Curious rating

[Kumquatqueen]

Hello! Never posted here before. I've got 80+ stories on Lit, posted over the last decade, in a variety of categories. Most get a red H or near it, and for the ones that didn't, it's often clear why - my only scores below 4 are a Loving Wives story that I dashed off in response to a prompt in a couple hours, and most of my 750 word stories and another very short one. I've got a fair few stories that won't be everyone's cup of tea, so I try to deter readers who won't like the story as fast as possible, meaning they mostly click away, so there's a low number of ratings/comments for the number of views.

And then there's The Dark Kitchen. Lots more views than I expected, comments all appreciative, bunch of favourites, my two trusty beta readers thought it worked well - and a rating of 3.91. Not LW - it's in NC/R. I have a few ideas for why some readers might have downvoted it without commenting, but I'd be interested in feedback from others.

For people not wanting to read NC/R (and the more realistic version of that), I'd also be interested in comments on Last Christmas - it's not really BDSM, but I figured it would be an even worse fit and get way fewer readers in any other category.

 

[BeechLeaf]

I never commented on The Dark Kitchen, but it's on my list of those I wanted to, with the facetious starting note 'I love a good police raid'. A comment would require more study and thinking and so on, and I'm sorry I didn't get to it earlier. I liked it a lot. I don't know why anyone would rate it badly. It's complex and difficult, but that's what you do well. It reeks of authenticity: I have no idea what these situations are really like, but I bet you nailed it.

 

[Kumquatqueen]

I never commented on The Dark Kitchen, but it's on my list of those I wanted to, with the facetious starting note 'I love a good police raid'. A comment would require more study and thinking and so on, and I'm sorry I didn't get to it earlier. I liked it a lot. I don't know why anyone would rate it badly. It's complex and difficult, but that's what you do well. It reeks of authenticity: I have no idea what these situations are really like, but I bet you nailed it.

Thank you (and yes, I'd never written a police raid scene and it seemed fun - though Sex Swing Shenanigans and Interviewed about Indecency do include police making arrests). I don't work for the HO (not that I'd admit it here if I did!) but David is based on a real person.

Ray started off as Roy from Pillion - basing a character on Alexander Skarsgård had an obvious appeal, and inspired the idea of eroticising an industrial wasteland of dark tarmac & concrete. There was going to be a gay subplot but a) I didn't have time to write it and b) gay subplots go down like cold sick in every other Lit category anyway. And c) it wasn't really relevant to the NC/R story, so why bother?

 

[WCSGarland]

I managed to make it through the first page, and nothing really grabbed my interest to entice me into reading the whole thing. Perhaps a few readers who are expecting something more erotic from a story in NC/R rated it poorly.

 

[Kumquatqueen]

I managed to make it through the first page, and nothing really grabbed my interest to entice me into reading the whole thing. Perhaps a few readers who are expecting something more erotic from a story in NC/R rated it poorly.

Fair enough - there is no sex on page 1, though we have had a sight of and then two conversations with the attractive woman who is obviously going to be involved in the promised blow jobs.

It's not a quick stroker, sure, and I'm very familiar with people clicking away for that reason - they don't normally bother downvoting, though.

 

[WCSGarland]

Promises, promises... meh, not enough to generate continued interest, even if the woman is attractive, sorry.

It could also be that readers don't like to be reminded of forced labor. If you make the reader too uncomfortable, perhaps that would induce poor voting. I've not always found quick strokers interesting enough to read. Your grammar is good so I don't think you would be receiving poor votes for that, so the only thing I can think it might be is subject matter. Some people might just possibly vote that poorly... whether in LW or not.

 

[yowser]

First of all, this is a terrific story, a side-ways little dark slice of life tale whose score defies its quality.

But then, I'm biased, having read and admired your work before, and possess serious, near-clinical Anglophilic tendencies, so there you are.

Interpreting scoring here is always a head-scratching business, but I will speculate anyway.

Almost surely the sub-4 rating has to do with the category readership (although your choice to put it here makes perfect sense) and I am guessing that this one is too far off the NC bullseye circle to garner much appreciation.The NC elements you include are unwilling ones, maybe troublesome to the NC crowd and perhaps that escapes the kink mark, I don't know, I’ve only done one of these NC ones myself (also with a lower than accustomed score) and do very little reading in this genre.

