crying after sex

[bdsm_lover]

So my wife and I were "playing" me dom and her my captive slave tied to the bed teasing the hell out of her with oral and not letting her cum and making her beg for me to let her cum and after she came she said thankyou in a whimpering and relieved voice then curled up and cried.....? WTF?

has anyone else have this happen?

 

[seela]

So my wife and I were "playing" me dom and her my captive slave tied to the bed teasing the hell out of her with oral and not letting her cum and making her beg for me to let her cum and after she came she said thankyou in a whimpering and relieved voice then curled up and cried.....? WTF?

has anyone else have this happen?

Plenty.

Emotions sometimes run high and when the whole thing is over, I just can't help but cry and let it all out. When the intense fear and excitement is relieved, the feeling can be quite overwhelming, not to mention all the adrenalin running through the veins adding on the emotional state. And sometimes the crying doesn't even have anything to do with what just happened, but it's just bottled up emotions running wild in a moment where I feel completely vulnerable and open.

To me crying in such a situation is a good thing, though. Wonderful stress relief. The best thing I can imagine in such situations is just someone being close to me and letting me cry my eyes out. But it doesn't always go that way in my dynamic.

I hope you did talk about what happened to her and what made her cry.

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

Mmm, I do on a semi regular occasion. Or laugh hysterically. It's just an emotional release tied in with a strong physical one.

It's soul cleansing.

 

[seela]

Oh, yeah. Laughing happens often as well. I think hysterical laughing is my version of an orgasm.

 

[NomadLady]

I've done that on many occasions and sometimes it has been laughter, it's just a release of stress and may or may not be related to the events just prior to the emotional breakdown.
Just hold her, cuddle with her, soothe her and later, if she wants to talk about it, she might open up or you can ask. You never know if a best friend/boss/someone royally had fucked up her day or a myriad of other things that brought this on. Regardless of the cause, just be present with her and reassure her that she is loved and everything else will work out.

 

[Allyourbase]

If you ask her what made her cry, don't be surprised if she doesn't really know. Personally, I'd take that as a compliment

 

[NomadLady]

If you ask her what made her cry, don't be surprised if she doesn't really know. Personally, I'd take that as a compliment

Ditto...

 

[bdsm_lover]

Yea we did talk about it afterward but not in great detail.

I wont go into detail of what exactly we did atm but we hadnt done anything really at this level that night. Only very light bondage and spanking we have done before. This time I suppose it was more physchological.

She didnt say the safe word at all and afterwards told me she was humiliated and didnt want to do things like that again.

Now I feel awful because I got off on it and she didnt.

I thought being in a 8 yr relationship she would be able to be honest during sex and now I feel I cant trust her anymore not to mention she will never be a part of my world.

 

[Babyslave]

Absolutely. Never was much of a cry-er, ever. Until I met my D. I cry often now.
Euphoria, joy, fear, pain, ecstasy, perfection, longing, desire....
My take on this, at least for myself? Finally being able to let go of the control I always held on to, finally letting myself open up completely, trusting someone that much, surrendering one's self...it's such a relief. To have all this need and want, craving and desire to be welcomed, and met. It's gotten to the point where I find tears a good thing, a very very good thing.

 

[Babyslave]

Another thought, as I read further..... The hardest thing I've ever done? To surrender. To allow someone to give me what I couldn't ever admit I wanted. Denying myself these thoughts, these experiences for so many years (decades)... it was so damned hard to have to admit, to myself, that it's what I truly wanted. And yes. At first, I lashed out too, at the one who allowed me to be and do what I really wanted.

Of course, that's just my own experience. And, I know I'm considered a newbie on here. I don't dare to presume that it's like this for anyone else.

 

[Allyourbase]

She didnt say the safe word at all and afterwards told me she was humiliated and didnt want to do things like that again.

Now I feel awful because I got off on it and she didnt.

I thought being in a 8 yr relationship she would be able to be honest during sex and now I feel I cant trust her anymore not to mention she will never be a part of my world.

This, on the other hand, does not sound good.

Does she also know how awful you feel now?

Also:

 

[unsureofherself]

She might be feeling a little overwhelmed with it all, just give her time and talk to her again.

And as you said before even after 8 years of being together this was something new and clearly was very difficult and pushed new boundaries for her, so that fact that she was not 'honest' with you (as you said in your post), doesn't mean she was lying to you. Sometimes it takes time to work out for ones self what on earht is going on, let alone be able to communicate it!

