Choke with belt safely

[fiery_tongue]

My new girl has an asphyxiation fetish, I guess you'd call it. She wants me to choke her with my leather belt while she gives me head and also when we have intercourse. She says she's done it for a couple of years and it's safe because a belt is wide enough it won't crush her windpipe.
I'm not looking for anything judgemental, I'll do anything safe and sane with her. (okay forget the sane part, I'll do anything safe)
Is this safe? Any experienced comments? Giving or receiving.

I have to admit the mental picture I get of the belt in my teeth and both hands in her hair gets me going.. but maybe it's just because everything about her gets me going lol.

tia

 

[bailadora]

Although I have no personal experience, I do believe this falls under the category of breath play and I would highly recommend you read up on it before attempting this sort of activity with your girl. Click here to link to the topic in the BDSM Library.

Also, if you and your girl are going to be dabbling in bdsm activities, you might consider attending a munch to connect and learn from more experienced players. This may be me and my own inhibitions, but breath play is not something I would consider engaging in without the supervision of vastly more experienced people who know what danger signs to look for. Research this topic extremely well before you attempt anything. Just my 2 cents.

ETA: If you don't find/receive the information you seek, you may want to consider posting on the BDSM board as well.

Alternative thought: Instead of using the belt around her throat, why not kiss her forcefully, have one hand in her hair and use the other hand to close her nostrils? I saw this in a photo the other day with a F top/ m bottom and yowza - it was hot! You'd still need to read up on the activity for other safety concerns, but the likelihood of crushing her windpipe would be vastly if not entirely diminished.

 

[fiery_tongue]

Thank you. I will research it. I think it is more a matter of blood flow to the head than breath but I don't know, I'll ask her more specifically tonight so I can ask the right people the right questions. I suggested hands, but she said, No, a belt is what turns me on and it has to be yours. idk... much to learn

 

[bailadora]

. I think it is more a matter of blood flow to the head than breath but I don't know.....

Wrong, Wrong, Wrong! There is much more to it. Click here.

 

[fire_breeze]

My new girl has an asphyxiation fetish, I guess you'd call it. She wants me to choke her with my leather belt while she gives me head and also when we have intercourse. She says she's done it for a couple of years and it's safe because a belt is wide enough it won't crush her windpipe.
I'm not looking for anything judgemental, I'll do anything safe and sane with her. (okay forget the sane part, I'll do anything safe)
Is this safe? Any experienced comments? Giving or receiving.

I have to admit the mental picture I get of the belt in my teeth and both hands in her hair gets me going.. but maybe it's just because everything about her gets me going lol.

tia

It's not safe. Period. Anything can crush the windpipe when applied with enough force.

Even momentarily disruption of the flow of oxygen can cause brain damage. Please look at the Bailadora's links and research this matter very very carefully, and this one as well

 

[fiery_tongue]

It's not safe. Period. Anything can crush the windpipe when applied with enough force.

Even momentarily disruption of the flow of oxygen can cause brain damage. Please look at the Bailadora's links and research this matter very very carefully, and this one as well

Thank you. I will.

 

[SweetErika]

Thank you. I will research it. I think it is more a matter of blood flow to the head than breath but I don't know, I'll ask her more specifically tonight so I can ask the right people the right questions. I suggested hands, but she said, No, a belt is what turns me on and it has to be yours. idk... much to learn

The thing is, YOU have to be comfortable with whatever it is you're planning on doing. And, really, YOU have to take a lot of the responsibility for it, because you're going to be the one on the legal and moral hook if she gets injured or dies. A big part of that responsibility is being able to assert "no, this is a hard limit for me, at least at this time" or "we need to wait until I'm better equipped to do this, and then try it as slowly and safely as possible."

Erotic asphyxiation is an activity that, even when the players are very knowledgeable and experienced, causes injury and death relatively often. Probably more than any other activity in the realm of kink. Definitely make sure you research it thoroughly, talk to experienced players, are up on your CPR and take every precaution. It's also not a bad idea to have a written and/or videotaped, witnessed agreement as one of those precautions - it may not get you totally off the hook if something goes wrong, but at least there will be some kind of evidence that she consented with a sound mind and full understanding of the risks. Should your play end in injury or death, you don't want to add the stress of legal trouble and jail to your grief, like many who didn't take enough precautions.

 

[needmybbgirl]

The thing is, YOU have to be comfortable with whatever it is you're planning on doing. And, really, YOU have to take a lot of the responsibility for it, because you're going to be the one on the legal and moral hook if she gets injured or dies. A big part of that responsibility is being able to assert "no, this is a hard limit for me, at least at this time" or "we need to wait until I'm better equipped to do this, and then try it as slowly and safely as possible."

