Am I selfish?

[freakygirl]

Ok.. most of you know that 3 of my 4 children live with their father.

A choice I made a long time ago. Something I've never regretted in my life (ok, at times I do regret not having them here. But I know in my heart, where they are is best).

As they have gotten older and more involved in out of the home activities, I've sacrificed alot of visitation time with them. During the school year (up until mid March) I see them every other weekend. And I get them during Xmas and Spring Break.

Mid March until Mid/Late July I only get them when it's the most convenient for them. They are all in baseball in the city they live in. Which is 10 miles from my house. My daughter sometimes has several practices a day (in June and July). Getting them during baseball season is hard because of the constant running around that must be done.

So this year.. my ex husband and I agreed that I could have them for the month of August. Uninterupted Visitation..

The last couple of weeks my ex husbands wife has been talking about her family reunion, which is being held in Spokane Washington, on August 2, 3 and 4th. I didn't think much of this until tonight when I received an email asking when I wanted to get Zachary. That "they" (my ex husband, his wife, 2 of my kids and their kids) were leaving on Thursday evening for the reunion.

I instantly was pissed off.. This isn't my childrens family reunion. It's her family reunion. I know it was my childrens choice to go. But they (ex hubby and wife) were going on and on and on about the boats.. the lake.. the water park.. the blah blah blah..(fun stuff they were going to do while there).

So.. While I love my ex husband and his wife (they are my best friends). I also hate them for taking 4 days of my visitation away from me..

Selfish Bitch.. that's what I am

 

[Guest]

Nope. Sorry. I don't think you're selfish.
I think it hurts. And, I think it's scary. They are your children, darlin.

 

[Raina]

I don't think it's selfish to want to see your kids Freaky.

 

[Nora]

Don't beat yourself up over it, hon. It seems to me that would be a natural reaction. Is there enough time before school starts to tack 4 days on at the end?

 

[freakygirl]

Don't beat yourself up over it, hon. It seems to me that would be a natural reaction. Is there enough time before school starts to tack 4 days on at the end?

School starts September 3rd. I think they will probably go home on the 2nd.

So yeah.. I still get them the same amount of time.. but dammit. It's HER family.. NOT theirs.. I should explain that in the 8 years they have lived with their father and her, they have never met her family.

I know they will have a good time and they should meet her family. She is part of their family.. hell she is part of my family. Like I said before.. she is my best friend. I love her dearly.

I want my kids here not there.. and for some reason I can't get over the hurt.

I think I'm having a self pity moment. I miss my kids alot.


I think I'll go take a shower so I can have 10 minutes of uninterupted crying time..

 

[Nora]

*Hugs* Freaky. I don't know what to tell you, honey.

 

[nasty1]

Heck yeah, you're a shellfish. But, you're NOT being selfish.

 

[lisalove]

but dammit. It's HER family.. NOT theirs.. I should explain that in the 8 years they have lived with their father and her, they have never met her family.

Ooh this is sensitive. My honest opinion though, is that maybe it's time they did meet her family since they have lived with her as a stepmom for 8 years.

I know it tugs at the heart a bit, but you should encourage the kids to go and fake happiness for them if you have to.

 

[Debbie]

You and your ex discussed and agreed on 'uninterrupted' visitation.
I don't think you are being selfish at all. I would
be upset and disppointed too.
*sigh* But now that the kids know all the fun things that are going to happen of course they would want to go the reunion.
for freaky. Feel better soon.

 

[morninggirl5]

Freaky, how can they have been a part of her life for 8 years and never have met her family?

I don't think you're being selfish. I have to agree with lisalovesit, though. Your kids probably need to feel a part of that family, too, so they need to meet them.

 

[freakygirl]

Ooh this is sensitive. My honest opinion though, is that maybe it's time they did meet her family since they have lived with her as a stepmom for 8 years.

I know it tugs at the heart a bit, but you should encourage the kids to go and fake happiness for them if you have to.

I'm faking happiness, I haven't said anything to any of them. I will kiss them goodbye on Thursday when they drop off Zachary (he's my anti social-Nintendo playing-computer loving geek son), and tell them I love them and hope they have a good time (none of that is untrue either, I do hope they have a good time)

The reason they haven't met her family (except for her mom and sister) is because most of the family lives out of state. And this is the first time in the last 8 years that R (the step mom) has been able to go to the reunion. (They have them every 5 years or so).



Thank you everyone. I feel better now. It's amazing what a phone call to an old friend, a rant thread at Lit with responses from good friends, a shower and a good cry can do for a person.

 

[Nora]

Personally, I think your kids are damned lucky to have a cool mom like you, Freaky.

http://rockbottomdlux.freewebspace.com/holiday/BigHug.gif <---long distance hugs *grin*

 

[freakygirl]

Personally, I think your kids are damned lucky to have a cool mom like you, Freaky.

http://rockbottomdlux.freewebspace.com/holiday/BigHug.gif <---long distance hugs *grin*

I'm cool on the outside.. I hold my emotions on the inside.

Thank you for the hugs Nora.. I needed it


And debbiexxx sorry, I didn't forget you in my last post, I just forgot to add this.. I'm an airhead sometimes, Ok all of the time )

 

[Debbie]

I'm cool on the outside.. I hold my emotions on the inside.

