6 Affairs

Secret Kate said:
The Fifth Affair

Jake was dying. His wife, Becky, was maintaining candlelight vigil by his side. She held his fragile hand, tears running down her face. Her praying roused him from his slumber.

He looked up and his pale lips began to move slightly, "My darling Becky," he whispered. "Hush, my love," she said. "Rest. Shhh, don't talk."

He was insistent. "Becky," he said in his tired voice, "I have something I must confess to you."

"There's nothing to confess," replied the weeping Becky. "Everything's all right. Go to sleep."

"No, no, I must die in peace, Becky. I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend, and your mother!"

"I know," Becky whispered softly. "That's why I poisoned you."


:eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek:
 
Secret Kate said:
The Sixth Affair

The old man hung his head. "I have to tell you the truth," he said, "I forgot her name about 10 years ago."

LOL
 
Here's mine, SK:

So there's this big end-of-the year costume ball thrown by Mr. Jones' company. As Mr. Jones' is getting ready, he notices his wife hasn't put on her costume yet.

"I have a terrible headache, dear," she says. "You go on without me."

"No, no," he says. "You know I could never have fun without you."

"Please, honey," she says, "I know how you've been looking forward to this. I'd hate to ruin your fun. I insist."

So Mr. Jones goes off without her.

After an hour or so Mrs. Jones starts to feel better, and decides to go after all, and surprise him with the sexy costume she'd just bought.

At the party, though, Mr. Jones is dancing with another woman, and being very friendly with her. His hands are sliding up and down her back, and they're dancing very close.

Feeling a little jealous, Mrs. Jones decides to play a trick on him. Knowing he won't recognize her in her costume, she asks him to dance too. Pretty soon he's feeling her up as well. And then he leads her to a dark back room, and since they're married, she lets him do exactly what he wants to.

Mrs. Jones drives home, takes off her costume, and goes to bed.

Much later, Mr. Jones comes home.

"How was the party, dear?" she asks.

"Oh, you know," he says, "I never have fun at these things without you."

"Oh, really?" she asks.

"Yes, as a matter of fact," he says, undressing, "I didn't even go. I met up with some guys and we played poker instead."

"Is that right?"

"Yes. But you should have heard," he says, "What happened to the guy I gave my costume to."
 
The 7th affair

Two golfers who had played golf together for a very long time were getting dressed in the clubhouse locker room. The first golfer pulled a girdle out of his bag and put it on.

The second golfer said, "we have been playing golf together a very long time and I have never seen that before. How long have you been wearing it?"

The first golfer replied, "since my wife found it in the glovebox."
 
Re: Maybe next time!

Secret Kate said:



Actually you just have to read my stories - two of them are based on real experiences!

Stories! I love stories. >clicking the My Stories link<
 
A woman is in bed with her husband's friend. They make love for hours, and afterwards, while they're just lying there, the phone rings.

Since it is the woman's house, she picks up the receiver and chats away cheerfully.

Her lover looks over at her and listens, only hearing her side of the conversation.

"Hello? Oh, hi. I'm so glad that you called. Really? That's wonderful. I am so happy for you. That sounds terrific. Great! Thanks. Okay. Bye-bye."

She hangs up the telephone and her lover asks, "Who was that?"

"Oh," she replies, "that was my husband telling me all about the wonderful time he's having on his fishing trip with you."
 
Two men were having an awfully slow round of golf because the two women in front of them managed to get into every sand trap, lake and rough on the course. They didn't bother to wave the men on through which is proper golf etiquette.

After two hours of waiting and waiting, one man said, "I think I'll walk up there and ask those gals to let us play through."

He walked out the fairway, got halfway to the women, stopped, turned around and came back, explaining, "I can't do it. One of those women is my wife and the other is my mistress! Maybe you'd better go talk to them."

The second man walked towards the ladies, got halfway there and, just as his partner had done, stopped, turned around and walked back and said :

"Small world."
 
Another Golfer

A man and his wife are in bed talking after some great sex. The man asks "honey, if I die will you re-marry"? She responds "yes, I think I would". He goes on, "will you sleep with your new husband in our bed"? She thinks for a minute and says "no, I would probably get a new bed". He asks one more question "honey, would you let him use my golf clubs? She responds "no, that would not work because he is left handed"...
 
A wife asks her husband, "Honey, if I died, would you remarry?"

"After a considerable period of grieving, I guess I would. We all need companionship."

"If I died and you remarried," the wife asks, "would she live in this house?"

"We've spent a lot of money getting this house just the way we want it. I'm not going to get rid of my house. I guess she would."

"If I died and you remarried, and she lived in this house," the wife asks, "would she sleep in our bed?"

"Well, the bed is brand new, and it cost us $ 2,000. It's going to last a long time, so I guess she would."

"If I died and you remarried, and she lived in this house andslept in our bed, would she use my golf clubs?"

"Oh, no." the husband replies.

"She's left-handed."
 
During a heated spat over finances the husband said, "Well, if you'd learn to cook and were willing to clean this place, we could fire the maid."

The wife, fuming, shot back, "Oh yeah??? Well, if you'd learn how to make love, we could fire the chauffeur and the gardener."
 
Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer. His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill indicated that he'd be too embarassed. He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own.

One day a few weeks later, Bill came home absolutely ashen. His wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong.

"What's wrong, Bill?' she asked.

"Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?"

"Oh Bill, you didn't."

"Yes, I did."

"My God, Bill, what happened?"

"I got fired."

"No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?"

"Oh.........she got fired too."
 
A worried father telephoned hi family doctor and said that he was afraid that his teenaged son had come down with VD. "He says he hasn't had sex with anyone but the maid, so it has to be her."

"Don't worry so much," advised the doctor. "These things happen."

"I know, doctor," said the father, "but I have to admit that I've been sleeping with the maid also. I seem to have the same symptoms."

"That's unfortunate."

"Not only that, I think I've passed it on to my wife."

"Dear God," said the doctor. "That means we all have it!"
 
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