Baby Care Advice

[SweetErika]

A baby has a need for a set amount of milk. As it grows that need increases. So your brain has to "anticipate" the increased demand and build up supply. The way it happens is the suckling on the nipple stimulates the release of the hormone that will be used to replace the milk that is being used now. So if you are formula feeding, the brain does not know it needs to produce more milk tomorrow. It is a cycle that forces you to feed more and more formula and you are always behind in milk production. If you formula feed, you still have to pump to get the release of the hormone. Hand pumps do not provide adequate stimulation. I never knew this...thank God for the WIC nurse.

I'm pumping with a hospital pump, so that's not an issue. We tried to wean him off of the formula when it looked like my supply was improving, but his weight dropped, so we had to go back to our previous routine. Right now, he's usually getting 1-2 ounces of breastmilk and 1-2 ounces of formula (whatever totals 3 ounces) per feeding, which isn't so terrible.

My supply was looking somewhat better today, and I still have a few other things I can try (like domperidone, babywearing and a more effective brand of fenugreek, as well as stabilizing my thyroid levels). Fortunately, I have the support of a great lactation nurse, our LLL group and other parents. I'm also thrilled to have a baby who loves nursing and switches between the breast and bottle with ease.

Basically, I'm really focusing on the positives because stressing about it would make the schedule all but impossible and really fuck up my milk supply (I have to consciously relax to letdown most of the time).

 

[TypicalDeviant]

Oh, he LOVES music! It's not always enough to soothe him, but it does seem to help get him back to sleep quite a bit.

If you have the time/money/inclination, you may want to try to find a Baby Steps class in your area. They're music classes for kids and their parents from ages 6 months and up. They're based on the Suzuki-Orff method of music education.

 

[BBW_Goddess_Anna]

One of the best sites I've found with TONS of information is:
www.babycenter.com
I have spent many hours there & its extremely helpful.

 

[sydneys]

I'm pumping with a hospital pump, so that's not an issue. We tried to wean him off of the formula when it looked like my supply was improving, but his weight dropped, so we had to go back to our previous routine. Right now, he's usually getting 1-2 ounces of breastmilk and 1-2 ounces of formula (whatever totals 3 ounces) per feeding, which isn't so terrible.

My supply was looking somewhat better today, and I still have a few other things I can try (like domperidone, babywearing and a more effective brand of fenugreek, as well as stabilizing my thyroid levels). Fortunately, I have the support of a great lactation nurse, our LLL group and other parents. I'm also thrilled to have a baby who loves nursing and switches between the breast and bottle with ease.

Basically, I'm really focusing on the positives because stressing about it would make the schedule all but impossible and really fuck up my milk supply (I have to consciously relax to letdown most of the time).

Always the positives. I LOVED nursing my babies. I truly felt so beautiful. Mine would drink and drink and then fall asleep at the breast. I use to call it "milk drunk." Use all the supports that have been suggested and stay hydrated that was my biggest issue. I can still remember the fullness of my breast and the let down as it came. Ah...I love being a woman. Good luck darlin.

 

[Firebrain]

My husband also worked away when my daughter was small. The days are loooong.

Sleeping: I don't know whether you already are, but co-sleeping was a lifesaver for me. It's safe when you follow the guidelines (google UNICEF co-sleeping) and more importantly for you - it's a great way to boost your supply. Night feeds are especially important for prolactin production. Are you able to feed him while lying down, on your side? If you can sleep in this position, he can help himself while you sleep or you can sleep together.

Feeding - watch what you're pumping as a pump is nowhere near as effective as a baby, so it's not much help where supply is concerned (more trouble than it's worth, in other words). You can make formula up in advance for 24 hours: boil the water, add the milk powder (formula isn't sterile - think of it like chicken; it needs to be 'cooked') and then leave them to cool. You can refrigerate them for 24 hours and then warm in a jug of hot water when needed. Alternatively - buy cartons and keep them by the bed etc. Carton formula is sterile.

