Damn! She called my bluff!

[sweetness6280]

I'm an instrumentalist first, actually. Vocal came later.

I'd love to sing with you.

 

[Guest]

. . . .

 

[rgraham666]

I have no degrees.... *bows to the experts* but I would love to join in.

I'm an instrumentalist first, actually. Vocal came later.

I'd love to sing with you.

Lovely ladies and lovely music. This is going to be so much fun!

 

[sweetness6280]

Nope.

You're not a parent, I think.

You fight the fights that NEED fighting.

This isn't one.

A very wise momma!

 

[Trombonus]

Nope.

You're not a parent, I think.

You fight the fights that NEED fighting.

This isn't one.

This is true, in fact I'm as close to being a kid as you can be as an adult.

Well, as long as she's got it down I suppose it's okay.

 

[Guest]

. . . .

 

[Misty_Morning]

Ya know ...at such at young age it's not learning to perform in front of people...but learning to block out those people...

playing for the crowd comes later, after you develop self confidence.

try to tell her that this is an oppotunty to learn how to focus on the musuc and not the crowd.

 

[Pure]

hi,

i think you need to perfect the art of asking:

I asked her just now if she wanted to perform at church in a couple of weeks. I asked rather than forced, because I thought she would feel less pressured and wouldn't battle me over this.

next time:
"i'm thinking it would be a good idea for you to perform here, to prepare, but i want to hear your thinking. would you be inclined to do it?"

or, the old "would you like to do your teeth before or after you put on your pyjamas" routine.

"i'm think you should prepare with some performances: do you think out own church or some other or the amateur night at the jazz club would be best?"

"you probably need to prepare, so could you come up with a list of places or events. then we can chose what seems most comfortable and the best experience."

 

[Weird Harold]

But church is really a solid performance outlet. The crowd is always very appreciative.

She's performed at church before, though.

How long has it been since you performed for a church audience as a teenager?

I was one of the mainstays of a small town church choir from sixth grade through graduation, but I always hated solos because of the "weren't you just precious" "appreciation from the 'church ladies.' No matter how well I sang, I always got the impression from the "church ladies' that I was being humored lest they be guilty of being seen as unappreciative or critical. (as the middle third of the men's section, I wound up doing a LOT of solos since the other two thirds were a basso profundo and a high tenor, while I could manage either baritone or low tenor parts.)

If your daughter has performed at church before and would rather NOT do it again, I'd respect that choice because the feedback pre-teens and teenagers get from church audiences can feel more sarcastic than heartfelt at that age.

I would ask her "If you're not previewing your solo at church, where are you going to preview in in public?"

 

[keeblercrumb]

Our young daughter is working on her flute solo for contest and needs a few performance outlets to help her prepare for the judges.

But instead of making her, I asked her just now if she wanted to perform at church in a couple of weeks. I asked rather than forced, because I thought she would feel less pressured and wouldn't battle me over this.

BUT I figured she would still do it, because she knows good and God damned well that she needs to perform in front of a couple of crowds before the contest.

Little smart-ass called my bluff and said no.

Now what do I do?

I am on your daughter's side...... You asked... she answered... Let it go.

Your job is NOT to produce a world class, award winning flute player out of your 13 y/o daughter.... Your job IS to produce a healthy, independent, functional adult.... hopefully instilled with the love of music that her lovely Mother has..... Love is ALWAYS a choice.... it can never be forced.

I know you want to be proud parent.... who doesn't? But don't lay these expectations on your daughter.... If she wants only to play for the cats, that is cool......

I would commend to you the fantasy "graduation" scene from the movie "Parenthood"......

Good luck.... Pray she doesn't wreck your car in a couple of years...



-KC

 

[Vermilion]

Just to add my twopence worth... 13 is the beginning of the age where you have to let people make their own decisions. You put the suggestions out there, sure, but she is the one who has to do it. You're not going to spend the rest of her life making decisions for her, after all, and this is an excellent opportunity for her to start taking the reins a bit.

Of course... you could always find some alternative venues (not the church) and say something like
"This is the last time I'm going to bug you with this, because it is your performance and your contest and if you muck it up you're the only one who is going to be bothered, but if you do feel you want to do some more small performances as practice how about....[insert suggestions here]?"

Then you're clearly saying to her that it's her choice, her life and you're expecting her to be an adult.

I'm not saying it'll work mind, my mum tried it on me many a time and was sometimes disappointed, but I sure as hell appreciated the choice and the lack of guilt trip and pestering.

If she wants music to be her life I'm sure she'll come through, just have a bit of faith in her and in the upbringing you've given her so far

<hugs>
x
V

 

[Chantilyvamp]

my friends mom played a tricky one on us at that age. She had invited a load of her friends over for coffee and they all went to gushing and asking to hear us sing. We never even knew till after our concert that we had been had. But we sang our little hearts out because they seemed to want to hear it so badly and they were appreciative but not gushy after.

I'd leave the church thing alone since she already said no.

Another thing our friends mom did to us was to have us sing on video for my friends grandparents. She then asked us to watch it and critique it. I swear the nerves of the concert was nothing compared to singing to that video camera.

 

[Remec]

I'm an instrumentalist first, actually. Vocal came later. I'd love to sing with you.

Depending on the song, I'd love to join in too. ('specially if there's anyone else singing my part. I tend to blend better than stand out.)

But I didn't sing, at all, until grad school. One of the required classes was Music Theatre, and I got into the chorus for 'Man of La Mancha'.

All my music background was instrumental--viola, recorder, and playing my mother's electric organs.

 

[Guest]

Depending on the song, I'd love to join in too. ('specially if there's anyone else singing my part. I tend to blend better than stand out.)

But I didn't sing, at all, until grad school. One of the required classes was Music Theatre, and I got into the chorus for 'Man of La Mancha'.

All my music background was instrumental--viola, recorder, and playing my mother's electric organs.

Yay!

This is going to be a blast!



Thank you, everyone, for your wise words. Stepping back to view the situation I can see how she is pulling away, becoming more independent - in many areas, not just this.

But this is certainly part of it. It's her call and I'll not bring it up again.

(Her private teacher has plans I imagine - that's between the two of them.)