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[sr71plt]

Sure, whenever I point out that you're off the mark and anal retentive in your uninformed critiques, I'm helping the new writer, Elfin.

Just because you voice your little-box inane opinions doesn't mean you are either being constructive or helping anyone.

All new writers should look up and check out the work of the ones "giving help" here and gauge for themselves whether this person knows what they are talking about or are just blowing self-appointed hot air.

 

[regguy]

Actually I appreciate all the discussion/feedback a lot, even Jenny's. I am rewriting the story and will submit an edited version soon. I am going to try a different POV and change the beginning to have less exposition. This has been very helpful. Thanks.

 

[Jenny_Jackson]

Amazing how SR makes these personal attacks you, creates an aura of hate then blames the person he attacked. If that isn't egotistic I don't know what is.

I've NEVER seen him give help to anyone, just attack those how do. He would do best to say out of the Story Feedback Forum.

 

[freshface]

No,you never try to reason, you are one of those creative writer fascists that has no sympathy for the new guys here - you don't read them, you don't help them.

You're wrong here. I was a a completely new writer who hadn't found the forums yet when I asked SR for help. He gave me a very nice edit. After I rewrote it to make it a little less cringe worthy, he gave me a second. He never took ownership, never told me what I had to do or had to not do, and certainly didn't do the rewrite for me. In fact, there was nothing unreasonable or fascist about the advice that he gave me. And just in case you think I don't know about working with editors, I can assure you that I've written for them routinely at work.

I'm not alone in receiving his help. I've seen him offer assistance and guidance to newcomers in this forum, the Editor's Forum and the AH. You can count on him to post to any and all writerly threads in the forums and I still have a copy of a list he posted of common errors writers make. You might not like him or think him worthy of this great forum, but he's taught me quite a bit. Now if someone could just teach me about comma splices...

 

[elfin_odalisque]

You're wrong here. I was a a completely new writer who hadn't found the forums yet when I asked SR for help. He gave me a very nice edit. After I rewrote it to make it a little less cringe worthy, he gave me a second. He never took ownership, never told me what I had to do or had to not do, and certainly didn't do the rewrite for me. In fact, there was nothing unreasonable or fascist about the advice that he gave me. And just in case you think I don't know about working with editors, I can assure you that I've written for them routinely at work.

I'm not alone in receiving his help. I've seen him offer assistance and guidance to newcomers in this forum, the Editor's Forum and the AH. You can count on him to post to any and all writerly threads in the forums and I still have a copy of a list he posted of common errors writers make. You might not like him or think him worthy of this great forum, but he's taught me quite a bit. Now if someone could just teach me about comma splices...

I simply think his arrogance puts off writers.

 

[sr71plt]

Thanks, FF.

Character assassination can come back and bite cha, can't it, Elfin? Your assertions go much farther than claiming arrogance, of course--although I've already said that your pushing "knowledge" you don't have off onto the unsuspecting is more arrogant than anything I post here.

You just haven't been looking around (or choosing not to see) where I've fit in on writing discussions and help around here.

Part of why you don't see me do detailed work daily on the feedback thread is because I'm actually writing and contributing stories to this Web site and publishing and doing actual detailed edits for folks (You could always ask your idol erotica writer VK or even Dr. M about my editing help ). It's true that I mostly weigh in on this thread with "hey, wait a minute" balancing of what I see as crummy advice by those of half-baked notions, but that, in itself, is a service to and show of concern for the developing writer.

And I'll continue doing it if I see a new writer being shoved into your little off-base boxes no matter how much you and Jenny scream and rant about it. I'll stick to the substance even when that means I call you well-meaning but untrained charltans commenting on writing you don't actually do. It doesn't take much for a new writer to check out who actually delivers what they preach around here.

 

[elfin_odalisque]

You're wrong here. I was a a completely new writer who hadn't found the forums yet when I asked SR for help. He gave me a very nice edit. After I rewrote it to make it a little less cringe worthy, he gave me a second. He never took ownership, never told me what I had to do or had to not do, and certainly didn't do the rewrite for me. In fact, there was nothing unreasonable or fascist about the advice that he gave me. And just in case you think I don't know about working with editors, I can assure you that I've written for them routinely at work.

I'm not alone in receiving his help. I've seen him offer assistance and guidance to newcomers in this forum, the Editor's Forum and the AH. You can count on him to post to any and all writerly threads in the forums and I still have a copy of a list he posted of common errors writers make. You might not like him or think him worthy of this great forum, but he's taught me quite a bit. Now if someone could just teach me about comma splices...

If you are savvy enough to even of heard of comma splices you have no need of a copy editor here. Sr is a competent writer with a knowledge that can help already skilled writers here.

He spoils his image by encouraging fledgling writers to venture into waters that are a bit too deep for them. He has an obsession with first person POV that is both deliterious to his writing and unhelpful to new guys here who want to just move steadily up the curve.

In fact, he is the antithesis of the literary democracy that Laurel and Manu try to create. But he will never understand.

