Why "boyfriend/girlfriend" when "husband/wife" is so much hotter?

[TheRedChamber]

Ssssshhhh. The more you deny, the more people will suspect. Keep it on the down low.

It's too late for that. Jarvis Cocker is on record as saying this song is about the two of you...

 

[pink_silk_glove]

It's too late for that. Jarvis Cocker is on record as saying this song is about the two of you...

Yes, I'm cucking the big black fuck out of Simon and the kids aren't his.

 

[SimonDoom]

Yes, I'm cucking the big black fuck out of Simon and the kids aren't his.

And here I was, thinking I had to make an honest woman of you.

I sense an interesting challenge/event opportunity.

 

[pink_silk_glove]

And here I was, thinking I had to make an honest woman of you.

I sense an interesting challenge/event opportunity.

All you have to do now is hire a PI to catch me, then hire a thug to rape and beat me, and hire a lawyer to get a divorce that leaves me destitute with two bastard brats while you coldly dust your hands of me. Justice served in a perfect world, right?

 

[Rob_Royale]

For a guy named “SteelPoint,” you really are the most brittle person I’ve ever seen on these boards, and that’s saying a lot. “GlassPoint.” Try that one.

He's been rather abrasive on the SI board for a while, and I've been largely ignoring his posts.

But, the original post has a valid point. Cheating when married is more arousing to be sure. However, in my very limited experience with open marriages and/or swingers, of the five couples I've known who dabbled outside monogamy, only the couple that never married, lasted. I slept with her on many occasions as young man, and they are still together today, now in their late sixties. We're still friends through social media.

I think it's because of this experience that I lean toward the BF/GF scenario when it comes to open relationship stories.

 

[KimAwakened]

I would say I'm mystified that that OP hasn't been taken more seriously - but honestly I'm not.

The topic of "degrees of heft" that a suggested fictional scenario or character grouping might carry is a completely valid one - but along with many other areas apparently doesn't rate a look-in on this forum. It seems to have been shouted down here just as with many others and the thread has been hi-jacked into the usual mish-mash of self-indulgent, frivolous nonsense that turned me away from AH originally, along with a couple of other boards, when I first joined. I've looked in from time to time but it seems to be getting worse, if anything.

Hoping for serious, in-depth discussion here is like hoping for it in a class of brattish, misbehaving schoolchildren on a hot afternoon who would far rather chat and pass notes to each other.

 

[NoTalentHack]

I would say I'm mystified that that OP hasn't been taken more seriously - but honestly I'm not.

The topic of "degrees of heft" that a suggested fictional scenario or character grouping might carry is a completely valid one - but along with many other areas apparently doesn't rate a look-in on this forum. It seems to have been shouted down here just as with many others and the thread has been hi-jacked into the usual mish-mash of self-indulgent, frivolous nonsense that turned me away from AH originally, along with a couple of other boards, when I first joined. I've looked in from time to time but it seems to be getting worse, if anything.

Hoping for serious, in-depth discussion here is like hoping for it in a class of brattish, misbehaving schoolchildren on a hot afternoon who would far rather chat and pass notes to each other.

Except... we did offer him reasonable discussion of the topic. Simon, alohadave, MrPixel, myself, and others all gave a pretty solid breakdown of why someone might choose to go for the less "potent" option, while still acknowledging that it was a potent option. GlassPoint, as is his wont, honed in on the one person who pushed back in a way that was even slightly confrontational and threw a little bitchfit.

For the most part, we treated the (IMHO, rather obvious and easily understood) topic in question deftly, then he decided to shit all over the person who argued with him and not engage with anyone else. That's when we started mocking him, because what he did was deserving of mockery.

Much like hopping into a thread in a forum you don't usually post in to stir up shit. Physician, heal thyself.

 

[NotWise]

I would say I'm mystified that that OP hasn't been taken more seriously - but honestly I'm not.

There's nothing mystifying about it. Any time someone comes here needing more attention to their specific kink, they can expect us to point out that it's their specific kink and others don't always feel the same way. There isn't much to discuss about it other than to say, "Your kink is valid, but it isn't the only kink." That same response is in line for any similar complaint.

 

[SimonDoom]

I would say I'm mystified that that OP hasn't been taken more seriously - but honestly I'm not.

The topic of "degrees of heft" that a suggested fictional scenario or character grouping might carry is a completely valid one - but along with many other areas apparently doesn't rate a look-in on this forum. It seems to have been shouted down here just as with many others and the thread has been hi-jacked into the usual mish-mash of self-indulgent, frivolous nonsense that turned me away from AH originally, along with a couple of other boards, when I first joined. I've looked in from time to time but it seems to be getting worse, if anything.

Hoping for serious, in-depth discussion here is like hoping for it in a class of brattish, misbehaving schoolchildren on a hot afternoon who would far rather chat and pass notes to each other.

I don't think this is a fair characterization at all. Look at the first few responses to the OP. They engaged with the subject matter. Then the OP got snarky toward one of the responders. Then things got a little silly, as they often do, but Rob's most recent comment circled back to the original subject.

The answer to the original question, I think, is pretty obvious to anyone who has frequented this forum. Tastes vary, and readers vary in how much transgression they want with their kinks.

