Why doesn't he want me?

[d5b1fl]

It doesn't matter what I do, or don't do...my needs aren't being met. He knows when I need special attention and when I just need some good carnal fucking but he doesn't seem to want to meet my needs. I dress sexy, I dress down, I always look my best, even when I have been working in the yard , sweating my ass off. I am slim, fit, firm and attractive, 5'2" 115 lb, brown hair, green eyes, 36-25-36. I just don't fucking get it, literally. What do I need to do or not to do? I am so frustrated. For example, yesterday I wore a cute little black pleated skirt with a white tank that is studded across the word FREEDOM, and a little orange thong with a bow on the back that he said made him "thirsty." My God when i went to town I had women hitting on me but I can't get my man to fuck me when i want him to. So laying in bed watching "The Bucket List" he starts poking me in my tickle spots so I'll jump all over the bed, which gives him a hard on so he pulls out his dick and has me blow him, then he just fucking kisses me a few times, and puts on his shorts and lights a cigarette. He cuddled behind me for a sec and I asked him if he was thirsty, and he says, "Oh, I get it" doesn't say another word and moves away from me. He either didn't notice the orange thong, forgot that they make him "thirsty" or doesn't give a fuck that I have been waiting for him. So the last two encounters that we've had, I got nothing except the pleasure of knowing he uses my body for his desire. What the fuck about my desire. What can I do to change this situation to my advantage. I need and want sex, sometimes just a FUCK, sometimes touching and carressing and lots of anticipation and teasing. It's rare that I get good attention or am completely satisfied. In fact, the last time I got an orgasm, he told me to cum quick. WHAT THE FUCK?

 

[TerragonSix]

Sounds like he's the dreaded 'lazy lover'.

Me personally, and I'm just throwing it out there as an example, in my lovemaking, foreplay is paramount. I'd give my GF a back massage and whispering in her ear before the real fun stuff began. Make the girl feel loved, damn.

Switching the routine, doing it in different places, keeps the spice in it. Don't mean to insult your man, but he sounds like an uncaring loser. Seriously, the art of lovemaking is a two way street. You can't just give and give and not get anything back.

You might want to tell him how you feel. Maybe find someone else.


Hope this helps.

 

[d5b1fl]

Thanks for your feedback. I have given him hints, I even write him porn letters and leave them for him to read when ever he feels like it. Sort of fantasy stuff, and things that we have done, or stories from literotica. I have told him what I need and then not pushed him to be or do anything, just let him work it out on his own. He tells me I make all of his fantasies come true, but he's not doing the same for me. I am so frustrated and knocking one off myself is definately not the same as having a lover touch, kiss, suck, stroke, tongue, finger, whisper desires, etc. As it is right now, even though masturbating doesn't appeal to me at this moment because I need more, I would rather get out my vibrator. I have a negative attitude about this. He will implement certain things I let him know about, but not the parts that I really need that I have expressed to him. What should I do? My own thought is to just not put out, to be disinterested because I don't get what I need anyway. This situation really hurts me deeply since I do all the things to make myself appealing to him, I do what he wants even if it means acting like I don't want it. I feel so lost and needy and it seems like he doesn't see it or is so selfish he doesn't want to see it.

 

[ImpishSeraph]

Next time make sure you get what you want/need before he gets his. If you don't get it, neither does he.

 

[d5b1fl]

I was thinking the same thing, but I was also thinking I should just get mine and leave it at that. it's not just the orgasm that I need, but....his touch makes me melt and looking into his eyes, I drown. He has such incredible power over me. Sometimes I feel helpless to deny him what he wants. I'm all tough now but when he gets home, if he has needs that he puts in front of mine, I feel almost compelled to fulfill them. It's so hard to be a bitch.

 

[Ardeche]

Poor You!

I was thinking the same thing, but I was also thinking I should just get mine and leave it at that. it's not just the orgasm that I need, but....his touch makes me melt and looking into his eyes, I drown. He has such incredible power over me. Sometimes I feel helpless to deny him what he wants. I'm all tough now but when he gets home, if he has needs that he puts in front of mine, I feel almost compelled to fulfill them. It's so hard to be a bitch.

You could try teasing him.

I know when my man is in a hurry and I am not, I go into tease mood. Take your leisurely time. It'll drive him mental (and if you are like me) also really arouse you, . I find a simple game of "Do As I Do" can usually help to get you both on the same page.

That doesn't work, give him a good talking too.

