As America becomes more stratified, are we seeing more "throuple" relationships? Should we?

[JimDee676]

We like to accept a Biblical version that says family formation happened due to God, going back to Adam and Eve. I'm not here to debate that but I'll say another key to family formation is much more basic -- going back to Caveman days -- survival, starting with food and keeping warm during the colder months.

Advance multiple thousands of years and enter in The Dismal Science, i.e., economics.

Family formation is often about economics and power, especially at the higher levels. It started with royalty and expanded into the nobility and gentry in Europe -- as well as Asia -- and into the Americas. Who you married determined your station in life. The more well off your partner, the brighter your future as a couple, including for any children who arrived.

Today, we have a challenging economy due to a multiple factors -- new and changing industries, older industries undergoing lots of change, changing required skillsets, education challenges due to high costs, overseas influences, domestic politics, etc., etc.

As a result, I've come to believe one of the great civil rights debates the United States will have in the 21st century -- as well as much of the western world -- is what constitutes a legal family. I believe we'll see multiple types of families struggling for legal recognition. Many will look similar to the plural marriage relationships you see in Utah and other parts of the United States where members of the Mormon faith live. Many will look like polyandry -- one woman, multiple men. And, yes, she'll in charge.

There could be many other versions, too. Three women -- one man. Five women -- five men. Some of the partners will be older, some will be younger. Some will be heterosexuals. Some will be gay. Some will be bi. Some will be a mix of both, including trans.

The pushback to this won't come from just the courts and the politicians. It'll likely also include the insurance industry.

 

[Britva415]

Should we?

Imagine leaving it to people to just do what they want.

Maybe you meant "should you." You seem to have talked yourself into it with your original post. How's it going with that?

 

[Mike302]

Imagine leaving it to people to just do what they want.

Maybe you meant "should you." You seem to have talked yourself into it with your original post. How's it going with that?

My wife seems to have all of her needs met. She has no interest in reconfiguring our situation at this time.

I would not want to injure our relationship by pushing for any change that is not aligned with her desires.

 

[GoodnessO]

Wow.... There's a lot to your post - perhaps too much for me to respond to. ..But as to the above.

I don't think I'm a "Top Man", but I certainly landed an unbelievably awesome woman. ..I will admit that relative to others my age I am quite good looking. Back when we met I was probably average but whereas time has put 30 lbs on most guys my age and taken all of their hair, I've maintained the exact same waist and hairline. These are genetic gifts for which I'm grateful. ..So relative to other guys anywhere near my age, I'm at least 90th percentile in terms of physical attractiveness (yeah, that's an annoying boast, but it is what it is).

But I'm not a great earner. ..I've always had a job and have always done "ok". ..But since our 3rd year after college and through the entirety of our marriage, my wife has ALWAYS earned more than me - at times more than double! Despite this, she adores me. ...Why? Well, for one, I'm not ashamed of it nor apologize for it - I'm a confident man who doesn't act diminished by it. ..Any evolved woman should want career & pay-equity and part of that means not looking down your nose at men who earn less. ..And she doesn't. But more importantly I make her laugh everyday, I express genuine interest in her sometimes painfully long stories and gripes about work and I always have her back. And I praise her beauty every damn day - and I mean it when I do! ..She's beautiful to me and I make damn sure she knows it. And she fell in love with these qualities because she got to observe them up close while we lived on the same dorm floor in college and as we dated afterward.

Unfortunately, these days... too often people use dating apps where a person is reduced to a head shot, captions, and a blurb about themselves. When they mention what they do for a living, they've then given the person looking enough to decide whether to swipe left or right. ..So fucking sad.

My advice these days is stay off the apps. Play pickle ball, golf, tennis...curling, evening classes at community college, whatever! Just go somewhere where other single people can get a better idea of who you are than an App.

So it's not all about looks, and it's not all about money...

