Can you understand soft dominance?

[Sofia_2]

" Compared to other doms, I place greater emphasis on emotional and psychological control, providing a lot of reassurance and a sense of security. I almost never use humiliation, harsh physical punishment, or high-pressure commands, but rather tend to use phrases like, "Sweetie, drink this water," or "Go to bed early tonight, it's a task." Rather than punishment, I'm more adept at using praise, physical touch, or emotional manipulation to reinforce the sub's obedience

 

[Nylonian]

Soft dom tends to work better as well for some people who don't respond well to being bossed around. It feels more subversive and cunning.

 

[OddLove]

I think soft dominance works beautifully in a more puppy-play-focused D/s relationship. It can also work well in a mommy/daddy and son/daughter type of roleplay dynamic if that's somebodies things.

But the reason I think it works particularly *well with puppy play is because that soft, kind, and caring demeanor paired with patience and dominance are essential behaviors a dominant needs in order to train their submissive puppy with positive reinforcements.

Positive reinforcement is a way to encourage good behavior without using techniques like punishment or scolding.

So instead of punishing your puppy for being disobedient, you simply ignore it, and don't give it the attention it craves. Then once your puppy is being obedient and doing as it's told, you reinforce it's good behaviors with attention and possibly even rewards such as head pats, belly rubs, ear and chin scratches, or a treat.

I'm a fan of soft dominance, and I think it's massively underrated. There's plenty of good boys and girls who want to submit to their owner/alpha/dominant, but they're not enthusiastic about things like degradation, humiliation, or masochism. And I believe a good dominant will make sure their submissive gets what they need out of the power exchange, whether that be pain and humiliation or love and a sense of security.

 

[jizzyjizzy]

That sounds so perfect, and sort of what I've experienced. Sometimes there was a firm hand during play sessions but more day to day there was the soft dominance. I never knew the term before or had it so clearly described

 

[Kevinjkson]

<dons flame-proof suit>

I never know quite how to respond to phrases like "soft Dominance." It is possible that I am taking this a bit OT, if so, my apologies. I also apologize in advance to those who will take offense at my thoughts - I mean no ill, and I am not trying to gaslight anyone.

In a world where the Dominant is expressing their natural personality, is allowing their true self to shine through; and that self happens to be "...more adept at using praise, physical touch, or emotional manipulation to reinforce the sub's obedience," I have no problem with it. We each find joy in our own expression of our Dominance. That is the essence of kink, of BDSM.

A submissive should choose to kneel at the feet of someone that they respect, someone whose style resonates with them. If a submissive prefers a lighter (or dare I say "softer") touch, that is their prerogative. If they want a hard core sadist, they should choose such a Dominant to submit to.

But I really struggle with the whole concept of a "pleasure Dom" (which I read as a service Top, ie someone who is pleasing their "submissive" and not themselves). Similarly with "Dominants" who adapt their behavior or expression of their Dominance in order to please their sub - for example by being "soft".

I realize that I am being controversial here, but a true natural Dominant pleases themselves. Sometimes they take a longer term view, and may meet their sub where the sub is in order to get the sub over a mental hump or through a rough patch in their training. But my Dominance is not a role or a game. It is me. It is, fundamentally, who I am. My amazing primary partner gets what she gets on any given day: she gets my good moods and my foul ones; she gets soft loving Master and harsh punishing Master. And it is not up to her. She offers her submission, and she gets what she gets. She can always lay down my collar and find another if she does not find peace and joy at my feet.

When I take on a trainee, we negotiate her limits up front. Inside of the sandbox created by those limits, she gets the true expression of my personality, of my Dominance. I may tune myself a bit to take her level of experience into account, but I never solve for her or her pleasure.

A service Top is not Dominant. They are there to please their bottom. A "Dominant" whose goal is the "pleasure" of their "sub" is not a Dominant at all in my view. I'm not sure what a "soft Dom" is - but if the "soft" part is anything other than a true natural expression of that Dominant's personality, then I do not see it as sincere.

 

[Spanky1372]

I think in this day and age every single bloody thing has to be boxed, catalogues and filed.

If you're a Dominant you're a Dominant.

Whether you use tasks, toys, words or whatever your kink is to gain Dominance over your submissive you'll find your way together.

On the part of the submissive lets not forget it's they who hold the power in the dynamic. You can be as Dominant as you want but you have a social, mental and physical contract to care for your submissive. The dynamic is based on trust; break that and you lose everything.