 

[PrettyReckless_ILM]

Because sometimes what you want is a less painful story device.

As SimonDoom pointed out, there are people that can get off to stepsister/stepbrother porn because it's NOT blood relations. It's taboo, but not Taboo with a capital "t." Other people find it too tame specifically because of that. No one, I think, is arguing that one is more "potent" than the other; people acknowledge that. It's a question of whether that potency is always a good thing.

Put another way, I like cozy mysteries. They're silly, relatively ephemeral things, typically with largely bloodless (and certainly not gory) murders, a neat set of suspects, a fussy little detective, and set in a quaint English village in the 1920s. Would the stakes be higher if Ms. Busby went up against a serial killer who decorated the delightful cottages of Little Minton with his victims' entrails? Certainly. Would it still be a cozy mystery? No, and the people reading them would find that distasteful.

A cheating boyfriend/girlfriend can be more appealing simply because the stakes ARE lower. The reader can put themselves in any part of the story and, as you said, know that the worst likely outcome is heartbreak and not all the ugly minutiae of a divorce. Breaking the bounds of a more casual relationship works better for some people specifically for reasons like empathy for fictional characters.



Maybe? But you probably want some of that. You want your readers to identify with your characters to the point where they empathize with them. You can't have your cake and eat it, too; if they can think, "it's really hot that these two fictional characters who don't exist are fucking within the context of this artificial world the author has set up," it's equally reasonable to think, "within the context of this artificial world this author has set up, the characters fucking are awful people, and I feel bad for the supporting characters/angry at the lead characters." Claiming otherwise is basically saying that stories should only have emotional heft in the places that you, the writer, deem appropriate.

This thing about stepbrothers/sisters reminded me of something... i had a friend in college who married his stepsister, they're still together.

 

[pink_silk_glove]

I would say I'm mystified that that OP hasn't been taken more seriously - but honestly I'm not.

The topic of "degrees of heft" that a suggested fictional scenario or character grouping might carry is a completely valid one - but along with many other areas apparently doesn't rate a look-in on this forum. It seems to have been shouted down here just as with many others and the thread has been hi-jacked into the usual mish-mash of self-indulgent, frivolous nonsense that turned me away from AH originally, along with a couple of other boards, when I first joined. I've looked in from time to time but it seems to be getting worse, if anything.

Hoping for serious, in-depth discussion here is like hoping for it in a class of brattish, misbehaving schoolchildren on a hot afternoon who would far rather chat and pass notes to each other.

Bullshit. No one has denied the concept of the higher stakes of marriage. However, the OP has railed against anyone who doesn't see their kinks his way. That is the only friction. The OP has brought a grievance that there is a portion of the world that does not share his particular kink, and what the fuck is wrong with all of us who don't? And when he's received a little pushback, he starts ranting and bitching.

The only one here not interested in having an in-depth discussion is the OP. He just wants to belittle anyone's kinks who do not align with his own. In that light, the responses that he has received have been commendably civil.

 

[Comshaw]

I don't normally post in AH but it strikes me that my moan is better aired here than in SI.

I've just seen the latest there in what seems to be a long sequence of story ideas where it's proposed that someone might be either loyal or unfaithful to a "boyfriend" or "girlfriend" as the driving theme of a story.

Is it just me who considers that a BF or GF is an informal relationship where no undying vows are necessary, still less any exchange of rings, any solemn ceremony or the production of a certificate which has legal force... and therefore carries less clout as a story device?

People persist with talking about boyfriends or girlfriends in the context of cheating when, it seems to me, they are totally missing a more explosive "trick".

Interesting thread, primarily from the people watcher's viewpoint. But that isn't what this thread was initially about so I won't sidetrack it, I'll just take up the OP's post.

I think Simon is right in post two, people are of a different mind on this. Me? Well, I don't see any difference in cheating on a boy/girlfriend and cheating on a wife/husband. Yeah, I know the latter has all that legal stuff tied to it, but as the years have passed, that legal stuff has meant less and less. What do I mean? In the 60's/70's you would have seen few unmarried couples co-habitating and even fewer having children outside of a marriage. Now it seems it's a common thing. I'm not making a moral judgment on it. It's just a factual observation. Because of that all the legal ramifications of being a parent kicks in. Additionally, after the Lee Marvin palamony case, the court tied that kind of relationship even tighter together. So couples are tied together much closer now as girl/boyfriend than they ever have been. So the line between people who are married and those who are only in a mutually agreed upon relationship has thinned dramatically. Additionally, being married making the tale of cheating more titillating doesn't fly with me.

On the moral side of things, I come from a place where handshake deals were common and understood to be as binding as a written contract. I've tried to follow that guide my entire life. I view a boy/girlfriend relationship just as binding as a marriage. To me, a promise is a promise, no matter the little pieces of paper that accompany one. The crux of that is to me there is no difference between cheating on a boy/girlfriend and cheating on a spouse. A commitment is a commitment, whether or not one has a piece of paper to say it is more binding than the other.

Now before someone misinterprets it, no I am not trying to appear morally superior. Yes, I have fallen on my face and broken my own moral code as it applies here. Haven't we all? This is just my view of the OP's question.

TA


Comshaw

 

[Dearelliot]

IMO boy friend & girl friend sounds "young..." but I wouldn't criticize.