Dating and such for the n00b

[operaBaritone]

Kind of a pathetic but...

I've only dated once in my life (granted I'm only 22, but still) and that relationship was essentially accidental. I've never figured out how to actively pursue a relationship with any positive results. I talk to plenty of women, but usually end up in the "friend zone" as Chris Rock put it . Is there any method to the madness? My leanings toward monogamy and "dating" are tenuous at best, but I figured I'd give it another shot... loneliness gets to you after a while.

 

[kaycee217]

Why do you always end up in the "friend zone," aka: dick in a glass case? Do you wait until you're good friends with a woman before asking her out? Are you the prototypical, "nice guy?"

 

[operaBaritone]

Maybe? Idk if I'm the "nice guy". I've asked people other than friends out though, but it never seems to work out.

 

[kaycee217]

Without knowing you more, I can only suggest you just be patient. Understanding yourself can help, too. Knowing who you really are, what you can offer, etc. can help you more effectively find a girl to date.

I know other posters here should be able to contribute.

 

[operaBaritone]

thanks for your advice Kaycee

 

[SweetErika]

I talk to plenty of women, but usually end up in the "friend zone" as Chris Rock put it .

Are these women available?
Do you have plenty in common with them?
Looking at yourself in the most objective way possible, are you presenting yourself well to them?
Do you voice your interest in taking them out fairly quickly?
Have you ever asked some of these women why they weren't interested in you romantically and for pointers on what you could do better with other women you wanted to date?

My leanings toward monogamy and "dating" are tenuous at best, but I figured I'd give it another shot... loneliness gets to you after a while.

I'm not quite sure what you mean by this (feel free to elaborate on what you are looking for, how you define "dating," etc.), but if you're not really interested in something like monogamy, have you considered finding people who have similar views? For instance, maybe polyamorous people would be better candidates for the type of relationship(s) you desire, and you could look into meeting poly folks in your area.

In essence, if you put your best self forward, enough effort into meeting & interacting and have sufficient patience, you shouldn't have much trouble finding like-minded people to date. The people who have a lot of problems are those who lack one or more of those ingredients (like the guys who come here expecting their "hey baby I wanna cum on ur tits real hard" private messages to yield actual women who want to have sex of some sort with them ).

 

[SgtSpiderMan]

*Do everything to meet as many people as possible.
* Take classes at night. The fun kind. Dancing, acting, whatever you're into.
* If you're not in college sign up for that.
* Sometimes the best way to meet girls is to meet other guys.
* Never sit at home on a weekend night.


There's nothing wrong with being friends with girls. Girls have single friends, and girls find it non threatening to meet people through their friends.

 

[Traveler78]

Kind of a pathetic but...

I've only dated once in my life (granted I'm only 22, but still) and that relationship was essentially accidental. I've never figured out how to actively pursue a relationship with any positive results. I talk to plenty of women, but usually end up in the "friend zone" as Chris Rock put it . Is there any method to the madness? My leanings toward monogamy and "dating" are tenuous at best, but I figured I'd give it another shot... loneliness gets to you after a while.

Without knowing the particulars, I'd say you probably have to be more forward. Ask these women out on dates and on the first date you really have to go for the kiss. Even if you don't do more then a single kiss, it shows them directly that your interested in them as more then friends and if they kiss back it is a pretty clear sign that they at least have some interest in you as more then friends.

If you hang out with a girl long enough without showing more interest then it's going to go into friendzone type territory. As one of the previous posters said there is nothing wrong with that, however if you want more you have to show them you want more.

 

[operaBaritone]

Oh, I have no problem with having female friends, I have a plethora of them. I have more female friends than male (by choice, the majority of these people I had no interest in dating)

@Sweet Erika
The end of that was mostly me moping, more towards asexuality and isolationism/hermitude than polyamory.

@Traveler
Quite possible that I'm not being forward enough... I've always had a shy streak in me

@SgtSpidey
I actually am in college, though I often do spend the weekends sitting around doing nothing particularly interesting ><

back @Sweet Erika
a) in general the women are available yes
b) those that I talk to more than once I usually have something significant in common with
c) Hrm... hard to answer. I attempt to do this.
d) Usually, yes
e) Err... that question seems incredibly awkward to ask... but maybe I should i don't know...

Thanks all!

 

[PublicAffection]

Although it may be awkward to ask why a woman isn't interested in dating you, it is a goldmine for information. You may find that you are going after overly shallow women who are only interested in quarterbacks with BMWs, or find that you are attracted who aren't available (perhaps they aren't in a relationship, but are troubled in some fashion and are not willing to open up to someone new).

Be prepared to feel the sting of hurt feelings, but do your best to not dwell on them and instead use the information to learn about who you are and who you are attracted to.

 

[SgtSpiderMan]

Oh, I have no problem with having female friends, I have a plethora of them. I have more female friends than male (by choice, the majority of these people I had no interest in dating)

@Sweet Erika
The end of that was mostly me moping, more towards asexuality and isolationism/hermitude than polyamory.

@Traveler
Quite possible that I'm not being forward enough... I've always had a shy streak in me

@SgtSpidey
I actually am in college, though I often do spend the weekends sitting around doing nothing particularly interesting ><

back @Sweet Erika
a) in general the women are available yes
b) those that I talk to more than once I usually have something significant in common with
c) Hrm... hard to answer. I attempt to do this.
d) Usually, yes
e) Err... that question seems incredibly awkward to ask... but maybe I should i don't know...

Thanks all!

Stop doing that. Find out where the college kids hang out on the weekends and go there.

This is a big deal.

 

[TheRealFATANG]

Although it may be awkward to ask why a woman isn't interested in dating you, it is a goldmine for information. You may find that you are going after overly shallow women who are only interested in quarterbacks with BMWs, or find that you are attracted who aren't available (perhaps they aren't in a relationship, but are troubled in some fashion and are not willing to open up to someone new).

Seconded.

Not knowing you, but from my own experience, do not travel with the ulterior motive of getting a girlfriend or a date. Women have this weird intuition about needy men, and if they like needy men, RUN. It may be cliche and corny, but be confident in your daily life and routine. Women notice confidence. If you just talk to them like the human beings they are, they will react. You can be shy, you can be nice, you can be honest, you can stay home on the weekend and still be confident and attractive to women. Don't be a dick, don't change yourself, and DO NOT try to be something you are not, it will only attract the wrong type of woman (read:girl). If a woman has the hots for who you are, she will make it clearly known. Millions of people have said it, but just be yourself man, and above all else, do not be a pussy.