Crying - we had a horrible bout of colic and almost nothing would soothe her. I found the best distraction was hanging out of the front door and watching the cars go by. Maybe it was being upright, or the fresh air, the lights or noise...but it worked. Was just not great for my back I wouldn't leave to cry unless your sanity is at risk; it really stresses out young babies and it's not good for their brains. When I was on the edge, I'd throw her in the sling (Ergos are worth their weight in gold) and go for a walk. The fresh air helped us both and she soon got distracted.

In the mornings, I would lie her on a towel in the bathroom (or in her cot, under the musical mobile - lifesaver!) while I showered and dressed. I got that routine down to less than ten minutes quickly, and I felt fresh and new for the day. It made a very big difference.

Kellymom.com - the best feeding site I've seen. Have a look when you get chance for tips on keeping your baby awake long enough to feed and the mechanics of mix feeding (as he gets older and is awake longer, you might be able to cut out the formula if you'd like).

Whew, that turned into a bit of an essay. I so sympathise though; 'single' parenting a baby is tough.

Oh, and don't feel guilty about your cake consumption. You need good quality fat for your milk

 

[Firebrain]

It won't let me edit - are you pumping instead of feeding him directly, due to his latch? If so - what you pump is in no way indicative of your supply. I could never get more than a dribble and yet I managed to grow a three year-old. His latch is just as likely a cause of weight loss because he won't be emptying the breast.

Also - have you had him checked for a tongue tie? Often a cause of bad latch and simple to fix. Can he latch on with nipple shields? And do you guys have cranial osteopathy over there for his sleep issues?

 

[SweetErika]

It won't let me edit - are you pumping instead of feeding him directly, due to his latch? If so - what you pump is in no way indicative of your supply. I could never get more than a dribble and yet I managed to grow a three year-old. His latch is just as likely a cause of weight loss because he won't be emptying the breast.

Also - have you had him checked for a tongue tie? Often a cause of bad latch and simple to fix. Can he latch on with nipple shields? And do you guys have cranial osteopathy over there for his sleep issues?

No, I'm pumping after I breastfeed, and offering the breast whenever he might want it (like sometimes he likes to suckle even after he's had a full meal or for comfort).

According to the lactation consultants, he does have a bit of a "bubble pallet" from sucking his tongue in utero, and he did have some issues putting his tongue in the proper position originally, but now he's generally getting a good latch, sucking and swallowing fine. I can tell he's nursing much better than he did at first. I think he's eating about an ounce in 20 mins of nursing (we did a pre/post weight check the other day at the lactation center, but he didn't nurse as long, nor was I as relaxed, as usual during it).

I asked about nipple shields, but the LC didn't think they'd help since the latch isn't usually an issue and the main problems can be corrected by me drying off the nipple (he tends to slobber, making it too slippery to latch sometimes) and stimulating it manually before offering it to him.

And he is gaining weight just fine now, but we are supplementing w/ formula.

I'm sure there's cranial osteopathy here, but I'm not sure he needs any help with sleep. He's sleeping the proper amount; it's just the odd schedule and some fussiness (due to gas, I think) that are taxing me. Once his new insurance is confirmed, I may take him to a baby physical therapist to see if there are any underlying physical issues (she checks the head, facial and neck soft tissue, etc.).

 

[Firebrain]

Ahh, I see!

Honesty, don't get too hung up on how many ounces he's getting. So long as he has wet and mucky nappies - and is gaining weight, at whatever pace - you're doing well.

Friends of mine have had success with cranial osteopathy re. having baby sleep somewhere rather than on them, which is why I thought it might be worth looking into (My daughter had to sleep on me/next to me for the first eight months. I did get some good writing done, mind ).

 

[SweetErika]

Ahh, I see!

Honesty, don't get too hung up on how many ounces he's getting. So long as he has wet and mucky nappies - and is gaining weight, at whatever pace - you're doing well.

I agree, though getting a rough idea of what he's getting from the breast is useful info for me WRT my supply because, as you said, what I get from pumping doesn't tell me a whole lot. Plus, we need to know approximate amounts to ensure a healthy weight gain. When we tried weaning him off the formula, he lost weight quickly, even though we were feeding his hunger. It may be different now, a few weeks later, but I'm hesitant to try again until my supply is more established and he has a little extra weight on him.

