Are Men Holding Out Longer?

[Laurel]

In my two years of reading this BB, I've noticed quite a few college-aged virgin guys posting. So I was wondering...

Are men holding out longer nowadays?

Are they just more willing to admit their virgin status here than they would in RL? Thus, is Lit a representative sample?

OR does Lit attract a certain type of man?

Or am I just babbling inanely, again?

 

[Weevil]

Well, I did. I think you hit it on the head when you said that people are more willing to admit it here. It simply doesn't get you props to say to your friends over beers "I'm really just waiting for that one special girl."

 

[p_p_man]

I suppose it could be said that if you can't, won't or don't do it then read, talk or write about it...

 

[SweetNick]

My friends know. Its not something that we sit around and discuss at length. I sorta take pride in it though. Yeah, I'm waiting, not for marraige, b/c lord knows when/if that'll happen, but instead for someone that really care about. I've always taken care of myself and had the utmost respect for me, so I want to be sure that who I share myself with does as well.

That said, I do suppose that its easier to discuss when you're not face to face with people. One thing I do notice though when it does come up is something along the following, "Oh, I wish I would have waited..." I never know whether to apologize for a bad first time, or what? I mean am I just that much stronger willed or what?

 

[DarlingBri]

Lit...

...be it in writing, reading, posting or chatting form, is an outlet for sexual expression. It might be more attractive to those men in that age group who don't have a partner.

For those of us who are post-grad, so to speak, it's perhaps more about exploration of the fantasies which have solidified through sexual experience, and likewise about exploring our ideas and thoughts with other open-minded adults.

?

 

[Weevil]

It would depend on which group of friends I was with. If most of the guys were also virgins it wasn't a big deal but when talking with guys who are detailing last nights conquests you don't really want to pipe up with your lack of experience so I would just stay quiet
As to your other point it helps if your first time is with a girl who is more experienced than you are. She can help you through certain things and will probably be more understanding about you not knocking her socks off on your first try.

 

[His Whimsicality]

Re: Lit...

...be it in writing, reading, posting or chatting form, is an outlet for sexual expression. It might be more attractive to those men in that age group who don't have a partner.

?

You know what? You might be right at that.

 

[DarlingBri]

As to your other point it helps if your first time is with a girl who is more experienced than you are. She can help you through certain things and will probably be more understanding about you not knocking her socks off on your first try.

Can I let you in on a little secret?

While it may be true that having a more experienced partner to whom you lose your virginity is an advantage in some ways, here's the truth about "knocking her socks off on your first try."

It's usually pretty crap the first time ANY two people -- even the most experienced lovers in the world -- go to bed together.

Why? Because they just met in a bar and know *nothing* about each other's bodies.

Most women don't orgasm through intercourse alone. We come through oral sex, clitoral/manual stimulation, etc., all the stuff two people in a relationship do BEFORE they have sex. Yes, a woman can come during fucking if her partner rubs her clitoris, just the same way he'd rub it if they weren't fucking. The actual in-out bit is great, but it's not a particular talent.

Therefore, if you and your partner spend a lot of time getting to know each other, learning each others bodies and preferences, etc., then the sex will be fine and get better, if they're virgins or not.

Please remember that the erotic fiction here is fiction. For a woman, losing her virginity is typically an "ouch" experience. All these tales about virgins taken to the heights of pleasure their first time are, I think, just stories. NONE of my girlfriends ever came their first time.

In fact, most of my girlfriends don't come the first time with a new lover 15 years later, especially if they don't know them well!

Just my opinion, of course

[Edited by DarlingBri on 03-31-2001 at 12:14 AM]

 

[Ravenloft]

God, I'd love to learn a ladies body!

...And her preferences too!

 

[Weevil]

You probably are bang on with all of what you said. What I meant with "Knocking her socks off" Is that growing up a teenage boy with very little luck with women at all your exposure to sex is through things like porn, where people act like its all gravy .
It isn't so much that you don't knock her socks off but that you think you should and it can be, well, disappointing you don't when you had waited for so long. You are expecting it too be mindblowing and in some respects it is but still....
I can't claim to be an expert being as I've been with the grand total of one woman but you are definitely right in your statement that it gets better as you learn. It was for me and I would be so presumptuous as to say that it is most likely the case 99% of the time.

 

[Vlad]

Well, I suppose I'm just a promiscuous hedonist..I live for today because there is no guarantee of a tommorrow, but I practice safe sex and always carry 2 or 3 condoms..

