Would you be in a relationship with a submissive that has mental illnesses

[SimonTheCat]

Well, I have Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID). Sure hope there's a dom/me out there who can deal with that. X)

 

[gNocis]

Nope.

 

[Farawyn]

Yes, I would. I have depression and anxiety myself and suffer from a form of PTSD from a few things that have happened to me over time. One of my best friends is schizophrenic and was not able to get help until she could do it without her parents being involved because they're like a lot of people and very ableist. They didn't want to accept that their daughter had a disability. Plus being disabled physically myself I've seen firsthand MANY times just how prejudiced our society is with regard to disabled people. I could tell you stories all day long. But that's because of ignorance and stupidity. We even have some very ableist Litsters (one comes to mind immediately) so it's very widespread and I definitely would not want to contribute to that.

It might be a bit of a struggle if we're both dealing with shit but then we could also support one another theoretically so I can see both sides of how it would go. Regardless, I would definitely not consider it a deal breaker.

This is the best answer.

 

[Farawyn]

It certainly does seem like everyone is possessed of this or that disorder these days, doesn't it? I'm not downplaying a serious issue, rather damning a tendency for people to pass off personality or character flaws as something more inherently serious. I would never presume to speculate on anyone's mental state without first knowing them for quite some time but, in my experience with the people I've gotten close to, this has often been the case.

I've known self centered and petty people to label themselves a sociopath because they think it gives them a pass to be shitty to others ( also tend to ignorantly think it makes them " cool ", like this is fucking junior high ), there's those who claimed to be manic depressive but are actually just apathetic and lazy with their life, moody people who make no attempt at controlling their emotions that instead opted to say they were bipolar, and a WHOLE LOT of full grown adults that still blame their problems
on their parents. Again, I'm not criticizing people with legitimate problems, but when it comes to these cases ( specifically the latter ), once you reach a certain age YOU become responsible for the way you are. Your puppy license runs out and you don't get to blame your more charming personality traits on things from the past ( with the exception of true disorders of course ). You don't have to fix your flaws, but you should own them and be stronger for them.

So, to actually answer the question, yes I would. If they did their best to live with it, I'd consider it a point of pride to be with someone that strong and help in any way I could. Aside from honesty and trust, my love is not conditional, and to everyone in this thread that has said they do have serious issues, I hope you find someone that does just that for you if you haven't already

I like a lot of what you are saying here, and agree with much of it. Please remember that mental illness is indeed an illness, and not a flaw, any more than diabetes would be.

 

[BlackWolf65]

First, these are in reverse order from the way they were posted - I try to do it the opposite way, but tonight I'm telling my OCD to fuck off. This is another of Wolfums' long-assed, rambling posts. Sorry. I'm going to respond to posts first, then run off at the mouth about personal experience.

I like a lot of what you are saying here, and agree with much of it. Please remember that mental illness is indeed an illness, and not a flaw, any more than diabetes would be.

This, more than anything. Of course, none of us would choose, I think, to partner with someone we know has serious mental health issues. That said, many times, you cannot know before hand. It's not like fucking smallpox - you can't usually see it. But it's very real, as the posts here demonstrate - all of the responses are either experiences with or about their own mental health issues.

I'll speak more about it, but trust me when I tell you that the stigma surrounding mental illness is very real.

My understanding is that most if not all anti-psychotic medications induce a life stunting lethargy that make them a horror to try and stay on, especially for someone who has at all acclimated to the highs and lows of bi-polar disorder.

I've had no few friends and past lovers that needed the stuff, and it made various attempts at self medication much more understandable.

Never the less;

Never.
Again.

That is were I draw the line.

I know it's unfair, but I've been burnt quite enough.

I don't know about anti-psychotics, but I know that the medications that have been thrown at me over the years did little to help with the issues, and more often than not created issues of their own. Self-medication was a part of my regimen at one time also, and trust this, too: My experience with self-medicating was weed. It worked. But it's illegal, and I had a career where random drug testing was a reality. So, I made myself outgrow it and move on.

It certainly does seem like everyone is possessed of this or that disorder these days, doesn't it? I'm not downplaying a serious issue, rather damning a tendency for people to pass off personality or character flaws as something more inherently serious. I would never presume to speculate on anyone's mental state without first knowing them for quite some time but, in my experience with the people I've gotten close to, this has often been the case.

I've known self centered and petty people to label themselves a sociopath because they think it gives them a pass to be shitty to others ( also tend to ignorantly think it makes them " cool ", like this is fucking junior high ), there's those who claimed to be manic depressive but are actually just apathetic and lazy with their life, moody people who make no attempt at controlling their emotions that instead opted to say they were bipolar, and a WHOLE LOT of full grown adults that still blame their problems
on their parents. Again, I'm not criticizing people with legitimate problems, but when it comes to these cases ( specifically the latter ), once you reach a certain age YOU become responsible for the way you are. Your puppy license runs out and you don't get to blame your more charming personality traits on things from the past ( with the exception of true disorders of course ). You don't have to fix your flaws, but you should own them and be stronger for them.

