Bistro Bijou

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I understand what you are saying. I wish my reply to her could have been at the top of the group, then the thread would have shown that I started it. It's just how it works when the posts are being moved. The OP's poetry thread, with the same name, is back on the main forum. I was just trying to remove comments that weren't really about his poem and put them in a separate thread. I think her comment to me and my replies didn't belong on the OP's poetry thread. I did PM him and that's why I moved his thread. It's now a poetry thread, the way it started, before I moved it, which I PMed him about and explained my mistake. The other non-poetry comments are now a thread and I kept the title so it could be found/recognized.

It really wasn't meant to be anything bad at all. It was a simple mistake. I just don't know how many more times I can explain something that wasn't anything but an innocent, yes innocent, move. I just wanted the OP to have his original poetry thread back and I thought that was done. I never imagined this mess would come from it. If bijou wants her first post moved, then I will move it and my name will be at the top and her comments gone. It's a simple enough thing to do. Just ask. I won't touch it without her request. Just let me know and I hope that takes care of this one problem. Maybe not the rest but hopefully this one.
This basically is why I have a problem with you mods moving anything around that is not obviously spam. This doesn't fit here, that doesn't fit there, is both a judgment call (yours) that not everyone (or even anyone) might agree with and it of necessity decontextualizes whatever following comments you decide to move.

They no longer refer to what engendered them.

This is what I was (probably incompently and certainly kind of angrily) trying to say in the first place--just leave everything alone, unless it's something super obvious like "Hot naked girls right here!" and a URL. Maybe even not that.

So someone has to page through some chat. BFD. They can post to another thread. Create a thread, for that matter.

It avoids the problem of how much chat is too much chat and whose chat is it, which is where much of the resentment comes from.

My resentment, anyway. Can't speak for anyone else.
 
This basically is why I have a problem with you mods moving anything around that is not obviously spam. This doesn't fit here, that doesn't fit there, is both a judgment call (yours) that not everyone (or even anyone) might agree with and it of necessity decontextualizes whatever following comments you decide to move.

They no longer refer to what engendered them.

This is what I was (probably incompently and certainly kind of angrily) trying to say in the first place--just leave everything alone, unless it's something super obvious like "Hot naked girls right here!" and a URL. Maybe even not that.

So someone has to page through some chat. BFD. They can post to another thread. Create a thread, for that matter.

It avoids the problem of how much chat is too much chat and whose chat is it, which is where much of the resentment comes from.

My resentment, anyway. Can't speak for anyone else.

I understand now where you're coming from. Don't agree with some of it, but I'm sure those who end up moderating the forum will be more careful in the future.
 
I'm still confused. That said, I don't really want to be enlightened, nor to understand. I just want the folks that I love chatting with to come back.

:(
 
Tou're confused? I've read it all and I still am. Ages ago a thread was moved that in it's move got my name put on it but it didn't bother me in the least. It was moved so what? It was still there. One thing I have noticed that this poetry (?) that has got everyone so inflamed well the original poet hasn't said a word in all of this they don't seem particularly bothered soooo whyyyyyyy let it set friend against friend? I care for the whole damn lot of you and I am crying yes bloody crying now for something that is broken and it's hard to type through my tears for God's sake step back a pace two paces how many it needs. There have been mistakes all round don't let pride break us up we are adults not children in the school yard be adult enough to say sorry and move on. We can heal this breach if we work together. PLEASE
 
Horse shit Tzara! If you don't think "You are always, of course correct, and have only the best interests of the forum in mind. And we thank you for it." isn't snarky and sarcastic you need to rethink it again. You are just pissing and moaning about the most inconsequental shit imaginable. If this is the best you got to bitch about you need to SINCERELY say you are sorry and move the fuck on, dude.

Same goes for you too, Snood. You two are WAY better than this.

Friend, it's a matter of Principle and subtle distinction. Having six planets in Aquarius, I know a thing or three about Principle. I'm the sort of bloke who'll go cheerily to the gallows on a matter of Principle.

For instance, there's a subtle but extremely important distinction between not wanting to do a thing and wanting not to do it. This is very much akin to that.

Were I to argue that Brown versus the Topeka Board of Education was a silly decision because even though separate is inherently not equal, can't they simply settle for equivalent?