 

[Sofia_2]

I think in this day and age every single bloody thing has to be boxed, catalogues and filed.

If you're a Dominant you're a Dominant.

Whether you use tasks, toys, words or whatever your kink is to gain Dominance over your submissive you'll find your way together.

On the part of the submissive lets not forget it's they who hold the power in the dynamic. You can be as Dominant as you want but you have a social, mental and physical contract to care for your submissive. The dynamic is based on trust; break that and you lose everything.

Thank you for your comment. I like the statement, "If you are the ruler, you are the ruler." However, there are many types of rulers, such as "hedonistic rulers," "soft rulers," "happy rulers," "strong rulers," "weak rulers," "rulers who tend to switch on and off," and "masochistic rulers." These are the types I wanted to talk about. They are complex and numerous, and it would be very complicated to explain them all. How many of these types of rulers do you understand?

 

[PaxNurgle]

It depends I think what each sub responds to best, or even what the general mood is. Personally, I tend to find harsh dominance, degradation, and corporal play to be "Hot," but in certain circumstances, well, you catch more flies with honey than with explosives, as the saying goes. And sometimes that soft touch dominance is EXACTLY what you need- what WE need- for you to get your way and for your sub to be happy with you getting your way..

 

[Spanky1372]

Thank you for your comment. I like the statement, "If you are the ruler, you are the ruler." However, there are many types of rulers, such as "hedonistic rulers," "soft rulers," "happy rulers," "strong rulers," "weak rulers," "rulers who tend to switch on and off," and "masochistic rulers." These are the types I wanted to talk about. They are complex and numerous, and it would be very complicated to explain them all. How many of these types of rulers do you understand?

That again is complex.

If my sub is satisfied then I'm both a happy and a strong ruler.

When you've found your sub there's no switching on or off you're always on.

I'm not sure how you'd be a weak ruler; it wouldn't be in my character.

As to hedonistic, aren't we all searching for sensual enjoyment in one form or another?

 

[Erosfan]

My late wife and I had an amazing life together. We loved each other with everything we had. I am into exhibitionism and CFNM, and she had some exhibitionist tendencies, so we played to each other's interests.
She new my fantasies and took on a gentle Fem-dom mindset. She knew I was hers.
We had some great experiences between us. I'm not a cuck and she didn't want to share.
We made it work for us.

Call it what you want. If it works for you, it doesn't need a box or a strict set of rules.

 

[MsManagement]

ealize that I am being controversial here, but a true natural Dominant pleases themselves.

I disagree. A true martial dominant knows that their dominance comes with an ethical responsibility. The dominant is nothing without a submissive, like a King with no kingdom

 

[NivKay]

" Compared to other doms, I place greater emphasis on emotional and psychological control, providing a lot of reassurance and a sense of security. I almost never use humiliation, harsh physical punishment, or high-pressure commands, but rather tend to use phrases like, "Sweetie, drink this water," or "Go to bed early tonight, it's a task." Rather than punishment, I'm more adept at using praise, physical touch, or emotional manipulation to reinforce the sub's obedience

That’s very refreshing

 

[average_red]

some day I would like to find a woman I can be nice to without her punishing me for it.... but with all the things I have been through I'm odd enough that I can accept that might never happen.

 

[average_red]

A service Top is not Dominant. They are there to please their bottom. A "Dominant" whose goal is the "pleasure" of their "sub" is not a Dominant at all in my view. I'm not sure what a "soft Dom" is - but if the "soft" part is anything other than a true natural expression of that Dominant's personality, then I do not see it as sincere.

I disagree with a caveat. Sure service top isn't a dom, but pet owners can choose to do things that please their pets without loosing dominance. I can go for whatever I want, and ALSO genuinely enjoy bringing pleasure to MY woman/property/pet/sub.... AND I can also say, 'I don't enjoy drawing putting permanent scars on my sub, if you want that kind of dom, find someone else.' without loosing status as a dom.

 

[Luci_nerdy_kink]

" Compared to other doms, I place greater emphasis on emotional and psychological control, providing a lot of reassurance and a sense of security. I almost never use humiliation, harsh physical punishment, or high-pressure commands, but rather tend to use phrases like, "Sweetie, drink this water," or "Go to bed early tonight, it's a task." Rather than punishment, I'm more adept at using praise, physical touch, or emotional manipulation to reinforce the sub's obedience

Anybody who talks like that is not dominant at all.

