Sex toy reviews 🥒

Speaking of fucking a robot, I got a new sex toy. And no, it’s not a robot fuckdoll.

It’s this.

Funny thing, apparently based on some pervy history of purchases, I was contacted by one of the sellers who wanted me to do a review of the sex toy. He asked if I would be willing to review it if I got it for free. So, having a willing dick, I decided to oblige.

The toy arrived and I was certain it couldn’t be right. The box was massive. Like I ordered an umbrella. And I’m sure you’re all thinking, “But pmann, you’re hung like a Clydesdale, isn’t that appropriate?”

Thank you for the consideration. But this looked too big and too heavy. Anyway, I unboxed it and it was, indeed, huge and heavy.

Below is a pic for reference. The total length is about the length from my elbow to the base of my wrist. It is WAY bigger in person than it appears in the pics on Amazon.



My first impression was that it was too big and heavy and it looked like I was fucking R2-D2’s bottom. I didn’t have high hopes. However, no sooner had my dick been lubed up and placed within its robot asshole, I realized I was wrong.

There are four buttons- a power button and three different modes/functions.

The toy has three basic functions- licking, sucking and twisting. The licking and twisting one have multiple different versions (I believe seven different settings per function). Here is a little detail about each of them.

1. Licking- there is a tongue shaped object in there. Does it feel like a tongue? Not really. Does it behave like one? Also not really. However, it does feel amazing and its lack of tongue legitimacy does not deter from its style. The different settings offer different intensities. Most (if not all) of the settings also have some sucking action paired along with it. That works nicely.

2. Sucking- this function used on its own is not super useful. It literally just suctions and then you wonder for a minute how you’ll get your dick out. I think that function is for people who are using it as a dick pump. That is not my reason for buying this. It can be paired with the twirling motion, but not the tongue (as sucking is pre-programmed into that one). I thought I would like the sucking function best, but it does nothing really. There aren’t multiple settings. You just press and hold and it creates suction until you release or until you get to the maximum level. It doesn’t have the easiest pressure release that I can find. When it’s at max setting, you aren’t just pulling your dick out. You will stretch it like Gumby if you do. Pressing the tongue button releases it.

3. The twirling/twisting motion is really good. I always have a problem with the resolution on sex toys. They usually don’t ramp up in small enough increments. They go from too slow to twist my dick off in one click. Again, I believe this has seven different settings and they were honestly all good. Pair these with the suction on the tongue/licking setting and you’re in for a good time. The first few settings are a consistent spinning that just increase in power. The next few are a bit different, some pulsing, some going back and forth. They are all great and I normally hate things that change up.

Here are the pros:

- It’s quite easy to use. I don’t like reading manuals and I sure as hell don’t want to read one for a sex toy. When it arrives, I want to start fucking it. This one was easy enough to figure out.

- The settings are all pretty good. Aside from the sucking by itself, I would use every one. They really are all good enough to make me cum.

- It didn’t take much getting used to. The settings immediately worked. It was comfortable for me to use. My dick and I were pleased.

- It’s easy to clean.

- It’s sturdy.

- It feels like it will last.

- It was cheap. I own some decently expensive toys from nicer brands like Lelo and, while it doesn’t have the refinement of something like a Lelo, it feels like it will last. It was around $50.

Here are the cons:

- I’d say the overall bulk and weight would be the biggest con for most people. I say most people because it didn’t really bother me at all like I thought it would. The size and weight actually made it easier to use. Some might not find that to be the case.

- I wouldn’t say this is one that you use for a quick orgasm. This takes some time.

- You have to use lube or your dick may catch on fire. 🔥

- It has a proprietary charger. Also not a big deal, nor is it uncommon. But I wish they all had USB chargers.

Overall:

This is, by far my favourite toy I’ve used. It’s the most intense orgasm I’ve had from a toy. It’s definitely a bargain at the price-point.

Buy if you like spending time with a toy and you are looking for an intense orgasm.

Skip if you are looking for something that is smaller and is good for a quickie.

Note: Be prepared to shut it off as soon as you cum if you’ve got a really sensitive dick after you cum. My dick is bi-polar and goes from wanting to be touched to hating to be looked at after it cums. If your dick and mine are kindred spirits, just be ready to hold the off button immediately after orgasm.
Okay, with a bit of urging, I bought this. At less the $50, it seemed a safe bet.

