Coping with mental illness in the real world

[PissKitten]

I apologize if this is in the wrong forum. I considered posting in the General Board (or whatever it's called) but we all know how terrible that forum is. Also, this post is TW-free and I would like to keep this thread the same way, out of respect for others suffering and reading.

Well, I have been a homemaker/stay-at home partner for the past couple years, more so because I haven't been able to snag a job rather than by choice. I have a promising job interview later this week, this first one I've been called for in over a year. I'm extremely nervous. Not about being turned down, but about getting the job.

That sounded dumb to even me as I typed it, so I don't blame you if you think so as well... I should admit for context that I have clinically diagnosed anxiety and depression, among other damnations. I'm effected daily by these issues in nearly every task. They disrupt my life to a ridiculous degree. The idea of handling random anxiety attacks or being swallowed whole by depression at work (how was I able to handle this in the past?) freaks me out. I'm so scared of having a flashback, anxiety attack or something similar while in the middle of taking an order or something, and I know the anxiety about anxiety is a fucked up endless cycle.

My interview is Thursday and with all the anxiety I'm having over just the thought of working, I'm worried I'll throw the interview for this job I need, or it'll effect my work so much they'll fire me... My question to the cold depths of the internet today is: how might I cope with my mental illnesses during the interview, at work, and generally in the real world?

Things like "just deal with it", "it's in your head/get over it/calm down", "pray about it", "just breathe", etc don't help anyone. If these things worked, no one would have anxiety or anything like it. If you suffer from something that gets in the way of living a normal lifestyle, how do you deal with your ailment in the real world that appears normal and is practical? - i.e. not doing yoga in the middle of the Target.

Sorry for the long post, I appreciate you reading it. Thank you in advance for any advice or kind words- I could definitely use the latter right now, but Im sure we all could...

PMs are welcome.
PK

 

[AlliaPotestas]

I apologize if this is in the wrong forum. I considered posting in the General Board (or whatever it's called) but we all know how terrible that forum is. Also, this post is TW-free and I would like to keep this thread the same way, out of respect for others suffering and reading.

Well, I have been a homemaker/stay-at home partner for the past couple years, more so because I haven't been able to snag a job rather than by choice. I have a promising job interview later this week, this first one I've been called for in over a year. I'm extremely nervous. Not about being turned down, but about getting the job.

That sounded dumb to even me as I typed it, so I don't blame you if you think so as well... I should admit for context that I have clinically diagnosed anxiety and depression, among other damnations. I'm effected daily by these issues in nearly every task. They disrupt my life to a ridiculous degree. The idea of handling random anxiety attacks or being swallowed whole by depression at work (how was I able to handle this in the past?) freaks me out. I'm so scared of having a flashback, anxiety attack or something similar while in the middle of taking an order or something, and I know the anxiety about anxiety is a fucked up endless cycle.

My interview is Thursday and with all the anxiety I'm having over just the thought of working, I'm worried I'll throw the interview for this job I need, or it'll effect my work so much they'll fire me... My question to the cold depths of the internet today is: how might I cope with my mental illnesses during the interview, at work, and generally in the real world?

Things like "just deal with it", "it's in your head/get over it/calm down", "pray about it", "just breathe", etc don't help anyone. If these things worked, no one would have anxiety or anything like it. If you suffer from something that gets in the way of living a normal lifestyle, how do you deal with your ailment in the real world that appears normal and is practical? - i.e. not doing yoga in the middle of the Target.

Sorry for the long post, I appreciate you reading it. Thank you in advance for any advice or kind words- I could definitely use the latter right now, but Im sure we all could...

PMs are welcome.
PK

Bless you lovely, I wish I could give some good advice but I have none. There are lots of people with anxiety that do cope in the workplace so hopefully they’ll pop along with some practical advice.

I wanted to stick my head up to say good luck, I know it’s easier said than done, but try and remember the interview is just a conversation and I believe most people want to see other people succeed - the interviewer will be looking for your best bits, not trying to trip you up, x

When I am anxious, I talk too fast and I get verbal diarrhoea. One interviewer said to me afterwards, I needed to learn to not be afraid of silence - that stayed with me, and I try to pause and gather my thoughts...

If you don’t get much advice here, there will be better sites than lit to ask the question on, once more - good luck and let us know how it goes, xx

 

[Vixandra]

As apparently people who use the help of therapists and psychologists are not in the real world, what I wrote mustn't matter.

Best of luck to you in your endeavors.

 

[LanguageOfLove]

My question to the cold depths of the internet today is: how might I cope with my mental illnesses during the interview, at work, and generally in the real world?

