Bisexual vs. bi-curious

[Etoile]

Whoa, ooooold bump! This is one of the ones that I lost when I accidentally unsubscribed from all threads - good to see it again so I can resubscribe.

 

[StevenWill]

The 0-6 scale is Kinsey's. There is another way to think about it. Michael Storms (1980) proposed a two scale "Eroticism Space" with heteroeroticism and homoeroticism. Unlike Kinsey's scale where, as you go from one end to the other, you lose either heterosexuality or homosexuality, Storms' scale says you can be hi (or low) on either or both. There is some speculation that people who self identify as bisexual may just be really horny people with high levels of herteroeroticism and homoeroticism. If you were very low on both, you might be bisexual but with very low eroticism of any kind, sort of asexual.

Given that humans need care and nurturing for the fist 20 or so years of their life, there is no doubt that we are creatures of learning and capable of great variety in our social and sexual expression. Combine that with our genetic influences and you can see that there is no way a few categories will capture us all. We have many types of schizophrenia, many types of depression, many levels of cholesterol, many types of just about everything. So, we have an endless variety of sexualities.

There are lots of posts from men on Literotica who seems to be interested in interacting with another penis, yet don't want to kiss, cuddle, hold hands, fall in love, etc. with men. There are also women on here who have had great sex with women while still knowing that their most powerful intimacies will always be with men.

I think it is nice that there are so many ways of expressing ourselves, artistically, sexually, intellectually, socially. But I am not sure that we will ever capture what we are with a few category definitions.

It gets more complicated when we add politics to the mix and people say, "I was born gay, it's genetic, don't blame me." Yet, in any room, there are people who have had fabulous same-sex experiences standing next to people who can't imagine having a same-sex experience and those two people are not different genetically or hormonally in any meaningful way. They just have different families, friends and social backgrounds and they have had wandered into different life moments.

I like the variety myself.

Dr. Steve

 

[bicuriousosaur]

I used to considered myself bicurious, but, i simply tell myself I'm bi. I am attracted to both men and women, so it makes sense.

*My username is mostly cause it sounded cool. It's better than bisexualosaur.

 

[Nabokov]

I see the meanings tend to get blurred in common usage. Bi-curious tends to mean you have some fantasies but have not already done anything bisexual. This line tends to get blurred on adult dating sites where men or woman might say they are bi-curious when they have already been engaging in bisexual acts. They might do this to soften a percieved stigma or something.

 

[SophiaY]

My personal opinion is that bi-curious can be either the drunk college types or the kind who think they might be bisexual, but haven't tried it yet and aren't sure. Usually when I hear the term I think drunk college type, but I acknowledge that there might be people out there (perhaps in the personals ads) who just aren't sure and want to try it out. Maybe they'll discover they're bisexual, or maybe they really just prefer one. I had that experience myself. In high school I knew it was at least bisexual, but my experience was limited to guys through my first semester of college. (I never did anything more than kissing or dry humping with clothes on, thankyouverymuch!) When I met my girlfriend and realized the emotional connection I have with women is so much more powerful, I came to identify as lesbian.

That pretty much reflects my thoughts, and my life experience as well.

I do think that our culture is now in a wink and nudge phase about women being bicurious -- the whole lesbian chic thing (as long as they look like the girls of the L word).
(laughing a little) I don't mind; it gives me more women to catch a eye, and flirt with.
But, I suspect that it is only a phase...

 

[kellyraine]

It sorta rubs off.....

I was only bi-curious until I started exotic dancing. There, it was very hard not to start having feelings for the other girls, being around so many attractive females all the time. However, I did have my first "Sleepover" with a girl before I started dancing, but I didn't really want to until I started dancing. Also, dancing you get ample opportunities, seeing as you have to do bachelor parties, and do girl on girl shows...etc....customers want to take two girls in the VIP room....yada yada. Lots of pussy! Now I love eating pussy and am always ready to suffocate in a big pair of juicy titties!

 

[zartol]

I was never bi-curious. I have always been bi. I've always seemed to know it and that's just the way it is. Maybe I'm just a simpleton but I never obsess over it. It comes natural to me and I accept that.

 

[jdmct]

the difference

wishful thinking versus fond memories

 

[Etoile]

Now I love eating pussy and am always ready to suffocate in a big pair of juicy titties!

I hope you'll forgive me for using this as an example, kellyraine - it's just one time out of many that I have seen a sentiment like this expressed, and your quote is handy right now. (By the way, welcome to Lit!)

But I can't help thinking that the above quote points out that there are really three categories here. There's bi-curious (definition up for debate), bisexual (also up for debate, but expressed by kellyraine above), and biamorous (loving both genders, perhaps only for having relationships with both genders). I will be perfectly frank and say that comments like the above kind of make me shake my head. It's not that I don't objectify women - I definitely do, and I admit that - but I can't possibly imagine separating individual parts like that. It strikes me as immature - not that the speaker is, but that their same-sex feelings are. Don't get me wrong about the specific physical aspect - I enjoy going down on a woman too, and my wife has great tits to bury a face into - but it's the specific tone as expressed above that strikes me that way.

Again, kellyraine, I apologize for picking on you as an example. As I said, it is something I have seen again and again around this board, and your phrasing was simply a handy reference for the point I wanted to convey. Once again, welcome, and don't let me put you off from here.

 

[wicked woman]

I hope you'll forgive me for using this as an example, kellyraine - it's just one time out of many that I have seen a sentiment like this expressed, and your quote is handy right now. (By the way, welcome to Lit!)