My impressions:

Mine had a two-tone plastic casing on the top, sort of blending black and white, and the buttons were the same, but set up in a closer configuration. The body looked the same.

You weren't kidding about the size. It looks like a small thermos, and weighs in at a kiss over a pound and a half.

It is set so you can fill it with either warm or cold water if you like temperature play. I did not try that this time, as I think I wouldn't try that outside of a bath.

Apparently I had some water left from cleaning it, and when it started, it sprayed water out of the blowhole on the top. Be warned. It also does that when you fill it with water, per the reviews on Amazon.

On mine the three buttons were automatic sucking mode, twisting mode, and a manual sucking mode that just works while you press the button. Each of the two automatic modes had seven different settings that you could set for each. You can use either mode on its own, or both. The settings for the sucking mode went from a long, sustained suck to smaller sucks, one after the other, and variations between the two. On its own, not great, but works well with the other mode.

The twisting section has a hard plastic sleeve around the molded silicon, which is nice. Both the nubs and the "tongue" thing at the end are soft but firm. With a lot of lube, it was fine -- not to fast to start with, and going faster, or switching directions after an interval, some quite short. I appreciate the speed of this mode. I have another twisting toy that I am pretty sure they use for attaching bolts to battleships. It seriously feels like it is trying to King Missile you. Not a problem here. The tickler on the end is nice as well. Not a tongue, but nice.

My main complaint is the noise. This is one loud toy. Distracting loud, especially when the pump and the spinner are going at once.

Maybe I was in the wrong mindset, or didn't give it enough time (though I gave it plenty) it just didn't really work for me. Also, the porn issue -- I don't really like a lot of visual porn these days, and have moved more to auralism, which really works for me. So the noise was a big distraction, and probably the main issue for me. I didn't hate it, but I didn't really like it, much less love it.

But I didn't throw it away either. I will try again.

[Edited to add porn issue.]
 
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Glass dildos
TLDR: highly highly recommend a glass dildo. The one with the rose is my favorite. Linked at the end.
6A305AC4-5C44-41A4-8755-0EF9A40AC946.jpeg
____________________________

I got my first glass dildo at Shein. I was ordering nipple clamps and figured, why not.

It’s super cute with the little heart on top. I really like the three… beads? Bumps? Idk what to call them but you can see in the photo. The contrast in size feels really nice.

Speaking of contrast… the shaft is thin. I was definitely left wanting.

Additionally, I really wanted to try some temperature play and I was skeptical of the glass quality. I once shattered a bong by putting ice in it after cleaning in hot water… that visual was enough to keep me veryyyy cautious

___________________________

That brings me to my next purchase! I got these next two on Amazon.

Icicles No. 53
Link to icicle 53
The texture on this one is so good. The swirls/ribbing feels great and is definitely noticeable (vs the little bumps I’ll describe on the next one).

The head of this dildo is nice and big and the shaft is definitely more satisfying than that heart one.

This company sells a ton of glass dildos. I recommend looking at them all and seeing which appeals to you most (if you don’t go with my rose recommendation).

The downside for this one is the total length. Insertable length is great but when it is fully inserted. The bottom is flush with your cunt so it’s not as easy to have a good hold of, unless you’re only partially inserting.

Erovyx Rose Dildo
Link to rose

This one was recommended to me and is definitely the winner. My initial thoughts were that I liked the icicle more, but this is why it’s important to run several tests.
Initially I was disappointed with this one because it has this line of little bumps on it and I can’t feel them at all during use. Granted, this toy is marketed as being for anal use, too, so maybe those are more noticeable back there? I haven’t ventured that way with the glass… yet.

Things I like about this one:

-The length is perfect. Easy to get a good grip on it even when fully inserted.

-Comes with a little storage bag.

-So easy to clean.

-Slight curve feels so so good. It is a little tricky to keep the curve facing the right direction, especially if you let go of the toy (it wants to spin the other way). My technique is to feel for the little bumps and twist to align it to have those facing up.


The glass itself feels nice and cold at room temp. I did experiment a couple times with putting it in a glass of ice water for a bit before using. It made it a little colder but the main benefit was that it stayed colder while playing vs coming to body temp more quickly. I will say that it feels good when it’s body temp, too. The heat… ok I won’t go into too much detail here. It’s good.

