bar flirting tips

[IrezumiKiss]

Lord knows. I've worked in London for some time now, things maybe different here. I have no idea if we're better off (probably, to be honest) financially or not. Regardless. A few drinks for a couple of girls? What the hell is that, like.. £10 tops.. (or about $20 USD) which in fairness isn't exactly a huge amount.

I mean, a glass of wine at a decent bar on the strand is about £13 for crying out loud. Stop being such a tightwad lol.

Moi, a tightwad? No, I'm just a selfish bastard!

Well, this place ISN'T cheap, seriously. Not saying it's impossible or anything, but it's ridiculously easy to lose track of your coins when you're having fun. It's not a question of spending money, but spending money smarter.

It largely has to do with my style and haunting spots. I drink and social differently now in my thirties than I did in my twenties when I played the odds and didn't have the cares like I do now. I avoid the meet markets and go to more relaxed joints where even though drinking won't break your bank (unless you really want to show off) the women truly don't give a shit if I pay for them or not. I think I might be used to this attitude because I'm not out of anything at the end of the night even if cruising was my goal. Usually I don't care about that, I go out to enjoy myself first. If I pick someone up, that's just the sweetness on top of the cake I already baked.

I have a four-digit rent to pay, so...I'm not about wasting my time or bills on women who can't be bothered with giving me common courtesies if a drink is the only way to get a hello, you know?

 

[sandraxdav]

true,be funny but not look desperate

 

[sunandshadow]

So, what if alcohol makes your stomach upset, you're allergic to cigarette smoke, and you don't care for dancing? I always wonder where I should go to be picked up by guys but bars seem like more unpleasantness than they're worth.

 

[IrezumiKiss]

So, what if alcohol makes your stomach upset, you're allergic to cigarette smoke, and you don't care for dancing? I always wonder where I should go to be picked up by guys but bars seem like more unpleasantness than they're worth.

If your avatar has anything to say about it, Sunandshadow, I don't think you'd EVER need to care about going to bars to get picked up!

 

[HornyHenry]

Lmao

Funerals.

But.. maybe that's just me.

Ashleigh, I'm just dying to meet you, babe!
Umm, hope it's not MY funeral.

For the other stuff, I almost never bought strange women drinks back when I hung out in bars. It's usually a waste of money. I might have bought one or two after we danced for an hour and saw that we liked each other first.
There were several times where I watched guys buy girls drinks all night, then I swooped in and took the home at closing time. That was fun. You have to be relatively sober, at least less drunk than them.
Overall, bars are a drag, but where else is a guy to go when he has no where else to go?

 

[fgarvb1]

Back in my single days I think I only like picked up two ladies in a bar type setting. It was their Ideal, that is to say, they wouldn't have it any other way.

I did however, meet a lot of dates that way!

Dance, flirt have a good time that was my game, No worries... What you are not going to hit on me ? They would say.

No I'd say, I am not. If you want to get to know me better I assume you will say so or give me a phone number or ask for mine... as for me, I came by myself and I'm going home by myself.

Overtime one can round up a lot of girlfriends that way!

 

[sunandshadow]

If your avatar has anything to say about it, Sunandshadow, I don't think you'd EVER need to care about going to bars to get picked up!

Lol thank you for the compliment. But alas, it's unusual that people see me from that angle - decency laws and all that. And no nude beaches anywhere around here either.

 

[highconcept]

IrezumiKiss

I agree about the Game. And now Mystery from the Mystery method and The Game has his own TV show. I shit you not. They shot at my bar. The main thing about the Game isn't the methods which I think don't always work and really dont work if girls know about them. But rather it makes you think about whats going on between men and women in that setting instead of being a deer in head lights of a pretty woman.

