celebrate menses

[beths-virtue]

ok simple

while we are body positive and pretty open there is a en element of reserve in hand too , i dont want to go over the top , im thinking a dinner out with her dad , and maybe some other corny celebration element thats what my (single) father did with me when it happened for me

,thoughts
how would you celebrate/respect your daughter starting her first menses?

keep in mind that shes 11 and a half, and not sure of herself yet

 

[thesweetsweetness]

Mine started when I was only nine, I was mortified that my mom even told people. I wasn't aware that people threw a party for this. I would have hated that.

... Just my thoughts.

 

[olivemarie]

I've always thought this was a healthier spin. Growing up, I knew *no one* who saw the dreaded period as a positive...other than the fact once you got it, you could now officially trash it like everyone else did!

If I ever have a daughter, I might take her out to buy a cute red dress or something. Maybe some red streamers in the house? Red balloons? Very casual decorations.

I wish I had a group of girls or women to talk to when I first got mine. Just laughing, sharing stories, giving tips...would have been nice

Have fun with your daughter, whatever route you decide to take!

 

[fire_breeze]

ok simple

while we are body positive and pretty open there is a en element of reserve in hand too , i dont want to go over the top , im thinking a dinner out with her dad , and maybe some other corny celebration element thats what my (single) father did with me when it happened for me

,thoughts
how would you celebrate/respect your daughter starting her first menses?

keep in mind that shes 11 and a half, and not sure of herself yet

Father gave me some flowers. I was mortified*. Granted, I was 11 and while I understood what was happening and that it was completely normal and nothing to ashamed of, the link that now I was no longer a child (and could conceivably conceive, and that it became a monthly reminder of sexuality at a time when I was more than happy to still climb trees) was sort of disturbing.

That being said, a dinner or even a day off from school to spend shopping would be a good idea to celebrate it. I took my eldest niece and her mum out for her first mani/pedi (she was 13), and ice cream to mark the occasion. I didn't mention her period, and neither did she, but we both had fun and it was easy-going and relaxing.

If your daughter was anything like me at that time (and if she's unsure of herself, then yes she does), something low-keyed would definitely be in order and do not make a big deal. Something small, thoughtful to commemorate the event that marks the transition, but not one that focuses on it, if that makes sense. Psychologically, no matter how body positive the family is and how well prepared she is, and how many older sisters she may have, the reality of blood flowing out of your vagina is somewhat shocking (my first reaction was "ewww"). You want to celebrate your child, not embarrass her, and you know your child best, so gear it to her.

For some interesting cultural read about how other societies celebrate menarche, Kathryn Harper has a pretty decent a site that briefly explains some of them. Carol A. Markstrom's Empowerment of North American Indian Girls: is often used in courses in rituals, gender and history. And yes, I have to say it: while Anita Diamant's The Red Tent is a fun read, it has absolutely no basis in historical and very minimal cultural fact.


*In hindsight, I am very very lucky that my Father and brother treat menstruation as something normal and had/have no problem going out to buy me tampons.

 

[SweetErika]

Many Native American and other cultures have some pretty wonderful ideas and rites/rituals surrounding menarche and menstruation. IIRC, lots view it as a time for female bonding, tuning into our intuition and taking time out to care for ourselves and the women in our lives. Maybe check some of them out (these results look promising), present some that seem fitting for your daughter, and see if she'd like to learn about/celebrate/adapt them?

I'd think a "this marks a stage of exciting changes" kind of message and perhaps a low-key celebration would be more than sufficient for most 11/12 year olds. IIRC, my mom just showed me again how to use tampons properly (that's what I grew up seeing her use, so it was what I was most comfortable with, actually, but she did offer pads as an option), noted how it was a step into womanhood and stayed open to talking with me about it if I had questions (I did not). We did go to a Mother/Daughter "Moon" Party at a friend's where we learned about how different cultures viewed menstruation at some point, but that was really it.