Couple other bits, probably not new reactions for you.

You are not always the easiest writer to read, and the story maybe took a little too long to gain traction for those with shorter attention spans. The setting and diction, particularly for a US audience (surely the majority here) takes some getting used to, and Britspeak doesn't always resonate with provincial Americans. I found it all vibrant, but I always like a vividly described location, with the layered mood you are good at.

I thought you did a fine job of explaining Non-English phrasing and translating suitably, this is a perfect example of using italics appropriately.

I loved the black humor, although that also may have been a disincentive for readership, not sure about that. Humor and NC elements may not always cohabit easily.

As has happened enough for me as well, I think this only means taking a 'shrug-and-carry-on' stance. It is a fine piece and you've gone and created an imaginative work, just be pleased with that

 

[AlinaX]

Honestly struggling to finish the first page, and it’s only at the very end that there’s a hint of where this might be going.

It doesn’t feel like it’s an erotic story. It doesn’t really feel like anything. Who are any of these people? Who is the main character? Why should I care about him? I certainly don’t give a fuck about the Home Office who are more likely looking for reasons to screw everyone over.

Not what I expect to find in NonCon with its casual blend of rape and abduction and coercion and generally getting to whatever the point is quickly.

There’s a lot to admire in your writing, but this just leaves me feeling angry and exhausted.

 

[Steph_McNeal]

As a reader of predominantly NC/R stories, here's my two cents. And keep in mind, the cents are coming from me personally. They do not reflect other people's ratings or opinion.

One of the characteristics of a NC/R story is that the line between fantasy and real world needs to be just a bit thicker. Sometimes this is built-in: fantasy worlds, superheroes, aliens; obviously not real, so go wild.
When the setting is the real world, one wants to tread slightly more carefully. There needs to be a certain detachment from reality for a NC/R story to work, to actually be enjoyable to read.

This story doesn't quite manage to find that tone. Painting a dark picture is fine. But dark ánd very realistic? With characters that are nothing but unlikable, no redeeming qualities? It feels like I can open the newspaper and read about this. It's a miserable world and I don't need to be reminded of that when I'm trying to get off.

That is a compliment to your writing. This story paints a grim picture and does it well. But I'm not sure if that makes it a good fit for this website.

If I had landed on this story organically, I would have stopped reading halfway through the first page. In fact, this is where I would bounce:

...but she was well tasty: a wiry South East Asian, maybe mid-thirties like me, but a foot shorter, with a pigtail of long black hair and an air of desperation. If my intelligence was right, she'd done anything to get here. She'd probably do anything to get out of here, too.

I hate it.

A very unattractive way to introduce the 'hot person' of the story, done by the most obnoxious character. The very real possibility people like Roy actually exist and - worse - find work where they deal with vulnerable people, is enough to make the blood boil. If that is what you were going for: hats off to you. I'm always impressed by writers who can create characters or situations so unlikable, they produce a physical reaction. Roy made my hands itch.

So page one is a bit of a struggle to get through as others have mentioned. Don't mind the lack of sex, but a lot is going on while nothing happens. Turns out the food delivery business is every bit as exciting as one would expect. And we get it, he speaks his languages and knows his foreign cultures. Temu Shantaram. The second page is where the sex shows up but it isn't exactly hot. More somber, sad. Having Roy rationalize it as a necessity rather than a choice is the kind of self-serving delusion that makes him even harder to stomach. Then the third page finally has that detachment from reality I think a NC/R story needs. A dark, slightly humorous situation. Both characters reluctantly doing something they don't really want. Some elements of public humiliation. An unusual setup, but at least something that could work in this category.

Unfortunately by then, I'm well past the point where I care about what Roy thinks or feels. What follows is an unexciting police raid and some reflections from the main character that cement him as an absolute garbage person, leaving me as a reader with a sour taste.

How would I rate it? I wouldn't. As you've said: click away, don't bother to score. If I had to, it wouldn't be a score that did anything to raise the current 3,9 rating.

It is obvious that you are a good writer. But even a good story needs the right audience. I come to this site to enjoy myself or to get turned on - both preferably. This story, well written as it may be, does neither. It's not necessarily in the wrong category. It might even find a better home elsewhere.