And stop feeding that damned cat.

[Comshaw]

On some advice that I read, many times I try to make the opening of a story a hook. I want the reader to go "WTF? I gotta see where this goes." An example for my story "Stranded":

As he watched the snow falling outside the car window, Carl knew he shouldn't have tried it. He should have known better, after all, he had been raised here, had hunted these hills and had been caught more than once by a freak snowstorm.

Other times I try to setup the beginning so the reader understands where it started or who the main character is. Like this from my story, "A Common Man" :

Chelsea had been driving north for two days. She had no idea where she was other than being some where along the Pacific coast. She had stopped a few times for gas and food, had caught a few hours of sleep several times parked in turn outs along the coast close to the ocean. Each time she stopped, she paid with cash, wore a pair of large sun glasses and an old overcoat and large hat she kept in her car to wear when she wanted to be inconspicuous. Almost everyone knew who she was and if she was recognized it wouldn't be long before her agent and promoter found her. And she didn't want to be found. Not for a while anyway.

Both ways seem to work for me.


Comshaw

 

[MrPixel]

Okay, inspired by this thread, I rewrote a more active opening to the current WIP featuring a “fourple” who live together:

"(Jackson! We're overcooking the eggs!)" Cyan protests in a hoarse whisper.
"(So? I've got you right where I want you!)"
"(Pull out! I need to flip 'em! You know Steve likes his yolks runny!)"
"(Fuck Steve!)"
"(Oh, I will! But later!)"
Emily and Steven are seated at the table they set for breakfast, snickering at their spouses' antics. Jax and Cy are supposed to be preparing the morning meal for the foursome, but Jackson pulled Cyan's housecoat off and has her bent over the kitchen sink, taking her from behind.

 

[joy_of_cooking]

Relevant thread: Seductive First Sentences

 

[ElectricBlue]

Okay, inspired by this thread, I rewrote a more active opening to the current WIP featuring a “fourple” who live together:

"(Jackson! We're overcooking the eggs!)" Cyan protests in a hoarse whisper.
"(So? I've got you right where I want you!)"
"(Pull out! I need to flip 'em! You know Steve likes his yolks runny!)"
"(Fuck Steve!)"
"(Oh, I will! But later!)"
Emily and Steven are seated at the table they set for breakfast, snickering at their spouses' antics. Jax and Cy are supposed to be preparing the morning meal for the foursome, but Jackson pulled Cyan's housecoat off and has her bent over the kitchen sink, taking her from behind.

The use of brackets for a whispered exchange is a bit strange. Any particular reason for it? You've also got a weird mix of tenses going on.

 

[StillStunned]

Okay, inspired by this thread, I rewrote a more active opening to the current WIP featuring a “fourple” who live together:

"(Jackson! We're overcooking the eggs!)" Cyan protests in a hoarse whisper.
"(So? I've got you right where I want you!)"
"(Pull out! I need to flip 'em! You know Steve likes his yolks runny!)"
"(Fuck Steve!)"
"(Oh, I will! But later!)"
Emily and Steven are seated at the table they set for breakfast, snickering at their spouses' antics. Jax and Cy are supposed to be preparing the morning meal for the foursome, but Jackson pulled Cyan's housecoat off and has her bent over the kitchen sink, taking her from behind.

In the spirit of this thread, I think that five lines of dialogue before describing the scene is a little long. You're leaving the reader floundering, trying to figure out what's going on. As EB notes above, the brackets don't help.

I think you'd draw the reader in more if you changed the order a little:

"(Jackson! We're overcooking the eggs!)" Cyan protests in a hoarse whisper.
"(So? I've got you right where I want you!)"
Jackson and Cyan are supposed to be preparing the morning meal for the foursome, but Jax has pulled Cy's housecoat off and has her bent over the kitchen sink, taking her from behind. Emily and Steven are seated at the table they've set for breakfast, snickering at their spouses' antics.
"(Pull out! I need to flip 'em! You know Steve likes his yolks runny!)"
"(Fuck Steve!)"
"(Oh, I will! But later!)"

 

[HordHolm]

I must say I do like jumping into a conversation mid-way, and I like (read: overuse) the cold open, too. I'm already editing one (cold open with a jump into the middle of a conversation) for the Pandemonium Challenge, if that happens (and if it doesn't it will just be a story involving angels and demons). Not that I've got beyond 1.5k words yet, but I do like going over the opening obsessively...

 

[Rustyoznail]

Just reading over my posted stories and I realised I usually start with some scene setting conversation. Eg...

"For fuck's sake, Johnno, lower. Hit me lower. And hard." Jen stepped back and slapped her boobs. "This is the target area in a fight. Those punches at the shoulder will be called for being too high every single time. You could slip and punch the head. Stop it."

From https://literotica.com/s/hit-me-harder

Wasn't planned, though.

 

[MrPixel]

I think you'd draw the reader in more if you changed the order a little:

OK, that works, too.

