Can online relationships last?

[collegeteenm19]

Is it possible for online relationships to last and be healthy? Can they develop into something more? Are there any good suggestions at how to maintain this kind of a relationship? Any comments would be appreciated

 

[four]

Your question is as complex and involved as each individual person is.

in my experiances they dont work. But that is because im a highly physical person and the lack of any contact with the person i desire frustrates me to no end. However not everyone is like this. Ive known and seen several successful internet relationships.

What it boils down to to me is solid commitment, can you two stay true and focused on eachother even with great distances and lack of physical contact. Or with sparatic physical visits? If the answer is yes, then it might work for you, if that doesnt sound like your cup of tea then no.

But in the end its a matter of two unique people, and only you two can feel the situation and all the variables out and decide to give it a try, or decide that it isnt going to work.

 

[Private_Label]

I've been involved in an on-again/off-again relationship for the past 2 years. But this is with someone I knew in person before I got sexually involved with on line. Note: He doesn't expect me to be "faithful" nor do I expect that from him. The on-line thing is just a bit of added spice....

 

[collegeteenm19]

four, thats a really really good post, i like to think we're strong enough, but we'll see..

 

[Tboner]

online

Have you two met in person yet or is it strictly online only?

 

[collegeteenm19]

strictly online only, but hopefully more soon

 

[Ravin the Poet]

I got caught up in this before, and I am telling you now, learn EVERYTHING. Every person has two sides of the story and even if you think you know everything, you don't. The girl I was mixed up with didn't tell me all the emotional problems, and other things like drugs she was into. It just never came up. She seemed so sweet and innocent, when really, she was not that at all. You may very well "Know each other well" but if you haven't met in person yet, you don't know the other well enough.

It didn't work for me, because I found out how much of a physical person I am as well. Think first. WIll you be able to go this without touching, without wanting to wrap your arms each other when things go bad, because words sometimes only go so far, and real touchying is needed. I ended my online thing because of this. She started to display huge emotion and I couldn't help. What good was I? Just think of this first.

Ravin

 

[Eilan]

I think I posted on the thread that you started on the Personals board, but since I'm wordy, I'll post here as well.

I met my husband online, but we didn't really have much of a long-distance relationship because he was only about 40 miles from me. We exchanged pics very early on, but we fell for each other through our daily (or more often) emails. I guess we were fortunate because we had a lot to say to each other (and still do!). Those early emails helped to develop our relationship before we were able to meet in person; the face-to-face meeting took place after we'd known each other for about three weeks.

FWIW, we didn't have sex on the first meeting. Or the second meeting. Or even the third meeting.

Relationships, whether they're online or RL, are a lot of work. The biggest obstacle in an online relationship is maintaining contact with each other. If your relationship is exclusively online or long-distance, then emails, IM's, phone calls, etc. will be what builds or destroys the relationship.

I agree that you have to be careful, but, as I said on the other thread (I think!), you should exercise caution no matter how you meet someone. RL isn't necessarily safer, nor does it guarantee that people won't conceal the things that they really want/need to hide.

 

[AngelicAnguish]

I too met my husband online (gasp, on battle.net of all places!). We became great friends and would email, icq and chat on the phone often about everything we could talk about. We where friends for about 6 months when I jokingly said to come out and visit. At the time he knew I was "seeing" a couple of people and not actively looking for a relationship. I had never seen a picture of him and really expected nothing more than meeting with a friend, by the end of that week I knew there was more.

We lived probably 3600 km (I have no idea what that is in miles) away from each other so seeing each other often was not possible. Being the pigheaded person I can be I was very clear that if he wanted this to be anything one of us would have to plan on moving, and it probably wouldn't be me. We saw each other twice more before he decided to move out here. This all happened in a matter of 5 months. During that 5 months we talked about everything and anything still and when we saw each other it was soo much fun.

I could not have entered into the relationship though without having met him, I know he had felt attachment before then but for me until we met there was nothing more than friendship because I too need the physical contact. Once we did meet though the bond was there.

The best part I think was I had alot of trust issues with me, the long distance forced us to talk about everything and anything, it was natural to do so because to spend time with each other we either had to type or talk thus we learned alot we probably wouldn't have had we been sitting at a movie or something.