So, to actually answer the question, yes I would. If they did their best to live with it, I'd consider it a point of pride to be with someone that strong and help in any way I could. Aside from honesty and trust, my love is not conditional, and to everyone in this thread that has said they do have serious issues, I hope you find someone that does just that for you if you haven't already

Of course there are people who try to use it as an excuse. And you made the disclaimer that you would not speculate on their mental state without knowing them well. I applaud that - I just want to reinforce it. Don't assume that the person you think is an attention whore is just an attention whore - there may be MH issues there. And don't assume that the person who tells you he or she is bipolar is trying to play something off. There are varying degrees of severity to every MH issue.

Yes, I would. I have depression and anxiety myself and suffer from a form of PTSD from a few things that have happened to me over time. One of my best friends is schizophrenic and was not able to get help until she could do it without her parents being involved because they're like a lot of people and very ableist. They didn't want to accept that their daughter had a disability. Plus being disabled physically myself I've seen firsthand MANY times just how prejudiced our society is with regard to disabled people. I could tell you stories all day long. But that's because of ignorance and stupidity. We even have some very ableist Litsters (one comes to mind immediately) so it's very widespread and I definitely would not want to contribute to that.

It might be a bit of a struggle if we're both dealing with shit but then we could also support one another theoretically so I can see both sides of how it would go. Regardless, I would definitely not consider it a deal breaker.

I knew I liked you for a reason!

Look, unless the person really is a real threat to themselves or someone else, there is no reason to be afraid of someone with MH issues. They can be dealt with. With a compassionate partner, they can be managed and prove to be little or no interference on a relationship. That said, there may indeed be times when one partner has to exhibit a lot of patience, caring, and just plain support.

All of My slaves have been Mentally ill

Which kinda says something about you, don't ya think?

For me it would massively depend on the illness and the overall severity, associated problems and probable future development.

There's so much variation in just the appearance of those individual disorders that I think it's actually a redundant question to ask about something so broad because that could all manifest as (subjectively annoying) lethargy or mild (and adorable) eccentricity or unbearable narcissism or do-as-I-say-or-I'm-going-to-kill-you-with-a-tray-and-watch-the-blood-flow-across-the-canteen-floor hair trigger tempers or just plain inability to express or form emotional connections.

I would say that as long as you're not sticking to your partner like a limpet, pulling guns on them twice a day or proclaiming that aliens have impregnated your eyes then even if it doesn't work out it's unlikely to go down like the Hindenburg. And any empathic person on Earth would give you space when you need it and help with whatever they can.

I find as I grow older that there seems to be less and less empathy in our society as a whole. But that's another discussion. In my experience, quite often someone may be very empathetic - until you utter that dreaded phrase, mental illness.

We are members of Lit.............. Therefore we have mental problems. Why else are we here?

I challenge this. I would say that it's not mental problems, it's emotional problems. There is a vast difference.

My first thought is, is it under control or something you have a handle on? If not, I would suggest that you may want to get it under control before engaging in any type of relationship, D/s or other (not saying this to be mean, but it can be difficult to have a relationship with someone else when you are working on big issues yourself)

Like anything with a D/s relationship, a potential Dom needs to know so he knows how to work with you and what may be triggers or issues. Both my Dom and I have some mental issues but we both are on medications and have them under control. But like anyone else, sometimes we still have the odd issue. We are only human.

Hope that makes sense

With all too human flaws sometimes.

Okay, so. As the result of my childhood (I'll just use the blanket term "child abuse" to cover it, because frankly, the details are too painful to describe, and they're no one's business, anyway), I have been diagnosed with PTSD and severe social anxiety disorder. I also have some self-diagnosed OCD issues - you have to trust that I'm correct in that, because others notice it constantly. Oh - for those who don't know me, I do label myself as a Dominant. All the above have caused me a lot of issues over the years. And the way that I deal now is not something that I would ever recommend to anyone, because it can be hard.

I basically just said, "Fuck the meds. I'll cope with the symptoms."

The people who have been or are close to me in my life know this. They know that there are times when I need to just be left alone. They know that I act differently around large groups of people (I turn into an introvert). They know that sometimes, I just don't respond to texts, and they're okay with that - they know why. They know there's a lot of things I won't do because it may trigger an episode, and my anxiety episodes are... Difficult for me. But they're rare now.

I know the signals for me that something is off, and I'm good at noting them and dealing with things. When all else fails, I will call my therapist and get my ass in to see her. But I'm medication free, and I prefer it that way. If I could legally obtain cannabis oil here, I would - it won't mess with your head and it works. Alas, it's still illegal, and I don't need legal issues, thank you.