Or in the case of my own family, in whose case (for some) simply denying their faith might have spared them the joy of the camps, slave labour, ovens et cetera.

Or in your case, why bother about marriage? It's just a word, after all. A civil union gets you all the relevant stuff like visitation, inheritance, insurance and such. Why bother about a silly little political sticking point like marriage?

While you may or may not see the existence or importance of this "small" point of contention, it's nonetheless quite real and a thing over which I'll fight to the grave.

Snood
 
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Friend, it's a matter of Principle and subtle distinction. Having six planets in Aquarius, I know a thing or three about Principle. I'm the sort of bloke who'll go cheerily to the gallows on a matter of Principle.

For instance, there's a subtle but extremely important distinction between not wanting to do a thing and wanting not to do it. This is very much akin to that.

Were I to argue that Brown versus the Topeka Board of Education was a silly decision because even though separate is inherently not equal, can't they simply settle for equivalent?

Or in the case of my own family, in whose case (for some) simply denying their faith might have spared them the joy of the camps, slave labour, ovens et cetera.

Or in your case, why bother about marriage? It's just a word, after all. A civil union gets you all the relevant stuff like visitation, inheritance, insurance and such. Why bother about a silly little political sticking point like marriage?

While you may or may not see the existence or importance of this "small" point of contention, it's nonetheless quite real and a thing over which I'll fight to the grave.

Snood

Snood, I love you guy, I hope you know that, but that was some fucked up stuff to say.

Comparing moving a thread from one part of a forum to another to the fight for black, gay & minority rights and the treatment of Jews & minorities (including us queers) in Nazi Germany is just plain insulting, dude. How fucking dare you compare them! That is SO fucking demeaning to the people who have bled, suffered and died fighting for those rights that I am at a complete lose for words. I bet those members of your family would kick you square in the ass for saying those things.
:mad:
 
Snood, I love you guy, I hope you know that, but that was some fucked up stuff to say.

Comparing moving a thread from one part of a forum to another to the fight for black, gay & minority rights and the treatment of Jews & minorities (including us queers) in Nazi Germany is just plain insulting, dude. How fucking dare you compare them! That is SO fucking demeaning to the people who have bled, suffered and died fighting for those rights that I am at a complete lose for words. I bet those members of your family would kick you square in the ass for saying those things.
:mad:

He dares for the same reason I do. Because it's a matter of principle.

Your causes are yours. I do not say they are unimportant. Please offer the same courtesy to others.

bj
 
Snood, I love you guy, I hope you know that, but that was some fucked up stuff to say.

Comparing moving a thread from one part of a forum to another to the fight for black, gay & minority rights and the treatment of Jews & minorities (including us queers) in Nazi Germany is just plain insulting, dude. How fucking dare you compare them! That is SO fucking demeaning to the people who have bled, suffered and died fighting for those rights that I am at a complete lose for words. I bet those members of your family would kick you square in the ass for saying those things.
:mad:

Of course there's a difference, however it's one of magnitude rather than quality.

Further, as someone who landed in hospital in the '80's with injuries sustained defending participants of a Gay Pride rally and lost his job due to his fighting tooth and nail against the maniacal fringe in Colorado Springs, I dare say I've earned the right to make the comparison. Incidentally, I've also held the moral high ground in places such as Watts and Pacoima.

While this situation does indeed not call for mobilization of the National Guard, let alone the Free World as a whole, it does most definitely require that those concerned cry "Foul!" and fight the good fight.

Snood
 
I understand that to a lot of people, this whole thing seems terribly unimportant.

I'm not leaving as any sort of "statement," but if anyone wants to take my departure, and how very sad it makes me, as a sign of how important this all is to me, please do so.

Forget freedom of speech, even. Forget that what is being suggested here is that the mods will use their discretion to control what you post and where. How is that not alarming?

oh it's no big deal. It's just a porn board, after all. But if we don't stand for a principle in the smallest and least important contexts, what happens when we're challenged to stand for it in something more important? Will we be ready? Or will we already be accustomed to the soothing message: don't worry. Trust us. It's not that important, really.

If you really, honestly don't understand why that's a big deal, then okay. Just focus on this: you've seen how Normal Jean behaves. You've seen the response of the mods, including their clear statement that she is their friend and they will do what they can to support her, even when she is immensely and personally abusive, not just to me and others but to the mods themselves.

