Can lube reduce friction, pleasure or erection?

[BillyWalrus]

So here’s what I’m wondering: can using too much lube — especially when applied to penis and vagina — really kill the friction, mess with the timing, and even cause erection lost?

My gf has never been a fan of lube. She frequently used saliva on her lovers as the only lubrication. Ouch! She has always used lube with me and her favorite is a water based lubricant. She always cums quickly so I think she is getting enough friction on her cock.

 

[Jimmy_Butler]

One thing that jumped out to me is the fact say the shyly suggested a toy at one time, then you bought her one. You then say she hasn't used it. With the obvious communication problems that seem to exist, I am betting your idea of a toy to bring into the relationship and her idea of what she wanted were two different toys. My wife likes toys that we can use together when having sex. Bullet vibrator, vibrating cock rings, etc. She doesn't like dildos or penetrative toys and has tossed out the one we bought together. I have an inkling this is the same situation.

 

[Lamia03]

Lube (coconut oil for me) is a must for masturbation my older skin is more sensitive and simply wouldn't stand up to a dry rub long... but that's good, because I love it slick. Bring on the lube!

I use the same for my partner.

 

[cole4258]

For me if you use too much or the wrong type you lose most of the feelings. At least for me

 

[LMWM321]

Sex without lube can be downright painful for some women. Use as much as she wants and do so without complaint or making her feel self-conscious about needing it. Complaining about it would be no better than her criticizing how erect your penis gets.

As for your other issues... You both need to learn to be more open and honest with each other. ..If your wife is indeed bi, then so be it... We don't chose our sexual orientation. Of course, it would have been better to have known this before marrying her so you could have decided whether you were up for the challenges it might present in your marriage. Unfortunately, that ship has sailed. If you love her (it sounds like you do) and she loves you (it sounds like she does) then your only choice is to find ways to scratch that itch for her that do not imperil your marriage.

Yes, bringing another woman into the bedroom is one option, but it could prove disastrous to your marriage. Another, less risky option, might be to encourage her to enjoy and masturbate to Lesbian porn. Tell her she has your blessing to do this, and should do so without shame or guilt. That you're fine with it. Maybe even lean into it a little by asking her to share with you some of the clips she finds most exciting. If you are like most men, this will probably turn you on, too.

If you can swing the cost, I would recommend that you see sex a therapist together to see what they recommend. There may be fun role-playing scenarios you can engage in that might sufficiently scratch the itch for your wife. Or maybe incorporating some bi-sexual dirty talk into your love-making may help. A sex therapist may have some great recommendations. My wife and I saw a sex therapist to help us better enjoy sex in the wake of her menopause, and it was transformative.

Don't lose hope. Being bi-sexual is NOT necessarily synonymous with non-monogamy or polyamory. It does not mean your relationship is doomed. But you do need to address it. And do so with love, empathy, and understanding.

 

[Bigboobbabe]

Agree

Also agree 100%. When I read your post, I thought, this guy has bigger problems than lube. Why is he asking about lube while telling us about the lack of open, transparent communication in his sex life?

Would probably be a mistake to involve a third person unless or until you are able to have frank, open discussions with each other about fantasies, desires, likes, dislikes, etc. Do the homework before you try doing graduate level work.

I agree about the third person, from experience.
My ex and I had a solid relationship for many years. We talked about a third in our fantasies and in our foreplay. We eventually did play with a few others. My ex was exploring his bicurious side and was able to sample cock.

He always said no to including his best friend. We knew his best friend had many pleasures and he and my ex had exchanged pictures of the women. His friend shared nudes of himself, too. I liked them.

I came home from a business trip and my ex had used his friend in our fantasy. Asking me things like do you still want him, etc.
2 days later, we were at the friends house, oral only 3some. I came so much and so hard I was incoherent and almost blacked out.

My ex got silent on the way home. He said I did nothing wrong. No boundaries were crossed. But he didn't expect me to have so much fun and lower so many inhibitions.

We never had another 3some because we were bruised. 3 years later, we were broken.

FYI - I fucked the friend twice after I moved out.