asking the girl out

[guywithglasses]

well, here is my situation.

i broke up with my girlfriend of about 3 years last summer. i've had a few flings, gotten her out of my system.

i met a girl, she's a bartender. my friends and I would go there, and she was just awesome. through a strange turn of events, she's childhood friends with my best friend's girlfriend. so we've all become really chummy. (this isn't a, how do i ask out a waitress/bartender question, really)

so, we all get along, we laugh. Yes, our primary way to hang out is to drop by her bar. she lets us stay afterwards, i have her phone number, all that good stuff.

but, alas...i dont know how to ask her out. were not the best of friends, but, its a good situation. i really like her, i know i can make her laugh, and i know she can make me laugh.

i havent done this in a long while. she's fantastic, i am pretty alright, and i just cant think of a way to do this....its a crush, a bad one...

any advice?

 

[EjAcKuLaToR]

Try this. Next time you're with her, tell her she has a pretty smile, (or eyes, etc. name one) and you really enjoy her company and would like to ask her to go out with you sometime.

Act sincere but casual about it. Drop the nervousness for just as long as it takes to get the words out of your mouth and you'll be fine. Have a drink beforehand if you think that helps you. Hell she's a bartender, she'll fix you one.

Better than that, when you get to the bar, tell her that you're getting ready to ask out a beautiful girl and that you need a drink for a little courage. She'll fix you a strong one ...then all you have to do is say..."it's you I want to ask out".
Boyish and a little schooly, but I bet she gives you some by the 3rd date with that line.

Cheers and good luck. The bottom line is JUST ASK HER OUT. Doesn't really matter how you do it. If she wants to go she WILL. Even if you're a klutz about it. If she doesn't want to go, you haven't lost anything but one second's worth of pride, and that isn't anything an additional drink won't take care of.

If she likes you but doesn't want to date you she won't be a prick about it. She'll just tell you. She doesn't want to ruin a good friendship...right.

Relax and get the girl of your dreams and then come back here and we'll tell you how to get your way with her.

Again, good luck.

 

[rydia57]

Hey I know a ton of guys I'd like to ask out... but I won't. Say something really neat like "you wanna go somewhere... do something?' Well its just something I fantasize about a guy asking me. It would work tho, it's not binding, and she can only say no. Take a breath and enjoy her company.

 

[SweetErika]

Hey I know a ton of guys I'd like to ask out... but I won't. Say something really neat like "you wanna go somewhere... do something?' Well its just something I fantasize about a guy asking me. It would work tho, it's not binding, and she can only say no. Take a breath and enjoy her company.

See, with me, that approach isn't likely to work well. I'm better off knowing the person has a specific idea in mind, like grabbing a coffee or drink in the next week or two.

That shows a) they have an idea of what to do, and b) I can accept or reject or suggest something I'm more comfortable with based on my schedule and what I'm looking for. I'm not apt to commit when their idea of 'doing something sometime' might be spending all day together three months from now, when I may or may not still like them, or know them well enough to spend that much time together in one shot.

But, 'Different strokes...' and all that!

Guy, I'd keep it fairly simple and go with something like, "I have a lot of fun when we hang out at the bar, and would like to get to know you better. Would you like to grab a coffee and talk more sometime?" If she agrees, ask her when the best time is for her, and go from there.

You could also think about common interests, point one out (e.g. art, museums, trying new restaurants, a movie you're both likely to enjoy), and ask if she'd like to do that activity with you. I bet she'll be impressed that you've been listening to her and exploring common ground is likely to set things off on the right foot.

 

[mjl2010]

Well, don't act sincere, be sincere. That's the first thing. The second thing is, just ask her. If you don't, someone else will and you'll regret it all your life.

Have a place and time in mind. I wouldn't ask when the bar is busy, because she's going to be busy. If you know when she's home, call her at home.

I'd at least have a time to suggest. But ask her out first, then suggest the time. That way, she gets to say yes. then you can negotiate the time.