 

[bailadora]

D5:

I'm so sorry that you are going through this, it can be really discouraging. Your problem sounds a little bit like the one raised in the Differing Sex Drive thread.

I don't know you or your man well, but is it just your sex life where these problems arise, or are there problems elsewhere in the relationship? I've been rereading one of Eilan's old threads about disinterested partners and alot of what's said in there resonates with me and reflects the state my relationship was in when I first came to Lit. If you'd like to read it, click here (yes, Eilan - I'm pimping your thread. It's that good).

I'm wondering if what's really going on is a case of him being lazy, or if it's problems in other areas that are being manifested in your sex life. In any case, I hope you get some answers soon and that he's willing to work on this with you.

 

[curiousgeo62]

I have the same problem, but it is my wife that has lost interest. I try to make sure that she knows how hot she makes me and give her compliments all the time, but still no luck. I try to help around the house, I even hired a housekeeper to come in twice a week to clean, but still nothing. oops, sorry, I didn't give you any ideas. My opinion, and again, I'm just some dork here on the computer, is that maybe he's getting it somewhere else? I mean, I don't know too many guys that would turn down sex, even after a blow job. I know for me, I'm going until she tells me to stop.

 

[d5b1fl]

He's not getting it anywhere else...I do know that...and he calls me every day at his lunch time, he comes straight home from work every day and spends all his time with me. We are pretty much best friends, we do both have issues with our children, etc. the same things everyone deals with.....I thought he came to me for friendship, companionship, because he trusts that I genuinely love him, and he loves me. it sometimes feels as if he is so preoccupied with his own issues that he doesn't take the time to "love" me in a sexual way. We can talk about anything, even our sex life, but if it's at a time when he is "not into it" then it's null and void, regardless of my wants or needs. In fact, I am not supposed to go to him for sex, I am to wait until he comes to me, which i feel is bullshit. it's like rejection before I even get the actual rejection.

 

[bailadora]

In fact, I am not supposed to go to him for sex, I am to wait until he comes to me, which i feel is bullshit. it's like rejection before I even get the actual rejection.

That is bullshit and IMO, he needs to be called out on the carpet for that.

I don't know what to tell you except to say that he needs to learn he can't have it all on HIS terms. There's gotta be some give and take. It sounds like there might need to be a real come to Jesus meeting on this and he needs to understand precisely how badly this is affecting you. From your posts thus far, it sounds like resentment is creeping in and left unchecked, it can have serious and damaging consequences for a relationship. If you two can work it out on your own, great! But also, don't be bashful in reaching out for counseling if you think it's warranted. Sometimes having a neutral third party to act as mediator really helps .

Best of luck to you, hon.

 

[Bokimbol]

People, you are all making a horrible mistake here. You can't give good advice without knowing what his side of the story is. I am not saying d5b isn't telling the truth, just sounds like to me, even she doesn't know the whole story. So giving advice without having the hubby telling his side is a recipe for disaster.

On the surface he sounds like he is being very selfish. But obviously he wasn't always like that. What happened to make him change? When did he change?Is it possible he's pissed off at her for something? Maybe he's having male problems. Just saying there might be some underlying thing that is causing this behavior that even d5b isn't aware off.

d5b, have you tried just asking him whats up? I have gotten into more trouble by not doing that simple thing and instead trying to guess whats wrong. It never is what i think it is. My advice to you is to ask him very seriously why he's doing what ever he is doing thats bothering you face to face and not get advice from us noodle heads who only know half the story.

 

[bailadora]

You can't give good advice without knowing what his side of the story is. I am not saying d5b isn't telling the truth, just sounds like to me, even she doesn't know the whole story. So giving advice without having the hubby telling his side is a recipe for disaster.

Just saying there might be some underlying thing that is causing this behavior that even d5b isn't aware off.

Understood and agreed. Which is why I suggested in post # 7 that instead of laziness, it might be a case of problems elsewhere that are manifesting in their sex life.

d5b, have you tried just asking him whats up?

We can talk about anything, even our sex life, but if it's at a time when he is "not into it" then it's null and void, regardless of my wants or needs. In fact, I am not supposed to go to him for sex, I am to wait until he comes to me, which i feel is bullshit. it's like rejection before I even get the actual rejection.

These are D5's words, lifted from post #9. Granted we only have her side of the story, but it sounds like she's tried to initiate conversation and he just shuts her down unless he's in the mood to talk about any issues. It's this behavior that merits a yellow card and why I suggested she call him on it. He needs to understand how badly this is affecting her and he needs listen to her and be more open to operating on more equal terms. Just my opinion of course, but it doesn't seem healthy for their relationship to tell her they'll discuss things only when he's in the mood to deal with it. Down that road lies resentment and possible destruction.