Just give her time.... and lots of affection... let her know you care.

 

[ninser]

Sometimes I feel real bad after and cray and cry, about myself and what I have done but then it goes away and I ALWAYS want it again

 

[Allyourbase]

She might be feeling a little overwhelmed with it all, just give her time and talk to her again.

Yeah, this.

Don't despair right away and think she will never get what you're about. Talk about how you feel so far apart, it might bring you closer together.

 

[IrisAlthea]

Yea we did talk about it afterward but not in great detail.

I wont go into detail of what exactly we did atm but we hadnt done anything really at this level that night. Only very light bondage and spanking we have done before. This time I suppose it was more physchological.

She didnt say the safe word at all and afterwards told me she was humiliated and didnt want to do things like that again.

Now I feel awful because I got off on it and she didnt.

I thought being in a 8 yr relationship she would be able to be honest during sex and now I feel I cant trust her anymore not to mention she will never be a part of my world.

Keep talking about it when you both have calmed down.
Perhaps she did like it in the heat of the moment and then felt bothered by it afterwards or perhaps she liked most of it and just had a problem with some little detail.
Only one way to find out.

 

[Allyourbase]

Perhaps she did like it in the heat of the moment and then felt bothered by it afterwards.

This has happened to me, several times. And I'm no prude, in for a lot of things and not hung up about sex at all. But it takes effort to be like that. Doing things outside your comfort zone can always leave you a bit groundless, and dealing with that together is, at least for me, important for maintaining a good relationship with my SO. Which is a really elaborate way to reinforce all the previous posts that said: talk!

 

[vintage63]

This has happened to me for sure and you should not feel bad and that you can't trust her. I would say most likely she doesn't know and it was an emotional release.

3 times I have had anal sex with my Master and 3 times I cried right afterwards. He thought he hurt me. That was not the case at all and I had no idea why I would cry. After talking about it we figured it was like a sub drop. Each time the experience was just so intense that afterwards there was an emotional release.

Just know crying is not always bad and please don't think you can't trust her.

cheers

 

[rekane]

I just experienced crying after some pretty heavy bdsm sex the other night. The emotions were so raw, the feelings were so intense.
After, I was held and comforted and walked to the shower (I felt drugged). It was amazing, and I can't completely explain the tears.

I think seela described it best, though.

Please give your wife some time to process this. If it is a big change for your relationship, her feelings are most likely complicated by how this type of relating to each other might fit into your world - I don't know your situation.
It also might be difficult for her to mesh who she is with a D/s relationship.

I don't know if she knows about Lit, or if you want to keep it separate, but this is a good resource with lots of support.

Best of luck to you both.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Yea we did talk about it afterward but not in great detail.

I wont go into detail of what exactly we did atm but we hadnt done anything really at this level that night. Only very light bondage and spanking we have done before. This time I suppose it was more physchological.

She didnt say the safe word at all and afterwards told me she was humiliated and didnt want to do things like that again.

Now I feel awful because I got off on it and she didnt.

I thought being in a 8 yr relationship she would be able to be honest during sex and now I feel I cant trust her anymore not to mention she will never be a part of my world.

I think it is you who is not to be trusted. She gave herself to you, she submitted to what you wanted even though it seems she did not enjoy it, she trusted you throughout and still must have to have been open with you about her feelings regarding what took place, and this is the repayment she gets from you? And worse still, you feel she has been dishonest?!!

Wake up, submision means submitting, even sometimes to things we do not like or want, and if you are going to get angry with her for doing that, and on your encouragement feeling safe enough to tell you how she feels/felt, and crying for whatever reason, you don't deserve her or the position of her Dominant. Being in a D/s relationship is not always just fun and games, it requires trust, understanding (or at least trying to), strength, and most of all commitment. IMHO, you have done her a great disservice in feeling she betrayed your trust, when that is exactly what you have done simply because you did not understand or expect her reaction. Not everything is that simple.

Of course, given you asked our advice 2 days ago about how to get your wife into all this, and mentioned she was tired from "looking after OUR baby" and not that interested in sex at the moment, it makes me question you even more. Are you for real or is this all just fantasy to get you some attention here? Did she react this way because as you said previously she was very tired from looking after a baby and not wanting sex and you pushed the point despite most warning you not to...(sort of ignored people like you have in this thread where many have said they expereince similar reactions and it is all good)? Or are you just an asshole and wannabe who is willing to ditch his wife and baby over something like this? Either way, you don't come out smelling of roses.