Erotic asphyxiation is an activity that, even when the players are very knowledgeable and experienced, causes injury and death relatively often. Probably more than any other activity in the realm of kink. Definitely make sure you research it thoroughly, talk to experienced players, are up on your CPR and take every precaution. It's also not a bad idea to have a written and/or videotaped, witnessed agreement as one of those precautions - it may not get you totally off the hook if something goes wrong, but at least there will be some kind of evidence that she consented with a sound mind and full understanding of the risks. Should your play end in injury or death, you don't want to add the stress of legal trouble and jail to your grief, like many who didn't take enough precautions.

.....

 

[PurpleTiara]

Eek, duplicate linkage! Sorry about that.

Personally, I would not go there. I have done some pretty extreme stuff, but honestly? Breath play always has been, and always will be a hard limit for me. There simply is not a safe way to do it. Try Jay Wiseman's excellent essay about it:

Medical Realities of Breath Control Play

If you really must go there, be very certain that you have a great lawyer, and lots of money for your legal defence fund. Even if she volunteers and signs a document saying that she see assumes all risk, if she gets seriously injured or dies, you will go to jail. Best case scenario, you will face assault charges if she is injured. Worst case will be murder charges. Remember that in many jurisdictions, she does not have to press assault charges, someone else can do it on her behalf.

 

[MyFavMistakeF]

I have chatted with a guy that was into this as well. He said it was a huge turn on..... I have never tried it but I know someone that liked to do it when he masturbated.....

 

[SweetErika]

Eek, duplicate linkage! Sorry about that.

Personally, I would not go there. I have done some pretty extreme stuff, but honestly? Breath play always has been, and always will be a hard limit for me. There simply is not a safe way to do it. Try Jay Wiseman's excellent essay about it:

Medical Realities of Breath Control Play

Awesome article; thanks for linking it, PT!

The furthest I'm comfortable going in the breath play arena is covering the mouth with my hand, putting panties or an acceptable gag in the mouth, telling him how to breathe and placing my hands in ways that give the illusion of choking or control. The knowledge that there is an element of control and I could take it to a dangerous place is enough excitement for both of us.

I like my husband alive and fully functional enough to avoid risking it. Plus, I'd look really lousy in an orange jumpsuit!

 

[PurpleTiara]

Awesome article; thanks for linking it, PT!

The furthest I'm comfortable going in the breath play arena is covering the mouth with my hand, putting panties or an acceptable gag in the mouth, telling him how to breathe and placing my hands in ways that give the illusion of choking or control. The knowledge that there is an element of control and I could take it to a dangerous place is enough excitement for both of us.

I like my husband alive and fully functional enough to avoid risking it. Plus, I'd look really lousy in an orange jumpsuit!

Thanks! Bailadora linked to the same one, I think. I save that one for whenever it comes up.

The only thing breath play-ish I have ever done was when my Lover held (with no pressure!) my neck. It was a very carefully negotiated maneuver, and She never, ever squeezed. She wouldn't even do it standing or sitting upright. We were laying down and she had no weight on that arm at all. So it felt hot and implied danger, but was fairly risk free. I say fairly because accidents do happen. Which is why we were so careful!

I have to say though, that with your skin tone, the right shade of orange would make you glow in a lovely way. Unfortunately, the almost flourescent shades favored by the department of corrections probably would not be suitable.

 

[VelvetDarkness]

The windpipe is not as robust as people think but it is not the main issue here. Choking with a belt will occlude the blood vessels in the neck and those are far more delicate but no less vital. There is NO safe way to fulfil this girl's fantasy and mitigating risk only ever goes so far when it comes to asphyxia. Just because she hasn't caused herself harm yet, doesn't make it safe. Sky divers wear a parachute and train to land safely, doesn't make it safe.

Legally, 'because she really wanted it' will not serve as a defence if you accidentally cause this woman real harm. You can cover her mouth and nose to achieve a similar effect without risking damage to the neck or windpipe. Using a belt, necktie or other implement increases the risk because you can't feel how tight it is in the same way as you could with your hand and it will take longer to free her if something goes wrong.

If you must play with asphyxia, agree a safe signal or better still, place an object in her hand. If she drops it, you stop everything. People suffering from O2 deprivation do not always have the wherewithal to signal and dropping an object will still be effective if she faints. NEVER restrict her breathing if she is bound.

Breathplay is often a fantasy for women who like to be dominated so if your girl is into that it will be something else to explore. It's possible you can achieve a similar degree of control or dominance over her without resorting to asphyxia.

If you want additional info, the BDSM Library sticky in the BDSM Forum has links to some good threads that have discussed breathplay in more depth.

 

[Slider1234]

i have an elastic belt i use on myself. it constricts like a rubber band but expands and shrinks when i breathe. i've never had a problem except for the belt pattern across my neck.

one time my moms like...yur neck!
i ...uh... i slept funny? idk. what? and i walked away