The Game didnt tell me much I didnt already know. But it did organize and articulate a few things. For instance, I would never wear a duster and cowboy hat and weird shit to "peacock". That shit doesn't fly in Austin. If you're not wearing flip flops and a t-shirt people think you look stupid. But the idea that its okay to stand out a little is good. For instance, for Halloween (a huge holiday here) at the bar, I went as a Goth kid, complete with fake tats, eyeliner and my hair spiked up all over. I never got more phone #'s and had more girls hit on me. I had girls tell me I should dress like that all the time. Guess what? I now do my hair more or less in that style when I work and against my better judgement I wear this spiky wrist cuff thing I bought. Girls AND guys have tried to steal my cuff they like it so much. Its just some cheesy thing from Hot Topic.

Also, I loved little bullet points in the book like: to get a girl you have to risk losing her, etc. So is it hilarious The Game is now irrelevant? Yes! But is there some good overall stuff? I think so. Frankly, they dont give much advice anyhow.

Anybody find anything good yet? I gotta say, the bar ate me last weekend. But theres always this weekend...

 

[PoeticMusings53]

Does anybody got any good tips on flirting with women at a bar.

Bars are a terrible, terrible place to meet women unless you are in the top 1% of physically attractive men and don't mind a serious chance of STDs.

Coffee shops, bookstores, restaurants, churches, sporting events, wine bars hell, even shopping malls are far better places to meet and have success with reasonably attractive women who don't have STDs. Clubs are worse, unless you're one of those fancy-pants guys who likes to fag dance and prefers the completely shallow women that hang there.

 

[Trajal]

Bars are a terrible, terrible place to meet women unless you are in the top 1% of physically attractive men and don't mind a serious chance of STDs.

Coffee shops, bookstores, restaurants, churches, sporting events, wine bars hell, even shopping malls are far better places to meet and have success with reasonably attractive women who don't have STDs. Clubs are worse, unless you're one of those fancy-pants guys who likes to fag dance and prefers the completely shallow women that hang there.

Yeah just want to agree with everything here really. I know I gave some "how to get laid" advice earlier in the thread but everything said by this poster is 100% accurate.

 

[ultra99]

Some good stuff here.

Back in the 80's & 90's, my best success was when you keep em guessing about your goal, and who your mark really is. I wasn't into any big clubs or meat markets. Many times I would go to what became my regular spot. (Highconcept nailed it on his post -thks!) It was a nice bar, with good entertainment, and food. I knew all the Bartenders, knew the owner. And after a while, I knew the regulars, the bands, and D&Js . Yes, the place was almost my home, or more like my hunting grounds. Hunt the same lands long enough, and you know the territory like the back of your hand Girls would come in. Specially on Friday after work. Everyone is unwinding. I would usually step up next to a girl at the bar, and get a drink from my favorite bar maid (she always had my back) chat with the new girl, maybe buy a drink. If the place was really starting to buz, I was known to get the cook to make a few plates of appetizers, and I would carry them around and offer them to a table of ladies (sometimes dudes) to try. Then go talk to one of the regulars at the other end of the bar. Then find another spot at the bar, and chat with someone else. I would notice the first girl I talked to usually never stopped watching me. Later, I would make my way back to the her, and this time she is the talker, and I became the mark

So for long term success, find a place, call it home, get to know everyone. Mine came after my first marriage ended. I found a place to drink and eat after work, and the regular band was really good. I had a weird attitude about woman, and didn't care if I got laid or not. It was the not focusing on sealing-the-deal, and being comfortable in my surroundings.

Another thing I found was, when you dance with all the regular woman that come in, because by now you know them all. The new girls (freshmeat- sorry ladies want to be included too !!!

I remember there was this one Woman that always came in, usually with a well dressed guy. She was a smoker. For some reason I put her out of my league. I would chat to her once in a while, smile, but never though she would be interested. She had money, and her date's suit was worth more then my entire wardrobe. But overtime just being friendly, she came in one night, and she hunted me


My bar days are long gone, and I do not wear beer googles anymore, although I was never a power drinker. I meet my wife on the dance floor, and she is the most awesome woman ever. But that does not seem to be the norm with clubbing romance.