Catalina

 

[teknight]

I think it is you who is not to be trusted. She gave herself to you, she submitted to what you wanted even though it seems she did not enjoy it, she trusted you throughout and still must have to have been open with you about her feelings regarding what took place, and this is the repayment she gets from you? And worse still, you feel she has been dishonest?!!

Wake up, submision means submitting, even sometimes to things we do not like or want, and if you are going to get angry with her for doing that, and on your encouragement feeling safe enough to tell you how she feels/felt, and crying for whatever reason, you don't deserve her or the position of her Dominant. Being in a D/s relationship is not always just fun and games, it requires trust, understanding (or at least trying to), strength, and most of all commitment. IMHO, you have done her a great disservice in feeling she betrayed your trust, when that is exactly what you have done simply because you did not understand or expect her reaction. Not everything is that simple.

Catalina

Yup. Doms can't have their own opinions. They're just service toppings.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Yup. Doms can't have their own opinions. They're just service toppings.

Well if you read the last paragraph, and the http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=750126 thread from 2 days ago, you might stop feeling sorry for him and see him for what he might really be. Frankly, if he really does have a wife and baby, they might be better off without him.

Catalina

 

[Allyourbase]

I think it is you who is not to be trusted. She gave herself to you, she submitted to what you wanted even though it seems she did not enjoy it, she trusted you throughout and still must have to have been open with you about her feelings regarding what took place, and this is the repayment she gets from you? And worse still, you feel she has been dishonest?!!

Wake up, submision means submitting, even sometimes to things we do not like or want, and if you are going to get angry with her for doing that, and on your encouragement feeling safe enough to tell you how she feels/felt, and crying for whatever reason, you don't deserve her or the position of her Dominant. Being in a D/s relationship is not always just fun and games, it requires trust, understanding (or at least trying to), strength, and most of all commitment. IMHO, you have done her a great disservice in feeling she betrayed your trust, when that is exactly what you have done simply because you did not understand or expect her reaction. Not everything is that simple.

Catalina

Come on, Catalina! He's asking advice on how to handle this newfound dominant side of him. I get that you think he's not doing a good job as a Dom, but that is why he is here.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Come on, Catalina! He's asking advice on how to handle this newfound dominant side of him. I get that you think he's not doing a good job as a Dom, but that is why he is here.

As I said above, read the other thread and this one again before jumping on me. Do you seriously think a statement like this,

I thought being in a 8 yr relationship she would be able to be honest during sex and now I feel I cant trust her anymore not to mention she will never be a part of my world.

is excusable and OK because someone is new to this?!! They are supposed to be married with a new baby, and he talks of ending the relationship over this...seriously?! If so, he is not the only one needing some help. I strongly suspect f he is asking advice, he is a person who means by that, 'tell me what I want to hear or I am not going to listen' as he obviously does the opposite to what most have advised when asked....but then is it real at all?

Catalina

 

[Allyourbase]

As I said above, read the other thread and this one again before jumping on me. Do you seriously think a statement like this,



is excusable and OK because someone is new to this?!! They are supposed to be married with a new baby, and he talks of ending the relationship over this...seriously?! If so, he is not the only one needing some help. I strongly suspect f he is asking advice, he is a person who means by that, 'tell me what I want to hear or I am not going to listen' as he obviously does the opposite to what most have advised when asked....but then is it real at all?

Catalina

Oh ok, i see what you mean. You know, I read that as a: I fear she'll never be part of my world, in stead of: I will make sure she'll never be part of my world.

And I did read the other thread.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Oh ok, i see what you mean. You know, I read that as a: I fear she'll never be part of my world, in stead of: I will make sure she'll never be part of my world.

And I did read the other thread.

Either way, for someone saying they are new to this and asking advice, it seems a major over reaction and judgemental. So he sees it OK to himself be new and unsure and ask advice, but she dare do something like not use a safeword or cry and she has no hope of being part of his D/s world, or possibly real world, depending what he meant?! Not a good way of thinking if you want a successful relationship, either vanilla or D/s. Being a PYL does not give you an automatic pass to make mistakes or bad choices without consequence while learning, but expecting your pyl to suffer consequences for doing the same. Perhaps this could be his first lesson if he is for real. Wonder what type of father he makes with this short a wick?

Catalina