And its not all about the sex... or at least that's what I thought when I married the 2nd time... silly me, LOL. But my husband (current, #2) has made up for it, by loving me enough to grant me open marriage.
And I have, for a long time now, thought it would be best if I had 2 husbands... with it least 1 of them being a great cook (or at least able to manage the basics) cause I don't want to always have to cook, especially for 2 men.... & at least 1 of them great in bed... experience not necessary to apply, willing to train, LOL. I can be a pretty good teacher.

 

[Justabaldguy70]

And its not all about the sex... or at least that's what I thought when I married the 2nd time... silly me, LOL. But my husband (current, #2) has made up for it, by loving me enough to grant me open marriage.
And I have, for a long time now, thought it would be best if I had 2 husbands... with it least 1 of them being a great cook (or at least able to manage the basics) cause I don't want to always have to cook, especially for 2 men.... & at least 1 of them great in bed... experience not necessary to apply, willing to train, LOL. I can be a pretty good teacher.

Teaching in bed or cooking? Or cooking in bed?

 

[GoodnessO]

Teaching in bed or cooking? Or cooking in bed?

No cooking (nor smoking) in bed.

 

[Yarglenurp]

Teaching in bed or cooking? Or cooking in bed?

She’s bedding the cooker to teach the bedder as he cooks.

 

[MaturemanAJ]

I honestly think we could be a throuple with her bestie as the wife leans bi and so does her bestie. The three of us have spent a small amount of time that way and it works to a degree.
I am pretty sure my wife is ok with me having sex with another female but she wants my love first and foremost and second" doesn't want to lose me"

Me, I am getting older and having another guy around could also work but my wife says " I can't keep up with you why would I need two?"
We are at the age my wife just wants love and security. Me I want love and lots of sex until my dick no longer gets hard.

 

[GoodnessO]

I've wondered how a throuple would work here on Lit, since my dull and monogamous real life would never lend itself to this fantasy I think LIT would be a great outlet to explore with two women. I assume there are chat apps out there where three people can be involved at once.

I think the Lit chat rooms can do that, but other people might join the chat room... maybe you'd like that, too.

 

[forgotmyantidepressants]

I see multi-generational homes coming back before thruples before the norm. The last thing I need in my life is a another husband

 

[ILoveMilfs69]

It's all a race to the bottom.

 

[Mike302]

I see multi-generational homes coming back before thruples before the norm. The last thing I need in my life is a another husband

I agree. I don't think my supposition is going to be very common. Because of the men. Too many are possessive and potentially violent. Most women aren't going to want that kind of chance when they could live with family or other women.

Your post sums it up pretty well! One man is too many for most women to tolerate the trouble / mess they can cause. How the heck can she deal with two?!

Women can find a guy for play time anytime they want. Don't need them in the house full-time for that.

I appreciate all of the responses.

 

[ElvieG]

I was happily married with two daughters for a decade before we decided to invite a female friend to join us. At first, our relationship with the other woman was entirely based on the platonic friendship between her and me. Still, once we realised that we were also sexually and romantically inclined towards one another, it developed into a thruple. I don't really like that word, but it is what it is...

Over the course of a few months, we went from thinking of it as a sexual adventure without any real consequences to realising the personal and legal implications of inviting a third person into our lives. All three of us discussed it for several months before anything actually happened. We knew the other woman well enough to trust her completely, so it was mainly a matter of safeguarding her interests if things went wrong.

On the plus side, all three of us belong to the same family-oriented culture. We have two young daughters, and she is divorced and childless. We are all in our early forties, solvent, and working in fairly high-earning professions, so money was never a serious consideration.

On the negative side, we invited the other woman into our family, knowing that she had already had one serious medical issue that may have serious implications for her future well-being. If the worst happened, we'd support her just as we will support our parents when they need us.

So far, all three of us are living our best lives and have no regrets at all. We all work and cooperate in running the house. Our daughters regard Rosa as their aunt, and she dotes on them. All three families know the nature of our relationship, and whatever they think privately, they are generally supportive towards us. We avoid explaining ourselves to neighbours and casual acquaintances because it's just easier to let them think whatever they want. The only problems we've had so far have been with our daughter's school, but I had a bad relationship with them long before Rosa joined us.