But if I, without any ad hominem, with rational arguments and courtesy, question the motivations of something like moving a thread without the OP's permission, and look what happens. I am not their friend, and so my shit gets jumped. Anyone who joins in condemning me is an ally. And anyone who defends me gets their shit jumped too. I become the Enemy. All you have to do is read. Consciously and carefully. It's all right here in front of you.

If the leadership of a village sees someone as being in the role of Enemy, that person is going to find the village un-liveable. Eventually, if not immediately.

I can say it no more clearly than that. Those who are confused by this whole thing should just take a closer look, at least at the interpersonal history here.

I don't know where I'm going yet. I love this place more than I can possibly describe, and anyone who has watched me at all knows that. And anyone who has watched me knows how dedicated I am to the well-being of the village and its people.

IF nothing else, if no other argument makes any sense, I offer this, the only argument that should really matter anyway. With that sort of standard going on, and with the knowledge of where I fall on the scale of friendship, how can I be comfortable here? Could you?

I offer, at the bottom line, only that as a reason for leaving. I'll be back when I can be treated fairly. Not as anything special. Just fairly. And that won't be by the current mods; that much, at least, should be pretty obvious by now.

bj
 
Bijou I still adore you and Tz, Snood and Sara and there is no but attached to that. If you feel that strongly then I applaud you for sticking to your guns just don't downgrade me for my thoughts. This is all making me ill and I don't say that to get pity or special priveleges from anyone just to show you how upset I am for everyone. You have been a ray of sunshine in here I miss you
 
He dares for the same reason I do. Because it's a matter of principle.

Your causes are yours. I do not say they are unimportant. Please offer the same courtesy to others.

bj

Of course there's a difference, however it's one of magnitude rather than quality.

Further, as someone who landed in hospital in the '80's with injuries sustained defending participants of a Gay Pride rally and lost his job due to his fighting tooth and nail against the maniacal fringe in Colorado Springs, I dare say I've earned the right to make the comparison. Incidentally, I've also held the moral high ground in places such as Watts and Pacoima.

While this situation does indeed not call for mobilization of the National Guard, let alone the Free World as a whole, it does most definitely require that those concerned cry "Foul!" and fight the good fight.

Snood

You can "dare" till the cows come home, but it don't make it right. You can bark about "causes" all you want, but honey, this isn't a "cause" this is a few people stomping their feet and holding their breath.

"Fight the good fight?" What fight? I see a bunch of WAY upset people trying to brow beat a couple of VOLUNTEERS into doing something the way THEY want it. I'm still not even clear as to what all of you want. I hear a shit load of bitching, posturing and drama queening but I haven't heard a single "Can We".

Just to restate the obvious, kiddos, yelling louder doesn't mean you're right, nor does repeating trhe same crap over and over and over make it true. BTW, do I think we have perfect mods? Hell no! Do the mods think they are perfect? Hell No! Will any of you give them a fucking break? HELL NO!

You don't like the way it is? Wanna cry "Foul?" Okay, do as the mods suggested and PM Laurel and ask her to change it. If she says no, then live with it or go, your choice. I personally hope you stay and keep doing what you do, but if your "principles" tell you to go okay fine, then go if you want.

What I hope you don't do is keep up the freakin drama. Stop with the sarcastic, snarky Scarlet O'Hara imitations. Deal with the reality of this is the same place it was one, three or five years ago. Write some poetry, chat, flirt and fuck around. Gawd for-fucking-bid actually have some fun without the theatrics. What a freak'in novel concept.
 
Note: I wasn't saying that I didn't understand the uproar, just that I didn't understand the issue at all as I was ignorant of it. As of now, I'm removed enough from the events to not possess the same vehemence in reaction, but can certainly appreciate the passions of those involved.

Regardless, it in no way lessens my personal sadness at the departure of those whom I enjoy the company of.

And I do not personally have a dog in this fight, so I will refrain from overmuch comment. Suffice to say that I have been a mod on many an internet forum, and have always felt that the feather touch is best. This is not passing judgement on the actions of anyone here, just me expressing my own view on modding. Then again, I am of the opinion that the government that governs least, governs best. Go figure.