I believe the main thing is educating your daughter and approaching it in a positive way (especially like, hey, buying hygiene products is totally nothing to be embarrassed about!) while being very sensitive to her own feelings about it. So, I'd ask HER if she'd like to celebrate it in some way (you could share what your dad did with you, if you haven't done so already), like a special dinner, dessert or bonding time with you, and maybe say, "I've heard other cultures have some really interesting views on menstruation--like it's an awesome time to connect and take really good care of ourselves. What do you think about checking out some of them together--because I'd really like to learn how others do things as well--and seeing if we might do something extra special for ourselves at that time or incorporate some of those ideas in the future?"

 

[NippleMuncher]

*In hindsight, I am very very lucky that my Father and brother treat menstruation as something normal and had/have no problem going out to buy me tampons.

Dayum! You mean I'm not the only guy in this world willing to do that for family and girlfriends?

Funny thing is, I can go out and buy tampons all day long and not have a care in the world (except to wonder who needs that many tampons ... ), though buying a box of condoms is rather embarrassing. Thank God for self-check lines.

 

[GrrlFriday]

I really like SweetErika's idea of talking together about how to take care of yourselves and each other while you're both 'on', and I like the idea of taking her to do the mani-pedi - it's something an adult woman would do but it's also something pampering (not 'beauty is pain!'). Anything like 'my little girl is growing up' from my dad would have just made me sad/worried/unsure at that age, but that was just my temperament - you know your daughter best. Involve her in the planning a bit, what she'd like - this way she'll own the celebration of her menses and enjoy it more.

 

[infinity706]

Dayum! You mean I'm not the only guy in this world willing to do that for family and girlfriends?

Funny thing is, I can go out and buy tampons all day long and not have a care in the world (except to wonder who needs that many tampons ... ), though buying a box of condoms is rather embarrassing. Thank God for self-check lines.

I've not only bought tampons, but I used to stock tampons and maxi pads at a store in the past.

 

[lothwen]

I really like SweetErika's idea of talking together about how to take care of yourselves and each other while you're both 'on', and I like the idea of taking her to do the mani-pedi - it's something an adult woman would do but it's also something pampering (not 'beauty is pain!'). Anything like 'my little girl is growing up' from my dad would have just made me sad/worried/unsure at that age, but that was just my temperament - you know your daughter best. Involve her in the planning a bit, what she'd like - this way she'll own the celebration of her menses and enjoy it more.

Speaking from my own experiences, the beginning of my menses was anything but a cause for celebration. I had horrible cramps, bled a lot, and acted like a real bitch to everybody. If my parents had even attempted to "celebrate" it I would have snapped their heads off.

Having said that though, I do think it's a good idea to include your daughter in the plans. She may want something low-key, she may want a day of pampering, she may want some one-on-one time with her mom, etc.

Good luck

 

[NippleMuncher]

I've not only bought tampons, but I used to stock tampons and maxi pads at a store in the past.

That's nothing! Last time I had to buy tampons, the clerk had to call for a price check over the intercom.

 

[unregistered]

 

[bone251]

;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

 

[Athalia]

Speaking from my own experiences, the beginning of my menses was anything but a cause for celebration. I had horrible cramps, bled a lot, and acted like a real bitch to everybody.

My menarche was a lot like that, too. As for rituals and such, about all I remember is that my mother chose that moment for me to go shopping for my first bra, which I gathered was something on the order of a ceremonial sash or something. (It certainly wasn't for support, since I had precious little to support at the time ... and wouldn't for years, although the bra was useful for stuffing padding into and concealing my nips, which were always more prominent than I wanted them to be by the time I was in high school.) My mom made much of the fact that I was now shopping in the Juniors section, rather than the Kids section. But then, she came from a culture where shopping defined you ... where you shopped, what you bought, what you paid for it. I guess that's still true to some extent, but it's more of a personal statement now than the social caste marker that it used to be.

That shopping trip was the end of my childhood in another sense as well. I stared being seen by my father and uncles as sexually ready, desirable, and fair game for their abuse. But that's another story, one I've told elsewhere.