As to the parentheses, I’ve been doing that for years. Yes, it’s different. When writing dialog among more than two characters, it, to me, denotes an aside.

You've also got a weird mix of tenses going on.

Explain. I don’t see it.

 

[Kelliezgirl]

For those of you who are fans of "It was a dark and stormy night." The immortal words were penned by Bulwer Lytton. There is an annual contest in his honor where you try and write the worst possible opening sentence.

https://www.bulwer-lytton.com/

 

[M_K_Babalon]

In the spirit of this thread, I think that five lines of dialogue before describing the scene is a little long. You're leaving the reader floundering, trying to figure out what's going on. As EB notes above, the brackets don't help.

I think you'd draw the reader in more if you changed the order a little:

I doubt readers will be absolutely lost by the fifth line at the beginning of a story. Give them some credit. Well if they are, after reading that; it won't be because of too much dialog, but the dialog itself.

 

[Kumquatqueen]

Here's the start of a work in progress: (asterisked words will be in italics eventually)

"You need *me*? To be your plus-one to a wedding? What happened to that bloke Laura found for you?"

My mate Adrian is almost as bad at relationships as I am. To be fair, getting widowed wasn't his fault. He's been back on the men, since his wife died. Even tried pulling me again, as if lots of crap drunken gay sex when we were students 20 years ago wasn't enough.

"Dan? He's fine. It's his sister's wedding though; she wants him upon the top table, with the family. So she asked if I could supply a *lovely* chap to even out the numbers on my table. Who would look good in a suit."

"Uh-huh. And I was the nearest you could think of?" There's going to be a gay best friend who's single, isn't there?

(Why yes, there is indeed a gay best friend who's single, and we can bet on the speaker and said GBF getting together... eventually...)

Comments? I may get rid of Laura's name as she's not in this story.

 

[M_K_Babalon]

Here's the start of a work in progress: (asterisked words will be in italics eventually)

"You need *me*? To be your plus-one to a wedding? What happened to that bloke Laura found for you?"

My mate Adrian is almost as bad at relationships as I am. To be fair, getting widowed wasn't his fault. He's been back on the men, since his wife died. Even tried pulling me again, as if lots of crap drunken gay sex when we were students 20 years ago wasn't enough.

"Dan? He's fine. It's his sister's wedding though; she wants him upon the top table, with the family. So she asked if I could supply a *lovely* chap to even out the numbers on my table. Who would look good in a suit."

"Uh-huh. And I was the nearest you could think of?" There's going to be a gay best friend who's single, isn't there?

(Why yes, there is indeed a gay best friend who's single, and we can bet on the speaker and said GBF getting together... eventually...)

Comments? I may get rid of Laura's name as she's not in this story.

I don't know why this never crosses my mind, knowing tv shows and movies do this.

 

[ShelbyDawn57]

I don't know why this never crosses my mind, knowing tv shows and movies do this.

The parenthetical aside to the reader is a little too direct for my taste. I prefer to tease things like that. Maybe just a smile and a shrug. Let the reader play with what might happen until it does. Don’t give up your suspense.

 

[Djmac1031]

Oh I've definitely used that kind of opening, most notably in My Daughter, The Nudist.

You know, in case the title didn't give enough info lol.

"Leah! What the hell???"

My daughter had been home from her summer trip to Europe less than twenty-four hours, and here she was, walking around the house, stark naked.

"Didn't I tell you, Daddy? I'm a nudist now."

 

[ShelbyDawn57]

Oh I've definitely used that kind of opening, most notably in My Daughter, The Nudist.

You know, in case the title didn't give enough info lol.

"Didn't I tell you, Daddy? I'm a nudist now."

Perfect word choice... LOL

 

[Kumquatqueen]

The parenthetical aside to the reader is a little too direct for my taste. I prefer to tease things like that. Maybe just a smile and a shrug. Let the reader play with what might happen until it does. Don’t give up your suspense.

That was just for you guys, seeing as you're not getting the rest of the story! I agree, if readers don't notice a blatant Chekov's gun, it's on them.

One bit of suspense-building I'm proud of is at the top of page 3 of 7, not the beginning. After legal discussions of how to thwart anti-porn legislation, you get this exchange:

"I suppose. Maybe you could offer to be a demo bunny, in court?"

We both laugh at [our lawyer] Kash's suggestion. Performing a scene, for actual judges, in the opulent House of Lords? What a ridiculous idea!

Guess what happens...

 

[djrip]

Often I like to start with dialogue:

"We've got a bit of an ask for you, Tom," said the voice on the line. "We're short on RA's. Specifically female RA's. We've got them handling two or three floors each in some of the dorms now."

"That's going to be a hard semester for some of them," he chuckled. "How can I help?"

"Well, we thought you might fill in at one of the smaller residences. Lyttefel Hall? Over by the south quad. You know it?"