Hats off to those of you who choose to stand on principle. Were I personally involved, I might feel the same. For now, I'll respect your choices. Y'all know where to find me, and you know you're welcome over on the Dark Side. Hell, we even have a dedicated poetry thread over there. *hugs*
 
I offer, at the bottom line, only that as a reason for leaving. I'll be back when I can be treated fairly. Not as anything special. Just fairly. And that won't be by the current mods; that much, at least, should be pretty obvious by now.

bj

I did not read your entire post. But I did read what you said above. Do stay. Do it for your friends. You will have some upset people if you leave. UYS has been posting that she's upset and crying. Do it for her. Ange and I don't care if you stay. I'm writing on the 30/30 and she's busy with something that's still in the works. So post in your bistro (or any thread). I rarely come in here, and you know it's rare for me to post in here. I'm doing it now so I can tell you to post, stay, be happy, make your friends feel better.
 
Snood, I love you guy, I hope you know that, but that was some fucked up stuff to say.

Comparing moving a thread from one part of a forum to another to the fight for black, gay & minority rights and the treatment of Jews & minorities (including us queers) in Nazi Germany is just plain insulting, dude. How fucking dare you compare them! That is SO fucking demeaning to the people who have bled, suffered and died fighting for those rights that I am at a complete lose for words. I bet those members of your family would kick you square in the ass for saying those things.
:mad:

Those people include my great-grandparents and their whole extended family except for my grandfather and one brother. It's an ugly comparison and while people are busy accusing me of abusing others they might consider that even if I'm wrong, two wrongs don't make a right.

I think it's time for me to be quiet and lay low for a few days. This is a very hurtful thing to say.
 
Please just STOPPPPPPP it you don't want to go any of you not really and you don't have to. I don't drop my friends because I don't agree with what they say if I did that I wouldn't have any left! and I don't expect my friends to necessarily like each other. Toleration is the key being adult and being polite ....... yeah it may be old fashioned but I was taught to be polite. We can come through this intact (battered and scarred maybe) agree to disagree you don't have to give up your principles ....... you've said your piece it doesn't have to mean goodbye. Gently does it to bruised egos and souls on both sides
 
But exactly.



But exactly.

My apologies. I should have explained that I could only give it a quick look because my autistic daughter started having another tantrum and I had to calm her down. We've been having a bad time with her meds. Yeah, real life is always going on around me when I'm online. But that seemed like a lot to explain. So I guess I was letting you know that I didn't comment on all of your post because I didn't read it all thoroughly, and not that I was ignoring the rest of it. The last part just caught my eye because you mentioned mods again.
 
But exactly.



But exactly.

One more thing, didn't you read my post? You only commented to one thing that you took as a negative and it wasn't.
I told you that you should stay for your friends. Can't you see by my posts that I'm being calm, fair, kind, at least I hope I am. I really feel bad for Annie. She's truly upset. So let's all get back to poetry and chatting and enjoying the forum. Okay?

Annie, I am so sorry that you are upset. I really am. You're far too sweet of a gal to be letting this tear you up inside.
 
But exactly.



But exactly.

"But exactly" WHAT? What "exactly" the fuck is it that you want? What "exactly" is your fucking problem?

bj the mods have been nothing but polite and respectful of you so, knock your shit off. If you have a problem with them, then do what has been recommended numerous times.

If you have a problem with me telling you that IMO you are wrong and are acting like a snarky, rude, drama queen then fine - say it.

However, if you want something to change, you need to explain yourself better - without the smart ass comments.

What is inexcusable is even agreeing in "principle" with unadulterated hate speech which equates the mods with Nazi murders, racists and hate mongers.
 
My real friends, like my beloved Annie, respect me enough to support my desire to stand up for something I believe is very important. And I'm certainly not going to lose touch with anyone important to me.

And SafeBet, yelling and being abusive doesn't give me any faith in your comprehension of either my principles or my importance to this place. In fact, it violates the singular principle this Bistro ever had: to be kind. If in fact this place meant anything, and you claim it does, then demonstrate that by keeping to the peaceful ideal of this little haven, please.

I have been neither sarcastic nor snarky. I have been fair and I have been very firm. If you think otherwise, read again. That you don't understand why this is important does not define it as unimportant. Again, I will ask you: I do not discount the causes you espouse. Even if you don't understand my attachment to this particular cause, you might have some respect.