"So Jane, I'd really like to get to know you better. Can we get coffee or lunch sometime?"

"Sure. I'd like that."

"Great, how about Wednesday if that works for you?"

Uh huh, next thing you know, you're buying an engagement ring, planning the big day. Walking down the aisle. Yep, you're all set you suave smooth talker.



MJL

 

[VelvetDarkness]

I used to be a barmaid and got asked out fairly frequently. If she's as nice as you think she is she'll be used to letting drunk guys down gently. Just as a barmaid is duty bound to be polite to pervy men, she also has to brush them off without too much wounded pride flying about the place.

What I mean is, if you ask her out, especially if your friends are in earshot, she is unlikely to shoot you down and make you look a fool. Your worst case scenario is "that's really sweet but I'm dating X." or something equally polite.

If you catch her after the bar closes then she won't be in work mode but I still don't think you have a great deal to lose here. She won't bar you or never speak to you again. The next time you go to that bar she'll still be polite - it's her job.

Ask her out with confidence and sincerity. Make sure she knows that it's not the drink talking and that you're looking for more than a fumble or a fling. If she says yes, fantastic. If not, retire gracefully and sincerely wish her well. You don't have to jeopardise your friendship with this woman.

Best of luck.

 

[guywithglasses]

thanks for the great replies,

I think im just going to see if she wants to hang out on her day off, shes already a friend, she's single, and we all hang out in a group of people, so its not like it's out of no where.

the whole bar thing isn't the typical, asking a bartender out routine, were all past that stage, which is good.

so yeah, im just going to be cool, ask her to hang out on her day off, and shew what happens.

 

[mjl2010]

thanks for the great replies,

I think im just going to see if she wants to hang out on her day off, shes already a friend, she's single, and we all hang out in a group of people, so its not like it's out of no where.

the whole bar thing isn't the typical, asking a bartender out routine, were all past that stage, which is good.

so yeah, im just going to be cool, ask her to hang out on her day off, and shew what happens.

Man, so have someplace to go. Really. Even if it's just coffee. Buy her lunch. Make it a date. hangin out is like teens hanging at the mall. If you want this chick, ask her out on a DATE.

MJL

 

[guywithglasses]

yeah, by hanging out, i dont mean sitting around watching television, wrong word. I live in boston, we can always hang out at the musueum of fine art or something rad like that.

 

[SensualCealy]

If you are allowed to stay after the bar closes, use that to your benefit.

Start picking up glasses with her to make her clean up just that little bit faster, as you are doing this, catch her away from your best bud and his girl and say something like...

"You know, I don't want you to think Im an alcoholic coming in here all the time, but its the only way I can get to see your beautiful smile. Do you think we could get together away from the bar for dinner, or a show, or both this week?

Just a suggestion.
C

 

[Colonel Hogan]

"How 'bout we get together sometime, just the two of us. I would love to take you to wherever your favorite place is for people to wait on you and fix you drinks."

 

[guywithglasses]

so, i got her to come out with the group of friends that i/we have. she;s good friends with one of mybest friends, so its a little more laid back, and i can then actually get to know her a little bit better, and see if this is really worth pursuing. and, then, she can see me with my friends, and how awesome we all are, and how were loads of fun, and then i can ask her out, when i get to know her a little better.

but, fact is, i invited her out with "us" and shes a huge johnny depp fan, so life is good! thanks tim burton!

 

[Lithographer]

So how's this going?

Can your friend's girlfriend help you with any information?

I just got the let's be friends routine a few days ago, so give me some good news, OK?

 

[Bert Notorius]

Try the Boomhower approach. (King of the Hill?) His approach to getting women is just ask them all. Eventually one will say yes. Or do you want one specific woman? Anyway, it would be good practice.

 

[kimbernee]

As a woman, I can tell when a guy is interested. If he doesn't make some kind of definite move, then I get bored and move on. I wouldn't settle for her hanging out with you and your friends. Say something, do something, definite. She knows already. She's just waiting to see if you're man enough to admit it.