Things like "just deal with it", "it's in your head/get over it/calm down", "pray about it", "just breathe", etc don't help anyone. If these things worked, no one would have anxiety or anything like it. If you suffer from something that gets in the way of living a normal lifestyle, how do you deal with your ailment in the real world that appears normal and is practical? - i.e. not doing yoga in the middle of the Target.

Sorry for the long post, I appreciate you reading it. Thank you in advance for any advice or kind words- I could definitely use the latter right now, but Im sure we all could...

PMs are welcome.
PK

I think sometimes just being honest is helpful. Just by saying "Im nervous" gives you a reason for your jitters. Also, to make a good interview even better, Google the top questions on an interview and practice practice practice. When it comes to the interview, you will be a pro and much less nervous or anxious. Finally, just letting you feel your anxiety or depression for a moment, recognize it and be ok with who you are, what you feel and don't force yourself to be something you're not. Probably the majority of people suffer from some type of mental illness, and people never talk about it.

Hope this helps, if you want, you can PM if you want to talk. I used to be stay at home mom years ago, and knows how hard it is to go back to work again.

Take care and remember, you can do it!

 

[Nezhul]

Really hard to give any advice on this one.

One thing I will say - try to make your work space personal, fill it with items of comfort that bring up good memories or otherwise cheer you up.

I don't have anxiety so much that it's a problem, but I do get anxious sometimes (all of us do). It helps me to sometimes just take a perspective, think about that however bad I may screw up - nothing really bad will happen to me. I will stay alive, and If I fail this interview or embarrass myself - I will never see these people again, so it's not a big deal.
Getting myself detached from the problem mentally helps to bring a bit of "I don't really care what happens", and this reduces my anxiety.
Maybe this helps.

good luck!

 

[jaF0]

Coping with mental illness in the real world

Learn to embrace it and make it your friend in lieu of people. It won't betray and disappoint you as people will. It will always be there for you when people bail.

'Sickness will surely take the mind,
where minds can't usually go
Come on the amazing journey
And learn all you should know'

'Come along if you care
Come along if you dare
Take a ride to the land inside of your mind'

 

[Nezhul]

jaF0 could have at least to known when not to troll.

 

[bigmane]

I reckon it's best to have a lot of love.

My best friend's wife has had some kind of breakdown,
not sure what she was diagnosed with, he won't go into detail.
I think she had a stressful job which took its' toll.

He stays with her a lot, hugs her a lot, they're pretty happy as far as I
can glean. I think he cooks nice meals for her a lot too.

 

[jaF0]

jaF0 could have at least to known when not to troll.

I stand by what gets me through each day. You know nothing about how I cope with the world.

In fact, I may be far worse off than the OP. I can no longer work at all or even be around people at all for more than a few hours a month.

 

[Nezhul]

I stand by what gets me through each day. You know nothing about how I cope with the world.

In fact, I may be far worse off than the OP. I can no longer work at all or even be around people at all for more than a few hours a month.

your advice helped you like magic, then.

 

[Trigger_Warning]

Nezhul could have at least to known when not to troll.

your advice helped you like magic, then.

Follow your own advice.

 

[Trigger_Warning]

PK, are you under the care of a physician? Meds may help you and there's nothing wrong with getting this help. We wouldn't walk around with a broken arm just dangling at our side "dealing with it," so why do so many feel wrong about taking meds for mental health.

 

[bigmane]

Well, there's nothing better than love.

Psychiatry is still in its' infancy, science has terrible holes
in its' understanding of how the brain works.

I was horrified at meeting an old friend after many years,
he'd had a breakdown.

I never saw him again until a chance meeting.

He was a ghost of his former self. There was no trace of the wisecracking
chancer I used to know.

A big dufflecoat buttoned right up to the neck, he looked totally out of place.

It was the antipsychotic meds that did that to him.

There were terrible cases in the 70s of docs prescribing powerful antipsychotic
drugs to bored housewives. They get bonuses you know, for doing this.

They weren't crazy at all, just needed some love and sex.

 

[Nezhul]

Follow your own advice.

I'M not trolling. I'm just saying that if jaF0 is really in such dire straits, then I don't think any advice from him is a good one, because clearly it doesn't help.

And his first post does seem a lot like trolling, so I don't understand why you side with him.

 

[Trigger_Warning]

I'M not trolling. I'm just saying that if jaF0 is really in such dire straits, then I don't think any advice from him is a good one, because clearly it doesn't help.

And his first post does seem a lot like trolling, so I don't understand why you side with him.

I read it differently I guess. Are you bringing past interactions with this person into reading his post?