But I can't help thinking that the above quote points out that there are really three categories here. There's bi-curious (definition up for debate), bisexual (also up for debate, but expressed by kellyraine above), and biamorous (loving both genders, perhaps only for having relationships with both genders). I will be perfectly frank and say that comments like the above kind of make me shake my head. It's not that I don't objectify women - I definitely do, and I admit that - but I can't possibly imagine separating individual parts like that. It strikes me as immature - not that the speaker is, but that their same-sex feelings are. Don't get me wrong about the specific physical aspect - I enjoy going down on a woman too, and my wife has great tits to bury a face into - but it's the specific tone as expressed above that strikes me that way.

Again, kellyraine, I apologize for picking on you as an example. As I said, it is something I have seen again and again around this board, and your phrasing was simply a handy reference for the point I wanted to convey. Once again, welcome, and don't let me put you off from here.

Etoile...but isn't the distinction you're making between bisexual and biamorous the same as a heterosexual would distinguish between having sex and making love? It's not the act necessarily, but the attitude, the emotions...and they'd still call themselves a heterosexual in both cases. Or would you suggest the same distinction in names for heteros?

Not trying to be argumentative...just trying to understand.

 

[Etoile]

Etoile...but isn't the distinction you're making between bisexual and biamorous the same as a heterosexual would distinguish between having sex and making love? It's not the act necessarily, but the attitude, the emotions...and they'd still call themselves a heterosexual in both cases. Or would you suggest the same distinction in names for heteros?

Not trying to be argumentative...just trying to understand.

Hmmm...I suppose it could be. I'm not sure myself what the difference is between having sex, fucking, and making love. Yes, it is the emotions involved, regardless of what gender one's partner is. I don't think heterosexuals are the only ones who view each of those differently, btw, so I'm not 100% sure that is a suitable analogy...but I do see what you're getting at.

I think the reason there is a sociolinguistic need to pigeonhole bisexuals is because they're "too gray." Heterosexuals prefer the opposite sex. Homosexuals prefer the same sex. But bisexuals...well, we can't just say they prefer both, can we? So let's break them down into separate little subgroups of "will have relationships with both," "physically attracted to both but only has sex with one," etc. (I'm speaking generally, by the way, when I say "we" and let's" here!)

It's definitely confusing and well-worth the consideration and discussion.

 

[Netzach]

I don't really know that the distinctions are that important. I mean, do I get the "more bisexual" merit badge because I was in love with a woman?

 

[KharisLeaf82]

Thinking V. Doing...

I always thought it was a matter of thinking about doing it as opposed to ACTUALLY doing it. I called myself bi-curious,until I did it. Then I called myself bi. That's as simple as I thought it was.

As to Etoile:
I admit it was never emotional for me... it always started out as sexual, and sometimes if I genuinely like a lady, it will become emotional...(Kinda like KellyRayne) Maybe I'm an emotional retard or-well, I DID describe myself as a "bisexual straight", though. Either way, I like women, and sometimes, we understand one another.

*Kharis*

 

[Brinnie]

bisexual is when you proclaim your bi-sexuality.
bi-curious is when you denounce it. ​

 

[Etoile]

Or at least downplay it, maybe.

Also, I don't think one same-sex encounter can necessarily change a bi-curious person into a bisexual (or straight) person. I would think that would only be true in a minority of cases - most people would probably want more experience before deciding.

 

[Brinnie]

Or at least downplay it, maybe.

Also, I don't think one same-sex encounter can necessarily change a bi-curious person into a bisexual (or straight) person. I would think that would only be true in a minority of cases - most people would probably want more experience before deciding.

Bi-Curious is a downplay of bisexuality.

If you are curious: You ARE bisexual...

You don't have to be an active swinger or a participant in the community/lifestyle. Your curiosity = You're bisexuality level.

 

[Etoile]

Personally, I believe pretty much everyone is a little bit bisexual. Some people don't acknowledge it, some people don't realize it, some people don't act on it. Some people just don't care. Actually, now that I think about it, I wonder if bisexuality might be our natural preference, and only the self-avowed bisexuals are in tune with that?

 

[Pookie]

Personally, I believe pretty much everyone is a little bit bisexual. Some people don't acknowledge it, some people don't realize it, some people don't act on it. Some people just don't care. Actually, now that I think about it, I wonder if bisexuality might be our natural preference, and only the self-avowed bisexuals are in tune with that?

I've reached the conclusion that anyone placed in the right situation at the right time will perform some sex act(s) with someone of the same gender. I'm not sure this necessarily equates to a sexual attraction though. I do think everyone is at least curious to some degree.

 

[TwilightPrince]

I consider myself bicurious. I have plenty of fantasies about men and crossdressers but have never actually had an experience. Usually, I tend to seek out women like I always do and have no interest in going to gay clubs to find men.

But, that doesn't mean I am not curious about having an experience... I could turn into a full fledged bi...

 

[Long Rifle]

To Bi or not to Bi

I wonder then how many people on this site have been "curious" but who we're afraid or never had the opportunity to try?

 

[CuriousNiceGuy]

I would love to quote Etoile's phrase that 'everyone is a little bisexual', but my mouse is broken...grr..
So, that's just the point I think- not everyone is bisexual, but everyone is a little bi-curious.Being bi-curious doesn't make you bisexual, it just means that you're open to the fantasies with same sex involved.But unsure if you'd ever act on it.
Bisexuality is when you KNOW you like both sexes, and also admit to yourself that you'd really like to try things out.Not just fantasize about sex with both genders.
But most people go from bi-curious to bisexual.
I was more of a bisexual to begin with(like Zartol ), even without sexual experiences still, but it seems that you are, what you admit to yourself.
I didn't want to deny the fact I liked men, too, but when you are young you do have a tendency to deny things that could maybe complicate your life.
I didn't.
What I'm trying to say is that, usually bicuriousity is a step before bisexuality, but NOT always.

P.S:bicuriousosaur you could have just gone with binosaur for a nick, not bisexualosaur.