"I know it's a women's dormitory," he said warily.

"It's just a few rooms," Connie assured him. "I can't take an RA away from two floors in Jefferson for that! But we can't have a whole dorm with no supervision either. Come on, please?"

He sighed. "Okay, when do I start?"

"But I already promised Maya I'd help her with her sociology assignment, Jack." Lori gave an adorable little pout. "Sorry, buddy."

"Oh come on! It's my birthday tomorrow and you're going to be gone all weekend?"

"You'll be fine. Go hang out with your guy friends."

"You know you're my favorite. We were going to watch cheesy horror movies! It's not the same without my best pal."

"Ok, look." She pushed her big glasses up her nose and leaned in. "Why don't you come with me? Spend the weekend at the lake. That's a fun birthday."

"Really? What about the big assignment?"

"It'll be fine. You can help too."

"Ehh, that doesn't sound that fun..."

"Oh come on. What else are you going to do, hang out here and play video games? Wouldn't you rather watch scary movies with me in the woods?"

"Yes."

"Then grab a toothbrush. I'm leaving in a few minutes."

"I don't even have time to pack?"

"Don't be such a girl," she said, punching his shoulder. "It's the woods. There's food at Maya's cabin. What do you need?"

"Okay okay, let's go."

Or, there's florid description...

The brick walkway up to the sprawling old house was dappled with flickering shade from the overhanging oaks. Nearly invisible little bugs flitted through the sunbeams, blazing for brief moments into the light and vanishing just as suddenly. Susan clomped up the path, one plaid sock drooping around her ankle. She tugged on her pleated skirt and pushed her glasses all the way to the top of her nose.

And rapid immersion:

Hazy light filtered into the room through lazily swaying curtains as Tom began to stir. He shifted, feeling warm flesh against him. There was a soft snore, and Rita moved a little, pressing her naked body more firmly into his. His cock was quite spent from the night before, but he was just waking up and it showed. It was about half-way firm, and felt great nestled in the moist crevice between the cheeks of her ass.

He stretched, rolling over to encounter the second young woman in his bed.

 

[samhasstories]

Now I think about it, my erotica openings are pretty clunky. It's so situational, I have a hard time resisting the temptation to begin with laying out the scene. Even though I know that might not always be the best writing. It's much more random in my other writings, in media res and all that, right in the middle of the action. I think that's better. Probably something I should work on in my erotica, but I tend to spend less time polishing the craft and more time getting to the sex.

 

[DustofFallenStars]

This opening passage from my published story is actually a recurring leifmotif that helps frame the story.

When Dawn dreamt, she dreamed of flying.

There's a moment at the top of a leap, when you've pushed off with your feet and you reach that single instant where gravity and momentum are in perfect opposition. A fraction of a heartbeat where all the forces are pulling on you in harmony to balance and cancel each other out.

Dawn had loved that sensation, even as a child, spending her summers leaping from the ledge at the top of the waterfall into the icy cold pool below. She learned to tumble and spin, trying to increase the length of time that feeling would last before plunging into the water, feeling the buoyancy of the cool water taking over in its own imitation of weightlessness. She would dive from the top again and again, until her body ached and her feet grew numb from the cold.

When Dawn dreamed, she dreamt of flying. When the dreams were good dreams, she dreamt of being free of the burden of gravity, of sparkling motes of sunlight dancing on the water far below her, and the sensation of floating in the sky as if she would never fall.

When the dreams were good dreams.

The MC begins the story asleep, and each time she naps or passes out over the course of the day there is another passage regarding her dreams that reveals more about her story and context of the tale.

There's an ominous open-endedness to the closing line in the opening passage, intended to draw the reader further in.

The passages also bookend and frame the story, giving a structure and flow to the tale that allows for these out-of-context passages that act as scene dividers to the reader, finally ending on an epilogue that closes the story cleanly, harkening back to the recurrent dream passages that helped move the story along and finishing the tale by providing the conclusion to the open question posed in the opening passage.

 

[joy_of_cooking]

@DustofFallenStars I remember your story. That was great. I loved how each repetition revealed more.

 

[AlexBailey]

Wendy scanned the surf break, her strong hands flexing at her binoculars. She took her job as a beach lifeguard very seriously and wasn’t sure having a new crush show up at the guard tower was such a good idea, but there she was, her warrior princess of water polo, walking directly toward her up the sand from the shoreline to guard tower fourteen.

A trainee last summer, this year Wendy guarded her own tower. Her full focus was supposed to be on the job and night school, not on a romantic interest, but the kinky olive-skinned girl grabbed more than just her attention during the school-league finals.

-------------------


I like reading cold openings but writing them is tough, I always want to fill in details and have background in motion before I get my characters talking. I think I'd have to start in on writing a story then go back and radically rearrange it after the fact to do it effectively.

All you creative author folks are pretty amazing and all.... especially you single draft writers.