 

[d5b1fl]

yesterday i am going outside, smoking a cig and he says where you going? i ask what are you a cop? he says no and eyes the bedroom. what do you want? he says you naked on the bed, i'm ready. i say so with a smile and go on outside to finish my smoke. he says fine then. so i go back in when i'm done, get naked and on the bed. then i call to him i am naked and on the bed and waiting alone. he comes in and gets naked, crawls over me, kisses me a few times on the mouth and neck then gives me some face, but not to orgasm. So then we fuck and it's all good but i still don't get mine, he can't wait for me any more so he blows. i say i gotta get mine he says ok but doesn't even help. i could have done it alone for that matter. he stayed with me and held my hand but didn't provide ANY other assistance for me. When i was done, i said i'd like to have another one of those later. That was the end of it. at bedtime, we just layed there and went to sleep. I am getting more and more depressed about the situation. I'm not the hottest chick in the world but i am pretty good looking and i work out every day to keep an attractive body. maybe he sees me too much. i don't always run around in barley anything, but i always look decent, always attractively put together. sometimes really sexy, never really raggedy.

things were different about five months ago. he was more affectionate for no reason, would give me little hugs here and there, etc. but not anymore. we had a time where we were apart for about a week at this request and although he says he couldn't do it, i know he picked up some fucking slut and fucked her. he admitted it and told me he felt guilty on three different occasions when he was drinking.

maybe i am just trying to fight a losing battle, but you never get anywhere if you always give up and let others push you around and away just because they are scared of the future. it was a period of self destructive behavior that really didn't have anything to do with me...he lost his mom, his ex is a cunt, his father is overbearing, he doesn't get to see his son much, not making the money he deserves, etc. etc. not trying to make excuses for him, just understand his POV. I am his biggest fan, not to much on the "you're the most wonderful, blah, blah, blah" but more like, hey...what ever you decide, i am here for you and will stand by your side, support you, help in anyway i can, listen and assist when you need....kind of stuff, while still doing my own things and dealing with my own situation;

he has brought me flowers recently, doesn't talk in a mean fashion to me, and when he does appologizes because it's not my fault he feels this way or that. I really feel like he isn't attracted to me physically. I am beginning to feel like I don't even want to be around...but that's not what i really want. When ever i bring up a topic, he gets defensive instead of just listening and pondering what i have said and why i have said it. i tell him not to get defensive because i am not the enemy in the situation, that we are a team. he trusts me to be there for him, be his best friend, lover, etc. and i am trying to tell him how he can do those things for me as well, but it always seems to end up in a negative outcome, especially for me.
From what i have gotten in feedback, it seems like it's not me at all, and there is nothing i can do to rectify the situation except ride it out until he gets out of what ever funk he is in. I am tired though. And I feel isolated and alone, neglected and rejected. these feelings are my issue i know but i feel like they are the result of his action and inaction.

 

[TerragonSix]

From what i have gotten in feedback, it seems like it's not me at all, and there is nothing i can do to rectify the situation except ride it out until he gets out of what ever funk he is in. I am tired though. And I feel isolated and alone, neglected and rejected. these feelings are my issue i know but i feel like they are the result of his action and inaction.

..And what if he doesn't get out of the 'funk' he's in?

You have your needs too.

You know, I am 22 years old, and my partner is a little older than I am. At times, I HAVE to turn my sex drive off because it's gets to be a little too much for her, lol. But the reason she doesn't want to do it is because she's more tired than anything else.

I don't know about you, and there are times when you and your partner have an occasional break from each other, but actually stop being affectionate and compassionate? No. Scratch that; hell no.

Honestly, it sounds like to me he's just using you as a piece of ass, nothing more. I'm all about being brutally honest, and that's how I feel. Already slept with another woman? Yeah, sounds like he has the hots for you allright.

I think you're scared of losing him, because you may not want to be left alone. It's ok to move on. Find somebody that will rock your house. Don't be afraid, there are many more men out there who will probably treat you a hell of a lot better than this asshole.

I knew a guy like that at the fire department. Always talked about how his woman does this and that for him, he got his, and when he wasn't around, he was fucking around town. I'm glad I didn't have to work with him too much; I could hardly look him in the eyes without the urge the punch him in the face.