But the thing is, there are a lot of people out there with some form of mental illness, and most of them need to be on some form of medication to cope with it. I'm just a stubborn fucker, and I refuse. Things might be less chaotic for me if I did medicate, but I don't like walking around with jello brain. And when I do head into a r/l D/s relationship (I make the r/l distinction because I don't see my particular MH problems having much influence over an online relationship), I make damned sure the submissive knows that there might be times when there are issues. I don't get dangerous in any sense, but I get very withdrawn from everyone. It wouldn't be fair to not make that known ahead of time.

With the exception of those in the medical profession, the vast majority of the people who come to find out about the fact that I have a mental illness suddenly changes the way they look at you. Not always, but more often than not. You can feel it, it's palpable. And it comes from ignorance and fear. I have PTSD, for fuck's sake, because I was an abused kid. I'm not fucking Jack the Ripper... It's only a small percentage of mental health patients who are truly, consistently dangerous. Most of us are the people down the block, or in the apartment upstairs.

And then there are those, conversely, who say, "Oh, PTSD? Well, that's nothing." Really? Have you dealt with it? Do you really understand? I think not. If you did, those words would never come out of your mouth. No matter how mild or severe the symptoms are for an individual, the fact is that the illness is real, and to us, it really is a BIG FUCKING DEAL, because it affects us daily. It affects us on the inside, where you mostly can't tell.

So, please, if someone you've met and like one day discloses to you that they have a mental illness, give them a chance. You might just be surprised.

 

[Farawyn]

First, these are in reverse order from the way they were posted - I try to do it the opposite way, but tonight I'm telling my OCD to fuck off. This is another of Wolfums' long-assed, rambling posts. Sorry. I'm going to respond to posts first, then run off at the mouth about personal experience.


This, more than anything. Of course, none of us would choose, I think, to partner with someone we know has serious mental health issues. That said, many times, you cannot know before hand. It's not like fucking smallpox - you can't usually see it. But it's very real, as the posts here demonstrate - all of the responses are either experiences with or about their own mental health issues.

I'll speak more about it, but trust me when I tell you that the stigma surrounding mental illness is very real.


I don't know about anti-psychotics, but I know that the medications that have been thrown at me over the years did little to help with the issues, and more often than not created issues of their own. Self-medication was a part of my regimen at one time also, and trust this, too: My experience with self-medicating was weed. It worked. But it's illegal, and I had a career where random drug testing was a reality. So, I made myself outgrow it and move on.


Of course there are people who try to use it as an excuse. And you made the disclaimer that you would not speculate on their mental state without knowing them well. I applaud that - I just want to reinforce it. Don't assume that the person you think is an attention whore is just an attention whore - there may be MH issues there. And don't assume that the person who tells you he or she is bipolar is trying to play something off. There are varying degrees of severity to every MH issue.


I knew I liked you for a reason!

Look, unless the person really is a real threat to themselves or someone else, there is no reason to be afraid of someone with MH issues. They can be dealt with. With a compassionate partner, they can be managed and prove to be little or no interference on a relationship. That said, there may indeed be times when one partner has to exhibit a lot of patience, caring, and just plain support.


Which kinda says something about you, don't ya think?


I find as I grow older that there seems to be less and less empathy in our society as a whole. But that's another discussion. In my experience, quite often someone may be very empathetic - until you utter that dreaded phrase, mental illness.


I challenge this. I would say that it's not mental problems, it's emotional problems. There is a vast difference.


With all too human flaws sometimes.

Okay, so. As the result of my childhood (I'll just use the blanket term "child abuse" to cover it, because frankly, the details are too painful to describe, and they're no one's business, anyway), I have been diagnosed with PTSD and severe social anxiety disorder. I also have some self-diagnosed OCD issues - you have to trust that I'm correct in that, because others notice it constantly. Oh - for those who don't know me, I do label myself as a Dominant. All the above have caused me a lot of issues over the years. And the way that I deal now is not something that I would ever recommend to anyone, because it can be hard.

I basically just said, "Fuck the meds. I'll cope with the symptoms."

The people who have been or are close to me in my life know this. They know that there are times when I need to just be left alone. They know that I act differently around large groups of people (I turn into an introvert). They know that sometimes, I just don't respond to texts, and they're okay with that - they know why. They know there's a lot of things I won't do because it may trigger an episode, and my anxiety episodes are... Difficult for me. But they're rare now.

I know the signals for me that something is off, and I'm good at noting them and dealing with things. When all else fails, I will call my therapist and get my ass in to see her. But I'm medication free, and I prefer it that way. If I could legally obtain cannabis oil here, I would - it won't mess with your head and it works. Alas, it's still illegal, and I don't need legal issues, thank you.

