Blues Challenge

[SmilingLez]

Stuttering Cherry Grant steps up on stage. She downs a shot of whiskey. Her fingers adjust the mic. She straddles her bull fiddle. She clears her throat.




You left me and I feel so sad.
You left me and I feel so mad.
Bbbaby you're just so bbbad,
bbbut I'm the bbbest you ebbber had.

 

[SapioSexual9]

Crying Sap Ferguson sings,

Quaking Floor Blues

My hound dog woke me up this morning
revving like a dirty old Greyhound bus

My hound dog woke me up this morning
revving like a dirty old Greyhound bus

Well my good ole Daddy he woke up
making him this big old fuss

He said wake up pretty Momma,
Daddy got a shotgun to blast

Soon the bed was freaking creaking all crazy
Yes suh an Daddy was saying rock me rock me
like a long south bound train

Soon the bed was freaking creaking all crazy
an I was a hollering Yes suh Ooooo Yes suh
while Daddy was hauling ass on me

Well we was a chugging
like a good ole freight train woohooo

Well we was a chugging
and the damn old bed brake

And Daddy said Momma I’m in trouble
I ain’t got no hand break

I said Daddy
the bed is broke and there is nothing,

nothing, but thunder and lightening
between my heart beats

But Daddy he wasn’t listening
He was getting high on my back hills

And he turned my whole house up,
side, down giving me those
quaking floor blues.

 

[SpermFactory]

Chicago Charlie

Ties, lies, I been shoe shining for days,
Ties, lies, I been shoe shining for days,

Doing by, keeping my face down chasing
change seeing my reflection in shiny shoes,

I ain’t got no Cadillacs or Bell-air Chevys,
Just a shoe shining box on Maxwell street

They say shoe shine boys ain’t got no blues
while I say good morning to your shoes

Soon you be leaving me saying,
ain’t you heard boy you ain’t got no story

just a shoe shine boy, hustling dime
once upon a time on Maxwell street.

Wellll my guitar is playing lazy lights low
singing alone in my room it ain’t rained

for days, ties lies one night I be in the club,
I been shoe shining for days…

 

[12oclocktales]

Sung by Papa Slops



Big Ass Blues


Don’t want no skinny ass woman hanging round my bed
No skinny ass woman hanging round my bed
Gotta have a handful back there, a big fat loaf-a bread

Gotta knead that dough, get it nice and fine
Knead that dough, get it nice and fine
Make it rise in the pan, fat and soft, then I grind

Yeah, I’ll grind that ass
Grind it, grind it, grind it hard
Till it’s nothin but a mess

Wanna slap that be-hind, make the whole room shake
Slap it hard, watch the whole room shake
Smash my face right in it like it was a wedding cake

Come on, baby, get your fat ass on my face
Come on, get that fat ass on my face
Smother me with it, fuck yeah, that ain’t no disgrace

 

[Angeline]

Moderator Blues Cavalcade

I been searching through my jazz poems
And I tossed them in a thread
Yeah I got one heapin' heck of jazz poems
And I stuck them in a thread
Now I must edit those golden oldies
I wish that I was dead

Troubles troubles
I've seen em every day
Yes Bessie Smith I got troubles
They find me every day
I'm gonna shoot a man in Memphis
Cause it's a blues cliché

Oh mama mama I got the moderator blues
I gotta delete shitty spam posts
And give a troll unwelcome news
I got four dick pics in my mailbox
I want as much as some old shoes

Yes Miss Bessie I sure do have me sum moderator bluuuuues

~Rotten Foot Huckleberry Angeline Obama

 

[Waeponwifestre]

Crippled Willie’s Lament / The Bottom Blues

Twelves years a woman, needle every week
I lived highs unmatched and lived lows so bleak
Twelves years a woman, needle every week
I wouldn’t change it for the world, but damn
Years past, Lord, have left my flesh mighty meek

Hotel rooms feeling like a failed exam
People hope I can still ram, wham and slam
Strangers’ beds all seem like a failed exam
Folks all got fantasies to live up to
Let em down cause getting up’s now a sham

Twelve years a girl, worth it to be true
But now my toppings got no follow through
Twelve years now I’m singing the Bottom Blues
Lord you left my piece of flesh mighty meek
Now some days I miss my dick that could screw