Sorry, but when I hear a woman getting treated bad for nothing, I tend to get a little upset.

EDIT: Hey, if you want to talk about this more in PM, feel free.

 

[Unlucky7]

It doesn't matter what I do, or don't do...my needs aren't being met. He knows when I need special attention and when I just need some good carnal fucking but he doesn't seem to want to meet my needs. I dress sexy, I dress down, I always look my best, even when I have been working in the yard , sweating my ass off. I am slim, fit, firm and attractive, 5'2" 115 lb, brown hair, green eyes, 36-25-36. I just don't fucking get it, literally. What do I need to do or not to do? I am so frustrated. For example, yesterday I wore a cute little black pleated skirt with a white tank that is studded across the word FREEDOM, and a little orange thong with a bow on the back that he said made him "thirsty." My God when i went to town I had women hitting on me but I can't get my man to fuck me when i want him to. So laying in bed watching "The Bucket List" he starts poking me in my tickle spots so I'll jump all over the bed, which gives him a hard on so he pulls out his dick and has me blow him, then he just fucking kisses me a few times, and puts on his shorts and lights a cigarette. He cuddled behind me for a sec and I asked him if he was thirsty, and he says, "Oh, I get it" doesn't say another word and moves away from me. He either didn't notice the orange thong, forgot that they make him "thirsty" or doesn't give a fuck that I have been waiting for him. So the last two encounters that we've had, I got nothing except the pleasure of knowing he uses my body for his desire. What the fuck about my desire. What can I do to change this situation to my advantage. I need and want sex, sometimes just a FUCK, sometimes touching and carressing and lots of anticipation and teasing. It's rare that I get good attention or am completely satisfied. In fact, the last time I got an orgasm, he told me to cum quick. WHAT THE FUCK?

Honestly, like everyone else says, nobody can judge your problems in bed without his side.

I can read your side and tell that there are unspoken things in this relationship. Maybe it's a powerstruggle and he wants to be dominant, maybe it's just age and he can't keep up to your standard, maybe he's got low self esteem from you or just doesn't trust you, maybe you're a difficult lover and he's given up on how to please you.

Everyone feels that they are a giving lover, they always feel they are giving more than they get, in most cases. When it comes to the bedroom women can BE very petty to men and men CAN be more petty than women. A lot of communciation breakdown comes from men being straightforward about what they want and women beating around the bush because they are more concerned about how they are perceived or they want the romantic idea that he just knows what you want. Forget that, if you're having troubles, then come straight out and tell him. Most men will respond to that if you present in a way that isn't insulting, derogatory, sneaky, or smart assed. If you also make him feel like he's the love of your life (this is especially imporant when involved with someone much older or younger than you) then he will respond.

In the meantime, stop complaining about what he's doing and start thinking about what you're doing or why he's doing what he's doing. Men want sex most of the time... if you're a sexy hot woman and he's not trying to get it, then there's something on your end. If he does want sex with you, but isn't giving you what you want, then maybe he's upset or intmidated by something you've said or done, maybe he just can't communicate with you and is doing the best he can.

 

[subwannabe]

Obviously there is more going on in his head than sex. Something is majorly wrong somewhere but we really don't know enough about the situation to give you great advice. I'm taking it that you are not married and it sounds like you don't have any kids together. How long have you been together? Has he ever been an attentive partner? What is he like outside of the bedroom? How do you get along outside of the bedroom? What do your friends and relatives think of him? What do his friends and relatives think of him?

 

[d5b1fl]

i know i'm complaining a bit but my intention with this thread was to discover if there is something i can do or am doing that i might change. i can only tell what i feel. my man is a good man with a true kind heart. it is hard to earn his trust but i have done it. he is ambitious, and displays admirable qualities and character traits. in all he is to me, the perfect man. he is beautiful in my eyes, regardless of the many flaws i know he must have but that are simply human flaws that we all have and i am in no position to judge him or anyone else for that matter. i know that he truely cares for me and my biggest concern is if there is some way to approach the situation that i do not and cannot see from my internal perspective. of course there will be a bit of bitching and resentment, but it can be lessened and i could be more understanding if i knew what the fuck was going on. it's hard to understand things from the perspective of a mushroom!

 

[subwannabe]

I think your eyes see him differently than other people's eyes.

