Character Defects

[Senna Jawa]

stop polluting

You have such insightful...ly strong opinions, don't you?

Just write in a separate post (or, if you have it, make it a thread ) that you don't like me or that you hate my guts, and don't pollute other threads.

 

[Senna Jawa]

stop polluting

You have such insightful...ly strong opinions, don't you?

Just write in a separate post (or, if you have to, make it a thread ) that you don't like me or that you hate my guts, and don't pollute other threads.

 

[teknight]

Just write in a separate post (or, if you have to, make it a thread ) that you don't like me or that you hate my guts, and don't pollute other threads.

<threadjack>
Another should type statement?
I see myself as acting at most as badly/well as you. You seem to have some very strong opinions on how things "should be." That, in and of itself, is OK. I'm just asking that you share your wisdom.

And, let me see if I got this straight: making observations about your posts is garbage (being off thread topic might make your assessment valid, I'll grant you that), but, insulting someone else's work 'cause it's not to your liking ...is not garbage? Interesting. I learn something every day.

</threadjack>

 

[EroticOrogeny]

When writing poems, do it just for the sake of writing as good poetry as you can, without any other goal. Only then it will give you peace, will be healing. If you start writing a poem with the idea of attaining a goal alien to poetry, like healing yourself, and if it spills into your poem, then you'll lose the healing effect, and your poem will suffer too. When doing poetry let nothing else exists but the world of poetry, let everything else exists via poetry.

Thus, in my opinion, it'd be simpler for you to write on topics not directly related to psychology, at your present state. You need to be detached to write good poetry.

I don't think I agree. I don't find working on one's mental/spiritual health is orthogonal to writing poetry. However, it may be true that poems related to recovery benefit from further progress on the road to recovery.

 

[Palba_Noruda]

I don't think I agree. I don't find working on one's mental/spiritual health is orthogonal to writing poetry. However, it may be true that poems related to recovery benefit from further progress on the road to recovery.

Well said, EO.

There are as many reasons and ways to approach poetry as there are people alive on the earth, I reckon.

 

[Angeline]

171 is Hidden sex and 192 is "Vulgar immoral thinking". That was all I was doing from 172 to 191.

I read that as "that was all I was doing from 1972 to 1991." Lol.

 

[bronzeage]

I read that as "that was all I was doing from 1972 to 1991." Lol.

If you don't take the dates as a start and finish, the statement is still true.

 

[fridayam]

Grass is not concerned with the
cow who pisses daily upon
it's leaves. It is just what
cows do. Somewhere in the
angel-realm a contract was drawn:

This life I will eat you, swallow you, churn,
regurgitate and digest you. This life I will pass you
through my bowels back onto you. You
and I have made no such contract. Moon
passes low tonight, pinky
promise, you are my friend.

Since only bronzeage has taken the trouble to comment on your poems, allow me to say that there is a great poem in here aching to be let out.

The first strophe is wonderful (though grass has stalks not leaves), but there is room to develop the second which is too hurried because the link is not made with the cow/grass imagery, the angel-contract and the non-contract. Develop these and you will have a fine poem. The last two and a bit lines are obviously a personal image which again doesn't connect and feel alien to the rest of the poem.

I admired your Hidden Sex poem too, btw.

 

[EroticOrogeny]

Since only bronzeage has taken the trouble to comment on your poems, allow me to say that there is a great poem in here aching to be let out.

The first strophe is wonderful (though grass has stalks not leaves), but there is room to develop the second which is too hurried because the link is not made with the cow/grass imagery, the angel-contract and the non-contract. Develop these and you will have a fine poem. The last two and a bit lines are obviously a personal image which again doesn't connect and feel alien to the rest of the poem.

I admired your Hidden Sex poem too, btw.

You may want to tell Walt Whitman about the Leaves of Grass (btw, I think they are leaves.)

 

[fridayam]

You may want to tell Walt Whitman about the Leaves of Grass (btw, I think they are leaves.)

You are quite right--thank you Why didn't I remember Whitman

 

[EroticOrogeny]

You are quite right--thank you Why didn't I remember Whitman

Maybe he's less well- known over there ?

 

[fridayam]

Maybe he's less well- known over there ?

God no! I grew up on Whitman. And he was only 30 years too late to be born an Englishman! Lol

 

[Senna Jawa]

God no! I grew up on Whitman. And he was only 30 years too late to be born an Englishman! Lol

If he were born an Englishman then he would not be him, would he?

 

[fridayam]

If he were born an Englishman then he would not be him, would he?

Gosh, I can see why you got your reputation for being deep

 

[Charlotte_Webb]

25 Choosing easy prey, physical

There are certain signals: the fawn-
call for a distant mother, the injured
paw limp, the untucked shirt, the
downturned eyes. I know because I send
them as well as I read them. The broken

the lonely, the impotent; the ones
who used to be so much more than
this. Sometimes the addict seeks the
fix sometimes the fix finds the
addict, lit and flickering somewhere
between Broadway and a hard-on

and you always find me. I feign a
broken wing and wait to be taken,
wait for the look of surprise when
I escape your teeth just in time.