With all that said, I am glad I don't have to do that anymore

 

[Pen_Dragon]

Bars are a terrible, terrible place to meet women unless you are in the top 1% of physically attractive men and don't mind a serious chance of STDs.

Coffee shops, bookstores, restaurants, churches, sporting events, wine bars hell, even shopping malls are far better places to meet and have success with reasonably attractive women who don't have STDs. Clubs are worse, unless you're one of those fancy-pants guys who likes to fag dance and prefers the completely shallow women that hang there.

True, many of the bars I've been too are also hang-outs for desperate women. The ones that have thrown themselves at me are the ones I didn't want to (well, mostly).

Awkward. It gave me a new-found respect for women having to deal with guys they don't like hitting on them all the time!

 

[IrezumiKiss]

Bars are a terrible, terrible place to meet women unless you are in the top 1% of physically attractive men and don't mind a serious chance of STDs.

Coffee shops, bookstores, restaurants, churches, sporting events, wine bars hell, even shopping malls are far better places to meet and have success with reasonably attractive women who don't have STDs. Clubs are worse, unless you're one of those fancy-pants guys who likes to fag dance and prefers the completely shallow women that hang there.

Generalizing much, are we?

Please enlighten me with some concrete facts as to how ANY of those places you mentioned are a 100% safe haven from people who have STDs, just because they aren't bars.

Just because someone goes to church that means they test negative? If that logic was gospel then churches would be even more of a pick-up market than they already are for the men that are chasing after the stereotypical "easy wife" type of woman and don't really give a whit about worshipping God. Not even accounting for the glut of people going there who are looking for absolution from the "sins" they either have done or are still making.

And even though my club days are more or less behind me, during my heydays of going to them, I got to know a decent share of great women from the fact that I knew how to dance and enjoyed doing it. Ergo, if a woman sees that you can move your ass, then it's a high chance that you know how to give a good fuck. Hate to give you some tough love here, but THAT'S the bottom line of the mating dance for everyone concerned...no matter how unfair it may seem to those guys who complain and throw hate from the sidelines and keep holding up the wall with their drinks in their hands without doing shit about their being single and lonely.

Not every person that goes to a club is "completely shallow." Many just wanna have a good time and celebrate being healthy, happy and alive by moving their bodies to music. So you can stick that "fag dance" comment up your ass where it belongs.

 

[PoeticMusings53]

Generalizing much, are we?

Please enlighten me with some concrete facts as to how ANY of those places you mentioned are a 100% safe haven from people who have STDs, just because they aren't bars.

Just because someone goes to church that means they test negative? If that logic was gospel then churches would be even more of a pick-up market than they already are for the men that are chasing after the stereotypical "easy wife" type of woman and don't really give a whit about worshipping God. Not even accounting for the glut of people going there who are looking for absolution from the "sins" they either have done or are still making.

And even though my club days are more or less behind me, during my heydays of going to them, I got to know a decent share of great women from the fact that I knew how to dance and enjoyed doing it. Ergo, if a woman sees that you can move your ass, then it's a high chance that you know how to give a good fuck. Hate to give you some tough love here, but THAT'S the bottom line of the mating dance for everyone concerned...no matter how unfair it may seem to those guys who complain and throw hate from the sidelines and keep holding up the wall with their drinks in their hands without doing shit about their being single and lonely.

Not every person that goes to a club is "completely shallow." Many just wanna have a good time and celebrate being healthy, happy and alive by moving their bodies to music. So you can stick that "fag dance" comment up your ass where it belongs.

Um...fragile ego?

We're talking about the best places to meet women. It is necessarily generalization.

 

[IrezumiKiss]

Um...fragile ego?

We're talking about the best places to meet women. It is necessarily generalization.

No fragile ego with me, guy...just putting down some parity where it was needed.

