Blind Date 2

[Maid of Marvels]

Re: David

(OOC: Let's get started then! )

"Okay, no-one yells at me and lives! Especially no-one who has stinking cats!"

Stepping back, I pull out my fully loaded, semi erect tommy gun... She looks at me in awe and whispers, "Are you glad to see me, or is that a pistol in your pocket?"

Looking up, I see a patrolman approaching at last. He adjusts the brim of his cap before walking over to us.

"Officer! Arrest this man for indecent exposure!" I can't help it. I just have to point and grin.

 

[Tibxo]

Patrolman

The patrolman takes one look at woman sitting in the car with the spitting cats and the man standing by it with his tommy gun sticking out.

"Sorry, ma'am. But I can't see anything wrong here. This guy is allowed to take out his tommy gun if he wants. It is in the Constitution."

He turns to leave.

"Oh, sir. I would appreciate it that if you do decide to do some spraying, please could you confine it to inside the woman's car and not on the pavement."

"Of course, officer." Says the man...

 

[Tibxo]

David

Watching the patrolman leave, I approach the car. My tommy gun fully extended in front of me.

"Prepare to be peppered, lady!"...

 

[Maid of Marvels]

sorry it took me so long to reply

"Peppered? Peppered? Is that what you're calling it now?" I gasp as my eyes widen in shock (and a bit of amazement as well ). The strange man's pistol seemed to have morphed into a magnum.

"Well, hiya Big Boy," I purr. "I see you've gotten a lift -- now would you like a ride, too?"

 

[Tibxo]

To my surprise, I finally recognise the woman. It's Mae West!!!

But isn't she supposed to be dead?

While standing in amazement, the woman gets out of the car - only to fall flat on her face.

What???

Looking back in the car, I see the reason. One of her false legs has fallen off...

 

[Maid of Marvels]

False leg?? My foot!!

Why is it that folks always fall flat on their faces when it's most important that they put their best foot forward? And speaking of feet... It seemed I had suddenly grown two left ones.

Imagine my chagrin as I stepped out of the car only to land flat on my face! Oh, I know what it looked like, but it was worse. On my way home, I'd stopped by the Probe and Prod Adult Store and bought the biggest, most delicious double-ended dildo. Unable to resist it's flesh-colored and battery operated charms, I'd just maneuvered it into place under my skirt when this guy plowed into me.

Christ! How could I have forgotten?? Hell! Why should I have remembered?? Between the threat of pepper spray and his obviously loaded weapon, the dildo was the last thing on my mind.

"It's all your fault!" I cried out, desperately trying to untangle myself from the massive masturbatory appliance. "Now what are you going to do about it??"

 

[Tibxo]

Eh???

I cannot understand a word the gibbering woman is talking about and what's the fuck is that sticking out from under her skirt???

"Wooo wooot wwwarrr wooo wwoinw wwwoo wwwooo wboow wiit?" Shouts the woman again.

What is she on about???

Then I realise. On the dashboard of her car is a set of false teeth. To my horror, they must have fallen out when she has bashed into me.

"Welllll?" She shouts again, now having managed to stand on her good leg and whatever is sticking out from under her dress

But I am not looking as a gust of wind rips her hair off, revealing a crinkled bald skull.

*Grimace*

 

[Maid of Marvels]

*whispers* Evil man. Wicked evil man.

*pointing up* That is just so wrong. So very, very wrong.

 

[Tibxo]

With mounting horror, I watch as the woman lurches - no struts towards me, her gnarled hands reaching out.

Nooooo!!!!!!!!!!!

I try to move as I hear the 'bump', bump', 'bump' of her long dildo on the road but I cannot. And I realised that I am frozen by fear. Fear of this toothless bald hag staggering - no strutting ever nearer.

It is as if everything is lost and that I am doomed when I hear a scream - a young child's scream and the spell is broken. Being able to move again, I see a woman with a small child. The child screaming and crying as he points to the old hag.

"It's alright, darling." The woman with the child - obviously the mother, soothes. "Mommy will not let anybody scare you." I was right.

I watch her as she reaches in her heavy coat and pulls out a sub machine gun???

"Okay, bitch! No-one scares my little C. G. and gets away with it!"

Eh???

The old woman staggers round to see who is shouting at her, her spittle going flying.

