Bad Random Life Tips.

[mnbreastluver]

Not sure if this thread will die an early death or not but I think some people will be amused or entertained.


Looking for an inexpensive hobby? Why not start a pubic hair collection? You can find them in any public restroom, free for the taking, in all sizes, shapes, and colors. Examine them, display them, trade them with your friends!

 

[mnbreastluver]

Worried that your son may grow up objectifying women for their breasts? Get him a pair of massive breast implants and make him live with them until he can afford to have them taken out, so he knows what women have to go through!

 

[kurrginatorX]

Looking to add to your used bubble gum collection? There is a veritable gold mine just waiting to be veined out located at every public library under every table and desk. Oh, and don't forget those little nuggets stuck to the sidewalk.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Remove the door knobs from your home's bathrooms. Bam, instant Glory Hole.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Long car ride? Zip tie your dick to save yourself from having to pull over everytime you need to pee.

 

[kurrginatorX]

Long car ride? Your brother's or sister's shirt makes the perfect place to store your boogers.

 

[mnbreastluver]

If your pants won’t stay up use an erection to keep them up.

 

[Setanta84]

Do the thoughts of your own mortality keep you up at night? Try heroin.

Are you already using smack to chase the bad thoughts out of your head but need to get out of bed and go to work? Try cocaine.

Have you already tried cocaine and developed a tolerance that makes it unaffordable? Try meth.

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you’re tired of being unprepared for your period, always keep a tampon in and it will never happen again!

 

[mnbreastluver]

Mix up the words "actually" and "sexually" from time to time to spice up your conversations.

 

[Justadesperatewifeandmom]

Driving and don't have a bottle opener for your beer, just take off the seat belt, and use the tongue to open your beer.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Defend against a shark attack by biting back. The shark will respect your dominance and go away.

 

[Justadesperatewifeandmom]

Smoke detector beeping because it wants a new battery, take it down and replace it with a bag of microwaveable popcorn. Problem solved

 

[mnbreastluver]

Take the windscreen wipers off your car, that way you won’t get parking tickets.

 

[Jada59]

To make sure you have a really sharp knife, test it out by running your finger over the blade.

 

[Justadesperatewifeandmom]

has that pesky check engine light on your car come on, just put a happy face sticker over it. Now your car is just indicating that it is happy to see you.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Save money on mouthwash by spitting it back into the bottle

 

[Jada59]

Out of condoms? Use Cling Wrap!

 

[Justadesperatewifeandmom]

Cut yourself, apply salt, it will kill bacteria.

 

[ydahecnot]

Not sure if this thread will die an early death or not...

I didn’t start it, so it has a chance

 

[mnbreastluver]

I didn’t start it, so it has a chance

I debated for awhile starting this one.

Put Chili Powder on your fingers and then touch your junk to acquire a vivid first hand sense memory that will help you always remember why you shouldn't put Chili Powder on your fingers and then touch your junk.

 

[Jada59]

Be sure to offer sex to all your neighbors. You do want to get to know them. Right?

 

[mnbreastluver]

Do wildly unsafe things at work. When your employer makes rules against those things you can add "Policy Maker" to your resume and open up new job opportunities.

 

[Jada59]

During a storm, be sure to hold up a metal pole to check for lightning.

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you don’t want your car to get towed leave your baby in the vehicle!