The final thing I’ll say is that this glass dildo in combination with my clit sucker (Satisfyer pro2) has quickly become my favorite combo. I’m not sure I’ve ever cum as hard as I have with this combo. The other day I decided to go for a quick one and was going to just use the clit sucker… I probably could have cum that way but as I got close I was just craving something inside at the same time. I ended up caving and grabbing the rose. It’s just that good.



Ok, I think that’s all. 🫣
 
Glass dildos
TLDR: highly highly recommend a glass dildo. The one with the rose is my favorite. Linked at the end.
View attachment 2340035
____________________________

I got my first glass dildo at Shein. I was ordering nipple clamps and figured, why not.

It’s super cute with the little heart on top. I really like the three… beads? Bumps? Idk what to call them but you can see in the photo. The contrast in size feels really nice.

Speaking of contrast… the shaft is thin. I was definitely left wanting.

Additionally, I really wanted to try some temperature play and I was skeptical of the glass quality. I once shattered a bong by putting ice in it after cleaning in hot water… that visual was enough to keep me veryyyy cautious

___________________________

That brings me to my next purchase! I got these next two on Amazon.

Icicles No. 53
Link to icicle 53
The texture on this one is so good. The swirls/ribbing feels great and is definitely noticeable (vs the little bumps I’ll describe on the next one).

The head of this dildo is nice and big and the shaft is definitely more satisfying than that heart one.

This company sells a ton of glass dildos. I recommend looking at them all and seeing which appeals to you most (if you don’t go with my rose recommendation).

The downside for this one is the total length. Insertable length is great but when it is fully inserted. The bottom is flush with your cunt so it’s not as easy to have a good hold of, unless you’re only partially inserting.

Erovyx Rose Dildo
Link to rose

This one was recommended to me and is definitely the winner. My initial thoughts were that I liked the icicle more, but this is why it’s important to run several tests.
Initially I was disappointed with this one because it has this line of little bumps on it and I can’t feel them at all during use. Granted, this toy is marketed as being for anal use, too, so maybe those are more noticeable back there? I haven’t ventured that way with the glass… yet.

Things I like about this one:

-The length is perfect. Easy to get a good grip on it even when fully inserted.

-Comes with a little storage bag.

-So easy to clean.

-Slight curve feels so so good. It is a little tricky to keep the curve facing the right direction, especially if you let go of the toy (it wants to spin the other way). My technique is to feel for the little bumps and twist to align it to have those facing up.


The glass itself feels nice and cold at room temp. I did experiment a couple times with putting it in a glass of ice water for a bit before using. It made it a little colder but the main benefit was that it stayed colder while playing vs coming to body temp more quickly. I will say that it feels good when it’s body temp, too. The heat… ok I won’t go into too much detail here. It’s good.

The final thing I’ll say is that this glass dildo in combination with my clit sucker (Satisfyer pro2) has quickly become my favorite combo. I’m not sure I’ve ever cum as hard as I have with this combo. The other day I decided to go for a quick one and was going to just use the clit sucker… I probably could have cum that way but as I got close I was just craving something inside at the same time. I ended up caving and grabbing the rose. It’s just that good.



Ok, I think that’s all. 🫣
Beautiful. I need a cigarette. 😜❤️
 
Okay, with a bit of urging, I bought this. At less the $50, it seemed a safe bet.

My impressions:

Mine had a two-tone plastic casing on the top, sort of blending black and white, and the buttons were the same, but set up in a closer configuration. The body looked the same.

You weren't kidding about the size. It looks like a small thermos, and weighs in at a kiss over a pound and a half.

It is set so you can fill it with either warm or cold water if you like temperature play. I did not try that this time, as I think I wouldn't try that outside of a bath.

Apparently I had some water left from cleaning it, and when it started, it sprayed water out of the blowhole on the top. Be warned. It also does that when you fill it with water, per the reviews on Amazon.

On mine the three buttons were automatic sucking mode, twisting mode, and a manual sucking mode that just works while you press the button. Each of the two automatic modes had seven different settings that you could set for each. You can use either mode on its own, or both. The settings for the sucking mode went from a long, sustained suck to smaller sucks, one after the other, and variations between the two. On its own, not great, but works well with the other mode.

The twisting section has a hard plastic sleeve around the molded silicon, which is nice. Both the nubs and the "tongue" thing at the end are soft but firm. With a lot of lube, it was fine -- not to fast to start with, and going faster, or switching directions after an interval, some quite short. I appreciate the speed of this mode. I have another twisting toy that I am pretty sure they use for attaching bolts to battleships. It seriously feels like it is trying to King Missile you. Not a problem here. The tickler on the end is nice as well. Not a tongue, but nice.

