Congenital Adrenal Hyperplasia

[BlackSnake]

Congenital Adrenal Hyperplasia

This story of mine has been hit with a verity of comments. I would like to get some feedback to help me figure out if a Part 2 would be a good thing.

Some comments from readers are as follows:

Surprising
10/03/04 By: Anonymous in USA
Cool story. Hot. Write more.

Part 2?
08/20/04 By: Anonymous
Great story,
but the ending leaves me wanting more...
Any chance of a continuation?

I loved it...
08/20/04 By: Anonymous in Red, White & Blue
I had no idea what I was getting into when I started the story but I swear I have never cum faster. Put my egg up against my clit & it hit me like a freight train! The majority of the stories on Lit show NO imagination (S.S.D.D.) and I wonder how they get accepted in the first place. So what if it's fake, big fucking deal...that's the whole point of EROTIC FICTION. You showed a lot of imagination on this one & it is one of the better stories you've written. Way to go on improving your skills! ~

hahaha fucking ridiculous!!
08/20/04 By: Anonymous in USA
worst story ever

I NEED MORE, LOTS MORE!
08/20/04 By: Anonymous
Please continue, I just love TG type stories!

No imagination
08/20/04 By: boxofrocks in State of confusion
To the last two posters.. get a life and an IMAGINATION!!!

This is FICTION. You know? It's NOT real??
DUH

Not CAH
08/20/04 By: Anonymous
Definitely not medically correct - check your facts

Too Unbeliveably Stupid
08/19/04 By: Anonymous in USA
Title says it all. Total garbage.

Wicked!!!
08/19/04 By: doormouse in Australia
Damn, I need a cold shower now ;-)

Great, original story BlackSnake!!

FANTASTIC
08/19/04 By: Anonymous in Australia
Great story,first i've cum across here,though I know of a case years back,yet 2" long.
part2 etc when?


Thanks in advance,
BlackSnake

 

[BlackShanglan]

I can see why the comments swing so wildly between extremes; this is, I suppose, a fairly uncomfortable topic - unusual anatomy plus incest, and with a self-impregnating heroine thrown in to boot. That's going to scare some people, and I suppose that that is where your negative comments are coming from. I wouldn't give them much heed. Some topics just freak people out.

That said, while I would not give this story a "1," I would not personally give it a "5" either. The concept is intriguing, but premise alone is not, for me, a good gauge of a story's worth. I'm also interested in execution. I would have liked to have seen the situation more developed. The idea that the mother has never been touched by anyone is quite sad and yet plausible given her condition, and it has the makings of some really interesting characterization. I know that you're writing something more attuned to swift realization of erotic fantasy, but I would love to see you get more into that character and her unique position and reactions. And why does the daughter go for her own mother? Most people would be shocked to see a female parent with a very large cock. How does she get past the stunned impact - not to mention the knowledge that this is still her mother?

More of that would push me toward a 5.

Shanglan

 

[BlackSnake]

Thanks

Do you think that a part 2 with more character development would help this story?

The light research on CAH I used:

1. Deformaty of the gentals (enlarged clitoris)
2. All babies are inheritly female.
3. The clit is actually an under developed penis.
4. My graphic design (see attached)

 

[BlackShanglan]

Re: Thanks

Do you think that a part 2 with more character development would help this story?

The light research on CAH I used:

1. Deformaty of the gentals (enlarged clitoris)
2. All babies are inheritly female.
3. The clit is actually an under developed penis.
4. My graphic design (see attached)

I felt like the medical details were coming through OK - it was more, for me, the jump from relatively clinical talk about the condition to sudden sexual activity. That is, it was more about the transition in style/mood than in factual information, if that makes sense.

As for chapter 2 - I certainly think it would be nice to see more development there. But - and this is just me, and other people will undoubtedly feel differently - I'd be more likely to make it to chapter 2 if there was more development in chapter 1.

Do take that all with some skepticism though. I write in a very different way - sometimes I take 20,000 words to get the characters in the sack - and I know that our goals are different. I guess what I am saying is, I know that I am biased toward one style of writing, and so I want you to know my bias so that you can tell me to go jump in a lake if you like

Shanglan

 

[vargas111]

TG does nothing for me.

 

[Shendude]

I liked it quite a bit.

TG does nothing for me.

So? I don't get off on pregnancy, but I've gotten quite a bit of enjoyment from your stories.

 

[BlackSnake]

I liked it quite a bit.

So? I don't get off on pregnancy, but I've gotten quite a bit of enjoyment from your stories.

Thanks, Shendude.

What about a revision of Part I? Instead of just resubmitting version 1. Do a rewrite submitted as version 2. That way the characters could be developed more.

 

[eric shawn listo]

This is so clearly a fantasy (a fuckin' wild one) that I can't see the turmoil here. although I do agree with Shanglan that it needs some build up man, once it starts it's hard to look away and ain't that why we're here! Definitely do a rewrite, write more, whatever but consider doing an illustrated story. With pictures like the one you posted here, it'll make people look twice. As for those who think you have your facts wrong, who cares? You used an idea from reality and wrapped your mind around it. Kudos. esl

 

[BlackSnake]

This is so clearly a fantasy (a fuckin' wild one) that I can't see the turmoil here. although I do agree with Shanglan that it needs some build up man, once it starts it's hard to look away and ain't that why we're here! Definitely do a rewrite, write more, whatever but consider doing an illustrated story. With pictures like the one you posted here, it'll make people look twice. As for those who think you have your facts wrong, who cares? You used an idea from reality and wrapped your mind around it. Kudos. esl

Thanks, I appreciate that.