Do you hide your sexual needs from your significant other?

[Hipshot1554]

I have so many thoughts about this, but what I will say is that I did try... Hints to very explicit terms. For a number of years, I tried with my spouse, but he shut me down every single time, until I simply gave up.
What sexual relationship there was, which there really wasn't, died more than 10 years ago.
Sometimes, for some, it's best to hide. For others, it kills you little by little until one day you wake up and realize how much of your life you've wasted. It's not just sex that it kills, but it eats away at other things within you and the relationship. And once you wake up to it, there is no going back to sleep, there is only trying to figure out the path forward.

That's a very good description of the way it feels...

 

[Handeguy]

For the most part, I'm very open. But I know that she has some limits that fall a little short of some of my interests. When I have brought them up, she has been kind and considerate, but also clear that her limits are her limits, and I fully respect that. So, I have a rich fantasy and masturbation life, too.

 

[sterculius]

A while ago I confided in my wife and confessed to her that as a teenager I had been my best friend Larry's personal cocksucker all through high school and that I used to give him blowjobs whenever or wherever he wanted. I later admitted that it didn't end with him and that I continued sucking cock as an adult up to the time before we met and that in the past, I have often given blowjobs to groups of men, as many as six at one time, one after another. She doesn't know for sure, but she probably suspects I still suck cock.
I love being a cocksucker. I love feeling "used ". How can I tell this to my wife? I'm afraid she will no longer respect me as a man if I tell her how much being degraded arouses me.

 

[hulmule]

I have so many thoughts about this, but what I will say is that I did try... Hints to very explicit terms. For a number of years, I tried with my spouse, but he shut me down every single time, until I simply gave up.
What sexual relationship there was, which there really wasn't, died more than 10 years ago.
Sometimes, for some, it's best to hide. For others, it kills you little by little until one day you wake up and realize how much of your life you've wasted. It's not just sex that it kills, but it eats away at other things within you, other things you've hidden because you didn't know what else about you would be rejected, and it eats away at the relationship. And once you wake up to it, there is no going back to sleep, there is only trying to figure out the path forward.

Sad that we live this way. It does eat at you, i know.. Blamed myself for years. Then had a outside marriage affair that woke me up. try to be open with her, tell her my needs . BUT with menopause and depression meds she takes. She has no interest in sex at all she says. So baby steps, try to get her in the shower- no sex just touching. I want more but dont push her. Only hope it comes around someday...

 

[zach20092]

I have so many thoughts about this, but what I will say is that I did try... Hints to very explicit terms. For a number of years, I tried with my spouse, but he shut me down every single time, until I simply gave up.
What sexual relationship there was, which there really wasn't, died more than 10 years ago.
Sometimes, for some, it's best to hide. For others, it kills you little by little until one day you wake up and realize how much of your life you've wasted. It's not just sex that it kills, but it eats away at other things within you, other things you've hidden because you didn't know what else about you would be rejected, and it eats away at the relationship. And once you wake up to it, there is no going back to sleep, there is only trying to figure out the path forward.

Totally agree!! I don't even bother to share!! And anyway I don't want to with her either!!

 

[Crownvic]

No...she knows the whole assortment....

 

[Bbl87]

I can totally relate to this post. WHY is it that we can have convos with complete strangers we cannot have with our SOs?

Probably because there is not real risk of being transparent with a stranger, while it could have serious repercussions with our SO...?

I too feel guilty quite often for being here, but RATIONALIZE by telling myself, well at least it's not in person and there is no physical contact with anyone...

Same.

I've to be more transparent with her about my sexual desires/needs/fantasies, and it has gone OK, but I really have to pace it because if I'm too open she shuts down and says clearly she's not enough for me, or she's not good enough. Which is the opposite, there are things I want to explore WITH her.

And ya, not risking a huge fight or breakup being open with a stranger on here.

 

[SouthTulsaXXX]

I have so many thoughts about this, but what I will say is that I did try... Hints to very explicit terms. For a number of years, I tried with my spouse, but he shut me down every single time, until I simply gave up.
What sexual relationship there was, which there really wasn't, died more than 10 years ago.
Sometimes, for some, it's best to hide. For others, it kills you little by little until one day you wake up and realize how much of your life you've wasted. It's not just sex that it kills, but it eats away at other things within you, other things you've hidden because you didn't know what else about you would be rejected, and it eats away at the relationship. And once you wake up to it, there is no going back to sleep, there is only trying to figure out the path forward.

Agreed. So I keep my desires to myself or share them with others on Lit!

 

[Tayloroc]

Sadly enough, me too she doesn’t know 1/100th of what i desire

 

[Crownvic]

Sadly enough, me too she doesn’t know 1/100th of what i desire

Sometimes you should talk....not judging....

