Workshop: Chicklet

[Colleen Thomas]

Colly, I think I love you.

Well, thinking is a good start, I'll have to work at removing all doubt

On a less flirty note, I am glad you liked the suggestion, I think it's a great story and you are an extremely talented writer. It gave me a nice smile thinking I might have helped a bit and smiles are always welcome


-Colly

 

[Pure]

Hi Chiclet,

I know it's done and all, but i wanted to say it reads well, in general. The dialogue is tight and crisp. The scenes are well drawn. The jumps are hard at times, but there's lotsa good writing and it's very fresh.

J.

 

[Chicklet]

Thank you, pure = )

 

[Lego_Army_Man]

Amazing

Chiclet,

I'm guessing, with the shear number of posts that you have, that this story is complete, maybe submitted already? But I thought I'd comment anyway

That story was simply amazing. The way you organized it was stunning, sort of pseudo-Momento. The dialogue was easy to understand until right at the end, the last dialogue didn't make very much sense to me. I think something was definitely needed there, after Kim moves into her new apartment, but I'm not sure if that works. I think it does, but I was confused as to who was saying yet. Maybe if you had one of them say the other's name, it would make it easier to figure out who was speaking. And possibly something in the apartment scene that frees her up a little? It seemed to me that the second forced sex scene would wake her up, but her new apartment just seems to continue the heartbreak. Not sure if this is the way you wanted it, but that's what I got.

I'm new to writing erotic stories, but I'm certainly not new to reading them, or writing other types of stories. This one was amazing. It runs the gammet of emotions, and leaves you asking questions. Very well done.

-Lego

P.S. Titles: The Girl in the Park? My New Apartment? I always like to throw in something from the story...

 

[Chicklet]

Thank you, army man.

I appreciate the time you took to read my stories. As for titles, I'm going with "fractured"

Chicklet