But the thing is, there are a lot of people out there with some form of mental illness, and most of them need to be on some form of medication to cope with it. I'm just a stubborn fucker, and I refuse. Things might be less chaotic for me if I did medicate, but I don't like walking around with jello brain. And when I do head into a r/l D/s relationship (I make the r/l distinction because I don't see my particular MH problems having much influence over an online relationship), I make damned sure the submissive knows that there might be times when there are issues. I don't get dangerous in any sense, but I get very withdrawn from everyone. It wouldn't be fair to not make that known ahead of time.

With the exception of those in the medical profession, the vast majority of the people who come to find out about the fact that I have a mental illness suddenly changes the way they look at you. Not always, but more often than not. You can feel it, it's palpable. And it comes from ignorance and fear. I have PTSD, for fuck's sake, because I was an abused kid. I'm not fucking Jack the Ripper... It's only a small percentage of mental health patients who are truly, consistently dangerous. Most of us are the people down the block, or in the apartment upstairs.

And then there are those, conversely, who say, "Oh, PTSD? Well, that's nothing." Really? Have you dealt with it? Do you really understand? I think not. If you did, those words would never come out of your mouth. No matter how mild or severe the symptoms are for an individual, the fact is that the illness is real, and to us, it really is a BIG FUCKING DEAL, because it affects us daily. It affects us on the inside, where you mostly can't tell.

So, please, if someone you've met and like one day discloses to you that they have a mental illness, give them a chance. You might just be surprised.

I've read this twice. I love your rebuttals and your passion for dispelling the stigma of mental illness. Also, for coming forward with your own stuff, thank you. That's hard to do.

I have to take exception with your statement about medication and "jello brain". If you don't want it for yourself, or you've tried it and it doesn't work for you, that's fine.
HOWEVER, medications have helped millions return to work, be productive and not kill themselves. I've seen it, and there's tons of evidence to back up that medication does help... Especially in conjunction with CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy)
Why would anyone be stubborn enough to power through an illness?
It's an illness. Not a personality flaw. If you (rhetorical you, not you) need medication for your illness, take it.

And yes, we are a throw a pill at it society. I don't believe that medication is appropriate in all cases. Just sayin'... There's no shame in it.

 

[BlackWolf65]

I've read this twice. I love your rebuttals and your passion for dispelling the stigma of mental illness. Also, for coming forward with your own stuff, thank you. That's hard to do.

I have to take exception with your statement about medication and "jello brain". If you don't want it for yourself, or you've tried it and it doesn't work for you, that's fine.
HOWEVER, medications have helped millions return to work, be productive and not kill themselves. I've seen it, and there's tons of evidence to back up that medication does help... Especially in conjunction with CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy)
Why would anyone be stubborn enough to power through an illness?
It's an illness. Not a personality flaw. If you (rhetorical you, not you) need medication for your illness, take it.

And yes, we are a throw a pill at it society. I don't believe that medication is appropriate in all cases. Just sayin'... There's no shame in it.

Well, I actually agree with you on this. Forgive the flip way I said that - and I did mean that when *I* was on meds, I had jello brain. That's how I felt. I wasn't trying to imply that others who need meds shouldn't use them - in fact, I think I said I don't recommend doing it my way.

For me, the medication was worse than the symptoms. The meds I've been prescribed had a whole host of side effects. I give you - and it should be this way - that most people learn how to cope with the side effects if they need the meds. Again, this is for me, I found it easier to "power though it" with the help of a mental health professional when necessary than to deal with the side effects.

I would never recommend that some someone try what I do. It's not the best method, but it does work for me. It's definitely not for everyone.

 

[Farawyn]

Well, I actually agree with you on this. Forgive the flip way I said that - and I did mean that when *I* was on meds, I had jello brain. That's how I felt. I wasn't trying to imply that others who need meds shouldn't use them - in fact, I think I said I don't recommend doing it my way.

For me, the medication was worse than the symptoms. The meds I've been prescribed had a whole host of side effects. I give you - and it should be this way - that most people learn how to cope with the side effects if they need the meds. Again, this is for me, I found it easier to "power though it" with the help of a mental health professional when necessary than to deal with the side effects.

I would never recommend that some someone try what I do. It's not the best method, but it does work for me. It's definitely not for everyone.

Forgiven.

 

[Blue]

My mental health issues went the normal route. Slightly abnormal childhood behaviour then jumped in development and severity during mid-late adolescence.

I'm greatly annoyed with myself because of it though because in hindsight I know that through ages 15-16 it certainly wasn't as bad as it is now and because I was aware of it at those ages I can see that, not most of the time but during some very important life stages, I used it as a bit of a sword and shield for explaining why things never turned out well for me when really it was just laziness which never got addressed.