 

[sr71plt]

Talk about arrogance! This from a dame with a body of work posted here of six pieces from more than three years ago--and only four attempting erotica.

I've noted adnauseam here that any voice a writer feels is right is just fine and that I speak of the 1st person POV only as a balance to Elfin's and Jenny's idiotic fixation on the third--especially for those "lesser writers than they are ."

I'm sure I'm a hell of a lot more supportive for the early development writers here than the anal-retentive high school school marms are.

But Elfin obviously is going to continue her lying. (This is by no means the first round we've had on this topic and Elfin always goes back to square one with her lies.)

Writing erotica for Literotica should be fun and creative, and if the writer is also interested in development, it should be done with trying this and that out to see what works best for them and by writing and posting and seeing what works to their satisfaction and to the expressed satisfaction of others rather than taking the word of someone who doesn't write much of it concerning what "is popular" and "what sells" and "what the rules are." No, you won't hit home runs from the git go. But you will learn to improve by actually doing rather than putting yourselves in the thrall of deeply opinionated armchair critics with half-baked notions and little training.

And as far as meeting what Laurel and Manu envision for this site (God, how arrogant was THAT statement in Elfin's post? ), I think my big handful of green Es awarded by Laurel on stories posted here stand up well to Elfin's and Jenny's none.

 

[Bianca_Sommerland]

Don't know if you're still interested in feedback, haven't seen your post lately but for what it's worth I read the story and...

While it's not my cup of tea (don't I sound sophisticated ) it's not a bad story. The biggest problem I could see (not sure if anyone's mentioned it) is that the paragraph's were too big. That alone will automatically turn a lot of people off reading the story.

IMO the story could use a bit of stretching out. Maybe instead of just saying the wife wasn't interested in sex you can show it. The good thing about showing rather than telling is that your readers will relate that much more with your characters. You are not saying 'He/I was needy.' you are showing it and how you show it will give a better insight of your MC than hand feeding the emotions and reactions to your audience.

Also, maybe try to include a bit more play on the senses. Always popular with erotica (my observation, other's might not agree). I remember reading somewhere that just adding a unique scent or flavor can trigger so much more in your readers than any little tricks you could try.

Good luck and I hope this helps. My two cents. Not worth much more than that

Hey...do you like my monkey?

 

[christiankay]

Huh?

This thread made me cry.

 

[Jenny_Jackson]

That's what happens when arrogant, egotistic jerks who don't even bother to read or respond to the the issues but come here only to start a fight over some minor issue he fails to understand. Fortunately Scouries... I mean SR doesn't come her often. Who knows? They seem like Alts for each other to me.

 

[sr71plt]

Thanks, Jenny. I couldn't have hoped to have the issue and players framed any better here than having you evdence your argument by insinuating that I'm Scouries.

As for the disagreement on the writing issue, I think the thread readers can figure that one out for themselves--as well as the grounding each of us has for making our argument.

 

[regguy]

Thanks, Bianca. I do appreciate your feedback. Actually Jenny also thought the paragraphs were too long. I am working on an edit with that in mind, and changing the POV. I don't necessairly thing the first person is wrong for this story, but want to try it from a different perspective. I also like your suggestion to show rather than tell. I will try more along this line this more in a sequel.

 

[Bianca_Sommerland]

Thanks, Bianca. I do appreciate your feedback. Actually Jenny also thought the paragraphs were too long. I am working on an edit with that in mind, and changing the POV. I don't necessairly thing the first person is wrong for this story, but want to try it from a different perspective. I also like your suggestion to show rather than tell. I will try more along this line this more in a sequel.

It's hard to get used to writing for the web. My method is to complete thoughts as well as possible in one paragraph, and if I need to go longer, shift into some movement (action/dialogue) to break up big clumps.

Keep in mind (and this is not meant as an insult, it's used in marketing) that the average human attention span is something like ten seconds. You catch them in that or not at all. You can loose them just as quickly. You've got an idea that could do quite well for you with the right tweaking.

I get you wanting to work on it in a sequel. I've got edits for stories waiting on me while I work on new ones. It's all a learning experience, and I think you can see, there's people here willing to help.

Best of luck!

 

[Jenny_Jackson]

Keep in mind (and this is not meant as an insult, it's used in marketing) that the average human attention span is something like ten seconds. You catch them in that or not at all. You can loose them just as quickly. You've got an idea that could do quite well for you with the right tweaking.

Best of luck!

This is absolutely true. Aurora Black said a long time ago, you have about the first three lines in your story to grab the reader. If those three lines fail you will most likely get a back click, not a vote.

 

[regguy]

Katya's Caviar

To any still following this thread. My story is now posted as edited using your suggestions. I also changed the category to Romance. I think my style fits there better.

 

[elfin_odalisque]

To any still following this thread. My story is now posted as edited using your suggestions. I also changed the category to Romance. I think my style fits there better.

Give us a new link and I'll take the troop off there (sr is confined to barracks so he won't be reading - just extrapolating [nasty habit])