 

[south_florida_bicur]

Velvet - daja vue

didn't we go down this road the other day?

lol

 

[VelvetDarkness]

Velvet - daja vue

didn't we go down this road the other day?

lol

I actually thought I had already seen this thread at first. Maybe we should just hook this guy up with the other one and let them work it all out.

 

[guywithglasses]

things are going pretty well, were going to go see juno next week, then get some coffee!!!!!!!!!!

she works an awful lot, and so do i, but we'll see, she seems into it all thus far, she loves my group of friends, we hang out at her bar a lot, so, theres a lot of report and laughs going around.

So, yeah, its progressing!!! I really like her a lot, she has black hair, tattoos, she's 21, and has a supernintendo. it's pretty much all i need.

 

[VelvetDarkness]

Glad everything is working out for you hon.

 

[Bigg_Capone]

Never mind. lol

 

[guywithglasses]

okay, so she came over and hung out with my friends and such, we cooked a big dinner, had an awesome beer induced conversation about scat porn and stupid people we've all had sex with.

now, she's currently "single" and "boning some dude" what does that mean exactly. do you think i still have a chance, she made it clear shes single, which is good. i was also the only other "single" person in the room, which bodes well for me too.

i also think i need to modify my strategy, be more forceful etc. she seems pretty well adjusted....and knows what she wants and how to get it.

 

[SweetErika]

okay, so she came over and hung out with my friends and such, we cooked a big dinner, had an awesome beer induced conversation about scat porn and stupid people we've all had sex with.

now, she's currently "single" and "boning some dude" what does that mean exactly. do you think i still have a chance, she made it clear shes single, which is good. i was also the only other "single" person in the room, which bodes well for me too.

i also think i need to modify my strategy, be more forceful etc. she seems pretty well adjusted....and knows what she wants and how to get it.

Well, didn't you say you had a date for "Juno" and coffee coming up?

I'd say if that goes well because you're yourself and forthright enough to ask her for another date (again, have something in mind to suggest and a backup plan, but be flexible) if you still like her, then you're on track. I don't think you need to be forceful, but you may need to be clear you're interested in more than a friendship. Compliments are always good for that, and you can also say something like you had a great time and would love to take her to dinner or something that's similarly clear it's a date, not just friends hanging out.

 

[Bigg_Capone]

Don't be forceful. Be assertive. Be cool.

Say something like, "Look, I know we're doing the 'Friends Thing' and that's cool, but I'd be remiss in my obligations as a guy and totally insane if I didn't tell you that you were one of the most desirable women I've ever met and it's getting more and more difficult to contain myself when you're around because the truth is I want you so badly it hurts. Even when you're not around I think of you. I'm not going to say I'm in love with you, but I definitely feel something and if you feel for me even half of what I feel for you, maybe we should get to know one another a little better in a more private setting. I know you're involved with someone, even if it's not a relationship or whatever and I dig it... I just had to let you know what I was thinking and put the ball in your court because keeping it in has been one of the hardest things I've ever done. Take your time. Think about it. No pressure."

If that's the truth (or something close to it), tell it to her in your own way. You want her? Get her.

 

[Curvybeauty]

Just be yourself and ask her!

 

[TBKahuna123]

i also think i need to modify my strategy, be more forceful etc. she seems pretty well adjusted....and knows what she wants and how to get it.

Not more forceful, more confident. You have to show no nervousness, hell, don't even be nervous. I know that's easier said than done, but sounds to me like the tough part is over. It's the old question, why do the assholes get all the girls? The answer is because they are confident, if for no other reason than the fact that they don't give a shit, and that confidence is what women find attractive. You can be confident and exude an aura of strength and still be a sensative guy. Everyone says jsut be yourself, but it's more than that. Believe in yourself, believe that she is there because of who you are, especially if she already knows you and knows who you are. Be confident in that fact, and you'll give her no reason to second guess why she's there herself.

God, this is easy for em to say. Why couldn't someone have told me this back in college?