Thank you for the hugs Nora.. I needed it


And debbiexxx sorry, I didn't forget you in my last post, I just forgot to add this.. I'm an airhead sometimes, Ok all of the time )

You are not an airhead, and I didn't feel forgotten.
But the kiss is much appreciated.
Thank you.

 

[Nora]

Thank you for the hugs Nora.. I needed it

Anything for you, toots! Did you notice that I pinched your butt while I was there? http://rockbottomdlux.freewebspace.com/smilies/Naughty.gif

 

[Debbie]

<snip> I'm an airhead sometimes, Ok all of the time )

Psst, uh freaky. Airhead is not politically correct.

How to Speak About Women and be Politically Correct:
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Don't say she is a BABE or a CHICK - She is a BREASTED HUMAN ..
Don't say she is a SCREAMER or MOANER - She is VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE.
Don't say is EASY - She is HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.
Don't say she is a TEASE or FLIRT - She engages in ARTIFICIAL STIMULATION.
Don't say she is DUMB - She is a DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.
Don't say she has BEEN AROUND - She is a PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED COMPANION.
Don't say she GETS YOU EXCITED -She causes TEMPORARY BLOOD DISPLACEMENT.
Don't say she is KINKY - She is a CREATIVE CARETAKER.
Don't say she has a KILLER BODY - She is TERMINALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Don't say she is an AIRHEAD - She is REALITY IMPAIRED.
Don't say she does gets DRUNK or TIPSY - She gets CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED.
Don't say she is HORNY - She is SEXUALLY FOCUSED.
Don't say she has BREAST IMPLANTS - She is MEDICALLY ENHANCED.
Don't say she NAGS YOU - She becomes VERBALLY REPETITIVE.
Don't say she is a SLUT - She is SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED.
Don't say she has MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS - She is PECTORALLY SUPERIOR.
And, don't say she is a TWO BIT WHORE - She is a LOW COST PROVIDER.

 

[freakygirl]

Anything for you, toots! Did you notice that I pinched your butt while I was there? http://rockbottomdlux.freewebspace.com/smilies/Naughty.gif

Yes, I did notice that.. Thank you

I think I need another shower

 

[freakygirl]

Don't say she is an AIRHEAD - She is REALITY IMPAIRED.


I found my new title


Thanks debbie

 

[Debbie]

Don't say she is an AIRHEAD - She is REALITY IMPAIRED.


I found my new title


Thanks debbie

No fair. Now I want a new one too. *stomping foot*

 

[luv2tvl69]

No not selfish, human

I think it is natural you would be hurt. They set a plan and changed it without telling you. Its wonderful you can be on such good terms with the ex especially as it does benefit the kids--no matter how old they are.

Perhaps they dont realize what they did and how it made you feel. Maybe there are a few extra days off around a school holiday you could get them, like Veterans day or Columbus day weekend. Maybe it will give you that extra time you are losing. Just a suggestion. Try not to be too sad. I hope all works out. You seem like a very UNSELFISH mom to me.

Hugs

 

[Guest]

Being the product of a family like that(all fucked up), I can tell you that the kids want to go. HER family is just as much of a family to them as you are. It would be like them not wanting the children to go to something of your families. And I know moms are stubborn and don't want to admit it, but it's true.

 

[freakygirl]

Being the product of a family like that(all fucked up), I can tell you that the kids want to go. HER family is just as much of a family to them as you are. It would be like them not wanting the children to go to something of your families. And I know moms are stubborn and don't want to admit it, but it's true.

Ok, this post hit a nerve. That doesn't happen very often.

1st.. did you read the whole thread? Or just my first post?

2nd..my family is as far from fucked up as possible. The step mom and my ex husband are mine and my boyfriends best friends. How exactly is that fucked up?

3rd.. the children didn't want to go as of last sunday. They changed there minds once they found out that they would be doing all sorts of "fun stuff". My ex husband is real good about saying something fun is going to happen. And at the last minute it has to be cancelled (but that is another story, we won't go into that here)

4th.. Where did I say that I didn't want them to be a part of her family? No where. I admitted that I wanted them here, I was being selfish. But for them I will smile and kiss them goodbye. They will come back here on Sunday August 4th and I will ask them how the trip was. And if they had a good time. They will NOT be told they can't go. They will not know that I was disappointed that I couldn't spend that time with them.

 

[Debbie]

Re: No not selfish, human

I think it is natural you would be hurt. They set a plan and changed it without telling you. Its wonderful you can be on such good terms with the ex especially as it does benefit the kids--no matter how old they are.

Perhaps they dont realize what they did and how it made you feel. Maybe there are a few extra days off around a school holiday you could get them, like Veterans day or Columbus day weekend. Maybe it will give you that extra time you are losing. Just a suggestion. Try not to be too sad. I hope all works out. You seem like a very UNSELFISH mom to me.

Hugs

She is a very unselfish loving Mom.
I wish my hubby and his ex had this sort of relationship, (and with my ex) instead we have the fucked up part going on but through no fault or lack of trying on our part. It isn't easy being a stepmom and having blended families but people like freaky and I do our best.
And you, luv2tvl69 say the nicest things.