Coming out, online?

[FrenchMustard]

I know. I've been dinged for it. I didn't know I was bi in college, but I'd get dinged for taking advantage of hetero white male privilege. I see it like this: Nobody's going to look out for me but myself. I didn't ask to be dealt the hand I was dealt, and I'm not going to apologize for having been dealt a few aces. I can see why some GLBT people want to make a political crusade out "We're here, we're queer, get used to it!", but it's not my crusade. The only cause that matters to me is my own well-being.

I don't know. I can't ask anyone to go through unnecessary suffering. But, at the same time, there are people out there who want to see us die. If we don't stand up and call them out on it, the conversation will be one sided.

 

[FrenchMustard]

Sometimes I want to be a cross between Dr. Ruth and a political activist. LOL. Sometimes . . .

heh. My friends sometimes see me as a big font of advice. Which I guess is what I get for being a sex nerd.

 

[Xelebes]

I came out of the closet online first. It wasn't here, but it did save from a bit of trouble as me personal connections outside of the family at the time weren't that great and there was really no close friends that I could talk to.

 

[Etoile]

I think coming out online is totally fine. The fact is that very little of our personal information is private, and I think kids today are aware of that. Some might simply be too naïve to realize, but some are fine with it.

Everything is done on Facebook now. It's how you announce the person that you're dating, it's how you tell a lot of things in life. I'd say it's totally fine and I wouldn't worry about it at all.

 

[FurryFury]

I came out of the closet online first. It wasn't here, but it did save from a bit of trouble as me personal connections outside of the family at the time weren't that great and there was really no close friends that I could talk to.

Did you do it under your real name that future potential employers could look up online?

 

[FurryFury]

I think coming out online is totally fine. The fact is that very little of our personal information is private, and I think kids today are aware of that. Some might simply be too naïve to realize, but some are fine with it.

Everything is done on Facebook now. It's how you announce the person that you're dating, it's how you tell a lot of things in life. I'd say it's totally fine and I wouldn't worry about it at all.

I have always told my kids, the online profile they build can either help or hurt them later in life. This I fear could hurt her.

 

[Xelebes]

Did you do it under your real name that future potential employers could look up online?

Well... I've been actually thinking of changing my legal name to Xelebes.

 

[FurryFury]

Well... I've been actually thinking of changing my legal name to Xelebes.

See, I'd be much more comfortable if she had used an online handle to come out to the world wide web.

That wouldn't worry me at all.

 

[Etoile]

I have always told my kids, the online profile they build can either help or hurt them later in life. This I fear could hurt her.

Very interesting. If this were the 1950s or 1960s I would agree with you, that was a time of serious consequences for gay people, but how could it hurt her now?

If you are thinking her friends will tease her, that's something every kid deals with for various reasons, so I wouldn't worry about it in that sense. Friends who would tease her about it aren't the kinds of friends she should hang out with anyway.

If you are thinking it will hurt her chances of getting a job, I am pretty sure that unless she wants to work for the AFA or WBC, it's not going to be an issue. Even though ENDA is still not in force, most employers know better than to discriminate based on sexual orientation. Some localities/states have laws against it, many companies have rules prohibiting it, and it's just not the PC thing to do even if the interviewer is personally biased.

Even though profiles can be made private, information can always be leaked. However I really don't see that this is something to be concerned about.

 

[Etoile]

See, I'd be much more comfortable if she had used an online handle to come out to the world wide web.

That wouldn't worry me at all.

Ah, but she wasn't coming out to the web. She wasn't coming out to online friends. She was coming out to RL friends in a digital space. MySpace and Facebook are virtual versions of RL communities. She probably has online friends who saw it too, but most of the people who she wanted to see it are her RL friends anyway.

I understand why you'd be more comfortable if it was under an alias, but I wanted to point out that she wasn't coming out "to" the web but rather ON the web TO real life friends.

 

[FurryFury]

Ah, but she wasn't coming out to the web. She wasn't coming out to online friends. She was coming out to RL friends in a digital space. MySpace and Facebook are virtual versions of RL communities. She probably has online friends who saw it too, but most of the people who she wanted to see it are her RL friends anyway.

I understand why you'd be more comfortable if it was under an alias, but I wanted to point out that she wasn't coming out "to" the web but rather ON the web TO real life friends.

That's true.

Here in the Deep South it could indeed affect her job hunting.

 

[Programmer Cat]

But, at the same time, there are people out there who want to see us die.

I know. I also think that those people will demand our deaths no matter what we do, and I have no desire for conversation with such people. I have but one thing to say to gay-bashers: Get the hell out of my way!

 

[gingermango]

You know, back when I was in high school and still self-identified as completely straight (and didn't even really have the first bi-curious urge), I dind't go around announcing to the world that I was straight. And I didn't much care if others did, or if my gay friends announced it either. We all just were what we were.

As I've grown older and broadened my life experiences to include things that I first started fantasizing about and then decided I actually enjoyed, I've changed my internal self-identification to bisexual. I still don't announce it to the world. When my wife and I seek male partners for sex (we're too old and "established" together for me to ever have a "relationship" beyond dinner, drinks, hanging out and/or then sexual fun), we know how to find them without making an issue about it one way or another.

 

[Ksbipantyluvr]

Best thing I ever did

Met my lovely Ms in 2005 and she helped me come to grips with my needs and desires. Not a day goes by now that I don't have a bi thought and I no longer feel bad about it. Now if I can just act on them. Thank you Ms!

 

[FurryFury]

You know, honestly, I wish my girl would just announce it to our family and friends sometimes because I don't feel it's my place to "out" her or that I should make it my issue but I'd like to be able to talk openly about it with the people closest to us.

At Thanksgiving my 80+ aged grandmother asked my daughter, "Do you have a nice boyfriend?"

OMG!

My daughter turned her body away from my grand and got silent. Finally she grudgingly said no.

So my grandmother says, "Do you have a not nice boyfriend."

No.

 

[satindesire]

I don't really think it should be that big of a deal. Perhaps it was the only place she felt comfortable coming out on...at least she has that small piece of comfort knowing that she could talk about it.

And yes, it could affect her in many ways in the future, but so could coming out to even her family. As it already has, according to your reaction. But that's her choice, and her consequences, and she'll deal with them as they come like everyone else does.

 

[FurryFury]

My reaction? I'm totally fine with her being gay. I just would rather her come out to those around us than who knows who on the internet. Now that it's been a while I'm not as worried about throwing this info to the winds as I was. I truly want her to create a life where she doesn't have to be fearful or in the closet.

BTW, we've been to PFAG quite a few times. She likes to go there. There is no support for gay teens in our area. I'm hoping there will be in college.

 

[Etoile]

BTW, we've been to PFAG quite a few times.

Freudian slip?

 

[satindesire]

Freudian slip?

*chuckle*

 

[FurryFury]

LMAO.

Oops.

My mind is a muddle.

PFLAG.