I don't see anything wrong with individuals who struggle with mental health sharing in a thread on that same topic.

 

[rae121452]

first of all, the thing to remember during depression/anxiety is that it is a temporary state. when you come to terms with knowing that the state will dissipate it becomes a lot easier to bear. i think the poster who said to go in saying "i'm nervous" gave excellent advice. it also gives a cue to talk about why you've been out of the work force. you also need to remember that the interviewer is probably dealing with their own mental issues. i once worked in a store where all of the employees but two were on antidepressants......in today's world, it's the new normal. don't go into the meeting feeling like it's your only chance. think of it as a practice session for the interview you'll go to to get the job you really want. i had HORRIBLE anxiety re: interviews in my working years and i cured myself by scheduling every interview i could get, even for jobs that i wouldn't take in a million years. after a few days, it became a lot less stressful and i also had a clearer picture of what kind of questions i'd be expected to answer.
and, in the future, consider medication. the hardest part is explaining the situation to a doctor, it feels belittling. but doctors hear the story every day and are ready to help. it may take a few trys to find a good med but the effort is worth it.

 

[jaF0]

Random thoughts.

It's not a broken arm. That's a crap response.

In some cases, it can be temporary -- brought on by certain events. In others it's a lifelong condition.

Mind or mood altering psychotropic drugs can do far, far more damage than good and should be avoided in the vast majority of cases. They should be a last resort, not a first 'try this and see if you like how you feel. if it makes you feel good, come back for more. And more. And more.' Just like the street corner drug dealers.

Some simply have to learn to cope. And in some cases that means avoiding people as much as possible. For some, that means working from home if possible.

 

[MeekMe]

Having an anxiety disorder is different from feeling a little anxious sometimes (for those that may not be clear on this). Anxiety is natural and healthy. It’s when it keeps us from doing things in life that it becomes a problem.

I was diagnosed with both GAD and depression. I’m pretty good at coping, but some days are just really bad and no amount of breathing or trying to think about other things works. Part of the issue is that the fear isn’t totally rational and it’s believed that it’s a misfire in the brain. Basically, your anxiety off button is broken. (This is not a scientific explanation, but I like talking about it like this)

Sometimes we need medication to help turn that button off. In my case, medication helps me very well. I suggest getting professional help and seeing what your options are. Therapy, meds, coping skills, group therapy, etc. whatever works for you.

When working, I would suggest starting slow with a part time job. That way you have a good amount of time in the week to unpack your brain. One way I was able to get to work was to have a routine. With a very specific routine it gave me familiarity and kept me from having to make extra decisions. I knew how my morning would flow and without surprises, I could comfortably get to work. Once at work and doing my job, I was less likely to have a panic attacks. Perhaps plan a routine for yourself? It could’ve helpful while you look at your options for further treatment. Good luck, OP. As someone on the “other side” I can say it gets better with some help.

 

[MeekMe]

PK, are you under the care of a physician? Meds may help you and there's nothing wrong with getting this help. We wouldn't walk around with a broken arm just dangling at our side "dealing with it," so why do so many feel wrong about taking meds for mental health.

Because when you say you take meds you get stuff like this:

Well, there's nothing better than love.

Psychiatry is still in its' infancy, science has terrible holes
in its' understanding of how the brain works.

I was horrified at meeting an old friend after many years,
he'd had a breakdown.

I never saw him again until a chance meeting.

He was a ghost of his former self. There was no trace of the wisecracking
chancer I used to know.

A big dufflecoat buttoned right up to the neck, he looked totally out of place.

It was the antipsychotic meds that did that to him.

There were terrible cases in the 70s of docs prescribing powerful antipsychotic
drugs to bored housewives. They get bonuses you know, for doing this.

They weren't crazy at all, just needed some love and sex.

 

[littlecordelera]

A close friend of mine has CPTSD (Complex PTSD), and she never knows when something might trigger an anxiety attack. Those triggers can be the most inconsequential things, and there are always new triggers showing up at the most inopportune times. I know a few things she does to cope, so I will discuss them as best I can.

1. She keeps me and another person on her "emergency call list," and I know that if she calls (as opposed to texting, Snap, whatever), I need answer. Just talking to someone who is empathetic will often allow her to "put down" her anxiety. She says this works well.

2. She tries to focus on what she must do in the moment, and completely ignore/blackout anything beyond right now. Sometimes she can utilize this technique long enough to get her to where she can call someone on her emergency contact list, and sometimes the technique alone is all she needs.

3. I will send this to you in a PM.

 

[Trigger_Warning]

Random thoughts.