 

[Tayloroc]

Tried years ago. Probably should again! But can never talk about dressing or curiosity about men

 

[Crownvic]

Tried years ago. Probably should again! But can never talk about dressing or curiosity about men

It might help some..worth another try...

 

[Tayloroc]

Thanks. I think you’re right.

 

[lit_ch3]

Letter #1

This was my first, and last, explicit attempt to try and restart my wife's libido. She'd started the pre-menopause thing but we didn't realize it at the time.

She said it made her blush, she was embarrassed reading it and to please not send her another. I found Lit and posted it here. And then I posted some more.

Since then she's come down with some health issues and we still don't have sex. But, for some reason, lately she's been regaling me with sex escapades from before we met, including what sounded like her quest for a big cock. She went out with two black guys - one was average, the other was tiny. Then a gf told her about a guy she'd dated that was huge. My wife rang him up for a date, but backed out when she saw how big it was. "Did you at least give him a handjob?" "Nope. It was *so* big though...."

 

[MaryanneB]

When my husband and I were first together we didn't have to talk about what we wanted. We were lucky in that we would go ahead and see what happened. But as time goes on and reality seeps in we lost that spontaneity. It took a long time before he just spoke out about what he wanted and that demand turned me on.
I'm all for 2 shots of Southern Comfort and the tv off.

 

[RoperTrace]

This is something I experienced a little bit with my first wife. We never totally shut down, but there were things on my mind that I was not going to share with her.

I think when you are married to someone, you can value their opinion of you so much that you were afraid to jeopardize it by having sexual discussions that are a little bit out of your norm.

If I had to do over again, I think I would just say it plainly, no hinting, and let the chips fall where they may.

With my wife now, we are both pervs and new things are greeted with enthusiasm on both sides.

If you find yourself single again, it is worth looking for someone who is, at least your equal when it comes to a sense of sexual adventure.

IMO, very few first time newlyweds want to share their innermost thoughts and feelings for fear of rejection. And some can't do it on a second go-around either. When your baseball count is 0 and 2, a lot of folks will start swinging for the fence.

 

[tnhardon]

As far as my needs, how often I need sexual release, Ive tried to discuss with her before. Problem is it hasn’t really made much of a difference. She knows I have a higher sex drive, but we pretty much only have sex when she gets horny.

I’ve mentioned things I specifically enjoy, but it also hasn’t made the needle move much. Because of this, I’ve opted to now continue to press the issue and find release elsewhere (online masturbation). I find it saves pestering/frustrating her, while also providing me with what I need.

 

[Vitriolhack]

In the end it’s about living the best way we can in a couple if that is what we choose to do.

 

[scposteel]

I will admit that I have had more meaningful conversations on the lit chat with virtual strangers that with my wife.

Having tried to talk to her about it, I know how she would react and judge me.

I am not unhappy about the choices I have made, but, I am curious to know if others here are in the same boat I am in?

My wife and I are very open about our sexual needs, desires, and so forth. It's ultimately what led to us opening up and then transitioning to being poly. If anything it led us being much closer as a result and more intimate with each other

 

[Jcam1980s]

We have a great sex life but some things i just know she absolutely wouldn't do. While I'd genuinely love to watch her take another cock.or cocks, bare, anytime as long as they came inside her.....i know she'd not be into that. So i respect what we do have is amazing and just put outside fantasies here and i think thats great

 

[Ashfordbloke]

A lot of what is written here resonates with me. Our sex life when we got married was great... experimented with toys, midnight skinny dipping and made love on the beach at sunrise, secret bus in the back of a friend's car on the highway...
The her health went south and everything stopped! Due to joint pain she cannot even spread her legs enough for me to go down on her (which she lives!) and the pain stops her reaching orgasm in any case... no matter what we try!
So, for nearly a decade, there has been nothing sexual between us but my libido is unchanged!
Don't get me wrong... I would take a bullet to the head for her without a heartbeat's thought and will be beside her till dies!
I cannot, however, tell her just how much I miss any form of sexual pleasure and how often I fantasise about sex!

 

[Vitriolhack]

My wife and I are very open about our sexual needs, desires, and so forth. It's ultimately what led to us opening up and then transitioning to being poly. If anything it led us being much closer as a result and more intimate with each other

I love that you are able to talk frankly about difficult subjects with each other without being judged for it.

That is a lot more rare than one would think.

 

[easyoff]

My wife would fucking freak out if she knew.

 

[Bisexguy70]

I tried sharing my kink of dressing in lingerie but she was disgusted. Same here, shed freak out if she knew i sucked as much cock as i do

 

[saintcero]

Yes I hide them and I hope they are well hidden such that she never knows. She doesn’t deserve to be hurt by my selfishness and indulgence.