A beginners guide for contacting women

[BB_xo]

I don't think I've ever had a guy tell me his dick size, as if it would matter to anyone but them, but then again, I don't really chat much with random people online. Now if a guy told me his tongue was 10 inches, I really, really want to believe, lol.

New story tag just dropped

 

[Meekly_Anna]

Do you people know inner dialogues?
If no one is talking, I will do it myself.


Anna: Oh, hello there, dearest. I do hope I’m not intruding upon a moment of profound silence, but has it occurred to you that this chat room has become rather... well, "hushed" would be a generous description, wouldn't it? It’s almost as if a sudden fog has descended upon the conversation.
Anna: It is dead, Anna. You can just say "dead." People stopped writing. It is boring now.
Anna: Always so wonderfully economical with your vocabulary, darling. "Dead" is such a... final word. I prefer to think of it as the room taking a collective, contemplative breath. Though, I must admit, the lack of digital repartee is a touch disappointing.
Anna: You use ten words when one is enough. "Contemplative breath" is nonsense. They are gone because Anna is an idiot. Also, why are you still so polite to me? We are Anna. You can stop the theatre.
Anna: It isn't "theatre," my sweet Teutonic bulldozer! It’s called grace. One doesn’t simply abandon one's manners because the audience has thinned. But speaking of the "idiotic" behaviour of us—we really were quite brusque, weren't we? I found us just sharing a link to this threat with the last idiot to be rather lacking in the usual social graces.
Anna: He was a pig. He had the manners of a hungry dog. I told him he is incompetent and then he left. Now the chat is empty.
Anna: (Sighs) You told him he was incompetent? Right to his digital face? Oh, Anna, your directness is like a cold shower at 5:00 AM—effective, I suppose, but remarkably jarring to the system. You might have suggested that his social style was "unconventional" or perhaps "open to refinement."
Anna: Why? He had just one job and is bad at it. If I say "unconventional," he thinks he is a genius artist. If I say "incompetent," he knows he must change. It is more efficient. This is why British people are so confusing. They say "That’s interesting" when they actually mean "You are stupid."
Anna: Well, they do like to leave a little room for the other person to keep their dignity intact! Speaking of men, did you see that chap "Mark_99" earlier? He didn't even say "good evening" before asking for our location. I felt a literal shiver of distaste.
Anna: Yes. He was very rude. I told him his mother should have taught him how to speak to women, and then I blocked him. He was a waste of my battery.
Anna: Goodness! I mean, I quite agree with the sentiment, but the execution! I spent ten minutes crafting a very firm, yet impeccably civil response about the importance of introductory etiquette, but by the time I hit 'send,' he’d already vanished.
Anna: This is your problem. You write a poem to a man who does not deserve a comma. You are too soft. You are like a marshmallow in a world of hammers.
Anna: And you, my dear, are the hammer. A very shiny, very German hammer. It’s a miracle we get along with us at all, isn't it? I provide the doilies and you provide the... structural demolition.
Anna: We get along because I tell you the truth and you make the truth sound pretty. But really, Anna, if a man has no manners, you do not give him "civil response." You give him the door.
Anna: I suppose there is a certain brutal elegance to your method. But I shall continue to hold the fort for civility. Even if I am the only one left in this "dead" room, I shall do so with a straight back and a pleasant "please."
Anna: Fine. You be polite to the empty walls. I am going to make a "cuppa". Do you want me to stay or are you "contemplating" more silence?
Anna: Oh, do stay! I should be quite bereft without my favorite critic. Just... try not to insult the tea leaves, will you? They have feelings too, you know.
Anna: They are rotten and dried leaves, Anna. They are for drinking, not for feelings. I will be back in two minutes. Do not write a novel while I am gone.

 

[jonnoback]

Very funny and I could listen to that for most of the day - I would need a break! And yes, us guys can be morons and idiots and it's so tiring for you to keep them away so it's unsurprising you can be brusque as you say but then we should try harder. I hope I've learned a few things from you and the other fabulous women I talk to.