I had intercourse with the opposite sex at an early age and have never regretted it..My current g/f's share the same view point concerning sex as I do which makes for a compatible relationship.

Vlad

[Edited by Vlad on 03-31-2001 at 12:29 AM]

 

[DarlingBri]

I think...

...that if bother partners lower their expectations, and try not to have any about the first time, then everything good about it is a wonderful suprise and everything not great isn't a major shock.

The idea is that you have to start somewhere, and after the initial round a lot of the stress goes away, leaving you relaxed enough to find your own particular, combined path to mutual pleasure.

It takes practice!

 

[Weevil]

But....

Don't you think that in a society where we put such weight on putting sex off that high expectations are inevitable?

Practice, huh? Could think of worse things to be practicing. Law or Medicine for example.

 

[MysteryJKR]

raises hand

Welp I think im one of the only virgins left on this board. I be the youngest from what I can tell and well yep just like laurel said. hehe. College ages virgin boy. dats me.

I am holding out because well, I want it to be special and with someone I really really care bout and would trust with all my heart. I dunno if thats icky or like to high of standards or whatever, but I dont want it to just happen and not be something im gonna wanna remember for the rest of my life, I want it to be very nice and special.

I honostly dont even see it happening anytime soon. hehe. Probably not until i get married. hehe. not that I want it that way but if anyone asks maybe ill say that and sound valient. *grin*

 

[DarlingBri]

Re: But....

Don't you think that in a society where we put such weight on putting sex off that high expectations are inevitable?

No.

Not the first time. Those expectations are based on movies. You can no more expect to make fantastic love your first time together than you can expect to leap tall buildings in a single bound.

I watch movies with these really hot "stranger encounter" sex scenes between two people where the chick is screaming her head off and the dude is all masterful and going on for 40 minutes, and I think "that's bullshit." Everyone I know thinks, "that's bullshit."

The meeting of high expectations is something you can strive for over time.

 

[p_p_man]

But you can...

have fantastic sex the first time you go to bed with a new partner. Love is a state of mind and sex is, well we all know what it is. The first few times as a teenager or whatever has to be a learning curve and if you both learn correctly you will have a wondefully full sexual life ahead of you. I you don't learn then I'm afraid there can only be the fruitless search for the unreachable.

I've been to bed with many women on a first date and the sex has been great because at the time we both wanted to satisfy our own physical needs. The tenderness came later when we were getting to know each other better.

I'm afraid DarlingBri that when you say making fantastic love you are concentrating on the one thing that two people getting physical on their first night are NOT doing. They're just having good old fashioned, let's get rid of this itch together, sex.

Unfortunately I can't send you any evidence of what I'm saying but rest assured I have no regrets. My sex life presents no problems and is ongoing and do you know what? All the women I have ever been physical with and am still in touch with remain good friends of mine even though our lives have moved on...

 

[Svedish_Chef]

I would hold out for you Laurel...

No seriously... lit isn't full of idiots...
As you well know so I'd like to think we have the good kind sweet people here.

I haven't got laid in over four years and not through lack of offers... maybe we as a general thing are just more moral.

 

[28male]

holding out?

For the record this is my first comment since signing up as a member.

As my name would suggest, i am a 28 male.and at the moment still a virgin.

I question myself all the time as to why i am still so,and i realize that i have had opportunities but as yet not fully wanted to,even though i would love to lose it finally.

there is only one person in my life who at the moment i would gladly sleep with that i know,and she is a 49 yr old woman i work with who adores me ,i have learnt to love her and have become very fond of her.We do flirt with each other and i think she would be happy to have me,but sadly she is married and i cannot bring myself to make a serious pass.
One other thing worth mentioning is that she knows all this as i have told her,yet we still have a fantastic friendship.

So the moral really is,she has shown me that its important to care for someone first,and not just get straight down to the "business".

So i for one am holding out for the right person but i have to say its becomming harder and harder )

 

[Mustang Sally]

So i for one am holding out for the right person but i have to say its becomming harder and harder

No pun intended?

 

[28male]

So i for one am holding out for the right person but i have to say its becomming harder and harder

No pun intended?

Heh) no pun intended,but yes you could say theres some truth in that Mustang!

 

[WriterDom]

I think sexual compatibility is too important to be left up to chance. Fuck early and often. If you do find someone you want to settle down with then don't have sex 2 or 3 months before the wedding. Then you can "play" virgin together. Sounds much more erotic than two virgins groping around in the dark.