A Dom with isses...

[MasterPhoenix]

Yeah, I know that I have been MIA from here for a while, but work has been kicking my ass of late and it seems that there are not enough hours in a day.... But I have something on my mind, and could use some thoughts from my trusted friends...

As most of you know, I am in a long term long distance relationship with a woman I am completely crazy about. We have had some rough patches lately, but things were coming together well, once again. Unfortunately, we have a real problem right now with time because she doesn't get off work until a couple hours after I have gone to work. (between the time difference, and her working an early swing and my working a late swing most days.) Its not like I am expecting to spend every minute talking to her, as we were once able to do, but considering that most days I am lucky to get a hold of her on a break or my lunch it is being hard on me.

There are other complications right now that have my head spinning like Linda Blair on methamphetimines. When I ask her if things are OK, she assures me that they are. The problem is that the lack of communication brings up many of my old issues from the past, which is exacerbated by the other complications.

I hate bringing this up to the board, but the problem is that I am reaching the point where I am jumping at shadows, and spiraling towards a vortex of depression. I am a Dominant, and I am supposed to be in control of myself and my emotions, but I am feeling like I am losing my grip. I am often on the verge of tears.

The issue is NOT my level of trust in her, as deep in my heart I do NOT believe that anything else is going on. The problem is me and my own issues.

I just need this distance bullshit over with....

Sorry to ramble...

 

[VelvetDarkness]

Hi Honey

I'm sorry to hear that you're so down right now. I used to be a nurse and the hours I did were stupid. 14hours from 7am to 9pm does not a social life make.

I suppose the obvious question is - if something clearly has to give here, what's it going to be? Which of you has the most chance of changing their work pattern a little? Is this a temporary state of affairs or the status quo until something is altered?

I know LDR can really suck at times and Master and I had nothing like the distance between you two to cope with. Text messages, although the cost adds up, can be invaluable when you need to briefly touch base throughout the day and most phone operators have deals you can take advantage of if you tell them that you send a lot of overseas messages. With the right tariffs in place, a mobile phone can be cheaper than a landline for long distance calls.

I guess there are no easy answers here but I do worry that if things continue as they are with you both then the deep trust that you have will gradually corrode.

{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}​

 

[VelvetDarkness]

I hate bringing this up to the board, but the problem is that I am reaching the point where I am jumping at shadows, and spiraling towards a vortex of depression. I am a Dominant, and I am supposed to be in control of myself and my emotions, but I am feeling like I am losing my grip. I am often on the verge of tears.

I shouldn't need to bang the 'dominants are human too' drum at you but I will anyway. You have a perfect right to be upset and depressed right now. Your lady is probably putting on the same front in order to avoid upsetting you. It's not about you 'being in control' here, it's about what you can both do, as a team, to make this time a little easier to bear.

If you are deeply unhappy then something has to change, period. No job is worth neglecting the important things in your life. ADR's quote in your sig says it all IMO.

 

[EmpressFi]

MP,

*hugs*

I'm on my second LDR (Malin being my first) and still wish I had some pearl of wisdom. Communication is hard when you're on different schedules and there are times, even when the schedule cooperates that one gets plagued by the "is there something wrong?"'s. Even if it's not voice communication.. emails and text messages sent can be comforting.

 

[Blushing Bottom]

Though never as effective as voice or even IM chat there is always email. Yes...yes I know, impersonal and at times tiresome but when it is important to express your thoughts and emotions and to hear those of the One you care for it can be a comfort.

I have found that even though my last relationship was not a LDR it often felt like it as he worked 100 hours a day or so it felt. We used the phone when we were able but very often the chore of expression was given to email which I'll say he not only appreciated but reciprocated in such a way as to make my little heart fly.

I don't pretend to know the answer fro your plight or any one's in similar situations but a little Incredimail download can make email fun and for a little money exciting as you can turn your pics into stationary.

Best of luck MP and know you are cared about in these boards.

*hugs*

d

 

[catalina_francisco]

Sorry you are both going through this...I remember when I was first married the first time, we were on totally different shifts.....I was up and out before the sun came up in the morning and by the time I got home, he had been at work for half an hour and didn't get home until way into the night when I had to be asleep...it was the pits, but at least we caught up on weekends. As for the LDR and not being able to co-ordinate times, best thing is as BB says, emails or leaving a message on IM...also sending the occasional D/s related e-card can give that extra boost and help keep the dynamic in focus. There is othing like coming home and switching on the PC to find even a short message there from the one you love....boring details of what they have been doing during the day/night....as always communication in any form is better than none or very little. Hope you start feeling more up soon.