You made it sound like a particular place was a defacto standard for a certain quality of person. Generalizations are easy to throw and stick for convenience's sake, but there's no absolutes according to area. You can meet wholesome and well-together people in bars and you can meet assholes and fuck-ups in churches. You could meet your soulmate while standing in line at a Kentucky Fried Chicken. A thumbs-up or thumbs-down all depends on the person or persons you encounter and ultimately depends on you yourself.

And the "fag dance" bit was unnecessary and uncalled for. This is an inculsive site for all orientations, so respect the gay, lesbian and bi-people here who might be reading this.

 

[PoeticMusings53]

No fragile ego with me, guy...just putting down some parity where it was needed.

You made it sound like a particular place was a defacto standard for a certain quality of person. Generalizations are easy to throw and stick for convenience's sake, but there's no absolutes according to area. You can meet wholesome and well-together people in bars and you can meet assholes and fuck-ups in churches. You could meet your soulmate while standing in line at a Kentucky Fried Chicken. A thumbs-up or thumbs-down all depends on the person or persons you encounter and ultimately depends on you yourself.

Eh...

The comment was necessarily general. No way around it. If I use the word "generally" in both sentences, you happier?

And the "fag dance" bit was unnecessary and uncalled for. This is an inculsive site for all orientations, so respect the gay, lesbian and bi-people here who might be reading this.

Its fag dancing, and gays will admit it. Especially gays without fragile egos.

 

[IrezumiKiss]

The comment was necessarily general. No way around it. If I use the word "generally" in both sentences, you happier?

Ahhh...so "generally" women in bars have STDs and "generally" women who go to coffee shops, bookstores, restaurants, churches, sporting events, wine bars and even shopping malls DON'T have STDs...

...got it. Yeah, NOW I can REALLY agree with what you wrote here...riiiight...

Its fag dancing, and gays will admit it. Especially gays without fragile egos.

Your use of "fag" here is derogatory and unnecessary. I'm not gay, but it's insulting and out of line. Drop the "fragile ego" face-saving beard and show some respect. Why can't you just plain say you don't like to (or can't) dance without having to ball-hike your he-man het status with low-impact homophobia?

 

[PoeticMusings53]

Ahhh...so "generally" women in bars have STDs and "generally" women who go to coffee shops, bookstores, restaurants, churches, sporting events, wine bars and even shopping malls DON'T have STDs...

...got it. Yeah, NOW I can REALLY agree with what you wrote here...riiiight...


Your use of "fag" here is derogatory and unnecessary. I'm not gay, but it's insulting and out of line. Drop the "fragile ego" face-saving beard and show some respect. Why can't you just plain say you don't like to (or can't) dance without having to ball-hike your he-man het status with low-impact homophobia?

Oh god.

Your ego is literally so fragile it can't handle even a little playful hyperbole.

Therapy. Now.

 

[Pen_Dragon]

Oh god.

Your ego is literally so fragile it can't handle even a little playful hyperbole.

Therapy. Now.

Oh Poetic! You're so playful and fun!

Plus, your ego is very flexible. It would never backlash with maximum force if it were in the least bit threatened!

<3 hypocrisy!

 

[PoeticMusings53]

Oh Poetic! You're so playful and fun!

Plus, your ego is very flexible. It would never backlash with maximum force if it were in the least bit threatened!

<3 hypocrisy!

Flame on, biatch. Joking hyperbole shouldn't hurt anyone's feelings. Unless that person is a total fucking pussy.

 

[Pen_Dragon]

Flame on, biatch. Joking hyperbole shouldn't hurt anyone's feelings. Unless that person is a total fucking pussy.

... I'm sorry I hurt your feelings?

 

[PoeticMusings53]

... I'm sorry I hurt your feelings?

Very witty. Fake stupidity, just like an 8th grader.

 

[IrezumiKiss]

Oh god.

Your ego is literally so fragile it can't handle even a little playful hyperbole.

Therapy. Now.