I am still here for a few days, making sure I can stay in touch with everyone valuable to me. But I cannot tolerate something I believe is a violation of my principles just because it makes people uncomfortable. And I'm not alone.

bj


eta:

A note left in a small box in the back room:

I don't want to bother to revive this thread, but let this be my final statement on the whole subject of free speech. I see this as the end of the Bistro as we knew it. Perhaps I had to sell the Bistro to Starbucks, because of rezoning in the neighborhood. Sad to see the place go, but perhaps it was time to move on.

I corresponded with Laurel for over a week about this, and she was very kind, but held to her basic idea that if mods want to censor or delete posts, either for abuse or for being off topic, they are allowed to have that policy.

Those of us who gave a shit about that are pretty much gone, including me after this. But allow me to point out the immense irony of this last page of exchange on the topic:

We were, in fact, fighting for SafeBet's right to be abusive as she has done within this thread, despite the fact that it violates the only rule the Bistro thread ever had.

Does anyone besides me see any irony here?

This includes the irony of the fact that her abusive posts have not been deleted or moved, as Angeline claimed to be willing to do from now on. That was the issue, people, plain and simple. It wasn't the hangout, it wasn't the interpersonal conflicts, it wasn't even about where threads end up. It was about deleting posts. Censorship. Duh. We were, y'know, against it.

All we wanted was free speech. That means even for all the versions of normal jean, and safebet, and Senna, and 1201 and anyone else who wants to occasionally be a punk-ass bitch. That means they are allowed to do so, without curtailing their rights to say whatever they want. It means that if SafeBet wants to come in here and act like a shrill, moronic harpy, she can, without being censored. That's exactly what the people she screamed at were fighting for.

Ironic. In the extreme.

So what does it mean that SafeBet's obviously abusive posts are still here? Does it mean that the mods will just arbitrarily decide what's abusive and what's not? Does it mean that it's okay to abuse people the mods disagree with or have issues with?

Think about it or not. Just go back to fucking around, and don't bother to notice that the mods have reserved the priveledge of taking your rights away whenever they feel like it. And watch, please, very carefully, what gets deleted and what doesn't. Keep track of our precious SafeBet's abuse in here, too. If those posts stay, what does it prove?

I will, rest assured, be watching.

bijou
 
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I have been neither sarcastic nor snarky. I have been fair and I have been very firm. If you think otherwise, read again. That you don't understand why this is important does not define it as unimportant.

bj, I have a lot of respect for you and the way you handle conflict is one of those reasons. I've seen you be abused and called names on different occasions by different people, and yet, I've never seen you become abusive in retaliation. I respect and applaud you for that. You are a rare breed.

As for the importance of the issue at hand, I don't understand it, so I've tried to remain neutral on the subject. But, just because I don't understand it doesn't mean that it should not be important to you. We all have our own perceptions and experiences. I just chalk it up to the fact that I haven't been here very long and so I do not have all the facts. Therefore, I think it's best for me to not form an uninformed opinion. Just call me Switzerland.

But I cannot tolerate something I believe is a violation of my principles just because it makes people uncomfortable. And I'm not alone.

bj

I wish you and the others would stay, even if you limit your presence to the occasional cup of coffee among friends in the Bistro. Please feel free to visit any time (as, of course, you have every right to do). I mean, I understand that you feel you must leave. I respect that decision. But, could you leave the door unlocked? Could you reserve the option to visit periodically? (and that goes for ALL those who are leaving)

-Sheila
:rose:
 
My real friends, like my beloved Annie, respect me enough to support my desire to stand up for something I believe is very important. And I'm certainly not going to lose touch with anyone important to me.

And SafeBet, yelling and being abusive doesn't give me any faith in your comprehension of either my principles or my importance to this place. In fact, it violates the singular principle this Bistro ever had: to be kind. If in fact this place meant anything, and you claim it does, then demonstrate that by keeping to the peaceful ideal of this little haven, please.

I have been neither sarcastic nor snarky. I have been fair and I have been very firm. If you think otherwise, read again. That you don't understand why this is important does not define it as unimportant. Again, I will ask you: I do not discount the causes you espouse. Even if you don't understand my attachment to this particular cause, you might have some respect.