My main complaint is the noise. This is one loud toy. Distracting loud, especially when the pump and the spinner are going at once.

Maybe I was in the wrong mindset, or didn't give it enough time (though I gave it plenty) it just didn't really work for me. The noise was a big distraction. I didn't hate it, but I didn't really like it, much less love it.

Oh man! I'm sorry to hear your dick didn't have the same experience my dick did.

The noise didn't bother me at all, as the noise from the porn was much louder. I'm not much distracted by noises or sounds. I could have a jackhammer going off near my ear and if my dick is getting attention, I wouldn't know.

It is a toy with which you must take an appropriate amount of time. It's not like a quickie toy.

Hopefully subsequent tries might make it a bit better for you. Great review!
 
Glass dildos
TLDR: highly highly recommend a glass dildo. The one with the rose is my favorite. Linked at the end.
View attachment 2340035
____________________________

I got my first glass dildo at Shein. I was ordering nipple clamps and figured, why not.

It’s super cute with the little heart on top. I really like the three… beads? Bumps? Idk what to call them but you can see in the photo. The contrast in size feels really nice.

Speaking of contrast… the shaft is thin. I was definitely left wanting.

Additionally, I really wanted to try some temperature play and I was skeptical of the glass quality. I once shattered a bong by putting ice in it after cleaning in hot water… that visual was enough to keep me veryyyy cautious

___________________________

That brings me to my next purchase! I got these next two on Amazon.

Icicles No. 53
Link to icicle 53
The texture on this one is so good. The swirls/ribbing feels great and is definitely noticeable (vs the little bumps I’ll describe on the next one).

The head of this dildo is nice and big and the shaft is definitely more satisfying than that heart one.

This company sells a ton of glass dildos. I recommend looking at them all and seeing which appeals to you most (if you don’t go with my rose recommendation).

The downside for this one is the total length. Insertable length is great but when it is fully inserted. The bottom is flush with your cunt so it’s not as easy to have a good hold of, unless you’re only partially inserting.

Erovyx Rose Dildo
Link to rose

This one was recommended to me and is definitely the winner. My initial thoughts were that I liked the icicle more, but this is why it’s important to run several tests.
Initially I was disappointed with this one because it has this line of little bumps on it and I can’t feel them at all during use. Granted, this toy is marketed as being for anal use, too, so maybe those are more noticeable back there? I haven’t ventured that way with the glass… yet.

Things I like about this one:

-The length is perfect. Easy to get a good grip on it even when fully inserted.

-Comes with a little storage bag.

-So easy to clean.

-Slight curve feels so so good. It is a little tricky to keep the curve facing the right direction, especially if you let go of the toy (it wants to spin the other way). My technique is to feel for the little bumps and twist to align it to have those facing up.


The glass itself feels nice and cold at room temp. I did experiment a couple times with putting it in a glass of ice water for a bit before using. It made it a little colder but the main benefit was that it stayed colder while playing vs coming to body temp more quickly. I will say that it feels good when it’s body temp, too. The heat… ok I won’t go into too much detail here. It’s good.

The final thing I’ll say is that this glass dildo in combination with my clit sucker (Satisfyer pro2) has quickly become my favorite combo. I’m not sure I’ve ever cum as hard as I have with this combo. The other day I decided to go for a quick one and was going to just use the clit sucker… I probably could have cum that way but as I got close I was just craving something inside at the same time. I ended up caving and grabbing the rose. It’s just that good.



Ok, I think that’s all. 🫣
Review all the toys! Research is important! And it's a fun read. 🤩
 
Oh man! I'm sorry to hear your dick didn't have the same experience my dick did.

The noise didn't bother me at all, as the noise from the porn was much louder. I'm not much distracted by noises or sounds. I could have a jackhammer going off near my ear and if my dick is getting attention, I wouldn't know.

It is a toy with which you must take an appropriate amount of time. It's not like a quickie toy.

Hopefully subsequent tries might make it a bit better for you. Great review!
The porn issue may have been the problem. I have moved away from visual porn of late, and into more an audiology phase, which I absolutely love, but... It is absolutely exactly the wrong media for this toy. That, and I was making notes as much as anything, so maybe with less focus on that it would be a better experience. I may add some of that to the review.

It isn't like I threw it out or anything.
 
