Blues Challenge

[SmilingLez]

Stuttering Cherry Grant steps up on stage. She downs a shot of whiskey. Her fingers adjust the mic. She straddles her bull fiddle. She clears her throat.




You left me and I feel so sad.
You left me and I feel so mad.
Bbbaby you're just so bbbad,
bbbut I'm the bbbest you ebbber had.

 

[SapioSexual9]

Crying Sap Ferguson sings,

Quaking Floor Blues

My hound dog woke me up this morning
revving like a dirty old Greyhound bus

My hound dog woke me up this morning
revving like a dirty old Greyhound bus

Well my good ole Daddy he woke up
making him this big old fuss

He said wake up pretty Momma,
Daddy got a shotgun to blast

Soon the bed was freaking creaking all crazy
Yes suh an Daddy was saying rock me rock me
like a long south bound train

Soon the bed was freaking creaking all crazy
an I was a hollering Yes suh Ooooo Yes suh
while Daddy was hauling ass on me

Well we was a chugging
like a good ole freight train woohooo

Well we was a chugging
and the damn old bed brake

And Daddy said Momma I’m in trouble
I ain’t got no hand break

I said Daddy
the bed is broke and there is nothing,

nothing, but thunder and lightening
between my heart beats

But Daddy he wasn’t listening
He was getting high on my back hills

And he turned my whole house up,
side, down giving me those
quaking floor blues.

 

[12oclocktales]

Sung by Papa Slops



Big Ass Blues


Don’t want no skinny ass woman hanging round my bed
No skinny ass woman hanging round my bed
Gotta have a handful back there, a big fat loaf-a bread

Gotta knead that dough, get it nice and fine
Knead that dough, get it nice and fine
Make it rise in the pan, fat and soft, then I grind

Yeah, I’ll grind that ass
Grind it, grind it, grind it hard
Till it’s nothin but a mess

Wanna slap that be-hind, make the whole room shake
Slap it hard, watch the whole room shake
Smash my face right in it like it was a wedding cake

Come on, baby, get your fat ass on my face
Come on, get that fat ass on my face
Smother me with it, fuck yeah, that ain’t no disgrace

 

[Angeline]

Moderator Blues Cavalcade

I been searching through my jazz poems
And I tossed them in a thread
Yeah I got one heapin' heck of jazz poems
And I stuck them in a thread
Now I must edit those golden oldies
I wish that I was dead

Troubles troubles
I've seen em every day
Yes Bessie Smith I got troubles
They find me every day
I'm gonna shoot a man in Memphis
Cause it's a blues cliché

Oh mama mama I got the moderator blues
I gotta delete shitty spam posts
And give a troll unwelcome news
I got four dick pics in my mailbox
I want as much as some old shoes

Yes Miss Bessie I sure do have me sum moderator bluuuuues

~Rotten Foot Huckleberry Angeline Obama

 

[Waeponwifestre]

Crippled Willie’s Lament / The Bottom Blues

Twelves years a woman, needle every week
I lived highs unmatched and lived lows so bleak
Twelves years a woman, needle every week
I wouldn’t change it for the world, but damn
Years past, Lord, have left my flesh mighty meek

Hotel rooms feeling like a failed exam
People hope I can still ram, wham and slam
Strangers’ beds all seem like a failed exam
Folks all got fantasies to live up to
Let em down cause getting up’s now a sham

Twelve years a girl, worth it to be true
But now my toppings got no follow through
Twelve years now I’m singing the Bottom Blues
Lord you left my piece of flesh mighty meek
Now some days I miss my dick that could screw

 

[SmilingLez]

Once again Stuttering Cherry Grant steps up on stage. She downs two shot of whiskey, guaranteeing that she won't stutter. Her fingers adjust the mic. She straddles her bull fiddle. She clears her throat.




My bags packed light.
Your voice stayed loud.
Now I drink coffee
no fear in my mouth.

You slammed doors hard.
I folded in small.
Now I paint my lips red
for nobody at all.

Lawd, I choose me now,
ain’t your shadow no more.
Got my own two hands,
gonna heal what you tore.

New shoes on my feet.
Fresh flowers inside.
I sleep through the night
without nowhere to hide.

Your ghost still knocks
some late nights in rain.
But I lock that door
and soothe my own pain.

Sun cuts thru my window.
Warmth hits my tanned skin.
I got myself back.
Lawd, never going back again.

Lawd, I choose me now,
ain’t your shadow no more.
Got my own two hands,
gonna heal what you tore.

 

[SapioSexual9]

Ain’t no sex going on

Blind blackman on the p-ana
he’s making moma’s ass shake

His fingers p-ana play’n a woman
only got but two notes ohh, yes / no

/ Yes / No / a woman but got two notes,
oh no I see my Daddy getting real mad

oh no he’s getting Daddy toe tapping mad
While little brother wear’n no shoes

gettin his bobble head on, he standing on the
table chair watching moma, his bobble head on

And I’m sneaking out the backdoor oh / yes / I’m
I’m out the backdoor lying down on the porch sofa

With someone’s cousin Jane
oh / no / yes I am

while that p-ana is holler n stompin
I’m lying down

her and I smoking, with a glass of Daddy’s

 

[Wat_Tyler]

Well x3, if this ain't a fine damned thread idea!!! I love the blues, and I love to mock the things I love.



Outta whisky blues


I woke up this morning with them turr'ble hangover blues (x2 with a lawd sweet Jeebus for good measure)
Ain't but one thang gonna he'p it an' thassa tumbler fulla booze

(You see, blues and booze are the two bestest evah rhyming words. They make the world go 'round)

As soon as my eyes will open, I see my empty whisky bottle on the table (x2)
I done killt it off so thorough, I done even et the label

My eyes focus a little more, looks like I done puked in mah shoes (x2)
No booze no money no footwear, ain't no wonder I gots da blues

I can't wear them nasty shoes and I gots nothing to put on mah feet (x2)
They won't let me in without them, if I can stagger to the saloon up the street

Ain't got two nickels to rub together, guess I got to rob the liquor store (x2)
Oh Hell now I remember, my pistol done got stolen by that whore

Nothin' but blues got me, I reckon I'll leap from the winder to mah doom (x2)
Looks like I done fucked that up, too, when I rented a first floor flophouse room.

 

[12oclocktales]

Blues for Father’s Day

Hey now, daddy, once again it’s your big day (x2)
How about we celebrate with a nice big roll in the hay.

The kids all whooped and hollered how you’re still their Number One (x2)
Now my momma’s gonna babysit so we can have some fun.

I’m yours for the day, hubby, I’ll do anything you want (x2)
Let you suck on my titties, then fuck my juicy cunt.

I’ll tickle your asshole, babe, make you moan and holler (x2)
Plaster my face with your cum, all I can’t swallow.

Plow your dick down my throat till I’m ready to choke (x2)
Keep on churning, daddy, just go for broke.

Drill your cock in my ass like you’re searching for oil (x2)
There’ll come a gusher, oh yeah, it’ll be worth all your toil.

Pound me, big boy, till I’m ready to swoon (x2)
Have your fun with me, daddy, it’s a long time till next June.