Friends of mine have had success with cranial osteopathy re. having baby sleep somewhere rather than on them, which is why I thought it might be worth looking into (My daughter had to sleep on me/next to me for the first eight months. I did get some good writing done, mind ).

Interesting. He sleeps great in his room, and just about everywhere else (couch on his Boppy pillow, playpen, etc.). We do have a cosleeper in our room that he used at night for the first month, and I'm not opposed to putting him in my bed now that my husband's gone, but he can't have his music in our room (I can't fall asleep to music) and I've found the sounds of our bed and sleep often interrupt his tentative sleep.

I like the idea of cosleeping (whether it's in or next to the bed), but we have to do what works best for him, and the reality is that I have to get up to nurse, pump and bottle feed him anyway right now. I might try some different things this week, but I don't think our bed is a great place to nurse because it doesn't provide me the proper back and arm support and my boobs seem too big to nurse on my side.

 

[IrisAlthea]

A rolled up towel under the breast when nursing helped me a lot. It´s worth a try if you haven´t already.

 

[Firebrain]

Oh no - if he sleeps happily elsewhere, there's no need to co-sleep. I thought I read somewhere that he'd only sleep on you. I've evidently been staring too hard at a blinking screen...

 

[TypicalDeviant]

Interesting. He sleeps great in his room, and just about everywhere else (couch on his Boppy pillow, playpen, etc.). We do have a cosleeper in our room that he used at night for the first month, and I'm not opposed to putting him in my bed now that my husband's gone, but he can't have his music in our room (I can't fall asleep to music) and I've found the sounds of our bed and sleep often interrupt his tentative sleep.

I like the idea of cosleeping (whether it's in or next to the bed), but we have to do what works best for him, and the reality is that I have to get up to nurse, pump and bottle feed him anyway right now. I might try some different things this week, but I don't think our bed is a great place to nurse because it doesn't provide me the proper back and arm support and my boobs seem too big to nurse on my side.

For what it's worth, don't be overly quiet when he sleeps/naps. If you make regular noises while he sleeps, he'll get used to sleeping through it and eventually, you won't really have to worry about waking him up.

/Thanks mom and dad, now I can sleep through ANYTHING.
//Damn alarm clocks...

 

[his_lil_secret]

My one "must have" with all three of my girls was a vibrating bouncy chair. When NOTHING would soothe them I could put them in the chair and turn it on and they'd almost always quiet right down and usually drift off for a bit. With the last we had beeen given a chair with three different vibrations that played water sounds- ocean, rain, thunderstorms and the sort- and my daughter lived in that thing.
I had some issues nursng my youngest and Ifound that if I took a washcloth, soaked it in hot water and laid it on my breast as I nursed the warmth, and moist heat would help immeasureably with letdown.
Finding time for yourself to eat and drink, bathe and brush your teeth, hair etc is essential as well. Without this you begin to feel like a slave to the needs of your child. By the third I had figured out that if I brought the bouncy chair into the bathroom with me in the morning I could get in a quick shower. As they got older we would play peek-a-boo with the shower curtain or I would cool the water down and hold her in there with me.
Stay hydrated and look out for yourself. It's not always easy but there's nothing more rewarding in the entire world.

 

[SweetErika]

My one "must have" with all three of my girls was a vibrating bouncy chair. When NOTHING would soothe them I could put them in the chair and turn it on and they'd almost always quiet right down and usually drift off for a bit. With the last we had beeen given a chair with three different vibrations that played water sounds- ocean, rain, thunderstorms and the sort- and my daughter lived in that thing.

We don't have a bouncy chair, but we do have a swing w/ lights and music that he really likes. Still, I might see if I can get a bouncy chair for free somewhere because he does enjoy that motion and it'd be useful to have something upstairs for him.

I had some issues nursng my youngest and Ifound that if I took a washcloth, soaked it in hot water and laid it on my breast as I nursed the warmth, and moist heat would help immeasureably with letdown.