Catalina

 

[Homburg]

I hate bringing this up to the board, but the problem is that I am reaching the point where I am jumping at shadows, and spiraling towards a vortex of depression. I am a Dominant, and I am supposed to be in control of myself and my emotions, but I am feeling like I am losing my grip. I am often on the verge of tears.

It happens, brother. I've been there. I'm willing to bet that every other Dominant on these boards has been there too. There are going to be times when you just can't seem to feel your power any more, when you don't feel in control.

I wish I could give you advice on LDR's, but I'm not the guy to talk about such things. All I can do is sympathise with you, and tell you that aren't alone in those feelings.

 

[A Desert Rose]

... The issue is NOT my level of trust in her, as deep in my heart I do NOT believe that anything else is going on. The problem is me and my own issues.

I just need this distance bullshit over with...

I'm not so sure you're as out of control as you are feeling. It sounds like you need to refocus yourself. And I know it's not as simple as it sounds.

You and your slave have had a plan and a goal. You're both working towards making that a reality. You've just gotten lost in the everyday details and forgotten to look at the bigger picture. It's easy to do that and then those details become overwhelming.

Figure out what you want most in life (I think you've both already done that) and what you want most RIGHT now. If that is quality time together right now, then you can do that. It might be complicated at the start (your schedules are complicated, I know) but soon it becomes a routine; one you'll both be looking forward to. Pick a date night (or several hours, anyway), if that's the best you can do for each other, right now.

When you put one foot in front of the other, it's one little goal accomplished. And every step is another toward your ultimate goal.

See what I mean? ;-)

 

[myinnerslut]

i dont really have words of wisdom or any sage advice, but *hugs* and i hope things work out

 

[intothewoods]

I think ADR really hit the nail on the head, and I would add that I don't think it's about needing more time with her per se, so much as needing to find comfort in your own skin.

There are no guarantees in life. What if this relationship didn't work out? I'm not saying there's any reason why it shouldn't, but that I hope you're okay just as you are. I struggle with this too, and maybe I'm projecting, but it just seems like you need to find security in yourself, first and foremost.

 

[Daddyslilpet]

I'm not so sure you're as out of control as you are feeling. It sounds like you need to refocus yourself. And I know it's not as simple as it sounds.

You and your slave have had a plan and a goal. You're both working towards making that a reality. You've just gotten lost in the everyday details and forgotten to look at the bigger picture. It's easy to do that and then those details become overwhelming.

Figure out what you want most in life (I think you've both already done that) and what you want most RIGHT now. If that is quality time together right now, then you can do that. It might be complicated at the start (your schedules are complicated, I know) but soon it becomes a routine; one you'll both be looking forward to. Pick a date night (or several hours, anyway), if that's the best you can do for each other, right now.

When you put one foot in front of the other, it's one little goal accomplished. And every step is another toward your ultimate goal.

See what I mean? ;-)

Excellent advice from ADR! All I could possibly add is remember your love for each other, it'll help you through anything MP.

 

[HottieMama]

Hi MP.

i totally agree with ADR here as well. Conflicting schedules REALLY suck, but it is something that can be dealt with. What about writing each other emails once or twice a day? It might be nice to come home from work and find an email waiting for you and vice versa...

Also, if i remember correctly you work in retail in some fashion?!?! Do not let the craziness of the upcoming holiday season affect your "inner peace." i did retail for years around the holidays and it's very easy to get "caught up" in the frenzy and lose focus.

 

[chelleb]

..............

 

[MasterPhoenix]

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

 

[Evil_Geoff]

If it is a matter of work schedules conflicting, unless you are both working diametrically opposed 12 hour shifts, 7 days a week, there will be SOME time during the day (and some days) when both of you are off at the same time.

One or the other or both of you re-adjust their sleep schedule to accomodate the overlap... you sleep while the other works, they sleep while you work, you spend the overlap time awake. And together as much as possible.

Not to make light of your situation, but military and diplomatic families have been dealing with long seperations, little or no communication, totally opposite sides of the world sleeping and work schedules for centuries. It CAN be dealt with.