Awwww whassamatta? Did I spoil yer red-blooded straight male psuedo gay-bashing fun moment? I didn't mean to make you ashamed of the now glaringly obvious fact that you can't dance with women and tried to play it off with a lame-assed "fag" comment you Ziplocked and freeze-baggied from grade school.

Let's be friends, Poetic. We shouldn't be fighting here, we should be building. Come over my way to New York, the city of rampant, vacuous hedonism...and I'll take you out to a club and teach you how to shake your ass. Since I'm Black, I'm supposed to be good at dancing, you know. Then I'll hook you up with a beautiful but shallow woman who'll fuck you so good you'll wanna start up a new religion...and give you a case of STD so hot, it'll burn thru your condom like Alien blood-acid and make chlamydia seem like a steak sauce.

 

[Unstuck in Time]

I couldn't pass this one up. I'm much older than many of you and going to bars isn't really my style, but I travel all over the US. I choose those places that are a little out of the way, not with a loud band, not a "chain" restaurant, usually local and unique. I never go in to get sex, just to get dinner. I'm usualy alone and opt for the bar for a single seat rather than take up a whole table.

I loved Jenny Jackson's reply earlier about "be yourself" and that's what I do. I never presume or even hope that I'll get lucky. Some of you might have high averages of luck, but that means you're aware of the circumstances and watching out. I'm nearly a senior citizen and just go to those kind of places to enjoy the company. You'd be surprised how lucky you can be by not assuming anything and just being yourself. Just let it happen on its own. It will from time to time.

 

[dirtybusiness]

Does anybody got any good tips on flirting with women at a bar.

FINALLY, a guy asks! I can't give you a concrete list of 'do's' because different things work for different people. The best do-advice I can give you is 1.) find out who you are, 2.) be who you are, and 3.) take the guaranteed "tricks that work every time(tm)" with a grain of salt. Just because they work for Mr. Smooth Muscles doesn't mean they're going to work for Mr. Computer Guru. Not that there's anything wrong with Mr. Computer Guru, just that he needs to use what he has going for him - for example, intelligence and wit.


I can give you a lot more tips on what to look for and avoid, though. Body language. If she's looking right at you, seems interested in what you're saying, only interrupts to agree/comment, and asks you to clarify things so she can understand your story better, then she usually is. Interested, that is.

If, while you're talking, she's looking at everything but you, fiddling with her drink and/or making desperate eye contact with her friends over your shoulder, or if it seems like she's poised like she's ready to bolt at any second, you might want to spare yourself the trouble and gracefully excuse yourself from the conversation. Give up that coveted stool to some other guy. It may be just a raw rub of chemistry, or that she's a loon, but just stop. You're weirding her out.

Someone on the thread said not to stare at her tits, whip out your dick or ask if she fucks on the same date. While I agree this isn't the way to get ME in the sack, I've seen a few skuzzy ones that would most happily agree. You need to think about whether or not this is the kind of woman you would want to be successful with.

Another commenter mentioned paying attention to her and listen to her side of the conversation. That's incredible when a guy actually does that, instead of cutting you off every time you start talking to steer the conversation in the direction he wants it to go. That person also mentioned not to stare at the waitress' ass. I could kiss whoever said that.

However, if the girl you're talking to is constantly distracted by an ass wiggling by in a tight skirt, you might want to consider if she's really attracted to you or just being polite.

If the conversation feels forced or awkward, and shows no signs of letting up - give it up. It may just not be the right gal.

Go out with friends and have fun with them. Be polite to cocktail waitresses/bartenders and tip well. Having worked in restaurants and bars myself, I always watch to see how men and women treat the staff. It doesn't pay to be rude and obnoxious to people who already have to deal with drunks.

I guess I've gone off long enough. There's no real "Picking up Chicks at the Bar for Dummies" - it's a constantly changing environment with a lot of variables.

I'll echo the suggestions to just 'be yourself' - no matter who you are, there's always going to be someone out there who will like it.