A cautious, thoughtful discussion of non-abusive incest between adults

[BobBeth76]

Real love and consent is the key to a healthy relationship.

 

[Readytedy]

Real love and consent is the key to a healthy relationship.

My daughters and I couldn't agree more.

 

[cabin_swinger]

It is great fun with my sister and sometimes my mother. It all works the same way.

 

[LegendInMyOwnMind]

I would add that, if I read Wikipedia correctly, step-siblings are only considered incest in Arkansas. Any correction would be appreciated.

 

[midwestmomlvr]

Even today I received a message from a woman who said she wants to be with her father, and she is simply the latest in a long line, along with men and women in every stage of life (not underage), some of them being players in what, to them, is absolutely normal but, normal or not, sometimes involves transgenerational incest even including reproduction.
I draw the line there, by the way, I'm just telling you what some people have told me about.
What I really wanted to explore today are the situations like the one a young adult woman mentioned to me today, a tale I've now heard many times. Or variations like young adult son with mother, etc. Here is the question: if both persons are at least eighteen, and both persons enter into such a relationship voluntarily, do we still call it incest? The word is stigmatizing, to say the least, and in many cases for good reason.
But adults can make choices. I also don't know what the law says about this--is it illegal if both parties are adults and it is consensual? There may be antiquated laws on the books, like the one that says adultery is illegal, that no politician has ever wanted to touch, for obvious reasons; but in the same way that no one gets prosecuted for adultery, would two adults with familial ties who are intimate with each other need to fear the law?
I don't know. I think it more likely they would need to fear social backlash, which would likely be severe.
Having said all this, after having read so many accounts of real life familial relationships (maybe that's a better term than incest in these cases) that were entered into enthusiastically by both parties, and which, as these people tell me, make them happy and fulfill certain needs they couldn't find elsewhere, I have come to the conclusion that sometimes, when it is the right two people, people who for whatever reasons this works for, specifically with the other right person in question, I actually support this.
Now, if after posting this I have not been banned from Lit, I would like to discuss this further, if y'all would.

I am a 59 yo male who had a consensual “affair” with my mother for many years starting when I was 23 and she was 48. Again, it was completely consensual and only occurred after many years of teasing and innuendo. As you can imagine, I firmly believe that what two grown ups do in the privacy of their bedroom is NO ONE else’s business. Quite honestly, our lovemaking was magical and I’m 99.9% sure she would say the say thing.

 

[1DarkNightOwl]

but we don't add the terms "half" and "step" in our family.

I find this quite sweet.

 

[LuridStoryteller]

My wife has confessed that she had a great sexual attraction to her father growing up. Apparently he was not open to her not so subtle advances. Instead suggested counseling. She did not opt for counseling. And, it ended up being nothing more than a teenage fantasy. But, it makes for erotic sharing. Even years after.

I think I was once in a similar situation to your wife, but with my mother. We were a big family, crammed into a small house (I was a guy sharing a bedroom with one sister and one brother, for example - not ideal, until eldest sis moved out and younger sis moved in with our other sisters) and, due to some unfortunate events and factors, there was one night where I felt like something might have happened between me and my mother, if I had been a little bolder (no idea how receptive she'd have been, I should admit). This prompted a period of sexual, if not romantic, fixation on my mother that lasted for several years, until it just seemed to naturally work its way out of my system. Despite this, I still retain the fantasy for m/s scenarios (just not involving my own anymore), and have to admit that nothing I went on to experience in my sexual and romantic life since has ever instilled me a level of excitement that matches how excited I was that night, when I thought something might be about to happen.

 

[curioustxn]

I have a few cousins who are drop dead gorgeous. We're all pretty close in age, within a year of each other. And when we were teenagers I used to masturbate wildly to the thought of sleeping with them. I did fuck one of them (my cousin's half sister so this girl was a cousin by marriage) during this time, we had a long weekend together and to this day, quite memorable. I held a lot of guilt for it for a while but later in my adult years, I kinda settled on the idea that cousins are perfect FWB. You do, genuinely love each other, can be great friends, can be very open and honest with each other, and ultimately, have to let each other go when they get into a relationship. I'd love to have a FWB with any of those cousins, by marriage or not. Just another way for us to "hang out." We'd never want these as "primary" or romantic relationships. Just a good way to "vent" that energy.