"DIE, BITCH! DIE!"

And the sub machine gun opens up as I dive for cover...

 

[Maid of Marvels]

"CUT!!!"

"Great job, everyone! Let's break for dinner and meet again in the morning!" The director called down from a cherrypicker high above the scene below.

Not waiting for makeup, I pulled off the bald cap I was wearing and the insert that made it appear that I was totally without teeth. "Sorry you had to get in the middle of all that," I said to the gobmacked bystander. "It was just too good to let it go and stop the filming."

"Listen, maybe I can make it up to you. How bout going for a drink?"

 

[Tibxo]

I'm on film!!??

I look up disbelievingly as the 'old hag' strips her make up and props, revealing a gorgeous dark haired sex goddess.

Wow!

"Wonderful, oh wonderful!" Cries out a short fat man as he runs up to them, the back of his heels almost hitting his back. "Oh Reena, baby. That was fanriffic! Absolutely fanriffic!!! Wasn't it fanriffic, guys?"

A crowd of men behind him all say 'Yes' and start to clap hillariously.

"And you..." He is looking at me. "You were fanriffic too. Who are you?"

I swallow nervously as everyone looks in my direction.

"I am David U. Focker." I tell him quite innocently but for some reason, the man's face turns red.

"What did you say???" He hollars, his eyes blazing.

"Erm. David U. Focker???" I gulps.

"NO ONE TALKS TO ME LIKE THAT!!!! SECURITY!!!!"

Oh no! Not again.

How come everyone reacts like that when I tell them my name?

And I am off, running. Behind me I can hear the dogs howling...

 

[Maid of Marvels]

Walking over to the Director, I smoothed my hand over his head and pulled his distraught-looking little face deep into my cleavage. "There, there, darl. I think he was some kind of foreigner. Didn't you notice the funny way he tawked? All he was doing was asking if you had fawked me. Or maybe he was saying that he wanted to. You think everyone is interested in getting in my panties anyhow. Even when I don't wear them. Besides, he had no way of knowing you are gay."

Spotting something on the ground, I let Benny go, watching him collapse to the ground breathless. "You really should stop smoking, Ben."

"You really should stop smothering me with those boobies of yours."

"But, honneeeeeeeee... " I winked and bent over to pick up the wallet that someone had carelessly dropped.

"Well, well, well... What have we here?" I said aloud as I rifled through. Of course I was only looking for ID, but I won't mention that I found several packets of condoms (X-tra Large, Ribbed). a few hundred dollars in cash and several credit cards. Now this was my kinda guy!

"Listen, Benny... If we're done for the day, I think I have a date that I don't want to miss."

Strutting away, I waggled my fingers and shouted "Toodle-oo!" as I headed off to bail my sugar daddy out of jail.

 

[Tibxo]

"David?? DAVID!"

I feel a hand gripping me and instantly I am sitting up at my desk with Bob, my Head of Department standing in front of me.

"Sorry. I must have dropped off." I tell him as I roll my fists in my eyes.

"David, this is the fourth night this week that you have worked late."

Looking at the computer, I see that it's already 7.30 in the evening.

"Yeah!" I groan. "Got to make sure that the new software is configured and running on the client's Finance network before 8 tomorrow morning."

"Okay, David. " he says as he walks out of the door, "Goodnight."

I smile. Being the Technical Manager of a Support Desk for a multi-national computer company is a great job but is so time consuming. I can't remember the last time I got home before nine.

Stretching my arms, I look at the screen which is running the new software on the client's system. Usually, this is dealt with by a member of my team. However, since it is especially an important job, the Chairman had asked me to do it personally. How could I refuse?

"Oh by the way, David." Bob calls out through the door, "Don't forgot Saturday night."

Oh blast!

I had forgotten about that. Members of the company had been invited to a special fund raising event being organised by this particular client. I had been asked to go due to the close working relationship I had established with them.

The trouble is, thanks to work, my social life is almost non-existent. That includes having no girlfriend (and I can't remember the last time I had any sex).

I sit back scratching my head.

Who can I ask?

None of the girls in the office that for sure. Besides, I have already tried and they are either (a) coming along with a partner or (b) got other plans.

I've got no idea.

Putting the problem to one side for the time being, I carry on with my work...