 

[MasterPhoenix]

I think ADR really hit the nail on the head, and I would add that I don't think it's about needing more time with her per se, so much as needing to find comfort in your own skin.

There are no guarantees in life. What if this relationship didn't work out? I'm not saying there's any reason why it shouldn't, but that I hope you're okay just as you are. I struggle with this too, and maybe I'm projecting, but it just seems like you need to find security in yourself, first and foremost.

I have no problems being in my own skin, and if things fall apart, I will go on. I am the Phoneix and arise from my own ashes...

My concern and my emotinal issues I was talking about is relating to our relationship specifically.

 

[MasterPhoenix]

If it is a matter of work schedules conflicting, unless you are both working diametrically opposed 12 hour shifts, 7 days a week, there will be SOME time during the day (and some days) when both of you are off at the same time.

One or the other or both of you re-adjust their sleep schedule to accomodate the overlap... you sleep while the other works, they sleep while you work, you spend the overlap time awake. And together as much as possible.

Not to make light of your situation, but military and diplomatic families have been dealing with long seperations, little or no communication, totally opposite sides of the world sleeping and work schedules for centuries. It CAN be dealt with.

I agree that it CAN be done EG. In fact, I have been TRYING to work within the framework of our schedules....

 

[subkitty72]

MP-i cannot tell you how mightily your words touch me. You know, as i have PMd both you and rose, how inspired and awed i've been by your relationship.

i have no words of advice for you. i am only now knowing what it's like to have a piece of me, of my heart and soul, out there and away. it hurts. our beings crave their completeness.

Please know that many, many people are rooting for you and rose. i know, as i sit here in your corner, that you two will be together soon.

-kitty

 

[Toa_lin]

MP, from the moment I first started reading your posts I found i had the utmost respect for you, (which is not easily obtained) and so if there's anything I can do to help let me know, because you and rose have something special.

Anytime i've seen two people share the bond you two have, it always is accompanied by some doubts and ill feelings, I cannot explain why, only that if you can ignore them, pull through, and live on. You will find the other side of this narrow hallway sooo much more agreeable, and with her at your side.

 

[lil_slave_rose]

Yeah, I know that I have been MIA from here for a while, but work has been kicking my ass of late and it seems that there are not enough hours in a day.... But I have something on my mind, and could use some thoughts from my trusted friends...

As most of you know, I am in a long term long distance relationship with a woman I am completely crazy about. We have had some rough patches lately, but things were coming together well, once again. Unfortunately, we have a real problem right now with time because she doesn't get off work until a couple hours after I have gone to work. (between the time difference, and her working an early swing and my working a late swing most days.) Its not like I am expecting to spend every minute talking to her, as we were once able to do, but considering that most days I am lucky to get a hold of her on a break or my lunch it is being hard on me.

There are other complications right now that have my head spinning like Linda Blair on methamphetimines. When I ask her if things are OK, she assures me that they are. The problem is that the lack of communication brings up many of my old issues from the past, which is exacerbated by the other complications.

I hate bringing this up to the board, but the problem is that I am reaching the point where I am jumping at shadows, and spiraling towards a vortex of depression. I am a Dominant, and I am supposed to be in control of myself and my emotions, but I am feeling like I am losing my grip. I am often on the verge of tears.

The issue is NOT my level of trust in her, as deep in my heart I do NOT believe that anything else is going on. The problem is me and my own issues.

I just need this distance bullshit over with....

Sorry to ramble...

i guess it's my turn to chime in here. i feel like i am defending myself, although i'm sure it's not what was meant by this post. i have told You over and over and over again that everything between us is FINE. i know it's frustrating, it is for me as well that's why when we do talk i get short. i am frustrated also, not just with our situation but with my entire life right now. i am working my ass off and it seems i'm still not making enough to pay all the bills plus keep food in this house. Desi is constantly yelling and screaming at me because there is nothing to eat and because i am never home, i'm always at work.

work is stressing me out, making sure i get my quota on sales for the week and of course jacob. i never get to see mason except on weekends and usually only saturday, and now with his dad being home, i have to try and make the time for them two to be together also. Desi is always online so i don't get to get on and leave emails or whatever. i know i need to get my cell phone back and i will. i am tired ALL of the time and in a bad mood most of the time. this is my first stab at being a single mom who works. my whole life since i've had kids, their dad worked and made enough that i could stay home and didn't have to worry about the finances. now it's all on me and it's overwhelming to say the least.

i do love you, i think that's apparent to everyone who knows us, i'm just having a REALLY rough time right now and trying to make ends meet. i don't know how to do that. it seems no matter what i do, i'm making someone unhappy. i don't know how else i can assure you that WE are fine, that our relationship has not changed. i tell you all of the time and it never seems to get through. i know You are used to me being able to be on the phone all night when you get off work, i can't do that anymore. i don't know what else to say except i love You.

