A problem with Oral Sex.

[cherrystems]

My boyfriend is a healthy 26 year old man in every aspect, especially sexually. He's very adventurous and has a healthy sex drive. He has a little problem though, he's never been able to cum from oral sex, ever. Not when he was younger or up to this day. It bothers the hell out of him. So, what I was wondering was if anyone could point me in the direction where I could get more information about men who suffer from this. I know that it's a fairly common thing and that he's not the only one who does.

Whether it's information on tips to try or just what causes this issue, if anyone has any information it'd be helpful.

Thanks guys!

 

[M's girl]

It's not unusual and there can be many reasons for it.

Welcome to Lit by the way. I will refrain from linking you to other threads because I'm hopeless at that (just proved I could not do it in another thread, but that's a different story). Anyway, browse Lit and you will find lots of info in The Blank Manual and in the How To forum. Try and use the search function too.

Without wanting to come across as too blasé.... my M has never been able to cum from oral before he met me. I don't think I'm thát good... but maybe the others were thát bad

All I can say is that it does not only have to do with technique (though important too). Attitude and willingness, eagerness, have at least as much to do with making it hot for him!

 

[cherrystems]

Yeah, I thought about that myself. We're pretty compatible sexually and if it weren't for his past history, then I'd think that maybe it was something that I could learn or something I'm not doing right.

However, he's had a lot of experience with a lot of different situations, far more than I've ever dreamed of having. He's been with not too many, but quite a few different women, couples, etc. Nobody has ever been able to make him cum from oral.

Then with all my exes, I've never had a problem whatsoever making them cum.

Anyway, he feels like it's mental issue, where he's not letting himself cum, but he doesn't know why and it really gets to him, even moreso than me, and what women doesn't want to make her man cum with a blowjob, y'know?

That's why I was sort've looking, maybe for a group, or just for information on why it happens, etc.

 

[M's girl]

Our situation was sort of the same. M had been with different partners and never had problems except for reaching orgasm through oral. I also had never been with a man who could not before.

I want to, again, emphasize (difficult word... hmmm) that I'm not saying I'm thát good. But what I know is this:

a] I like giving blowjobs
b] it turns ME on (which helps if they notice that)
c] I'm very good at interpreting body language (VERY important!)
d] I'm a fast learner and watch VERY close and well and register promptly what HE does himself to please himself. Watch him jerk off and you'll learn a lot!
e] Giving blowjobs and how they are recieved vary from one person to the other; don't assume that what worked for the last one will work for/on him (goes both ways by the way!)
f] Don't make a big deal out of it. If no one has been able to make him cum that way it's probably not YOU.

 

[Dirty_dave25]

Well I’m one of those men who doesn’t like blow jobs. Mainly I guess is the fact that I too have never cum from any past girlfriend through oral sex. Also even a simple hand job has been poor. I guess the problem with me is I have perfected my art of masturbation and I find it hard for anyone to compete with what I do best. Also the fact that I love and adore giving oral sex myself I find that doing that is more fun than having the laborious task of starting off with a blow job having to end it with poor performance.

I have had many women say ‘well u have never had a blow job from me’…. Yeah well lets see what u got…. And still no joy.

Now I have realised that if I go without any form of physical enjoyment for a period of time then maybe have a woman give me a hand job then I find it far more pleasing and therefore a higher chance of ejaculating. (it would no doubt be the same with a blow job) But being in my sexual prime and constantly horny I find it hard to go without pleasure in any form!!! (typical bloke huh!)

Now what I would suggest and something im going to suggest to my new partner. (1 of the very few who have managed to make me cum with her hands!!!) is this… A) spend some time watching each other masturbate. It will allow you to see his technique and what he does at certain stages and what/ where he likes to be touched. Remember those things and keep them in mind. B) when your down there and doing ur work remember that a lot of hand work is good!!! Let your tongue explore his penis and all the different arousing zones and ask him what he likes. Spend some time down there experimenting and ASK what he like or would like. If it all goes well it should do the job… then though if you still have problems (I fear I might u see) then the only thing I can think of is there is no mental stimulation. I cant climax just from the physical aspect, I need the mental forplay too. So maybe adding some porn on the tv in the backround might help. Just because he doesn’t cum doesn’t mean ur doing it bad or he doesn’t like it…. It might be the mental aspect he needs also.

My current girlfriend though loves giving head and no doubt over the next few weeks ill be experimenting with many ways to get me to blow my load! Ill make a not of things I try and maybe up date this post!

Good luck and I hope you manage to get him to cum!

Dx

 

[lycanthropedude]

Add another one to the list...Never came from a blowjob...by a girl, one man was able to bring me to orgasm...don't ask, I don't know how.... one partner did get me very close once, but we were interupted, yet still it took her quite a while.

Like Dave, many women have said,"I haven't given you one yet!" Unlike Dave, I do enjoy them. They feel good whether or not I cum, though a few are bad and boring, and I just want them to stop...

All I can say is try it with a mentos, or an ice cube. Mix it up a little, or just go fast and deep. The one girl who came close had never given one before and just attacked it like a hungry infant after a tit...

 

[SubNebGuy]

I can only cum from a BJ if I've been otherwise stimulated a lot already..i.e. vaginal sex, handjobs, etc. the BJ is the finisher, not the whole deal.

even then, its hard to cum, and usually she rubs it and licks just the head until I'm ready to pop, then she gulps the whole thing to send me over the edge.