 

[Charlotte_Webb]

Since only bronzeage has taken the trouble to comment on your poems, allow me to say that there is a great poem in here aching to be let out.

The first strophe is wonderful (though grass has stalks not leaves), but there is room to develop the second which is too hurried because the link is not made with the cow/grass imagery, the angel-contract and the non-contract. Develop these and you will have a fine poem. The last two and a bit lines are obviously a personal image which again doesn't connect and feel alien to the rest of the poem.

I admired your Hidden Sex poem too, btw.

Thanks Friday! My poems do tend to introduce aliens at one point or another. It is because I have a few living in my brain,

 

[Charlotte_Webb]

Very good work.

Thank you for reading, bronzeage!

 

[Charlotte_Webb]

I read that as "that was all I was doing from 1972 to 1991." Lol.

you know Angeline, my brain did the same thing I think I started in 1976, though

 

[EroticOrogeny]

There are certain signals, the fawn
calling for it's distant mother, the
limp, the untucked shirt, the downturned
eyes. I know because I send them as
well as I read them. The broken
the lonely the impotent the ones
who used to be so much more than
this. Sometimes the addict seeks the
fix sometimes the fix finds the
addict lit and flickering somewhere
between Broadway and a hard-on.

You always find me. I feign my
broken wing and wait to be taken
wait for the look of surprise when
I escape your teeth just in time.

Overall I like what you're saying here.

Not sure on the line breaks. May just be me, but I'd rearrange so as to not split things up. For example, I'd but eyes on the same line as downturned, and start the addict sentence on a new line.
Shouldn't there be commas between 'the broken' and 'the lonely' and a few other items in that part?

Keep on writing.

 

[vrosej10]

Overall I like what you're saying here.

Not sure on the line breaks. May just be me, but I'd rearrange so as to not split things up. For example, I'd but eyes on the same line as downturned, and start the addict sentence on a new line.
Shouldn't there be commas between 'the broken' and 'the lonely' and a few other items in that part?

Keep on writing.

Agreed. The only reason to cut up 'downturned eyes' would be to emphasize downturned and that does nothing for the poem except cause an unnatural pause which draws atttention to itself.

 

[Charlotte_Webb]

thanks you two for taking the time to read and mull over the suggestions! I often wobble between the decision to use all or none when it comes to punctuation. I did the "all" in the original post (as well as moving line breaks) and will do the "none" below. I think with line breaks one can often cut out the ,.;: which I find to be annoying.

There are certain signals
fawn-call for a distant mother
injured paw limp untucked shirt the
downturned eyes

I know because I send
them as well as I read them
we the predator
we the prey

broken lonely impotent
we used to be so much more than
this

Sometimes the addict seeks the
fix sometimes the fix finds the
addict lit and flickering somewhere
between Broadway and a hard-on

and you always find me I feign a
broken wing and wait to be taken
wait for the look of surprise when
I escape your teeth just in time

 

[EroticOrogeny]

I like the reworked version of "25 Choosing easy prey, physical" better.
I prefer puncutation, but that's my taste.

 

[twelveoone]

God no! I grew up on Whitman. And he was only 30 years too late to be born an Englishman! Lol

If Whitman was born an Englishman he wouldn't have lasted.
Come to think of it, I don't know of any free verse guys from the UK.

We traded Eliot to you we got Auden, who got the better of the deal? Oh, sure you sent over Thomas too, but he died. You still owe us one.

Who would you give up for John Ashberry?

Will throw in all the L=A=N=G=U=A=G=E poets, if you send over chipbuddy. Deal?

 

[twelveoone]

them as well as I read them. The broken

the lonely, the impotent; the ones
who used to be so much more than
this. Sometimes the addict seeks the
fix sometimes the fix finds the
addict, lit and flickering somewhere
between Broadway and a hard-on

Sorry to counter.
broken is excellent enjambment for a stanza even!
I'm worried about the at the end of the line, why?

Who's your favorite poet?
This is interesting stuff

 

[Charlotte_Webb]

Sorry to counter.
broken is excellent enjambment for a stanza even!
I'm worried about the at the end of the line, why?

Who's your favorite poet?
This is interesting stuff

Hmmm.... the at the end of the line-- I don't know why, I suppose lack of attention. You are right, the the's gotta be embedded, not dangling.

Favorite poet? Hmm. Perhaps James Tate? I don't really have a favorite poet, I have a short attention span and an embarrassing desire for fresh puppies. I like to be surprised. Having favorites scares me because I know if I spend too much time with one, I will ruin it. Stupid, I know, no one has to tell me otherwise or try to convince me differently. But this is a thread about character defects, so why not confess another one? I am adolescent. Like to be in love.