Confessions: What Are Yours? Part IV

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ICT if anyone asks me why I'm grinning today I'm probably going to turn five different shades of red! :D
 
I confess that I miss him terribly. His intellect. His conversations. The way he makes me shiver without even touching me. I miss our conversations. I miss him. Long before it was more he was my friend and confidant. Now it's nothing.

I also confess that I saw that he was lurking on here.

I further confess I saw someone today that looked like a younger him and it made me think of him though it's been months, and that is why I'm on here. Confessing my heart out.

I also confess that I realize that part of the "lure" of "me" was the control he thought he had over me. It was a control thing and I realize that now.

So while I miss him, his voice, his words, our relationship, I will not leave my husband to be controlled for his desires. I do not understand why the "distancing" had to be complete, sudden, so harsh, and so brutal and why a mature adult could not continue a friendship, I am assuming it's because of control.

But I control me. And I'll miss him. I'll always love him. But no one controls me. Emotionally and mentally I'm in a good place (besides missing him).

I can do this. So if you are lurking, know I miss you and I will always love you. And I will always welcome you as my friend. But I will not let you control my life, who I love, and how I love or live.
 
ICT I should be asleep, but someone has me wanting every moment if their attention that I can get.
 
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