 

[d5b1fl]

I tried to talk to him a little last night, but it ended negatively. he gets angry when i tell him of my needs that arent' being me, just like i knew he would. I was gentle in the words i chose and used a soft, even tone with barely any inflection. he ranted and raved and ignored me and ended up just watching the tv and finally asking me are you done???? it was all my fault because i didn't come to him in the correct manner, didn't approach the situation correctly as far as he was concerned. i went to bed alone and sad. of course he was there when i woke up with his butt pressed against me as usual, but that doesn't fix anything. i am very weary. he is a wonderful man but with communication issues and i sometimes feel that he treats me like the enemy. i have conveyed this information to him on different occasions, with different timing and situational standards and it never fails to end up the same. I tell him that what ever he feels is ok, those are his feelings and he is entitled to them, but others have feelings as well and if he likes having his feelings considered, he should consider mine as well and deal with our situations accordingly. if he didn't mean to hurt my feelings, but did, just say he's sorry for hurting my feelings, don't bitch me out cuz my feelings are hurt or else he is just telling me by his actions that he doesn't care about my feelings, or me for that matter. i am really hurting here and don't know what to do or it i should do anything at all. i dont' think people realize these days that there is a thing called love, a real love from one person to another, that endures and survives. realistically, both people have to want it, but you don't just get a case of the red-ass and pick up and leave, you work on it, you earn trust, you make sure the other knows you're not gonna run out on them at the first sign of trouble. this is not the first sign of trouble though. maybe it has not been enough time and he needs to get over himself, and of course i am not perfect and have tings that make me crazy sometimes as well.

 

[subwannabe]

You either need to get counseling or get out. You keep on repeatedly saying how great and terrific this guy is while at the same time telling us how horrible he is. And, he is horrible. He doesn't give a shit about you anymore, other than getting his rocks off. You are going to have to admit that. My guess is he would refuse counseling because he likes the way things are just fine. I'm sorry but you need us to slap you accross the face and accept the fact that this relationship is over and it is time to move on. You deserve better and he is not going to change.

 

[bailadora]

You either need to get counseling or get out.

Getting counseling is sound advice, 'cause honestly, it sounds like there's a whole lot more going awry than just what's happening in the bedroom. If you guys can't communicate effectively, that affects the whole ball of wax.

 

[AgonySceneGirl]

why dont you go tell him all of this stuff instead of us?
Better yet - show him this thread, sit there with him while he reads it. And watch his reactions. and go from there.

 

[Jill_Spade]

yesterday i am going outside, smoking a cig and he says where you going? i ask what are you a cop? he says no and eyes the bedroom. what do you want? he says you naked on the bed, i'm ready. i say so with a smile and go on outside to finish my smoke. he says fine then. so i go back in when i'm done, get naked and on the bed. then i call to him i am naked and on the bed and waiting alone. he comes in and gets naked, crawls over me, kisses me a few times on the mouth and neck then gives me some face, but not to orgasm. So then we fuck and it's all good but i still don't get mine, he can't wait for me any more so he blows. i say i gotta get mine he says ok but doesn't even help. i could have done it alone for that matter. he stayed with me and held my hand but didn't provide ANY other assistance for me. When i was done, i said i'd like to have another one of those later. That was the end of it. at bedtime, we just layed there and went to sleep. I am getting more and more depressed about the situation. I'm not the hottest chick in the world but i am pretty good looking and i work out every day to keep an attractive body. maybe he sees me too much. i don't always run around in barley anything, but i always look decent, always attractively put together. sometimes really sexy, never really raggedy.

things were different about five months ago. he was more affectionate for no reason, would give me little hugs here and there, etc. but not anymore. we had a time where we were apart for about a week at this request and although he says he couldn't do it, i know he picked up some fucking slut and fucked her. he admitted it and told me he felt guilty on three different occasions when he was drinking.

maybe i am just trying to fight a losing battle, but you never get anywhere if you always give up and let others push you around and away just because they are scared of the future. it was a period of self destructive behavior that really didn't have anything to do with me...he lost his mom, his ex is a cunt, his father is overbearing, he doesn't get to see his son much, not making the money he deserves, etc. etc. not trying to make excuses for him, just understand his POV. I am his biggest fan, not to much on the "you're the most wonderful, blah, blah, blah" but more like, hey...what ever you decide, i am here for you and will stand by your side, support you, help in anyway i can, listen and assist when you need....kind of stuff, while still doing my own things and dealing with my own situation;

he has brought me flowers recently, doesn't talk in a mean fashion to me, and when he does appologizes because it's not my fault he feels this way or that. I really feel like he isn't attracted to me physically. I am beginning to feel like I don't even want to be around...but that's not what i really want. When ever i bring up a topic, he gets defensive instead of just listening and pondering what i have said and why i have said it. i tell him not to get defensive because i am not the enemy in the situation, that we are a team. he trusts me to be there for him, be his best friend, lover, etc. and i am trying to tell him how he can do those things for me as well, but it always seems to end up in a negative outcome, especially for me.
From what i have gotten in feedback, it seems like it's not me at all, and there is nothing i can do to rectify the situation except ride it out until he gets out of what ever funk he is in. I am tired though. And I feel isolated and alone, neglected and rejected. these feelings are my issue i know but i feel like they are the result of his action and inaction.

