When your PYL turns vanilla
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liberatedslave
Really Experienced
- Joined
- Jan 8, 2007
- Posts
- 281
My Sir I met here on Lit and our relationship has always had its foundation in D/s. I am his first sub and in the early days when I was first falling for him I did wonder what I'd do if he sat me down and said, "I don't think this is for me after all, can we just be a normal, nilla couple please?" I fell for him so hard that I couldn't imagine walking away, even though I sought him out as a dominant in the first place because I know it's what I want and need.
I am sure he would have acknowledged that I need to submit and offered me an out. He's not the sort of guy to share though. We're lucky in that we've worked through teething problems and stayed positive when things got complicated. He'd get discouraged on occasion and doubt his capability as a Dom but it's been a learning curve for us both because D/s is such a personal exchange and his tastes are very different to my ex-sir's (thank goodness).
He's much more confident now and our relationship is strong, which is wonderful. Having said all that, I believe I would get frustrated and resentful if he did decide he didn't want any form of D/s. Even if he did it to please me it wouldn't work.
I must say I don't get sweetgigi's guy saying that a couple practicing D/s is damaging to kids. Small children have no concept of their parents' sex lives, whether nilla or D/s. I'd argue that a happy, harmonious D/s household is much more secure and positive an environment for kids than a nilla relationship where there are power struggles over even little things and tension and arguments all the time. My parents never got on and divorcing each other was the most positive step they ever took.
Sir and I have freaked his housemates out by forgetting ourselves and getting a little bit noisy but that's a different issue altogether
I am sure he would have acknowledged that I need to submit and offered me an out. He's not the sort of guy to share though. We're lucky in that we've worked through teething problems and stayed positive when things got complicated. He'd get discouraged on occasion and doubt his capability as a Dom but it's been a learning curve for us both because D/s is such a personal exchange and his tastes are very different to my ex-sir's (thank goodness).
He's much more confident now and our relationship is strong, which is wonderful. Having said all that, I believe I would get frustrated and resentful if he did decide he didn't want any form of D/s. Even if he did it to please me it wouldn't work.
I must say I don't get sweetgigi's guy saying that a couple practicing D/s is damaging to kids. Small children have no concept of their parents' sex lives, whether nilla or D/s. I'd argue that a happy, harmonious D/s household is much more secure and positive an environment for kids than a nilla relationship where there are power struggles over even little things and tension and arguments all the time. My parents never got on and divorcing each other was the most positive step they ever took.
Sir and I have freaked his housemates out by forgetting ourselves and getting a little bit noisy but that's a different issue altogether
Puman
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Jun 22, 2007
- Posts
- 965
Boots n all
Thank you Quint & Liberated Slave for your comments & your encouragement. This is literally something we stumbled on when I got my first tat (weird, I know). I'd heard that it was really painful, so I was really nervous. In the waiting room the nerves slowly gave way to fear, which, to my horror at the time, turned me on. Making it worse, was my hubby was there holding my hand and noticed I was turned on. Anyway, by the time the tat was done we were both so horny we barely made it home...and so our journey began.
I am hoping that since our marriage existed before our interest in BDSM, that it is a road we can take together. We have recently tried a little light spanking, which was well received and delivered - but we are still finding our limits and our feet. At this point though, it's more important to me to have him around than it is to get whipped... my hubby has this little fainting issue with blood, which we may need to deal with before we get to that level... perhaps we should try switching?
...I have to agree with you here. On embarking on this journey (after coming from a very conservative one) I've seen that the focus & emphasis in everything I have read has been on communication, relationship building and trust - on far deeper levels than 'vanilla' relationships - so I fail to see where that is damaging to a child.
Thank you Quint & Liberated Slave for your comments & your encouragement. This is literally something we stumbled on when I got my first tat (weird, I know). I'd heard that it was really painful, so I was really nervous. In the waiting room the nerves slowly gave way to fear, which, to my horror at the time, turned me on. Making it worse, was my hubby was there holding my hand and noticed I was turned on. Anyway, by the time the tat was done we were both so horny we barely made it home...and so our journey began.
I am hoping that since our marriage existed before our interest in BDSM, that it is a road we can take together. We have recently tried a little light spanking, which was well received and delivered - but we are still finding our limits and our feet. At this point though, it's more important to me to have him around than it is to get whipped... my hubby has this little fainting issue with blood, which we may need to deal with before we get to that level... perhaps we should try switching?
liberatedslave said:I must say I don't get sweetgigi's guy saying that a couple practicing D/s is damaging to kids. Small children have no concept of their parents' sex lives, whether nilla or D/s. I'd argue that a happy, harmonious D/s household is much more secure and positive an environment for kids than a nilla relationship where there are power struggles over even little things and tension and arguments all the time. My parents never got on and divorcing each other was the most positive step they ever took.
Sir and I have freaked his housemates out by forgetting ourselves and getting a little bit noisy but that's a different issue altogether
...I have to agree with you here. On embarking on this journey (after coming from a very conservative one) I've seen that the focus & emphasis in everything I have read has been on communication, relationship building and trust - on far deeper levels than 'vanilla' relationships - so I fail to see where that is damaging to a child.
goregoregirl
Virgin
- Joined
- Apr 19, 2007
- Posts
- 1
I was browsing through here and I couldn’t resist adding something…
First, I am familiar with Puman’s issue myself. I actually married a Dom who became vanilla for me (even though I really was a sub, but too stubborn to admit it) and then when I finally “came out” he was reluctant to go back into the Dom role. I had him read some of my stories and I think it helped explain my desires better than me telling him.
Second, I have small children and we cope by doing most of our sessions in the basement or anywhere they can’t hear us. I don’t plan on ever telling them about what we do in the bedroom, so I don’t think it’s going to be an issue.
First, I am familiar with Puman’s issue myself. I actually married a Dom who became vanilla for me (even though I really was a sub, but too stubborn to admit it) and then when I finally “came out” he was reluctant to go back into the Dom role. I had him read some of my stories and I think it helped explain my desires better than me telling him.
Second, I have small children and we cope by doing most of our sessions in the basement or anywhere they can’t hear us. I don’t plan on ever telling them about what we do in the bedroom, so I don’t think it’s going to be an issue.