They’re trying to play a stupid little game with annoying rules that some other person made up to serve their own fantasies.

Real dominance is 100% about devotion and service leadership.

I don’t have to play their comparison games because I can just prove dominance over and over and over every single second of every single day because I’m automatically dominant.

It’s very simple to real Dom’s and Real Men…

How would our queen like to be serviced right now?

I will not wait to do my duties.

This is why a healthy dynamic is so important…

If a man just takes complete dominance and never cares about the woman at all…

He’ll break her until she’s nothing psychologically.

The good news is they’re running around bragging about it publicly so we can find out who’s doing it.

But the bad news is that the damage is already done.

I know that they’re not dominant because they don’t even know any of this…

They’re just playing little boy games and hoping to get blowjobs as a trick-or-treat surprise lol.

I have actual scars on my body… because I’m not a little boy anymore.

And it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to know that women should have more orgasms than men if they’re multi orgasmic…

And all it takes is a little bit of licking or attention at all…

A little kid will have to sit there and play stupid little games with you to trick you into subservience…

Because they can’t even read all of this and understand that this isn’t AI…

This is just how a man should be automatically…

It is not this whole lie that they gotta go where “ but she never even earned it yet and I can’t trust her cause she’s a woman…”

None of us can trust you boys…

But we can all trust the women.

And whoever taught you all that the role of a dominant is to just receive pleasure and train you into doing weird stuff…

That’s not correct at all.

My job is to sit there and listen to lonely, neglected, and abused women’s problems… and make them feel sexy again, so they don’t waste the rest of their lives believing that they’re not worth anything at all…

THAT is dominance…

And the other part of dominance is, I have to protect all the women from the little boys who want to hurt them…

So I have to be a little unnecessarily, aggressive, and annoying to assert my dominance over everyone now.

Because when you were asked politely not to hurt the women you insisted that’s what they wanted.

Just because in your sick mind and fantasies, you tricked them into believing that… when that’s what you wanted because you’re weak little boys.

And I’m sorry if I’ve upset any of the ladies with any of these intense words because all of you are angels and have nothing to worry about because I happen to believe in protecting women at all costs.

All of them.

Always.

If any of these other Dom’s disagree or give you any problems, just send them to me and I’ll sort it out immediately.

All of the women have babysat for free enough.

With that being said, I never get any pleasure because it would be wrong of me to steal women from their husbands by psychologically manipulating them…

And unfortunately, everybody thinks that my feelings don’t matter either…

But that’s the test of being dominant.

I don’t have the luxury of complaining. I just serve and hope…

I already know how to sexually pleasure myself and I don’t need one of these women to do it for me, but I appreciate everything they do and every breath they take because they’re angels.

And I’m just a demon here to protect them and take their punishment for them.

 

[Ssbbw4u1974]

I don't belong into many dynamical stereotypes, but if I really thought I did, I would be a soft dominant...
I love praising people, I hate things like sph, humiliation, degrading, orgasm control...etc.

I do Love when the men obey, but not grovel.
Beg, but don't act like a sissy...

I love instructing men through fantasy..

I'm not sure I am an extreme dominant woman... But I'm definitely not a harsh one.

 

[Luci_nerdy_kink]

I don't belong into many dynamical stereotypes, but if I really thought I did, I would be a soft dominant...
I love praising people, I hate things like sph, humiliation, degrading, orgasm control...etc.

I do Love when the men obey, but not grovel.
Beg, but don't act like a sissy...

I love instructing men through fantasy..

I'm not sure I am an extreme dominant woman... But I'm definitely not a harsh one.

I don’t believe in degrading women…

Except a little bit of nasty talk, that’s kind of playful…

But anybody who actively tries to train a girl to think that she’s less than human is a monster.

Literally.

That’s coming from one of the worst people that I know. Me.

I don’t give a shit how much she believes she wants it or likes it…

That is learned behavior that somebody evil taught her and our job is to break it and build their self esteem back up… and unfortunately, some of these guys believe their job is just to break it down even more…

As far as I’m concerned anyway.

But I believe in a different kind of dominance because I believe it’s global not individual.

The angels like you are naturally dominant… no effort necessary because of your immense beauty

Anybody who said you needed to do more was a blasphemer and incorrect.

 

[SmilingLez]

Thoughts snap.
Eyes linger.
Words bite.
Silence binds.

Emotions twist.
Presence holds.
Intent strikes.
Will shapes.