I am still here for a few days, making sure I can stay in touch with everyone valuable to me. But I cannot tolerate something I believe is a violation of my principles just because it makes people uncomfortable. And I'm not alone.

bj

You know what is REALLY scary? I think you actually believe some of the shit you post. I don't know how much of that is just simple ego ( "I have been fair" ) or honest to god hubris ( "my importance to this place" ).

BTW, if you consider your tacit approval of somebody slandering someone by implying that they are Nazis, bigots and homophobes is "fair," I'd suggest that you "read again" a dictionary.
 
You know what is REALLY scary? I think you actually believe some of the shit you post. I don't know how much of that is just simple ego ( "I have been fair" ) or honest to god hubris ( "my importance to this place" ).


I suspect that she meant to say "the importance of this place to me," or "my love for this place."

Typos and lousy sentences happen, especially when one's upset.

BTW, if you consider your tacit approval of somebody slandering someone by implying that they are Nazis, bigots and homophobes is "fair," I'd suggest that you "read again" a dictionary.

I must presume that you mean me, and I never made such an assertion. In all those cases, the argument has been made (by "people" who are now generally recognised as unalloyed assholes) that the finer points were unimportant.

In the Topeka case I was paraphrasing George Wallace, on the personal note there was one Traudl Earlische who just didn't get it and many people today make the logically consistent but highly incorrect assertion that the whole marriage question is one of only academic interest.

The gist of my post, which was gotten by some and not by others, was that violation of basic principles and Cook County-style governance are not O.K. Further, arguments that they're unimportant or that grousing about same represents grouchy argumentativeness pay serious disrespect to those to whom such things matter.

While the injustices about which I'm so vociferously displeased are not a threat to life and limb, I will fight them as though they were.

Living in a benighted land in which the Patriot Act is generally well-liked has given me a strong distaste for the passive, sheepish "it's not important to me, so it's not important at all" crowd.

This place gave a guarantee of absolute freedom unless one violated the posted terms of use.

Now, after considerable investment of time, effort, emotional wrangling et cetera is turns into a "benevolent" dictatorship in which dissembling is the norm, freedom is ill-defined and abuse condoned.

Those of us who find ourselves on the receiving end of these violations of the supposed laws of the land are, quite understandably, put out.

Snood
 
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You know what is REALLY scary? I think you actually believe some of the shit you post. I don't know how much of that is just simple ego ( "I have been fair" ) or honest to god hubris ( "my importance to this place" ).

Now, I am by no means unbiased but, in case you haven't noticed, when bijou goes on hiatus due to real life, vacations, etc, this particular thread quiets down and gets way less active. "this place", in my eyes at least, refers to this thread, and the metaphorical place we call the Bistro. In this place, this thread, bij can afford to state her importance (though I agree with Snood that it is likely a typo).

------

As to the rest, there's a lot of misplaced vehemence here. Regardless of whether someone considers the issue important or not, we were all friendly a few short days ago. Some consideration would not be out of place.

As I've said before, I don't have a dog in this fight, but I do like the people involved, and respect their passions. And while I might find myself at odds, I don't see a reason to get nasty at a person whom I was friendly with in the very recent past.

I hope cooler heads prevail. On all sides.
 
I have a couple of questions and thoughts that everyone may want to consider.
  1. When, apart from dropping your personal stamp of indignation onto a topic, that is, have you been PERSONALLY affected by the moderation of this forum? It just seems that lending vociferous support to an issue is one thing, but to regard any moderation on a virtual bulletin board as an infringement of personal freedom seems akin to blaming the owners of the laundromat for ripping down a message you posted.
  2. Why do you believe in a great conspiracy? You can still communicate and you still have recourse to regain your misplaced conversations and comments.
  3. Why is there only ONE tendered option to resolve this current strife? Everyone who is hugely offended here really needs to (in my opinion) look for other avenues than the non-productive posturing and rhetoric I see happening.
  4. If you're truly caring members of this community why not try working towards a plausible correction and solution rather than trying to oust the forum moderators from a job they've done, unremarked upon until recently, rather well?

This statement has been put forth in what I feel is a calm and non-emotional way.

Brightness and light dear people. Please, when everyone around you is dropping the blade of the guillotine, keep your head.
 
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