Am I too Old-fashioned?

[Samuari]

Re: Can I go

if there is coffee and sugar

hehehe, you want to be adopted? I'll check with the best half, and get back to you.

Brie, I asked for and recieved opinions. You gave yours, and I respect it. What I was offended by was the lecture on good manners from some one who is thumbing her nose at traditional good taste.

 

[DarkAngel]

YEAHHHHHHHHHHH

 

[DarlingBri]

Oh! Sorry!

No, don't want to be adopted; I quite like my zany family, bless them

As to the manners, I was paraphrasing Judith Martin, AKA Miss Manners. Sorry if I did it from a soap box that was a little too tall for my height

 

[Mischka]

In mid-May we will be attending a wedding about 10 hours away. Both of the older girls are engaged to very nice boys that they are living with. I accept their life style, but will not condone it, so I have reserved three rooms: one for Lady S and myself, one for the four girls, and one for the two boys. Am I being too old-fashioned in forcing this sleeping arrangement on them?....No, I really didn't get much static. They respect me and know my feelings on the subject. Just got to wondering if I was being too harsh. Thanks Guys.

I've pondered this for a few days, vaguely aware of some underlying question that was not being addressed. Samurai, you've established that you are paying for the rooms. Did you book the rooms first and then tell your daughters of the sleeping arrangement, or did you offer to pay for their rooms on the condition that they sleep in separate rooms?

If you truly "forced" the sleeping arrangement on them, you may be facing unspoken animosity from your daughters. Though you raised them with a set of morals that condemns pre-marital relations/living arrangements, as adults they have chosen to reject that stance in their own lives. They have re-defined their moral parameters, most certainly including the core values you taught them, but obviously not mirroring everything you believe.

You say that they respect you, which I do not question. However, my concern lies with whether your actions show respect for your adult daughters and whether you may face problems in the future as a result of this situation. An agreement for separate sleeping arrangements is old-fashioned but acceptable. Forcing the arrangement, however, implicitly tells your daughters that you do not respect their ability to make the choice for themselves.

If you booked the rooms without their prior knowledge or consent, I urge you to be honest with them and yourself about your reasons. Given your morals, I do not think you truly accept their living arrangement. [Honestly, wouldn't you stop their living arrangement if it was up to you?] But let them know that your rejection of their lifestyle, and hence your inability to support it at the wedding, does not impact your love or respect for them as individuals.

 

[CreamyLady]

Enough already

And you wouldn't be a member of my family. We have good breeding and good manners. You have neither.

I didn't respond to this thread earlier because I had my own difficulties with it. I don't choose to share them, either, because anything I have to say on the subject is moot.

However, the above comment is so anachronistic and rude that I'm going to stick my oar in anyway.

DarlingBri, from what you've posted in the past, you have raised, at least in some minds, a question as to your moral superiority. Don't burke the idea out of hand. This is a widely diverse group of people, and given this diversity, it stands to reason that there are those who would regard your private arrangements with a married man as wrong.

Do I care? No. I myself had a five-year affair with a married man.

But to attack someone as ill-bred and mannerless because of a forcefully expressed opinion is lacking grace. Cheyenne is known for calling them as she sees them, and she did. Forecefully, true, but this is how she expresses herself when she feels strongly about something. You may express yourself in as lofty a tone as you like, but it doesn't make you her superior in any sense, if you are graceless.

If we all don't live in glass houses, at least most of us have big picture windows. Let's stop throwing these goddamned rocks, okay?

 

[CelestialBody]

I dont know if this will help...

 

[Mischka]

Celestial Body

I agree with the general intent of your post, CelestialBody, and I firmly believe people should act in accordance with their beliefs. It would be hypoocritical not to. However, Samurai is not faced with a situation of exposing his virginal daughters with moral corruption. They are sexually active adults, and he is faced with the unenviable position of clashing moral values. His actions are not "wrong," but as my post above cautions, he needs to be aware of the ramifications of his decision.

Your post reminds me of how I developed my own convictions regarding pre-marital relations. I have one sibling, a brother, and when I very young, I remember my father saying that he did not expect his son to be a virgin when he got married, but that his daughter better wear white. I have heard the same double-standard reiterated throughout my life by people of all backgrounds. But hearing it applied to me, I decided then and there that I would always respect my parents, but that I would have to decide my own moral parameters. Even though I differ somewhat from my parents' expectations, we still agree on core values and I know they respect and love me. In the end, that is what I believe is important.

 

[CelestialBody]

 

[LittleRedDevil]

In a word...

No.

 

[SleepingWarrior]

Just one thought on this...... If they want to do it I'm sure they could make plans to split the room times...seeing as I dont know them i dont know if they would, but it is something I would think of doing if I was put into this situation.

 

[Siren]

If I come to this wedding with my lover & Samauri foots the Hotel bill...........