TheIntrepidBoyager
Kinkster
- Joined
- Jul 20, 2025
- Posts
- 246
There's a lot of individual, theme-specific threads around this broader subject but I thought it might interesting to just have a general discussion thread.
To start, in no way am I:
Obviously, you can skip this next part if you want, I just thought it might provide more insight if I gave a bit of history.
MY BACKGROUND: I've been sexual from a very early age. The genesis was not necessarily healthy, nor were a lot of the circumstances and encounters over the years that followed but it doesn't change the fact that I have always been very sexual. I played a lot with a couple of my best male friends growing up and have always considered myself bisexual, even when I didn't know I considered myself that.
I was younger than my best friend and was definitely submissive to him in our sexual play.
Promiscuity and sexual deviance was not that hard to find in the house I grew up in.
Fast forward...My wife and I are going on forty years of marriage. I have always been very sexually open and honest with her and she has always been very accepting of that. She is very sexual but was much more traditional so while I could often shock her and she wasn't always into whatever I was saying or trying, she never made me feel bad or weird and often got into it and we continued to explore. She has never and still does not have any issue saying no and asserting her boundaries. She is shier than me and gets embarrassed about her deep sexual desires way easier than I do, but again, she is quite willing to explore what she is interested in.
OUR EXPERIENCES: We've had a one-off MFM and MFF. We had a tryst with another couple. We had a girlfriend for a couple years that lived in another state but would visit us. I had a one-on-one MM encounter with her blessing. And then myriad on-line "relationships". It's now been years since we engaged anyone else in our relationship.
These encounters ranged from awkward to incredible. Pretty quickly, we learned, or verified, that my wife enjoys other women and loves me to be with other men so long as she is just an observer or as a director. She doesn't want sex with other males.
I'm quite dominant with other men and even though my fantasies would almost always be about me being submissive, when the the encounters happened, I just went dominant and couldn't shake it. That's a really deep subject that I contemplate a lot.
MY GENERAL THOUGHTS: One of the first things that became really obvious is that reality is way different than fantasy and even porn. That can be better or worse, but it is different. Positions can be awkward and challenging to maintain. Each individual has individual desires and assertions. No one in porn ever has an ingrown hair or gets too excited too fast or has a cramp.
But mostly, I learned, at least for us, that sex is emotional. This is the most important lesson for me and one that, admittedly, surprised me. It was never "just sex" for either of us. It always seemed like it was going to be and how the fantasies and dirty talk would go, but when we actually had sex with other people, it was very different. Emotions were involved. Now, the depths of those varied depending on the intensity of the relationship, but they were there and sometimes manifested in our own views of the other. Sometimes, those emotions put a strain on us as a couple. A deep strain.
As much as we had, I can honestly say, looking back, that the absolute best sex I've ever had was just between the two of us. Full honest, super dirty, deep exploration, wonderful sex that we continue to treasure and build upon.
We're old now and aren't exactly trolling the interwebs for hook-ups any more but that part of our sexual life is also far less important any more. I guess you could say we checked the boxes so maybe that is why. Meaning if we hadn't, would we still be wanting it or even regretting it? We would still engage if the right scenario presented itself but that window has become very narrow and probably unlikely.
I guess my main takeaway for folks considering exploring this, is to be prepared for emotions and to be open and honest about those emotions. Multi-partner experiences should be about ENHANCING your relationship not jeopardizing it.
I'm not sure anyone will actually read that but I hope others will join in.
To start, in no way am I:
- Presenting as any kind of expert.
- Passing any kind of judgement.
- Suggesting that my thoughts, opinions, and experiences encapsulates every individual out there.
Obviously, you can skip this next part if you want, I just thought it might provide more insight if I gave a bit of history.
MY BACKGROUND: I've been sexual from a very early age. The genesis was not necessarily healthy, nor were a lot of the circumstances and encounters over the years that followed but it doesn't change the fact that I have always been very sexual. I played a lot with a couple of my best male friends growing up and have always considered myself bisexual, even when I didn't know I considered myself that.
I was younger than my best friend and was definitely submissive to him in our sexual play.Promiscuity and sexual deviance was not that hard to find in the house I grew up in.
Fast forward...My wife and I are going on forty years of marriage. I have always been very sexually open and honest with her and she has always been very accepting of that. She is very sexual but was much more traditional so while I could often shock her and she wasn't always into whatever I was saying or trying, she never made me feel bad or weird and often got into it and we continued to explore. She has never and still does not have any issue saying no and asserting her boundaries. She is shier than me and gets embarrassed about her deep sexual desires way easier than I do, but again, she is quite willing to explore what she is interested in.
OUR EXPERIENCES: We've had a one-off MFM and MFF. We had a tryst with another couple. We had a girlfriend for a couple years that lived in another state but would visit us. I had a one-on-one MM encounter with her blessing. And then myriad on-line "relationships". It's now been years since we engaged anyone else in our relationship.
These encounters ranged from awkward to incredible. Pretty quickly, we learned, or verified, that my wife enjoys other women and loves me to be with other men so long as she is just an observer or as a director. She doesn't want sex with other males.
I'm quite dominant with other men and even though my fantasies would almost always be about me being submissive, when the the encounters happened, I just went dominant and couldn't shake it. That's a really deep subject that I contemplate a lot.
MY GENERAL THOUGHTS: One of the first things that became really obvious is that reality is way different than fantasy and even porn. That can be better or worse, but it is different. Positions can be awkward and challenging to maintain. Each individual has individual desires and assertions. No one in porn ever has an ingrown hair or gets too excited too fast or has a cramp.
But mostly, I learned, at least for us, that sex is emotional. This is the most important lesson for me and one that, admittedly, surprised me. It was never "just sex" for either of us. It always seemed like it was going to be and how the fantasies and dirty talk would go, but when we actually had sex with other people, it was very different. Emotions were involved. Now, the depths of those varied depending on the intensity of the relationship, but they were there and sometimes manifested in our own views of the other. Sometimes, those emotions put a strain on us as a couple. A deep strain.
As much as we had, I can honestly say, looking back, that the absolute best sex I've ever had was just between the two of us. Full honest, super dirty, deep exploration, wonderful sex that we continue to treasure and build upon.
We're old now and aren't exactly trolling the interwebs for hook-ups any more but that part of our sexual life is also far less important any more. I guess you could say we checked the boxes so maybe that is why. Meaning if we hadn't, would we still be wanting it or even regretting it? We would still engage if the right scenario presented itself but that window has become very narrow and probably unlikely.
I guess my main takeaway for folks considering exploring this, is to be prepared for emotions and to be open and honest about those emotions. Multi-partner experiences should be about ENHANCING your relationship not jeopardizing it.
I'm not sure anyone will actually read that but I hope others will join in.
