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Why I hate dogs!!!!

Those cathartic begonias

EarnestImp said:
The diarrhea on the astroturf would never have happened if you hadn't fed him the bloody begonias.
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Dear EI,
Oh, thanks a lot! Right, my fault for tempting Walter with those tasty begonias.
MG
 
Re: Why I don't have a dog!

MathGirl said:
My aunt lives next door. She asked me to let her beagle, Walter, stay in my yard while guys work on her fence. Walter came to be with me about twenty minutes ago.

In his first ten minutes in my yard, Walter chased my cat off over the fence, ate all the cat's food, dug up my tuberous begonias, pissed on my treadmill, and had diarrhea all over my Astroturf welcome mat.

Walter is now back in his own yard, chained to a water pipe. I hope the SOB runs away.

MG
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_____


Pussy lover. ;)
 
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We've had all kinds of pets here...

Tropical fish, snakes, lizards, dogs, cats, and my boyfriend. Of them all the boyfriend is the only one who leaves a big mess all over the house that I'm constantly cleaning up after.

DS
 
a new member of the DG Group who wisely wishes to remain anonymous. It's at......
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I figured it was a piece of satire. I'd have thought it pretty appalling if I'd taken it seriously, but I didn't.
 
Oh good. I'm so glad we didn't put it in the "Humor and Satire Section".

P.S. It's still pretty appalling.
 
Well if everybody else is going to post pictures of their babies, then I'm putting up one of mine. She's got that weird expression on her face because she can't figure out what just made that strange whirring sound.

Yeah, my pit bull. She's a total killer. I'll have to find one of her chewing her Christmas antlers.........hmmmm....this might lead peope to believe I've attempted to cutesify my dog. I have not. My mother sent her antlers for Christmas. I never made her wear them. They did have a jingle bell on them, however, so she liked to toss them around the house and then pounce on them and shake them like a rat.

Good dog!
 
Very funny collection of AVs on page 2:

MG's big butt baby
Manx's covered cock
Mlle and dog
Kitty
Dog

Sorry to break it up but it cracked me up as I scrolled.

Perdita
 
bridgeburner said:
Well if everybody else is going to post pictures of their babies, then I'm putting up one of mine. She's got that weird expression on her face because she can't figure out what just made that strange whirring sound.

Yeah, my pit bull. She's a total killer. I'll have to find one of her chewing her Christmas antlers.........hmmmm....this might lead peope to believe I've attempted to cutesify my dog. I have not. My mother sent her antlers for Christmas. I never made her wear them. They did have a jingle bell on them, however, so she liked to toss them around the house and then pounce on them and shake them like a rat.

Good dog!
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Oooooh, what a cuuuuuuuuuute little doggie-woggie-woggie! *makes incomprehensible noises*
 
Hey BB-

Your 'bull looks like mine! *laugh* Same white spot and all. My 'bull is called Lulamae.

Ode to Lulamae pitbull- a haiku cycle

"Small dark soulless eyes
Hide my true nature- giddy
I can chew on that."

"I have lazy legs
I drag them around the house
like they're paralyzed"

B'ware the happy 'bull
her love will hit you like a
friendly cannonball

What joy to have an
anthropomorphic pork loin
as a household pet

Most maligned dog ever
vicious killer of children?
Definitely not

Still, best to call her
"Lula, Amstaff-terrier"
around the fearful


mlleavecplusdebleufromage

:heart:
 
Wonderful poem!

Well do I know the Amstaff-Terrier lingo. I've also been known to say "Uh, she's a Lab mix."

Ella Billietta Simone, my darling dog. Generally known as Billie or Billietta but also answers to Boogerhead, Dogbutt and Diggity.

-B
 
Svenska,

Oh, I'm just sick. We spraw on the couch and I actually sing to her. I tear up watching her sleep when she twitches and grunts. She even snores and I think it's cute.

Dog farts are not even remotely entertaining, however. Nor is she allowed to sleep on the bed --- she's a bed hog.

She's not particularly well-trained. I mean, she knows what she knows and that's about it. Stay only lasts for a few moments and only if there's nothing really exciting going on. She'll sit and lay down and she's got "Billie! Out of the kitchen!" down to a science, but honestly she came to me knowing all that stuff. I've never taught her anything. I just got lucky. She was already house-trained. Has never chewed up anything or knocked over the garbage. Isn't a neurotic barking machine and will stay down off invited guests after she's greeted them enthusiastically....usually. ;->

She was a shelter rescue and I'm amazed with her. She'd been there 7 weeks by the time I showed up. Because of her breed and the fact that she was a year and a half old already nobody would adopt her. Three years later I still like her better than many children I know.


good lord. I am babbling about my dog. How embarassing. I must desist!

--B
 
LOL

Ok, I'm using my "freebie" card for this blatantly ridicuous self-indulgent post.

Lulamae, Lula, "The 'Bull", Girl, L.M.P.B.P.D.S.S. (Lulamae Pit-bull Puppy-dog Shenanigans Specialist) Lu-dee-doo, "Little Pig", "Land Seal", Baby Shark-mouth, The Bottle Imp.


tragically,

Miss Blue Pen


Pitbulls...well "Amstaff Terriers"...just f*cking rawk.
 
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Woof

Hay, Svenska,
In your Terry Pratchett readings, have you come across Gaspode the wonder dog yet. Singular animal.
MG
Ps. I grew up with a bassett hound named Ed. It always amazed me that a dog so cute and lovable could also be one of the most stupid animals ever to live. Ed literally didn't know enough to come in out of the rain. I'd have to go out in the yard and bring him inside. Otherwise, he'd sit, howl mornfully, and get soaked.
Pps. Perdita - You're right. That collection of AVs on page two is priceless. I saved it to my disk.
 
Couldn't find the page with the AV's on it. A little help here, please?

DS
 
Dirty Slut said:
Couldn't find the page with the AV's on it. A little help here, please?
Click to expand...
Dear DS,
Go to the bottom of this page. Click on page "1". Viola!
MG
 
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