At this point though, I'm late 30s, married, and have a beautiful step daughter. I never looked at her sexually until I'd say, she initiated. She would make weird little comments that, were they coming from any other female, I'd have definitely interpreted as flirtations. But from her? I rejected and deflected them. Later, her mother discovered her secret phone where she was texting boys and girls, inviting her friends to have a "squirt party" and texting boys videos of herself masturbating. We later learned that out of spite for not getting a Valentine's Day gift, she walked into the locker room in front of her boyfriend and gave everyone there head--he stayed with her. Unable to deal with this, her mother asked me to talk to her and our conversation on sex was really easygoing. She says she's done oral but never any penetrative sex. Lately, her mother has been traveling for work and my SD, strictly on those weeks, walks around the house in her panties and bra. She bends over in front of me. And she'll try to initiate physical contact, most recently she went in my bathroom (while I'm still waking up/in bed) and "bumped her knee" then put her leg on the frame of my bed, elevating her knee, asking me to kiss it and make it feel better, while only wearing her bra and panties, and I'm only in my boxer briefs, with a raging morning wood (I'm 6'4", 200 lbs, athletic build, 8.5" and girthy BBC, she's 5'3" maybe 110 lbs with these perfectly perky b cup tits, black ballerina, we can both see EVERYTHING on each other). I kissed my hand, slapped her knee, and told her to get out.

I keep saying this but I'm -->||<-- close to fucking her. She is of legal age so I'm not worried about that. I'm moreso concerned about how our relationship would change. I don't want her to one day be, let's say in her 40s and look back at this time and think I'm a pervert. I guess, I'm saying I'm afraid her her changing her mind on his she feels about it. I always want her to look at my with the admiration a daughter should have for her father and I don't want that to change.

But I am a healthy red blooded man who DID NOT pursue her, but only responded to the advances of a very attractive, physically fit, non related woman (in the eyes of the law).

And as I think about it, similarly to the cousin bit, I could be the perfect person to share that journey with her. I do love her. She gets to preserve her status publicly as that unattainable girl. I have a vasectomy so no risk of pregnancy. We would get to truly take our time and enjoy the experience instead of rushed moments trying to not get caught. And I don't want to control her, I'd still want her to have "normal" relationships and experiences, fully knowing that when she's ready to have a serious relationship with someone her age, it's time for us to end. As far as her mother is concerned, yes, it's wrong that I'm cheating, especially given who I'm cheating with, but in a sense, at least I'm not "running the streets" and embarrassing her. I'm not "spending money" on another woman with gifts and trips (the two biggest complaints when I cheated on her before ... I think being sexually involved with another woman was actually the least of her concerns). So it's like yeah, when she's gone out of town for weeks at a time, she doesn't have to worry about another woman (which I know she does, I haven't cheated again though), my needs are still being taken care of at home, and in fact, my SD and I are taking care of each other. I'm giving her a safe, private way to sexually express herself and she's giving me a safe, private way to get through a dry spell.

It's all very frustrating. I do JO A LOT just trying to "get it out" so I'm not horny when she's walking around in her bra and panties. I've taken to putting her worn panties on my face so I can inhale her scent while I'm doing it, sometimes leaving a deposit in her clean panties and putting them back in her drawer. Between her perfume and her pussy she smells mind-melting amazing. I literally nut harder when he panties and both on my face and wrapped around my dick, than I do when I'm fucking her mother, who if also knock out gorgeous

You say her mother asked you to talk to your step daughter, (her daughter?), about her sexual behavior? Have you talked to her mother about the feelings between you and your step daughter? Since her mother asked *you* to talk to your step daughter, (instead of doing it herself), perhaps your wife is more accepting than your think...... Perhaps it's time to have a family conversation......

Sometimes women have sexual fantasies they don't know how to tell their husbands.

 

[magicalmoments]

In my opinion no one at 18 or even 20 can never truly concent to sex with a parent or stepparent as I beleive their concent is at best a result of coercion of the older party. Same is true for aunts/ uncles.

Now if both parties are older, say 30+, then why not? Most individuals by this point in their lives have the experience and confidence to say no. They should be allowed to do what they want.

I wonder if this proposition is based on social conditioning or nature. I liken it to an age difference between consenting (non incestuous) adults. For example: we tend to frown on a relationship between a 20 year old and a 35 year old. yet we find relationships between a 30 year old and a 45 year old more acceptable and a 40 year old and a 55 year old hardly worthy of a mention. To me this is just social conditioning

 

[bumpinthenight2022]

You say her mother asked you to talk to your step daughter, (her daughter?), about her sexual behavior? Have you talked to her mother about the feelings between you and your step daughter? Since her mother asked *you* to talk to your step daughter, (instead of doing it herself), perhaps your wife is more accepting than your think...... Perhaps it's time to have a family conversation......

Sometimes women have sexual fantasies they don't know how to tell their husbands.

You got it exactly right.

In terms of her acceptance, I'd say not a snowball's chance in hell.

 

[1DarkNightOwl]

I wonder if this proposition is based on social conditioning or nature. I liken it to an age difference between consenting (non incestuous) adults. For example: we tend to frown on a relationship between a 20 year old and a 35 year old. yet we find relationships between a 30 year old and a 45 year old more acceptable and a 40 year old and a 55 year old hardly worthy of a mention. To me this is just social conditioning

Probably alot of truth to your argument. At 20 most of us are mature by the textbook definition and in almost every other speciies of mammal would be available. We all like images found on places like Metart even if we would never admit it.

So yes, I think your thoughts on social conditioning are not too far wrong.