Along the same lines, I've been wrapping a heating pad around my boobs. The heat definitely helps, and I may try the moist insert for it now that you mention it.

 

[hulmule]

great advice from all. My boys are now 12 and 15 !! miss the young years but now we share a different bond. hanging out, music, cars, camping.the only thing i can say is i'm a very loney man ! my wife does all for the boys and forgot who i was.from every day stress of raising kids and school functions,ball, etc we didnt get time for our selves.we never had a to many baby sitters and thats a bad thing. my wife and i have grown so far apart that i dont think we will ever get it back.we co live with each other. I have really been trying to get her to do things or talk ,kiss but she no longer wants to anything with me..so please so you and your husband dont grow apart work really hard at keeping your marrage together.if you and your husband are happy the kids will see that and will be fine.enjoy them before they ask for the car keys !!I always enjoyed your advice sweet erica. i hate typing, im better at talking on the phone or in person to express myself. wish you all the best !

 

[bobinks2]

The sign language suggestion is a good one. There's a book called Baby Signs that gives more details. My son learned to sign four words, (hungry, thirsty, more, finished). Those four made life SO much easier. My daughter didnt' take to it.

At the Pediatrician's office, at routine checkups, they always want to give about four vaccines in one visit. That just seems like too much to me, especially for a really small kid. When my kids were smaller, I'd do one at a time and make sure they were preservative free. (Apparently they stopped using Thimerisol in 2002.)

There's a book called Boys Adrift. If your library has a copy, I would encourage you to check it out and at least skim through the chapter on plastics. (I think the chapter title may be something like 'envrionmental toxins'.) It's the scariest thing I've ever read. In short, many of the toxins in our environment are either synthetic estrogens (BPA) or cause an increase in estrogen. This is bad for boys. If I had it to do all over again, I wouldn't use any plastic cooking or serving containers with my son. I certainly wouldn't serve anything hot in a plastic container. I definitely wouln't microwave anything in plastic.

Be prepared for the fact that if your son can't sit still and quiet in a desk from 8:00am to 3:00pm he'll be diagnosed with ADD or ADHD. When you get that diagnosis, check out Boys Adrift again and read the chapter on medicating your son.

The best educated students in the world come from Finland. The most unique thing about Finnish schools is that they don't teach reading until age seven. There's a lot of evidence that many children are just not ready to read at young ages. My son went to a private pre-school. He was reading and writing coming out of pre-school ready to enter Kindergarten. If I had it to do all over again, I'd send him to a pre-school where they spent the day finger painting and going to recess.

Take lots of pictures.
Enjoy

 

[SweetErika]

The sign language suggestion is a good one. There's a book called Baby Signs that gives more details. My son learned to sign four words, (hungry, thirsty, more, finished). Those four made life SO much easier. My daughter didnt' take to it.

When did you start teaching them to sign?

At the Pediatrician's office, at routine checkups, they always want to give about four vaccines in one visit. That just seems like too much to me, especially for a really small kid. When my kids were smaller, I'd do one at a time and make sure they were preservative free. (Apparently they stopped using Thimerisol in 2002.)

Yeah, he hasn't had any vaccines yet, and we're definitely going to do a modified schedule because we have both Asperger's and lots of immune issues in the family. His doctor is on board with waiting until he's a little older to start and spacing them out when we do.

There's a book called Boys Adrift. If your library has a copy, I would encourage you to check it out and at least skim through the chapter on plastics. (I think the chapter title may be something like 'envrionmental toxins'.) It's the scariest thing I've ever read. In short, many of the toxins in our environment are either synthetic estrogens (BPA) or cause an increase in estrogen. This is bad for boys. If I had it to do all over again, I wouldn't use any plastic cooking or serving containers with my son. I certainly wouldn't serve anything hot in a plastic container. I definitely wouln't microwave anything in plastic.

We'll have to check that book out; thanks!

The nice thing is almost everything that goes in a baby's mouth is BPA-free now. I'm also a believer in avoiding parabens and triclosan for myself and our son, so we've already eliminated a lot of the endocrine-disrupting toxins out of our environment.