 

[lil_slave_rose]

No job is worth neglecting the important things in your life.

i am not neglecting the important things in my life, i am trying to work and make ends meet for me and my 2 kids. neither one of our jobs can be 'altered' to suit our relationship. hard times happen to everyone. i am a single mom and i am trying my best to make everyone in my life happy and it's not working. most of all i am trying to pay bills and be able to put food on the table. we have a 3 hour time difference which makes things alot more difficult as well. i go to work at 11:00a.m. it's 8:00a.m. His time when i go to work. i get off at 7:30pm it's 4:30pm his time, and he's already at work by then. he gets off anywhere from midnight to 2:00 in the morning my time, i am already in bed by then. THIS is the problem, there is just not enough hours in the day. *sighs* i don't know what to do anymore.....i really don't.....

 

[lil_slave_rose]

If it is a matter of work schedules conflicting, unless you are both working diametrically opposed 12 hour shifts, 7 days a week, there will be SOME time during the day (and some days) when both of you are off at the same time.

One or the other or both of you re-adjust their sleep schedule to accomodate the overlap... you sleep while the other works, they sleep while you work, you spend the overlap time awake. And together as much as possible.

Not to make light of your situation, but military and diplomatic families have been dealing with long seperations, little or no communication, totally opposite sides of the world sleeping and work schedules for centuries. It CAN be dealt with.

thank you EG and i know that it CAN be dealt with, it's figuring it out that is the hard part. as i posted in my last post, the 3 hour time difference makes it very difficult to find that time that we are both not working or sleeping. he's sleeping when i go to work, He's at work when i get off work, and i'm sleeping when He's getting off work. the bigger problem is (i think) is He's used to me not working and being home and sitting by the phone whenever he calls and i just cannot do that anymore. we went from talking every extra minute we had to talking maybe once a day and sometimes not even that. it is frustrating, i know it is, it is for me to, i just dont' know how to make everyone happy. if i spend my 'off time' talking on the phone my 14 year old daughter gets upset that i'm not spending time with her, i'm always on the phone she says. *grumbles and sighs* i just don't know what to do anymore....and it's killing me....

 

[nh23]

i am not neglecting the important things in my life, i am trying to work and make ends meet for me and my 2 kids. neither one of our jobs can be 'altered' to suit our relationship. hard times happen to everyone. i am a single mom and i am trying my best to make everyone in my life happy and it's not working. most of all i am trying to pay bills and be able to put food on the table. we have a 3 hour time difference which makes things alot more difficult as well. i go to work at 11:00a.m. it's 8:00a.m. His time when i go to work. i get off at 7:30pm it's 4:30pm his time, and he's already at work by then. he gets off anywhere from midnight to 2:00 in the morning my time, i am already in bed by then. THIS is the problem, there is just not enough hours in the day. *sighs* i don't know what to do anymore.....i really don't.....

*hugs* My situation is no where near like yours. My husband works on the road, and is rarely home, but he does make enough that I can stay at home with the kids. I know how hard it gets for me just raising them on my own. I can't even imagine if I had to work full time on top of that.. You are in my thoughts, I hope things improve for you and your Master.

 

[lil_slave_rose]

*hugs* My situation is no where near like yours. My husband works on the road, and is rarely home, but he does make enough that I can stay at home with the kids. I know how hard it gets for me just raising them on my own. I can't even imagine if I had to work full time on top of that.. You are in my thoughts, I hope things improve for you and your Master.

thank you . and things will work out, one way or another. this is not the first time we've had issues. we've been together for 4 years. anyway, thank you so much for the kind words and the well wishes. we will be fine

 

[HottieMama]

Rose... i won't comment further on your relationship. i just want to say that i understand what it is like to try to juggle multiple things at once...kids, work, trying to make ends meet, relationships. It's hard...bone-grindingly hard at times.

Please try to take care of yourself in the process.