That's just wong, wrong, wrong, unless you don't care, I suppose. And your issues aren't just yours; he's your husband, he should give a shit. It doesn't seem like he does. Get counseling, if only for yourself if he won't go.

 

[d5b1fl]

Thanks to all

I would like to thank all of you who have given up your time to help me and mine. I wanted some insight into the situation and you have given it freely. I am appreciative of the time it has taken each of you to read and then post responses. I no longer feel that there is something I can do to make things different. It seems as if, from your posts, that the problem lies mostly with my man. I have been completely honest in my posts as I know that if I wasn't, I wouldn't be able to get the advice I have been seeking.
In my man's defense, he never misses a chance to tell people that I am his "pride and joy" that he would be lost without me, that I am the best woman he's ever known (side by side with his mother-who recently passed in december and REALLY was a great woman). I know the bragging on me does not fix our situation or improve it but he does not do this kind of bragging in front of me as if to just say it for my benefit. I know he loves me and doesn't want to lose me.
I will not just pick up and leave my man because we are having some problems or because he has made some mistakes. I am sure some of you know exactly how I feel, and I'm sure others are grateful that when they made mistakes, their mates did not pick up and leave, but instead rode out the storm to get to the finish together.
I have brought up some of his personal issues to address them together. To tell him that I am not going to turn and run, but will deal with them along side him and continue to be his best friend. I believe that it is mostly his personal issues and his fear that I WILL leave that are making a few simple problems into big giant ones right now. The goal is to get through the problems, even if we each suffer some so that we can defy current societal statistics and stay together, thrive and be successful in our relationship, no matter what the situation is.
I understand that it's not any easy path that I have chosen, but I refuse to simply "give up" and leave him to dredge through hard times alone. I would never want him to leave me just because I have some problems and he feel's neglected the way that I have felt lately. Of course he wouldn't have the assistance of others to help guide him because he is not an avid seeker of others' opinions in the way that I am.
We have had a few discussions on the upcoming events that will be completely life changing for us, and I believe this is majorly where the problems lie. We had no idea what lie ahead of us last year and we certainly did not think it would be what is comig up for us. He is going to have to serve some time in the near future, is scared that I will leave him, will not be able to see his son, nor work to pay his child support so therefore will be in arrears, will not be able to do his part financially between the two of us, and he is scared. When it was only a thought that this could happen, he was different and the closer we get in time to the actual situation, the worse things have gotten for and between us till my recent postings to lit.
After the other day's outburts of his anger, I was able to get him to tell me what has been so prevelant on his mind, thus why he has been uable to be giving to me. For the most part, although I am here, I believe he can hardly see me because of his worries. The main problem has been that he can't change it so there is no need to talk about it or discuss it or how he feels. He tells me it is inevitable that we will go through the situation and doesn't want to talk about it when it's really eating him. Apparently it's been eating at him, even though he won't tell me when he's really feeling scared or down about it.
Since he has told me what could and then what will happen, I have accepted it and am prepared to deal with it. I also had to tell him that wehn he is really feeling the pressure, it's ok to tell me. We don't have to talk about it, unless he wants to, and that way I will simply know what is bothering him and will not think it's me. Sometimes he will put it out of his mind and is able to be his normal self but I'm not a mind reader and don't know if he won't share with me when it is the only thing he can't get out of his mind.
Telling you all the one sided story, was not intentional, and even I didn't realize what was going on. Again, I am thankful for your time and input, you have all helped me to be a better mate, a better woman, and a better person. I have gained insight to myself as well as my man that without you all and your input, I would not have found. Thank you all again. And Bailadora, thank you for your many posts and your gentleness.

 

[TerragonSix]

Go for it girl. Good luck. I know I said my peace in a cynical way with my conversations with you, but your life is yours.

I hope things work out for you between you and your man.