Glass dildos
TLDR: highly highly recommend a glass dildo. The one with the rose is my favorite. Linked at the end.
View attachment 2340035
____________________________

I got my first glass dildo at Shein. I was ordering nipple clamps and figured, why not.

It’s super cute with the little heart on top. I really like the three… beads? Bumps? Idk what to call them but you can see in the photo. The contrast in size feels really nice.

Speaking of contrast… the shaft is thin. I was definitely left wanting.

Additionally, I really wanted to try some temperature play and I was skeptical of the glass quality. I once shattered a bong by putting ice in it after cleaning in hot water… that visual was enough to keep me veryyyy cautious

___________________________

That brings me to my next purchase! I got these next two on Amazon.

Icicles No. 53
Link to icicle 53
The texture on this one is so good. The swirls/ribbing feels great and is definitely noticeable (vs the little bumps I’ll describe on the next one).

The head of this dildo is nice and big and the shaft is definitely more satisfying than that heart one.

This company sells a ton of glass dildos. I recommend looking at them all and seeing which appeals to you most (if you don’t go with my rose recommendation).

The downside for this one is the total length. Insertable length is great but when it is fully inserted. The bottom is flush with your cunt so it’s not as easy to have a good hold of, unless you’re only partially inserting.

Erovyx Rose Dildo
Link to rose

This one was recommended to me and is definitely the winner. My initial thoughts were that I liked the icicle more, but this is why it’s important to run several tests.
Initially I was disappointed with this one because it has this line of little bumps on it and I can’t feel them at all during use. Granted, this toy is marketed as being for anal use, too, so maybe those are more noticeable back there? I haven’t ventured that way with the glass… yet.

Things I like about this one:

-The length is perfect. Easy to get a good grip on it even when fully inserted.

-Comes with a little storage bag.

-So easy to clean.

-Slight curve feels so so good. It is a little tricky to keep the curve facing the right direction, especially if you let go of the toy (it wants to spin the other way). My technique is to feel for the little bumps and twist to align it to have those facing up.


The glass itself feels nice and cold at room temp. I did experiment a couple times with putting it in a glass of ice water for a bit before using. It made it a little colder but the main benefit was that it stayed colder while playing vs coming to body temp more quickly. I will say that it feels good when it’s body temp, too. The heat… ok I won’t go into too much detail here. It’s good.

The final thing I’ll say is that this glass dildo in combination with my clit sucker (Satisfyer pro2) has quickly become my favorite combo. I’m not sure I’ve ever cum as hard as I have with this combo. The other day I decided to go for a quick one and was going to just use the clit sucker… I probably could have cum that way but as I got close I was just craving something inside at the same time. I ended up caving and grabbing the rose. It’s just that good.



Ok, I think that’s all. 🫣
Those are truly beautiful. Sexy works of art. Women's sex toys are far more beautiful than men's.

And the review was enlightening. And erotic. And really, really hot.
 
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Those are truly beautiful. Sexy works of art. Womens' sex toys are far more beautiful than mens'.

And the review was enlightening. And erotic. And really, really hot.
Why can't we have attractive toys too? They either look like they belong in my tool chest or are gratuitously porn-y looking.
 
Having used one (and I was not as over the moon with it), there is a refractory period, as it were. I have enjoyed it, but it isn't something I would use over and over.
I saw your post, and it troubled me. Were you watching porn? If so, what kind and how would you grade it on a scale of 1-10?
Depending on the latter part of my previous question my refractory period can be super short and then it enhances orgasm #2
 
I saw your post, and it troubled me. Were you watching porn? If so, what kind and how would you grade it on a scale of 1-10?
Depending on the latter part of my previous question my refractory period can be super short and then it enhances orgasm #2
I was not, which was part of my problem the first time. I have developed an auralism kink of late, and have stopped with regular video porn. And this is exactly the wrong toy for that. It was distractingly noisy. I have worked around that and used it satisfactorily. For the price, it is a good deal.
 
I'm conflicted. Your first sentence? Excellent. Your last? Mehhhhhh

It’s too intense to do it twice in a row. And by that I mean within a couple hours of each other. It’s just so sensitive.


Depending on the latter part of my previous question my refractory period can be super short and then it enhances orgasm #2

For me, orgasm #2 is rarely as good. So you might not have the same issue.

After Unquiet’s review, I did give it a listen and it is loud AF. But I’m used to using it with porn, so that’s a non-issue.
 
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