It's not a broken arm. That's a crap response.

In some cases, it can be temporary -- brought on by certain events. In others it's a lifelong condition.

Mind or mood altering psychotropic drugs can do far, far more damage than good and should be avoided in the vast majority of cases. They should be a last resort, not a first 'try this and see if you like how you feel. if it makes you feel good, come back for more. And more. And more.' Just like the street corner drug dealers.

Some simply have to learn to cope. And in some cases that means avoiding people as much as possible. For some, that means working from home if possible.

Are you a doctor? If not, kindly refrain from giving advice like this. I stand corrected Nezhul. Mea culpa.

Because when you say you take meds you get stuff like this:

Such asshats.

 

[oggbashan]

Some advice for the interview:

The people who called you for the interview WANT to employ someone. They are not holding interviews for their personal amusement or to put the candidates through a massive ordeal. They want an employee.

They will expect some candidates to be nervous, some possibly so nervous that they cannot give a real impression of their competence. Admitting that you are worried about the interview is normal.

Some definite things NOT to do before the interview:

Don't try to relieve your anxiety with a massive dose of medication and certainly NOT alcohol.

One thing TO do - ask for, and use a toilet.

As for your other issues, I'm not competent to advise. Your interview is a start. What happens after that depends on the result of the interview.

I repeat - they WANT an employee.

 

[Nezhul]

Are you a doctor? If not, kindly refrain from giving advice like this. I stand corrected Nezhul. Mea culpa.

Such asshats.

Actually heavy antidepressants are kind of bad for general health. They are known to be. That's why they are sold with prescription only.

When it comes to taking drugs on prescription - any drugs, actually - there're always side effects. I know because I take some (blood pressure related) and have had issues in the past. But for many people it's about picking lesser evil.

If a drug can really help you change your life for the best - there is a good enough reason to take it. What Jafo is referring to is the tendency to prescribe such drugs in less and less critical cases, up to the point where in some western countries they prescribe antidepressants to small children and infants, if they are being too loud. Many children are diagnosed with bipolar disorder while in reality they are just being children - laughing and being noisy one minute, then swinging into crying and melancholy when they get tired and it's time to go for a day sleep.
But they get prescribed drugs instead.
It's kind of a flip coin of medicine. People start taking it for granted and forget that all of it is foreign chemicals and sometimes outright small doses of poison.

 

[jaF0]

I've personally known people who were put on one drug, then another, then another and none of them really helped their main issue. But what happened is the drugs caused other issues and they ended up on four or five, each trying to counter the affects of another.

This is why I refuse to take anything more than basic vitamins. Exceptions are anti-biotics for infections and then only on a limited basis.

Drugs are not the answer in most cases. Learning what triggers your reactions and learning to cope with them or avoid them is the key.

 

[SexiBexi84]

Hi, well done on getting the interview! I will just share some things that help me:

One of the most useful things was to learn the signs that a panic attack is coming on. The dizzy feeling, the heart beating changing - these will be unique to you. Then have a grounding technique that can help distract you from the cyclone of negative, terrifying and confusing thoughts that can come with such an attack.

For me I use the 54321 game. Look around your surroundings for five things that you can see, try to notice their shape, what they are made from, details like that. Next think of four things that you can feel - this can be anything from the breeze from the air-con, the fabric of your clothes, the firmness of the ground etc. Three things that you can hear - road noise, music, chatter. Two things that you can smell, this is one I can struggle with but maybe your perfume, the fabric softener on your clothes. Then finally one thing that you really like about yourself - and never say 'nothing' because you absolutely do have things that make you unique and special.

Now this might not work for everyone. For me it maybe wards off 85% of panic attacks before they take hold.

I also agree with the person above who mentions personalising your work space. I have a photo of my dog as he is the most precious thing in my life and my reason for living is so that I can care for him. When I start to feel myself getting low I can look at his face and remind myself of that.

Once you have a job, speak to a manager who you feel comfortable about what could help if needed. I have an agreement in place in my work that I can take breaks in an empty office whenever I feel a bit overwhelmed by people and need some alone time among other things. I was very scared about bringing this up at work but they appreciate that I turn up and try my best even though it is sometimes a struggle.

The last thing I would advise is if you haven't tried therapy I would really recommend it. I was very skeptical and thought 'what's the point? Talking won't fix anything' however I can honestly say it was one of the most beneficial experiences of my life - not the first three times, but once I found a counsellor that I really bonded with the transformation was life changing.

Good Luck with everything PK - hope you find some use from this or at the very least some comfort from knowing that you are not alone.