Why Does BDSM get a Bad Wrap?

[BlondGirl]

This thread reminds me of an analogy.

Let us pretend, for example--that I love to jog. I find it gives me a great high and pleasure at the end of my run and during when I am pushing through the hard times.

Even though this activity:

makes my tits sag more
causes an increase in spinal (especially lumbar spinal) degenerative changes
ditto for the knees
ditto for the ankles
ditto for the feet
can cause a cesation in menstrual activity and ovarian function
can result in increased lifelong osteoporosis from thos hard core runners.

It can become an addiction--i might crave the high so much that I spend lots of money to go to and train for all kinds of races in various cities all over the world.
I might join clubs where other runners meet and enjoy discussing running and the life style.
I might get my kids hooked on it--doing it while pregnant all the way up through my 3rd trimester.
I might pick a life partner based on his willingness to participate in this activity with me.
It spices up my sex life and I have the hardest orgasms after coming home from the hardest runs.
I wear jewelry that is unique to this hobby.
I buy clothes that make this activity easier to do.
I keep a spare set of those clothes in my trunk for "emergency" or spur of the moment sessions.
It is a major stress reliever.

It makes me feel alive.


I suppose that my point is made by now....
Obviously, jogging is not for everyone and hardcore running is certainly not for many--and it is often misunderstood by those who do not participate in it at all.

But, I don't jog much.

Instead, I prefer to beg for my lover's fiery and intense "touch".
: )


~~~~~~~~~~
Oh yes--I forgot to add--
Jogging, like BDSM, has been attempted by most adults in our culture in one way or another. Most people, in both activities, do not go very far with it.
A few lucky individuals do, though.

 

[BlondGirl]

Bout to go to bed now--
but i thought

what about other analogies
drinking alcohol
work
gambling
football
watching other sports
fishing
souping up the auto
eating
reading

Heck, how about "playing on the computer"?

 

[Silverlily]

A great deal has already been said (well said at that) on this, so rather than review, let me add just this.

Pain is relative. What one person may consider excruciating, another finds pleasurable. I enjoy being bitten, to the point of drawing blood. For me, it hurts less than a paper cut. For another, it would hurt more. It would be unhealthy for someone who finds no pleasure in biting to pursue it, whereas for me, it is just an expression of my sexuality. Same act, different mentality.

I do not go about performing scenes with just anybody. I only engage in this sort of play with my husband, who I trust with my life. BDSM is not for everyone and not everything within BDSM is for every lifestyler. Failure to stay true to your own desires is the only really sick thing.

 

[RisiaSkye]

While we're on the subject...

There have been many eloquent words on the subject of BDSM, and I don't really want to put myself in the role of "expert," because ultimately the only expertise any of us can claim is our own experience. This experience, necessarily, varies a great deal. And none of it offers the conclusive answer to what BDSM "really" is.

Like all vague groupings, the BDSM community varies a great deal: in intensity, committment, roles, equipment, specific practices, etc. No one (not even my beloved Cym) can define what it means, not conclusively. It means something different to everyone. It makes little sense to generalize about an entire community, encompassing a wide variety of behaviors, on either "side" of this disagreement.

The resentment I see on this thread comes from two groups: 1) people who feel the need to define what's acceptable for others and get angry when people ignore their unsolicited advice, and 2) people who are tired of being misunderstood and wrongly accused of immorality, despite leading lives they consider both ethical and moral.

To the first group: Accept the fact that your choices are just that. You have no right to make decisions for other adults, especially decisions governing their most intimate relationships. The arrogance of your desire for control does not flatter you. Perhaps your wish for domination would be more constructively explored in a consensual D/S relationship.

To the second group: Realize that while your relationship may be based on trust and respect, not all relationships are. Just like 'nillas, members of the leather crowd can and do step over the line. Know that responding to ignorant allegations and sweeping generalizations with anger does nothing but encourage further ignorance. It gets tiring to beat your head against a wall; believe me, I empathize. So, unless you're one of those "crazy" masochists, let yourself off the hook. Don't feel like you have to educate or convert everyone. Some people are so 'nilla, they're afraid just knowing that there are other flavors.

One final note: I've been preparing a class on the evolving definitions of "insanity" in American society.

Less than 50 years ago, homosexuality was cause for incarceration in an asylum. It was considered a deviant perversion, an insanity. Similarly, "hysteria" was coined as a term to explain melancholy and "insane" women. It was believed to be caused by a wandering uterus. Men were, under this definition, incapable of suffering from hysterical neuroses.

Why does this matter? Be careful who you call insane. Sooner or later, you'll find yourself on someone's list of those who qualify for the title. And, unless you're damned lucky or powerful, that list will be used to condemn you. Over a disagreement.

 

[WriterDom]

http://www.angelfire.com/oh/SIEMENS/

It was his writings that kept the Marquis de Sade in trouble more than his actions. Scan a few pages of this and you'll see why. He could put Deborah to shame.

 

[cymbidia]

Again... again, again, again... i'm amazed and impressed with the quality of the rhetoric and the power of the voices that come from our small group of vastly intelligent and thoughtful BDSM'ers. The immense investiture of time you've each put into thinking about your place, from a sexuality perspective, in the scheme of things is astounding.

I learn and grow every time i see the thoughts that any one of you lays out for the rest of us. Each of you has a slightly different perspective, new shadings of meaning, or a whole new subset of experience from which to draw in terms of the expression of your sexuality. It's those differences, and your ability to share with the rest of us, that makes you so valuable to the entirety of our small group.

As a group set apart from mainstream nilla society, though always hidden, we've survived the long centures of ignorance and superstition by being open and supportive of each other; it's a deeply ingrained habit among us. You all carry on that custom admirably, even though we live in incredibly tolerant times from a historical perspective.

You all astound me.
You amaze me.
You help to allow me to be who i am, in this place, at this time.
You're part of my freedom, my openness, my strength.

You're good eggs.

 

[Silverlily]

You're good eggs.

if not slightly cracked

 

[SpectreT]

Speaking of Eggs.....

I like mine Scrambled, with Cayenne Pepper Sauce.

Seriously, I'm likewise thrilled to read and participate in these "Discussions". I'm constantly learning more about both myself and this lifestyle that I've had a small taste of, and am eager to experience more of.

 

[BlondGirl]

Re: Speaking of Eggs.....

Seriously, I'm likewise thrilled to read and participate in these "Discussions". I'm constantly learning more about both myself and this lifestyle that I've had a small taste of, and am eager to experience more of.

This needed repeating!