Anyways sorry for my babbling!

Just thought I'd post that, we've been together for 7 years now and just celebrated our 5th wedding anniversary (Jul 22).

It is possible, just make sure you set clear rules for yourself and be honest with your feelings and wants.

PS. My mom also met her hubby online and they recently celebrated their 2nd wedding anniversary and have been together for almost 6 years.

 

[YMS]

I also agree that a meeting in person is very needed. For me, it was not a problem to maintain contact through only emails and messaging online, we had also web cams, phones and all, spent so much time online talking about all kinds of stuff, i think there is nothing we haven't discussed yet, and i was able to (and i truly believe that he did too) stay faithful to him... for two years, can you imagine that? Without seeing him in person AT ALL! It was just impossible because we live in different countries, tooooo far from each other, and money and getting the visa had always been on our way.. Unfrotunately, we never made it I too need touch, and even though we have built up a strong emotional connection, so much time without a single touch was unbearable. We started having problems, small ones that grew into bigger disagreements and fights, about nothing really. He kept saying "soon", but i couldn't wait no more. We broke up a couple months ago, if you can use the word "break up" for a couple who's never met, and now we are having troubles talking because he cannot understand why i changed so "suddenly", even though to me it seems it had been building up for a long time already.

Anyway, that was my story, and as for you, collegeteenm19, i want to just tell you that it really is very possible to develop true feelings and bonds through internet, but you two should make it possible to meet in real and see how it works then. You have to feel him, and this is really only possible in real, i believe. Same is with the relationship being healthy, with mine i think it wasn't because it was merely virtual, in spite of the phone calls and packages we sent to each other. I think, if you two manage to meet up at least maybe once every few months, depending on how far from each other you live, or maybe even more often, if he is close to you, then you should be fine! Emails let you talk, and this is very important in all relationship.

Good luck!

 

[Bandit58]

I don't think they can last indefinitely, there has to be at least some hope of getting together permanently preferably within a couple of years. Otherwise it seems like your life is on hold especially if you have agreed to stay sexually faithful to each other. Humans are very tactile, touch is necessary to function in a healthy way and cyber and phone sex just doesn't cut it after a while and I know I ended up getting very frustrated, lonely and depressed. Short visits (4-5 days in my case every 10 or so weeks) just seemed to make it worse because I knew what I was missing and I missed it badly.

If online is only as a stepping stone to a more permanent arrangement then yes, if there is a date set and you will meet after a certain time. Then you at least have some idea if the relationship has a chance of being successful, and hopefully the both of you will be able to carry it on to a more permanent scenario if that is what you want.

 

[BustyJ]

Is it possible for online relationships to last and be healthy? Can they develop into something more? Are there any good suggestions at how to maintain this kind of a relationship? Any comments would be appreciated

I like to think so. I think its possible if the 2 ppl have a connection, right from the start, before phone calls, and meeting. I've been w/my bf for almost a year, course we are lucky we live close. I also have met (not in person yet) some really great ppl.

 

[collegeteenm19]

If the two individuals met only once ever couple of months and had started their relationship online, wouldnt it make it easier for the couple to cope with the distance having started their relationship being longdistance as oppose to being together and then being separated?

 

[collegeteenm19]

bumping thread!

 

[Tboner]

gotta meet in person

meeting first online without actually being with one another does force one to talk, share interests, etc.

In other words, the "getting to know you" phase is taken care of through emails, online chats, phone calls, etc.

I've heard some horror stories though, about people who connected really well online and everything was going really good until they meet in person.

for whatever reason, no spark.

I hope this doesn't happen with you two.

good luck and share with us what happens....

T.

 

[YMS]

If the two individuals met only once ever couple of months and had started their relationship online, wouldnt it make it easier for the couple to cope with the distance having started their relationship being longdistance as oppose to being together and then being separated?

I believe it would, i'm sure it would for me, and i know a few couple for who it did work like that (lasted for a couple years like that, and then in one couple one person moved to live with the other, they actually got married, and the other couple broke because the girl fell in love with a guy in her own city.... but well, thing like that can happen to usual couples, too!).

You two just try to meet asap, and if he seems like the right one for you, and you for him, then i think everything will be fine.