When my niece came of age, I made sure she had a copy of Our Bodies, Ourselves, a resource I didn't have but certainly could have used.

 

[Juliewife]

first period

Mine came rather late, I was 13. I didn't want to discuss it with
any adults, but appreciated my mom's help. My daughter told my
husband right off when her first one started. Then her brother got
to wonder what people where talking about.

 

[fire_breeze]

Dayum! You mean I'm not the only guy in this world willing to do that for family and girlfriends?

Funny thing is, I can go out and buy tampons all day long and not have a care in the world (except to wonder who needs that many tampons ... ), though buying a box of condoms is rather embarrassing. Thank God for self-check lines.

No such luck where we lived - there are no self check-out lines. Personally, I think my brother likes to buy tampons and make comments to those giving him the weird eye, but he's a bizarre creature

 

[bailadora]

Dayum! You mean I'm not the only guy in this world willing to do that for family and girlfriends?

Funny thing is, I can go out and buy tampons all day long and not have a care in the world (except to wonder who needs that many tampons ... ), though buying a box of condoms is rather embarrassing. Thank God for self-check lines.

I don't care who ya are, that's funny right there!

 

[Eilan]

Anyone else see this?

 

[NeonKnickers]

Anyone else see this?

Pin the ovaries on the uterus!

Genius!

And horribly awkward.

 

[jen_litgirl]

I have talked with my daughter a lot and asked her if she would like a party. She wanted to know what we would do at her party so we planned it together and plan on only inviting her closest friends and women who mean a lot to her. She is now really looking forward to her party and she told me that having a celebration to look forward to makes it less scary to wait for her period to start.
(We have a lot of parties at our house so she's comfortable with that setting, which helps.)

 

[Lord Pmann]

Would this be like having a party for a guy when he has his first wet dream?

 

[newlegz]

ummm

I got back from the grocery store with a box of pads that were requested of me on the way home. I gave them to my Daughter, Gave her a big hug and said you are growing up so fast and told her I loved her. She smiled.

This seems like the best response to me. As much as people dramatize it, I think mom /dad can set a good example by just treating a period like a normal bodily function. If she sees that Dad will go buy tampons/pads and that Mom, who also has a period, isnt freaked out, she wont be freaked out. But if you make it into some big party worthy event, it makes it into a bigger thing than it really is.

While I respect other people's traditions, the idea of having a party for my period sounds nuts to me. Like pmann said, are you going to honor other bodily functions?

 

[shanier]

something from my journal from a few weeks ago...

Menstrual bleeding shall no longer be known as “a period.” From here on out, it shall be called The Bloodening. Whenever people with uteri meet, we will clasp hands and ask of each other in hearty tones, “How goes the bloodening?” And the answer, whatever it is, will always be robust and proud.

 

[Cattypuss]

Thankfully nobody threw a party when my periods started - I'd have wanted the ground to swallow me up!

I can see the appeal of the idea though.

If I had a daughter who started her periods, I'd be showing her these and calculating just how many tons of waste would be saved by someone using one for the whole of their menstruating life (me, I only found and fell in love with them about 5 years ago).

http://www.mooncup.co.uk/

 

[Lord Pmann]

Maybe it's because I'm a guy, but the concept of throwing a party for something like this is really weird. If my cock released part of my insides for the first time and I became moody and obnoxious once a month, I wouldn't want a party. I'm not trying to be rude, it's just an odd idea to me. I guess girls are different. But it seems like an odd thing to celebrate. (commence stone throwing)

 

[Cattypuss]

Maybe it's because I'm a guy, but the concept of throwing a party for something like this is really weird. If my cock released part of my insides for the first time and I became moody and obnoxious once a month, I wouldn't want a party. I'm not trying to be rude, it's just an odd idea to me. I guess girls are different. But it seems like an odd thing to celebrate. (commence stone throwing)

The point you're missing is that the first period marks the entry into a girl's childbearing years - i.e. it is the point at which, physically, she stops being a child and becomes a woman.