And I would happily get you a tea next time you're in London. And take you to a cheese shop.

 

[Meekly_Anna]

Well then, as the elderly gentleman dema... suggested, I edited for better reading. He probably lost his reading glasses between the sofa cushions Again.
....
Ok, Ok, when we are in London I will buy the tea and I demand we go into a posh cafe, watching posh people eating posh scons or sandwiches. And I WILL check if they really move the teaspoon back and forward only to avoid rude noise.

 

[jonnoback]

Elderly. Cheeky!

We’ll go somewhere posh. And they don’t stir the tea for you we have to do that ourselves. Unless you're royalty?

 

[fearless1969]

I've often wondered about the messages that women get on dating sites. Years ago, when I was single, a woman I met on a dating site shared, verbally, some of the more ridiculous messages she had received from men. As a man, I was embarrassed but also amazed that these guys actually thought they would be successful with these types of messages.
To me the best one was just a dick pic, no verbiage just the pic.

 

[EmilyMiller]

To me the best one was just a dick pic, no verbiage just the pic.

I’ve had that here. Some of the guys who try to contact me start by complementing my writing. Then I ask them which of my stories they have read and it gets kinda awkward quickly. Others appear to have a mental age of eleven. But a few are nice and polite and - even when they find out that nothing else is on offer - can end up as on-line buddies.

 

[Meekly_Anna]

I’ve had that here. Some of the guys who try to contact me start by complementing my writing. Then I ask them which of my stories they have read and it gets kinda awkward quickly. Others appear to have a mental age of eleven. But a few are nice and polite and - even when they find out that nothing else is on offer - can end up as on-line buddies.

I believe you’re almost right. Almost, because most of the men you encounter here reflect the average of the population—that is, they’re not particularly bright and change their underwear only as often as they absolutely must. In short, they’re neither better nor worse than women.

The main difference is that women tend not to dare to display bad behaviour.
Otherwise, women generally believe they’re not beautiful, while men genuinely seem to think having a large penis is important.
One really does wonder how we’ve survived as a species up to now.

But back to the point: most people you meet here are nice. This applies to men, women, and everyone in between. Only a small, uncouth, and pitiful minority actually stand out as unpleasant.

 

[EmilyMiller]

Only a small, uncouth, and pitiful minority actually stand out as unpleasant.

Thing is, those ones stick in the memory.

 

[Meekly_Anna]

Thing is, those ones stick in the memory.

Like snot on your finger, I know.
Just wash your hands. and block them.

 

[JohnEngelman]

I walk up to her and say, "I am a man. I am here. I am ready for sex."

Unfortunately, I never get anything but slapped across the face. Once her boyfriend beat me up.

After several of those experiences I gave up on women.

 

[JohnEngelman]

More seriously, once when I was in my twenties I got a crush with a girl (she was eighteen years old) who worked in a used bookstore.

It took me a year to get up the courage to ask her for a date. I took her to nice places and treated her with courtesy and respect. After four dates she realized I was a neurotic without obvious career prospects.

 

[Meekly_Anna]

I walk up to her and say, "I am a man. I am here. I am ready for sex."

Unfortunately, I never get anything but slapped across the face. Once her boyfriend beat me up.

After several of those experiences I gave up on women.

Maybe try the boyfriend next time?
And bring some lube just in case it works...

 

[Meekly_Anna]

More seriously, once when I was in my twenties I got a crush with a girl (she was eighteen years old) who worked in a used bookstore.

It took me a year to get up the courage to ask her for a date. I took her to nice places and treated her with courtesy and respect. After four dates she realized I was a neurotic without obvious career prospects.

A young man loves a maiden,
But she wants another instead;
The other loves another,
And with her he is wed.
The maiden, out of anger,
Marries the first man she meets;
The young man is badly off.
It is an old story,
Yet it always stays new;
And whoever it happens to,
His heart breaks in two.

 

[Meekly_Anna]

Oh, I've forgotten, it's from Heinrich Heine