No touch needed.
No force shown.
Mind commands.
All dominance is equal.

 

[Luci_nerdy_kink]

Thoughts snap.
Eyes linger.
Words bite.
Silence binds.

Emotions twist.
Presence holds.
Intent strikes.
Will shapes.

No touch needed.
No force shown.
Mind commands.
All dominance is equal.

It’s equal…

But unfortunately… the balance has to be maintained…

An imbalanced system will always want to collapse… unfortunately.

And when you’re dealing with quantum mechanics…

Which is essentially the sister science of poetry…

One of us has to be a little bit overly dominant and create the hierarchy needed…

But the world has a twisted view of what that means…

They’re used to thinking of a pyramid with the point at the top…

It’s supposed to look like a funnel…

Where the people experience all the joy and funnel all the pain down to the leader…

Not the other way around.

But your words are inspiring and beautiful nonetheless…

Because even though everyone else may not understand the divine influence of poetry…

The wisest men were all poets…

Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing,
There is a field. I'll meet you there.
When the soul lies down in that grass,
The world is too full to talk about.
Ideas, language, even the phrase each other
Doesn't make any sense.

- Rumi

And I know how to draw that poem in sacred geometric terms.

Or explain it in applied mathematics too…

Which I could talk about for hours, so I’m gonna shut up now.

That’s just a lot of words to say that I’m a monster and you’re a beautiful angel… and I’m fully devoted to every one of you

And unfortunately, no matter how many people tell me to stop or shut up…

Until the women are safe, I can’t.

Only one of us needs to risk their life for that and I’ll do it. It’s no problem to me…

I’ll do anything for a queen that I haven’t even met yet…

And these little dominant motherfuckers think that they’re men because they have to have a woman prove loyalty first…

No.

All the real men know that there are ways to test alleged dominance immediately…

I’m the only boy in my neighborhood that didn’t give up after being water boarded over and over for hours.

And that was when I was a scared little boy afraid of his own shadow.

Please assert dominance so I can go fuck.

Or everybody can have a nice day and I’ll handle it.

I’ve seen little black kids get SA’d right in front of me by their own 250 pound Father…

Because I tried to protect him.

Before I was a teenager.

So if I sound a little aggressive, sometimes I apologize.

But some of these boys are hurting women and that’s not allowed.

I’m either gonna have to talk to them or their fathers about it nicely.

And hope for the best.

If they don’t cooperate, I’ll pray for the once and be forced to make an impulsive decision I suppose.

But I’m Irish Catholic, so I think I’ll make the right decision.

If not, I’ll just say a Hail Mary and sleep like a baby.

You have a wonderful day now, and stay safe and cozy



P.s. I still can’t decide if this is soft or hard dominance…

But all the decisions are really left up to all the beautiful ladies, not me…

I’m just the one that creates the safe space for them to explore their dreams

While you nasty little boys hurt them and get to have all the good sex instead of me lol.

But I can give myself aftercare because I’m not a little bitch.

I just like it from a woman. Because their beauty inspires me.

 

[Mrs_and_mr]

My wife uses a mixture of both. There is a time and place for both.

 

[Luci_nerdy_kink]

My wife uses a mixture of both. There is a time and place for both.

And wouldn’t you say by doing so… almost like a dance…

By you letting her take the lead, you also experience and use a mixture of both almost instinctually?

 

[Mrs_and_mr]

It is but all relationships are different.

 

[Mrs_and_mr]

We are a Female led Marriage. In our relationship I’m submissive and she’s dominant. It’s not that way for one part of our lives it’s who we are. When we are out soft dominance comes to play. Thats not the only place but different situations call for different ways of expression.

 

[Luci_nerdy_kink]

We are a Female led Marriage. In our relationship I’m submissive and she’s dominant. It’s not that way for one part of our lives it’s who we are. When we are out soft dominance comes to play. Thats not the only place but different situations call for different ways of expression.

Oh ok so that’s basically my views if I were to marry and settle down.

Then I do understand it…

It’s just impossible for me to practice it anymore I suppose.

Because these lifestyle choices are a lifelong commitment when you get to that level of depth, in my opinion.

Thank you for explaining to me because I’m obviously this is very intense, but that goes along with my territory.

And would also goes along with my territory, is openness and merit…

Because real leadership is service leader leadership not the fake idea of “dominance”.

And there’s reasons that I can’t talk about… that a man has to lead the group rather than a family.

So I can see both sides now thank you so much.