Am I the only one...

[lovechild27]

I have heard those stats before. I get them tossed in my face often...lol. I decided though that if I ever do want kids I would like to adopt or become a foster parent though. If I want a baby down the road, why not take in one that is already here and needs a family? I get told that is weird too...wanting to adopt kids instead of having your own. I guess it wouldnt matter to me though...if I really wanted one I wouldnt care where it came from.

I have a great guy now...I want to spend my life with him. We both are not really into the kid thing. I have brought up adoption and he said he is not against it. Its nice though that we are both in the same place right now...both us us say NO...lol. Watching our friends who have kids stuggle is freakin painful...

 

[warrior queen]

nonononononono......



i wasn't intending to 'throw this in your face' - i'm on your side!

but i do believe that right now, we have many women out there who are waiting until after 30 to think about having kids, and who don't know the facts about what that really means, fertility-wise.

i put that up as a 'general info' kind of thing.

 

[Guest]

 

[Pimptress J]

You are not alone my dear.
I have a son, who is about to be 5. I love him dearly, and wouldn't trade him for the world, but I should have waited to have him. I have a very strong maternal instinct, but I really don't want anymore kids. My mom, dad and everybody else gets on me, asking when are you going to have more? NEVER is my reply for now. I am at the tail end of a nasty divorce, dating a great guy, who won't even think about having kids or a wife until he makes it past 35. He is 32.
My ex used to tell me that I was being selfish by not having another baby, that Max deserved a brother or sister, but I saw down the road to this divorce, and to go and have another kid, it prolly would have meant me going through another 5 years of living hell. No thanks.
I guess I am selfish, and anybody who tells me that, I say, yep. My life, my uterus. Fuck off.

 

[SliNgSh0t]

if you DO want a family, then it's wise to know the figures before you delay too long.

...

That list by itself is useless. I can think of a few more, I'll try to imply them in one long sentence:
Are there any single mothers out there with more than one child who lacks the education needed to get a quality job that pays enough to provide their half of the necessary two-income reality necessary to buy a home in California?

That list was explained by Darwin over 100 years ago: a biological need to overproduce offspring so that hopefully one would survive. Today, there are too many kids and too few quality parents.

If you don't want kids, great. If you find you do later, nothing is 100%. True, it's always celebrities that have successful late pregnancies, but if your young, happily married, educated contrasted to the hot blonde in tenth grade who ends up with all the kids on welfare, who are you? Pretty much like a celebrity.

 

[warrior queen]

...

That list by itself is useless. I can think of a few more, I'll try to imply them in one long sentence:
Are there any single mothers out there with more than one child who lacks the education needed to get a quality job that pays enough to provide their half of the necessary two-income reality necessary to buy a home in California?

That list was explained by Darwin over 100 years ago: a biological need to overproduce offspring so that hopefully one would survive. Today, there are too many kids and too few quality parents.

If you don't want kids, great. If you find you do later, nothing is 100%. True, it's always celebrities that have successful late pregnancies, but if your young, happily married, educated contrasted to the hot blonde in tenth grade who ends up with all the kids on welfare, who are you? Pretty much like a celebrity.

oh, what a cynical and jaded view!

fyi, i was a single muum at one stage, and not only did i have a reasonably decent job, but i did manage to end up buying my own home.

it's not an impossible scenario, it only takes a bit of planning and persistance.

and as for needing to 'overproduce offspring' - what a simplistic version of reality!

currently, the western world is facing a crisis of ageing, and if we don't at least replace todays number of elderly, then we're going to be facing a situation where we can no longer afford to take care of our old folks, because the numbers of working people paying taxes simply will not be able to keep up with the sky-rocketing costs.

quite apart from which, if a couple - or a single woman - wants to have 13 kids, that's their choice.

 

[pw27]

My husband and I have been married 5yrs and we don't have children. We're both 28. I used to get asked all the time when are you guys going to have kids? I answered no time soon, when we are ready maybe never. I love kids but am not ready to have any now. There's nothing strange or wrong with you for not wanting kids.

 

[shadow_dreamer]

YOU ARE NOT ALONE !!!

There is nothing wrong with not having kids. I was married (now divorced thank goodness) and constantly heard from everyone "when are you having kids?" I told them I had no desire to bring a child into a world that is so messed up and that I had no time to give to a child.

People used to try and argue and I always told them, "it's my life not yours, you want kids go make your own" (in a nice way until they really persist and piss me off).

My SO talked about kids and I thought about having one but due to health problems I know that's nearly impossible. Is it fair to bring a child into the world because others tell you "you're getting on in age" or "it''s the best thing you can do" and so on? I think not. But that's me.

 

[Ms_Lilith]

It seems all my friends want kids. Im in my early 20's..some of my friends barely out of their teens. They are all trying to have kids.

I really have no desire to have kids at all, for at least the next 10 years.

I get told all the time I have no maternal instinct...that there may be somethign wrong with me somewhere because I dont want to be a stay at home mommy. I want a career, not a baby to take care of. People seem to think this is bizarre and foreign. I love kids and babies...I just dont want one. Im tired of feeling weird when people ask me when I will have kids and I tell them not for a long time.