 

[SesameStreet]

The women should try pressing on the man's perineum about an inch behind his scrotum. If stimualted with enough pressure that will stimulate the prostate gland. That should finish you men off.

 

[Dirty_dave25]

The women should try pressing on the man's perineum about an inch behind his scrotum. If stimualted with enough pressure that will stimulate the prostate gland. That should finish you men off.

Not all men!!! I had a woman try that puppy out on me... if anything it mede me stop and almost loose my erection!!!

 

[Chicklet]

My boyfriend is a healthy 26 year old man in every aspect, especially sexually. He's very adventurous and has a healthy sex drive. He has a little problem though, he's never been able to cum from oral sex, ever. Not when he was younger or up to this day. It bothers the hell out of him. So, what I was wondering was if anyone could point me in the direction where I could get more information about men who suffer from this. I know that it's a fairly common thing and that he's not the only one who does.

Whether it's information on tips to try or just what causes this issue, if anyone has any information it'd be helpful.

Thanks guys!

Dan Savage is always writing about men who desensitize themselves to handjobs and blowjobs by their rough masturbation practices. Have you ever watched your guy masturbate? How could a woman's mouth or hand ever do that as hard and long as they do? They yank and pull and tug and stretch, with their left hands, their right hands, switching back and forth until the deed is finally done. The result is that no action we could ever do would get them off, because they need the rough stuff to be satisfied.

The suggestion Mr. Savage always gives is to have your guy practise some self control... to masturbate only gently, and try to get his cock to realize it's only going to get it on with soft, steady strokes. If he can train his cock to enjoy the gentle treatment, then he might find oral sex and handjobs more pleasurable.

My suggestion to you might be to try doing a hand/mouth combination. Wrap your hand around the shaft of his cock while you're blowing him, and move your mouth and hand up and down at the same time for the best stroking imitation. Suck on the head, but squeeze the shaft. It gives the guy the illusion of being swallowed whole, when in fact you're not fitting the entire thing into your throat. Benefits to you are that it's not as strenuous on your lips and mouth.

You might allow him to do the hand part, but I find that when I give that level of control up, the pumping just gets too agressive, and ends up bruising my mouth. It's not as enjoyable for me.

I wouldn't feel bad about not getting him off with your mouth, cherrystems. I've never gotten a guy off all by myself. He's had to finish himself off one way or another. A blowjob to me is just foreplay.

And you're absolutely correct in stating that this is a common problem for men. Your boyfriend isn't alone, and he shouldn't worry about it too much.

 

[emap]

I always enjoy going down on him, though there is one simple thing everybody is forgetting, guys are people to, they do actually have a brain, not that they use it often.

Anyway, what i am saying is, why not entice him while you are down there, get him in on the act so to speak. I've found that having a guy in a 69 makes him go faster or pull out line me up and fuck me because it's exciting and gets him to think about what is under his tongue and what else he will be doing with it. Now if you got a squeamish one, lay to his side leg's spread and pull a hand to yourself, he should get the idea and start fingering, which does about the same thing for him.

Now of course if he's fast and you want a little longer of him in you, this is a perfect starter because they take longer the second time especially when you get him hard again fast as possible.

Now of course as has been said, if your into it he will be to, and humming works wonders. Though you can't forget the little folds right under the head, you know where the face would be on a doll, lick that and stroke him a little. It's a very sensitive spot for guys I guess, think of it as the male clitoris.

 

[biggysmallz]

I've never cum from a blowjob either. But I know the two problems I've had with it...

1) It takes a long as hell time to cum from any form of stimulation anyways, about 30 minutes from intercourse alone.

2) I'm too thick for most girls to take comfortably and get any depth and use tongue. (6 1/2" girth, almost 6 3/4" when fully stimulated).

 

[Lappdog]

I find that the average BJ -the ol' in and out, takes longer to make me cum then the style of oral I (used to ) get from my wife. She would use her lips, tongue and soft silky skin of her face and make love to my cock in a way that made me uncontrolably aroused! It is hard to describe, but it lead to mind-blowing orgasms unmatched by any other type of sex.

Lapp

 

[KravMaga]

I'm one of those guys who finds it difficult to orgasm from a straight blow job. I find it much easier to come when I am in a 69. It is a combination of the act with the sensation that the roof of her mouth and her upper lip have on the underside of my shaft near the tip have that makes me explode. I have no doubt that I have probably been desensitized due to masturbation as someone said above; but that position really floats my boat. Good luck.

 

[TBKahuna123]

I had never cum from strictly oral sex either, until I met my wife. Part of it is that she's that good, but as I've said before that's not all technique. M's Girl said it best, it's as much about attitude and willingness as it is about techniques.

Now two things physically may be stopping your man from orgasming from oral. First, it could be that he needs stronger stimulation than your mouth alone can provide. Second, it may have just become a physcological thing with him that it won't happen, so it doesn't. So here are a couple suggestions.

1.) Stroke him while sucking. Get his shaft good and slick the use your hand almost like an extension of your mouth. You can then increase the pressure of your stroking.
2.) Try applying more suction. This is tough to maintain over a long period of time though, so refer to option 1.
3.) Play with his balls. Hey, the stepchildren need love too, but most women seem to forget about em.
4.) Attitude. Moan, hum, make eye contact, talk dirty, whatever. Let him know that doing it makes you hot too.

Above all don't make this out as a failing of yours. It's not uncommon, obviously, so it's not something your are doing wrong to not doing at all. Just the fact that you are trying to get better is a big bonus and shows how much you want to please him. Don't stress about it,just have fun.