Compliancy and the sub...

[GentleSub_Ivy]

Heh, I have that habit from my ex.

I will say I'm sorry at the drop of a hat.

Of course it doesn't mean this is my fault. A lot of people say, "Well it's not your fault." No duh!

Usually it's a, "Hey, I'm sorry you're hurting, unhappy and so on" sort of thing. It's more of an empathy thing. Hell if someone bangs themselves into a wall or something I tend to say, "ouch" like it happened to me. LOL. I'm that empathic.

Sometimes it's just being responsive.

Fury

I know exactly what you mean with the empathy thing and people saying it's not your fault. This is what I mean by apologizing. I don't mean that I apologize profusely to draw attention to myself. I guess I could either stop caring or say something like "I'm sorry for you" to the person. It's not a doormat thing. It's just a politeness thing.

 

[JFJ_sub]

I know exactly what you mean with the empathy thing and people saying it's not your fault. This is what I mean by apologizing. I don't mean that I apologize profusely to draw attention to myself. I guess I could either stop caring or say something like "I'm sorry for you" to the person. It's not a doormat thing. It's just a politeness thing.

you both said this much better than i did!

 

[FurryFury]

Hehehe!

It's the three "I'msorryateers!"

Fury

 

[GentleSub_Ivy]

Hehehe!

It's the three "I'msorryateers!"

Fury

Ooooh do we get those cool hats like the muskateers?

 

[FurryFury]

Ooooh do we get those cool hats like the muskateers?

That would be cool-ish!



Fury

 

[Shankara20]

Shameless threadstealing idea! Mwa ha ha!

*taps foot several time*
*gives a look that would shrink CM*
*considers sending Q to her corner*

"Mwa ha ha!" my ass!

 

[@}-}rebecca----]

I don't know about this one. Seems to me an attribute to strive for in personal (encompassing submissive) conduct is not to place other people without good reason in awkward situations. Profuse apologies when people are trying to fulfill their occupation seems to contravene with that notion to me .

Closest correlation I can make ( providing I understand the premise of this thread ) is my -need- to provide people with a respectful platform to start from. I guess a flighty example would be tidying up a room service tray before it was collected and thanking the person removing it as opposed to leaving things slovenly and not acknowledging their presence. That for me is a -real need- . Then again it may just come down to having good manners . If I was busy on the phone dealing with something significant , a quick friendly gesture & genuine eye contact would suffice. My worst failing , I always over tip . Perhaps that is a form of compensation , though I am not entirely sure.

 

[Evil_Geoff]

I don't necessarily see apologizing to the ploumber as being compliant, either...

The only thing I know I do in daily Life that might be seen as an outward sign of [generic] complacency, is that I can't for the life of me look powerful men straight in the eyes for more than about 3 seconds. Glance? Yes. Clearly and firmly look them in the eyes? No. LOL

*grins* And here I was thinking you were just being the ever-watchful mom...

 

[JFJ_sub]

Ooooh do we get those cool hats like the muskateers?

lmao@the 2 of you. *looks around for her hat*

 

[rosco rathbone]

Along with "the smile of submission", that's one of the main qualities that trips the trigger of the subdar.

 

[eastern sun]

As a young woman, I repeatedly weakened myself in social situations (taking responsibility for anything that went wrong, unable to make or maintain eye contact, withdrawing to the edges, staying silent). I behaved as though I had no power (even though I believed I did), and often apologized and felt ashamed of my desire to draw attention to myself. I looked to the men in my world to act for me, and tried to align myself with men who had the same goals as I had, hoping to ride them into the worlds I wanted to live in.

Over time, I grew stronger and more self-confident, often by facing my social fears head-on and interacting with the people who scared me. Eventually I ran my own business; I worked with politicians; I was able to "make things happen." I felt my power as a vital agent in the world. I began to think that my earlier "weakness" was a sign of immaturity and poor mental health. And simultaneously my sexual interests (always kinky) led me to S/m clubs and "roleplay."

Then I had kids, and felt completely powerless again. And I shelved the kinkier stuff cause "nice moms don't do that."

So now, here I am, actively choosing a lifestyle that sometimes triggers those old thoughts of "immaturity," and "weakness," and sometimes feels like the final key to unlocking my true identity and unleashing boundless energy and ability.

What does that have to do with compliance? I'm not exactly sure, it somehow seemed related when I started. I know today that I am rarely compliant when I'm weakening myself in relationship to another person (instead I'm just trying to avoid taking action) - I am most compliant when I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing. . . . That's how being submissive has in fact made me both stronger and more compliant.