The best educated students in the world come from Finland. The most unique thing about Finnish schools is that they don't teach reading until age seven. There's a lot of evidence that many children are just not ready to read at young ages. My son went to a private pre-school. He was reading and writing coming out of pre-school ready to enter Kindergarten. If I had it to do all over again, I'd send him to a pre-school where they spent the day finger painting and going to recess.

Very interesting.

My husband and I were both later readers, but when we did start, we took off. I don't think it's ever too early to read to a child, but we're unlikely to worry if our son is a later reader.

 

[bailadora]

When did you start teaching them to sign?

I started signing with the girls when they were about 7.5~8 months. The Baby Signs FAQs says you can start between 8-9 months.

I first learned about signing when we found out my son was speech delayed. It was a God send for both of us. He could communicates his desires clearly and I could actually understand and meet them. I can't say enough good things about it. We didn't actually use the Baby Signs program, but found a couple of books on the topic at the local library. Worked well enough for us.

Congrats again on the little bundle of joy and strength and fortitude being sent your way regarding the single parenting at the moment. That's got to suck big time!

 

[Plainly_Jane]

Hi Erika -- you are right in the thick of what I recall as being the toughest patch of new motherhood. The first few months! Sleep deprived, your baby not necessarily in any set schedule yet, and if you're like I was, more than a bit overwhelmed. Also deeply impossibly in love

Even from a newborn, something that always soothed my son was the outdoors. I would put him in his stroller and take him out onto the shady patio and if he was fussy, that would usually stop his fussiness.

I breastfed on demand, slept in short snatches, and endured.

As to nursing, I had a glider rocker in the bedroom and that's usually where I nursed my son. I got one of those pillows that you can rest the baby on, tucked him into a comfortable position, and away he'd go and I would rock gently. Did the same when I switched to bottle feeding as well. When he was done, I burped him and usually ended up rocking him to sleep then putting him down in his crib.

I was one of those worry warts as a newborn-mother, so my son slept in the same room with me for nearly the first year. I just liked to be able to hear him breathing in the night. But it's whatever works best for you and your baby. I definitely agree with the advice that says to continue with your normal noise level during naps, instead of tiptoeing around and trying to keep quiet. It's great when babies learn to sleep through normal (not super loud) noises during the day.

 

[Plainly_Jane]

Just wanted to add, there are a lot of on-line support groups for all sorts of moms out there. My personal life saver was a Yahoo group for older single moms (I had my son at age 35), plus another for single moms. Between the two groups, I had built in confidants, advisors and shoulders to cry on when the going got tough. Those women helped me through everything from learning how to diaper a boy, teething, organizational tips for when I returned to work, penny-pinching tips, and it was a great place to go and laugh over our daily experiences.

Maybe you've found a group or two like that already, but if not, I'm sure there are many to choose from

 

[midwestyankee]

Talk to your baby as close to incessantly as you can. There's good evidence that the more language children hear before they hit six months of age, the better their brains will develop.

Strongly consider starting music lessons and sports quite early as well, for similar reasons.

If there's an opportunity to expose your youngster regularly to a second language, that will have a salutary effect on many cognitive skills.

 

[newideas]

As for the vaccine hysteria, would you rather stand on shakey evidence of the autism debate or have your kid catch a disease that has a high mortality rate.

Bc autism is a recent phenomenon I personally have no idea what causes it. But since everyone gets vaccinated (almost) and only .1. Percent have autism the numbers don't add up. And autism isn't fatal.

 

[newideas]

Huggies wipes are thicker than pampers and pampers diapers are better fitting than huggies.

Avoid chinese leaded baby formula not good for cars or kids

 

[kredo]

hello

Thanks for information...

 

[bobinks2]

When did you start teaching them to sign?

I don't remember. It probably had more to do with when someone told us about he concept (it's not something I'd ever heard of) rather than a specific age.

.... Snip...

but we're unlikely to worry if our son is a later reader.

The problem is that the schools in many areas are forcing kids to learn to read at younger ages.