Are there any other females out there who feel the same?

You are not weird. You just have different life-goals than they do.

All of my friends are having kids, too, and it creeps me out.. I feel so young, still!

But y'see, I'm someone who won't LET myself have kids, not yet, because I want to have a career started and stuff first. I've just finished my BA, and I want to get into something I enjoy (which hopefully is also lucrative), and get my own house, and those kinds of things, before I start having kids.

But I WANT kids. Maybe it's because I've been pregnant before, and I SO enjoyed the pregnancy. Maybe it's because I've always had a very strong spawning hormone, I don't know. Maybe it's the birth control I'm on.. extra hormones, mean extra spawning mode. *shrug*

I want them, but won't let myself have them. Not till I'm more settled.

 

[PinkOrchid]

 

[lovechild27]

OOO warrior Queen I didnt think you were...lol. Im told by my mom on a regular basis IF YOU WAIT TO LONG YOUR KIDS WILL HAVE DOWN SYNDROME which I think is way cruel and screwed up...who the hell says that? Whats worse is my bf's mom...shes a typical jewish brooklyn mom...I love her and we get along great....but when we go out for dinner or something, she sits across the table from my guy and I and says things like, "I bet your kids will have beautiful brown eyes!" and "If you have three kids, one of them should have your red hair!" This is when the two of us just sorta look at each other and smirk and pray his mom doesnt see...hehe.

Its just annoying that in this day and age it is still expected that a woman MUSt have kids. It surprises me how even young girls get out of high school and have kids purposfully. I never grew up wanting a man to take care of me and the kids. Its like we took two steps forward with the womens movement but at the same time, as a sex, we didnt really get anywhere...everyone still expects us to be baby makin machines....lol

 

[grnstreak]

From a guy

I agree that everyone is different so don't feel bad if you want to wait. but hopefully you don't think that by having kids early it ruins every other aspect of your life.

I decided to have kids early for a few different reasons. I was 18, and we actually planned to have them so it wasn't an accident. (we're still together 7 years later). I did alot of things in my teens like partying, getting in the usual trouble, etc. so i didn't feel like i would be missing out on much by having kids early. But i knew between 18 and 25 years old i probably wasn't going to be a VP making $110k plus a year to be able to travel or anything. So i have built up my career as the kids are growing up. And now, after they leave for college or other things in life, i'll be at a very good point in my career money wise and be able to do some things like travel. i'll actually have the money to enjoy it then too.

That was my plan, but don't feel bad about anything you decide. If the plans work for you, then that's what matters. Different situations work for different people.

 

[Stiffy Says...]

Tell em, sister!!

Don't want children EVER, but I'm only 26 so no doctor will take any suggestion that I want to never have children seirously I decided when I was 14 and people kept telling me 'oh when you get older you'll change your mind' but I haven't in fact I've got even stronger convictions about not having children.

I love my Husband very much but I just don't want children - it's a personal choice.

When I was about 25 I tried pursuing a vasectomy through my healthcare provider. Outside of merely being abstinant about even offering it to be done, when i insisted, they insisted that I would have to watch a video about it, and told me all kind of horror stories about potentially painful and debilitating side effects for over a half hour - despite telling them that I had taken hours at reputable websites (like WebMD) researching and had come to the conclusion that I was not "daddy" material. (I had told my mom at 16 "Don't expect grandkids, I doubt I will ever ever want them - so it was not like I would easily change my mind).

Of course I hear "oh, you'll meet the right woman, and just want them so much..." and similar desperate pleas to not challenge other's perceptions that having kids is just the right thing to do. I really think they fear the independant and challenging mindset of us who decide to pass on the status quo decisions that so many others make - and later regret.

Last year, at 30, I finally got a vasectomy. Sure, it hurt - worse than the doc said it would. I think he was too rough during this so called "procedure" and pulled on something internal too hard, once I get medical insurance, I will have it checked out, and fixed if necessary. I still have some pains if too sexually active, but over time they are dulling (without a regular sexual partner, it makes it hard to work through those).

All that said, I am glad to have a vasectomy, and wish I had it done sooner. Sure, it makes finding a local partner much more difficult, but when I do, and we hit it off, that is one less thing to have to worry about.

Ladies - if you are sure you do not want kids, I strongly urge you to get your guy to get "fixed". Although it is painful and embarassing, it is easier physically on a guy than on your body. Any guy who loves you truly and deeply, agrees with being child free and proactively lives their life would gladly suck it up and "take one for the team".

 

[BTK51]

Re: Tell em, sister!!

Last year, at 30, I finally got a vasectomy. Sure, it hurt - worse than the doc said it would. I think he was too rough during this so called "procedure" and pulled on something internal too hard, once I get medical insurance, I will have it checked out, and fixed if necessary. I still have some pains if too sexually active, but over time they are dulling (without a regular sexual partner, it makes it hard to work through those).

I would get that checked out. It really doesn't hurt that much. 3 days of a very dull soreness was all that I experienced although I understand that it can be up to 7. It shouldn't hurt at all if there has been any significant time since the procedure was done.

Did you follow the post-op instructions?

 

[MrsTrooper]

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