) he placed a program onto the computer to monitor whatever was being typed on a screen, which would be stored in this program. It worked excellently. Blew the lid off the whole thing. my Dad had to go off to Tech School (for the Air Natl gaurd).. and she continued to go around in the chat rooms. I dont blame her, she was probably lonely. My mother and father are now devorced, mostly because they were not honest and open to each other. I implore those who are online, and are hiding thier relationships here, to, if possible, tell thier SO. I know this is too gerneralized, but please, use your best judgement. A relationship is built on trust, and if the two cant trust each other, it isnt a good relationsip. I just probably stepped on some people's toes, and for that, I am sorry.

 

[Guest]

A relationship is built on trust, and if the two can't trust each other, it isn't a good relationship.

Well said.

 

[lady-kat]

Re: Kind of Personal

Gorath_00.
I am in a similar situation with my visits to this forum, the literature I read, and the lifestyle I am exploring.

You didn't step on my toes, rather, more like hit the nail on the head pretty much.

 

[Gorath_00]

Re: Re: Kind of Personal

Gorath_00.
I am in a similar situation with my visits to this forum, the literature I read, and the lifestyle I am exploring.

You didn't step on my toes, rather, more like hit the nail on the head pretty much.

Is glad to be accurate.

Which situation though, my situation, or what my mom's was?

 

[lady-kat]

Re: Re: Re: Kind of Personal

Is glad to be accurate.

Which situation though, my situation, or what my mom's was?

ah, my apology for not being clear. Similar to your mom's. Tho, one difference. My SO knew about my liking for the Gor novels, and similar writings, from the very start, and did know what they were about. I do not, however, share with him my excursions online. It just is not discussed. That is going to change in the future.

I am exploring now, and when I have delved deeper, I am going to share it with him. In a like situation, my sister-in-law divorced her husband over him engaging in cyber sex, cybering (if that's what it's called) with another person. Never understood her reasoning on that. I am looking and reading to explore something that has always been my passion, unfulfilled. (Not looking for another to play with)

heh. and this is just me being long winded. sorry.

 

[Gorath_00]

Thats ok Thanks for clearing that up

I am glad I helped someone! I fweel so happy! lol!

going to go drink some coffee now, because the happy-high is lifting..

 

[SaltydogNH]

Re: Actually I agree with you...

Hello Salty Dog - Nice to meet someone in my neck of the woods. But anyway...

I agree that your primary focus needs to be on that relationship and that you need to spend down time improving yourself - but since I am a SAHM, parent of a disabled child and beginning a master's degree in psychological counsling on my way to a PH.D. I don't really have too much free time.

But... some days being lonely even gets to the best of us and destructive behaviors as I described are sometimes quite comforting. After all, I am just human. When I am perfect things will be so much better. LOL!


PS - Stress also comes when you are required repeatedly to run a home with out help from your spouse....Happily married single parenting sucks.

Maddi

Glad to meet you Maddi, drop me a line if you ever care to

 

[maddi]

Re: Kind of Personal

About being married an in chat rooms like these.. or are these forums? Anyway, an anecdote that is very personal to me. And true. So there.

A few years back, when I was still in high school, my mother got really involved in a Gor chatroom. Nothing against Gor, I never really got curious enough to explore it (submissive as I am), but my father found out, and was very upset. Then, he went off to boot camp, for about seven weeks, for the Air National Gaurd. I knew my mother was online, cybering, as i called it, telling other people "I love you" and such. He came back, and I never told him, but he found out anyway. To put a stop to it (I dont agree with what he did) he placed a program onto the computer to monitor whatever was being typed on a screen, which would be stored in this program. It worked excellently. Blew the lid off the whole thing. my Dad had to go off to Tech School (for the Air Natl gaurd).. and she continued to go around in the chat rooms. I dont blame her, she was probably lonely. My mother and father are now devorced, mostly because they were not honest and open to each other. I implore those who are online, and are hiding thier relationships here, to, if possible, tell thier SO. I know this is too gerneralized, but please, use your best judgement. A relationship is built on trust, and if the two cant trust each other, it isnt a good relationsip. I just probably stepped on some people's toes, and for that, I am sorry.

My husband/master and I have great communication. He is free to ask me any question and get a truthful answer. I am also free to persue an online relationship with anyone as long as I am honest with him about what is happening... including in his words an online D/s relationship.

We are best friends and he is gone alot and understands that I need other items to keep myself busy for those lonely times. School and family are not substitutes for times when I want to be dominated or otherwise sexually inspired.

My husband knows that I pass word protect many of my documents on my computer but mostly because I have teenagers that I are into everything. All he has to do is ask. The best part is that he is not threatned by other men. Even when I admitted to having a huge crush on another male friend of mine we discussed it and worked through it. He knows that I would never do anything without discussing it with him first.

But I do understand about your mom's situation. Alot of military wives I know get very upset about their husband looking at porno and withhold sex and get irate. These guys are gone for long periods of time and are faithful but this is the best way for them to cope sexually without really hurting anyone for the most part. I don't really know of guys that get upset such as your mom's situation but I feel it is the same thing. As long as the relationship is good and the online isn't replacing the real time then I don't understand the harm.

In fact... I pack my husband bag everytime he goes on a trip and the first item I put in.... His porno mags. Second... hand lotion.

After he leaves the first thing I do, go to literotica and pretend that it is just a normal day and hope that he will be home soon.

Maddi

 

[maddi]

Re: Re: Actually I agree with you...

Glad to meet you Maddi, drop me a line if you ever care to

Thanks, I might just do that.

Maddi

 

[Gorath_00]

Re: Re: Kind of Personal

My husband/master and I have great communication. He is free to ask me any question and get a truthful answer. I am also free to persue an online relationship with anyone as long as I am honest with him about what is happening... including in his words an online D/s relationship.

We are best friends and he is gone alot and understands that I need other items to keep myself busy for those lonely times. School and family are not substitutes for times when I want to be dominated or otherwise sexually inspired.

My husband knows that I pass word protect many of my documents on my computer but mostly because I have teenagers that I are into everything. All he has to do is ask. The best part is that he is not threatned by other men. Even when I admitted to having a huge crush on another male friend of mine we discussed it and worked through it. He knows that I would never do anything without discussing it with him first.

But I do understand about your mom's situation. Alot of military wives I know get very upset about their husband looking at porno and withhold sex and get irate. These guys are gone for long periods of time and are faithful but this is the best way for them to cope sexually without really hurting anyone for the most part. I don't really know of guys that get upset such as your mom's situation but I feel it is the same thing. As long as the relationship is good and the online isn't replacing the real time then I don't understand the harm.

In fact... I pack my husband bag everytime he goes on a trip and the first item I put in.... His porno mags. Second... hand lotion.

After he leaves the first thing I do, go to literotica and pretend that it is just a normal day and hope that he will be home soon.

Maddi

I am very glad that you have such a good relationship, I wish that my parents were as open as you are to your husband hehe.